Revising last fifty pages=completely stumped

Julia · Jan 7, 2013

Since I'm some kind of turtle, I've been writing and revising my novella of some 210 pages forever (5 years). In fact, my story was chosen among competing others. The price was for me to be coached by a professional writer. The coach helped me out with comments and corrections. I had many ''holes'' to fill because my first draft was about 80% complete. The structure is a bit complicated for a first novel, now that I have to deal with the ending.

The first part deals with my character growing up in a small-town and learning about family secrets (ok, not very original when said that way, but there's more to it). She discovers she has a paranormal gift with which she can help people. Could be a young adult novel...or not. Sort of in-between.

The second part deals with my character having to leave the small town for the city. That's where I get stumped. I lay it all out, she starts on her ''journey'' to figure out her gift and put together things that have been happening.

But somehow the strands don't quite come together or it doesn't feel right. I never get the exciting feeling of the first part. Things are happening but my character doesn't connect the gift to what she has to do. You know, that point in movies when the symphonic music starts? The big climax.

I have to connect the family secret to her life in the city, talk about her estranged lover and friend and where they are at.

The city is boring. She meets some characters in a shop. They're supposed to be a nice couple helping her to really come into her own and convince her to travel. This couple is eccentric, cute but quite boring. They look like the shop-keeper in the Emporium of Mister Something, or some Robin William character full of good sentiments and present to propel a second character to live it up. Can't feel it. What is missing? Other characters at the shop?

I'm writing a scene now which is basically my character at her lowest point, having lost a friend, her lover and nostalgic for her native town. She thinks about her developing gift. She will decide to travel to a foreign country to connect the dots not long after this.

Then ending was about my character, meeting a relative in the foreign country, starting to make sense of the gift she has. Also, she was reconnecting to friends through letters. Basically starting her ''real life'' by going back to the roots of her family and gift. Eww, I want to vomit just writing this.

It sounds so cheesy but I swear the first part, at least, is good.

And, then, bang! I'm stumped, about 3/4 before the ending.

Talking about the ending. My coach had said to me: ''So, what kind of ending are you thinking about doing?'', when I thought I had one. My coaching has now officially ended but my coach said to send her the final manuscript before I go ''querying''. She mentionned a publisher that would be ideal and I was under the impression there is some hope for my novella. I don't want to send my coach this hopeless draft without writing something of value in my second draft, for the second part and with an ending that makes sense.

It seems the story is ''that'' close to be done. It feels so ''ewww'' when I read those last 50 pages. What's happening to me? Why is everything so messy at the point when the character is supposed to be discovering herself and making things happen?

I don't know if technical advice exists for that, maybe I just need to cheer up or something.

Calliopenjo · Jan 7, 2013

Hi Julia,

It seems as though maybe you've been working on it for too long. Turn off the computer and go do something.

Go to the bookstore and pick up a fun read. Go see that movie that you saw on TV that had your favorite actor(ress). Go get that game that you keep eyeing in the store deciding that not buying it, meant you can go out to eat that weekend. Go to the AW chatroom and you can join the crowd in discussing recipes, that thing that goes with that other doo dad that does that weird other loopdeloop, or whatever other subject that pops up.

Then when you feel ready to get back to it, tackle it again. When you get stuck, find a willing audience and read it out loud to them. Sometimes somebody else's opinion gives you that extra oomph.

Why is this happening to you? It happens to me too. Often.

Why is everything so messy at the point when the character is supposed to be discovering herself and making things happen? Because this may be the height of the story, at least from the sounds of it, and it needs to be right. It hasn't reached that point yet. That's OK. It'll come. It's best to have patience than to rush. Rushed doesn't work.

Keep in mind, the above is only my opinion and worth about half a cent.

job · Jan 7, 2013

Is this ~45-word story the only one you've been working on for five years?

If you've finished a number of other works --
then keep plugging away at this partially-completed one.

Maybe do a rough, ugly first draft of that last 10K words.
Sometimes just putting something down helps.

However,
if this is the only fiction you've been working on ...
1) Put it away in a drawer.
2) Lock the drawer.
3) Write something entirely different. It can even be a short story.
4) You can open the draw when you've finished the other work.

James D. Macdonald · Jan 7, 2013

job said:
However,
if this is the only fiction you've been working on ...
1) Put it away in a drawer.
2) Lock the drawer.
3) Write something entirely different. It can even be a short story.
4) You can open the draw when you've finished the other work.

