How to Write It: Friends to Something More

Faith and Heresy · Aug 23, 2011

Hopefully, I put this in the right place. I'm not sure, but I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Anyways...

So, we've all read and watched the movies where the hero or the heroine end up with their best friend at the end. Or the stories where two characters move from 'just friends' to something more. Personally, I am a huge fan of this, which is probably why I find that if I write a romance, the two characters probably spent some of their relationship in the "just friends" category. I'm trying to write a series now (which is not a romance, but has romance in it), with two MCs, a guy and a girl, who through the series progress from strangers to best friends to something more.

I am struggling with how to take them from 'good friends' to the 'more'. I understand what they would see in each other and that their feelings would grow for one another, but I don't think I understand how they would come to realize and what they would do about it.

So, I've been thinking a lot about what is common in these type of romances and I've come up with what I think are cliches.

1) A jealousy of another love interest getting someone to realize their feelings are more than platonic.

This tends to happen a lot in these type of romances. I'm not saying they don't work (I'm certainly experienced that jerking relationship myself). Certainly, if one was to start seeing another person and the other felt that way, there would be some jealousy. However, it is a little overdone, in these romances and others.

2) A near death, marriage, or other form of separation happens that jerks them to realize their emotions.

This happens a lot in the "realizing they have feelings for each other" category, not just between friends but others. There is something about facing the loss of someone that makes you realize how much they mean to you. Again, this is a cliche for a reason: because it works. I even considered going with this for a while, BUT I'm still hoping I can come up with something a little more original.

3) Knowing they have feelings for each other, but neither wanting to jeopardize the friendship.

I've seen this...repeatedly. And I don't like it. A little fear is, you know, understandable, especially on the part of the girl (who tend to drive themselves crazy with what ifs). But if you like someone a LOT, far more than friends, and you want to kiss them and hold them and do things with them that friends would not do, it is very hard to still want to be friends, when you so clearly want to be more. I think this would be especially true for the guy, if they physically had to restrain themselves.

4) The 'Some Kind Of Wonderful' effect: When the guy/girl only realize they are in love with their best friend, when the first love interest doesn't work out. And the best friend was, of course, in love with them all along.

Don't get me wrong. I love Some Kind of Wonderful. I have loved the best friend winning out in the end. I really do. But still, it's done a lot, and it's not something I really want to do.

So questions for people:

How do you feel about this kind of plot?

Have you written it before?

What kind of cliches have you noticed?

What kind of twists would you suggest or like to see?

Any feedback would be great. I'm hoping that by discussing this with other writers, I will have an idea how to sort out the coupling.

Captcha · Aug 23, 2011

I think they can all be done well, with original details and characters, or they can all be done poorly, and end up feeling trite and cliched.

Honestly, I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out any other way to write friends-to-lovers, other than using one of these tropes. I guess you could have them just decide to give romance a try, without any fears or obstacles, but it doesn't seem very dramatic.

Woolly · Aug 23, 2011

Isn't the new "thing" to do Friends-with-Benefits? Two friends start a physical relationship because they can but realize deeper feelings. So that's another approach.

Or the one where the guy is going after the girl's best friend, and spends a load of time with the girl as a result. I guess that's similar to your last option.

Another approach that I think is truer to life is the bad-timing approach, though I can't cite any fiction examples off the top of my head since bad timing in fiction usually results in/from high drama. The situation I have in mind basically looks like this:

1) Boy meets girl. Based on first impression alone, boy thinks girl is cute and kind of cool or whatever.

2) One of them acts in such a way as to deter the other from perceiving him or her as a viable partner -- temporarily.

3) Circumstance (work, shared interest, etc) lead to the two characters spending time together in a non-scintillating setting. Each maintains a vague interest in the other, but again for whatever reason can't really be bothered to act on it.

4) At some point the inhibiting circumstance disappears and the sexual tension ratchets up to 11. After talking about it, or perhaps after drinking, they give it a shot.

That's not particularly original or interesting, but my point is, the just friends/madly in love binary seems a little basic to me. Though most people are usually focused on one other in romantic pursuits, they have a much longer list of people they see as viable partners that they just don't bother acting on or the timing doesn't line up. And then when it does line up, i.e. both parties are single and looking, the simple fact of knowing that is enough to drive things to a breaking point.

JSDR · Aug 23, 2011

Personally, I like the romance to be more organic. I don't like it as much if some severe circumstance is needed to bring two people together. What happens when the adrenaline wears off?