+1

Julia · Jan 7, 2013

There's one short story I've written in the last 5, apart from this novella. But that was some time ago. Now, I'm not overworked on this novella (on other things maybe!) because I take a break from writing every 3-4 months or so. That's why it's taking so long, 'cause I get busy with other things.

The idea was of pushing through and finish a second draft before moving on to something else. If it's too upsetting this week, I may have to shelve it anyway.

I do have two other ideas for novels, with enough for me to start. Maybe I could start something else.

Spell-it-out · Jan 7, 2013

job said:
Is this ~45-word story the only one you've been working on for five years?

If you've finished a number of other works --
then keep plugging away at this partially-completed one.

Maybe do a rough, ugly first draft of that last 10K words.
Sometimes just putting something down helps.

However,
if this is the only fiction you've been working on ...
1) Put it away in a drawer.
2) Lock the drawer.
3) Write something entirely different. It can even be a short story.
4) You can open the draw when you've finished the other work.

+2

Excellent advice.

BethS · Jan 7, 2013

Julia said:
The second part deals with my character having to leave the small town for the city. That's where I get stumped. I lay it all out, she starts on her ''journey'' to figure out her gift and put together things that have been happening.

But somehow the strands don't quite come together or it doesn't feel right. I never get the exciting feeling of the first part. Things are happening but my character doesn't connect the gift to what she has to do.

The city is boring. She meets some characters in a shop. They're supposed to be a nice couple helping her to really come into her own and convince her to travel. This couple is eccentric, cute but quite boring. ...What is missing? Other characters at the shop?

What's missing is conflict. It does not sound like you have enough to build a story on.

Conflict = Goal + Obstacle

Your character must have a goal. It needs to be something she wants badly and it ideally needs to be close to impossible to attain.

There must be obstacles for her to overcome. Problems to solve. She needs to be in conflict with herself as well as with the external forces that are trying to prevent her from reaching her goals. Her situation needs to grow ever more complicated. Try introducing a new goal that conflicts with the old one. Now she's pulled in two directions. What will she do?

The stakes need to rise. The cost of not attaining her goal should become steeper and steeper.

Based on your description, it sounds like much of this is missing from your novel. Take the "boring" couple at the shop. Why are they boring? Because there's no conflict. Nothing is at stake for them. They're too helpful. So change that. Don't forget that your main character is not the only one in the story with a problem to solve. Everyone should have his or her own agenda, and these agendas won't agree.

GiantRampagingPencil · Jan 7, 2013

^^^

Identify the basic conflicts. The end is the resolution of the conflicts.

brianjanuary · Jan 8, 2013

Do a thorough study of story structure/architecture.

James D. Macdonald · Jan 8, 2013

Spend two weeks writing an original short story, from scratch. No settings, characters, events from your current work.

Use this outline: http://www.paper-dragon.com/1939/dent.html

Finish it. Submit it to a paying market. The deadline for putting it in the mail is 22 January 2013.

What are you doing wasting time here? Get writing!

Julia · Jan 8, 2013

Ok, conflict.

There is indeed something wrong with the story structure/architecture. It's not for lack of events happening, though. It's just that the main character goal (learning about and developing the gift) is not as present in the second part as it is in the first. It's as if I lost the focus through the other things happening (having to do with relationships).

However, the couple in the shop remains boring and I've got to do something about that.

It seems my ending might be earlier than I thought, if I just expand on a scene I thought was about 90% into the story. Not sure, though.

I'm looking at it, beginning to make sense of what's not working now. Just not sure exactly how to fix it. Have to put the focus back on the gift.

BethS · Jan 9, 2013

Julia said:
Ok, conflict.

There is indeed something wrong with the story structure/architecture. It's not for lack of events happening, though.

But are they conflict-driven?

It's just that the main character goal (learning about and developing the gift) is not as present in the second part as it is in the first. It's as if I lost the focus through the other things happening (having to do with relationships).

You've got to keep both going at once--the overarching goal and the more immediate goal(s).

Sonsofthepharaohs · Jan 9, 2013

Julia said:
Ok, conflict.

There is indeed something wrong with the story structure/architecture. It's not for lack of events happening, though. It's just that the main character goal (learning about and developing the gift) is not as present in the second part as it is in the first.

I think this is your problem - the MC's goal isn't nearly important enough. In fact, her goal as you've described it seems more like a means to achieve a goal than a goal in and of itself.

Think of superhero stories. They usually start with the origin story, where the ordinary person acquires their powers and has to learn how to use them. But that wouldn't be nearly interesting enough to sustain a whole movie (or book, what have you) unless there was something they needed or wanted to use them for. There needs to be a disaster that tests their powers, or a villain that has to be stopped, or just SOMETHING that makes understanding their powers not just useful, but imperative.

That's what it sounds like you don't have. I think you should work on finding a goal (it might only crop up halfway through the story) that makes the preceding part of the story (in which she was learning about her powers) come together and seem worthwhile. The moment when it all clicks and the reader realises what everything has been working up to.

I'd make suggestions, but since I don't know what this power is, I have no idea what she might need it for.

James D. Macdonald · Jan 9, 2013

You want to make the couple in the shop non-boring? The husband gets shot in the course of a robbery. The wife loses everything because he wasn't adequately insured. She moves away. The shop stands empty.

Problem solved.

How are you coming on your short story?

RN Hill · Jan 9, 2013

Julia said:
Ok, conflict.

There is indeed something wrong with the story structure/architecture. It's not for lack of events happening, though. It's just that the main character goal (learning about and developing the gift) is not as present in the second part as it is in the first. It's as if I lost the focus through the other things happening (having to do with relationships).

However, the couple in the shop remains boring and I've got to do something about that.

It seems my ending might be earlier than I thought, if I just expand on a scene I thought was about 90% into the story. Not sure, though.

I'm looking at it, beginning to make sense of what's not working now. Just not sure exactly how to fix it. Have to put the focus back on the gift.

I agree with what everyone else said about there not being enough conflict. Learning to control a gift probably isn't conflict enough. My MC sees ghosts. She has to struggle with that, but her gift also comes with both a benefit and a cost. What cost does your MC's gift come with? What happens if she can't control it? Is there a chance she might die if she uses it too often?

Re: the couple in the shop: What kind of shop is it? Is there an illegal business in the basement? Are they on the run from the law? Aliens? Hiding something dangerous? Does the MC trust them? Should she? Does anyone else trust them? There should be conflict even there.

Julia · Jan 10, 2013

Well, the gift is that she knows what other people's motivations are when she touches them. This will allow her to make the right move about certain people in her life, whether it's to keep them at bay and keep them close. It will also allow her to know who she really is and what precisely she is supposed to do with the gift, which is help other people remember things they have forgotten about themselves. She goes through different obstacles before she can actually learn about the gift and then, use the gift.

The other stories are with her friend and her boyfriend/lover. It's worth developing but I'm now going to devote some time to developing the conflict with the gift.

The couple. I still don't know what to do about that for now. They don't sell drugs, but they do sell legal substances! Don't want them to convert their business!

The short story I wrote a few years ago was based on a news piece: it was about a girl who had been kidnapped and raised in a cult, told from the point of view of the dad. At the end, he discovered the mother had done the deed. I submitted that story to a contest, didn't win. Last year, my computer irremediably crashed and I lost that story that I had not backed up. The only copy I remember having is in the hands of my mom, or rather somewhere inside one pile of hoarded items and newspaper clippings belonging to my mom.

bearilou · Jan 13, 2013

James D. Macdonald said:
Spend two weeks writing an original short story, from scratch. No settings, characters, events from your current work.

Use this outline: http://www.paper-dragon.com/1939/dent.html

Finish it. Submit it to a paying market. The deadline for putting it in the mail is 22 January 2013.

What are you doing wasting time here? Get writing!

..ohwait, you weren't talking to me.

Sorry about that, but when Uncle Jim speaks, I listen.

You should listen, too. He's just fit to bursting with sound advice. So is Job, btw. In fact, this entire forum.

HI!

Julia · Jan 15, 2013

Oh yes, every piece of advice counts. Thank you all for pointing out ideas of what's missing and what could help.

I'm just on the verge of putting it aside to write a few ''portraits'' (like scenes developing certain characters for another story) but feel like I can still try to write something that creates a bit more conflict in this novella.

Every minute, I'm afraid I'll draw a blank and never be able to get back to it. A few more days on this to know where it's at and if I'm still ''plugging away'' some more.

Revising last fifty pages=completely stumped

Julia

Calliopenjo

Esteemed thinker

job

In the end, it's just you and the manuscript

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle

Julia

Spell-it-out

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

BethS

GiantRampagingPencil

That new author smell . . .

brianjanuary

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle

Julia

BethS

Sonsofthepharaohs

Still writing the ancient Egyptian tetralogy

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle

RN Hill

Julia

bearilou

DenturePunk writer

Julia