I also like the romance where two people hate each other. I mean, HATE each other right off the bat. Then it evolves, over enough time to get over each others faults or maybe even learn to like them, into love.

rainsmom · Aug 23, 2011

Has it ever happened to you? If so, how did it happen? I was friends with a lot of guys, and so that's how guys tended to perceive me -- as a cool buddy. I occasionally had crushes on my male friends. Rarely did these develop out of nothing. Usually I had some basic attraction from the very beginning, but since I don't jump every guy I am remotely attracted to, I became friends with them.

Tromboli · Aug 23, 2011

I personally like the Jealousy option (I've got a thing for light jealousy (as apposed to insane jealousy) and protectiveness in romance)

But, you could go for a more original option. Something more subtle could work. Before the relationship was more fun. Hanging out, goofing around etc. But one time they spent a quiet intimate *cough* Romantic *cough* moment together and things begin to change (I imagine a late night walk on a lake watching the stars kind of thing)

ABCDZ · Aug 23, 2011

A story of unrequited love is close to my heart. Of course, it's nice when it doesn't stay unrequited forever.

But yeah, I love a story where one or both of the people love each other but for whatever reason cannot or will not be together.

The most obvious example I can think of is the Notebook.

I just started a new WIP yesterday about unrequited love.

The following is not the plot of my WIP, but an example:

They are both in a relationship when they meet. They become friends, but for obvious reasons do not become more.

Maybe they are both attracted to each other, but cannot act on it because they both have SOs. But they most certainly have something unique.

One of them moves, creating physical distance between them. They both move on with their lives, break up with SOs, get new ones... blah blah blah

After a while, they have a brief encounter. Their connection is just as strong as it had been before. Maybe they kiss. But the reunion is brief and they are separated again.

More time passes. Now they have both married. They meet again and the attraction is still undeniable. But, they are married. They again go their separate ways.

More time passes. Now they meet and are both divorced/single. And now they can get together.

The end.

I'm using them having other relationships as the reason they don't get together, but you could use other reasons also.

JSDR · Aug 23, 2011

"I am struggling with how to take them from 'good friends' to the 'more'. I understand what they would see in each other and that their feelings would grow for one another, but I don't think I understand how they would come to realize and what they would do about it"

From my own experience of friends first, lovers later:

Both people are single, and they're in the same group of friends. They hang out as a group of friends. They talk to each other the same amount as they would talk to any other friend.
Then something happens. I call it "the extra minute."
Suddenly, the two are in a situation that naturally occurs in which they spend *an extra minute* (could be more) together. Could be one's mom is late picking her up, and the guy offers to wait with her. Could be she's doing an errand and they run into each other. The extra minute thing happens because all of a sudden, they see each other in a non-normal (for them) situation. Conversation doesn't have to be significant. The moment opens up a new perspective: hey, Kevin's pretty cute.

What do they do about it? idk, depends on the character. Personally, I'd say: "Kev, I'm going to go eat. Want to keep me company?" Eventually, the two make time to see each other without the company of the rest of their friends. Feelings grow. yadda yadda. one of them should have the balls to make a move. And they do it.

rainsmom · Aug 23, 2011

Oh! Gosh I completely forgot how I got past the "friends" thing. Believe it or not, the guy's girlfriend asked me to take care of him.

The two of them broke up, and he was really a mess over it. So he spent a couple of nights at my apartment. It totally didn't work out, but I got a chance to take it to the next level.

Devil Ledbetter · Aug 24, 2011

Just make sure the reasons/motivations are deeper than "I fancy him!" or "She's cute!" What makes the situational cliches you've listed fall flat is when the motivations that drive the romance are superficial.

Interview your characters and find out what exactly makes them yearn for that person above all others. What do they deeply admire about the person? What's fascinating about them? Conversely, what flaws or differences worry them?

If the attraction is mainly about looks, you'll need to dig a lot deeper for your story to transcend romantic cliches. Just as the motivation should be much more powerful than good looks, the reasons they're apart ideally should to be bigger than a mere misunderstanding. If they're "perfect for each other" yet are apart for some silly reason it's not much of a story.

Something important should come between them whether that's career, family, age difference, religion, values ... just something that makes them "all wrong" for each other. Yet their love is so genuine it overcomes those obstacles. Perhaps each must forgo things that were important to them for the relationship to work.

I like JSDR's "extra minute" idea. It's quite true to life, too.

writingismypassion · Aug 24, 2011

I prefer subtlety. I can't think of a book to suggest. I can, however, think of a movie in which two people start as strangers, get married, and by the end of the movie have fallen in love. It's a Hallmark movie called The Magic of Ordinary Days. Very appropriate title in my opinion! I like how small things can make two people realize they have more than platonic feelings for each other.

That being said, the story I'm currently working on has a boy and girl who grow up together, and it is when they are faced with the boy leaving for college that they realize they are no longer just friends.

Susan Coffin · Aug 24, 2011

All ideas, plots, themes, etc. have been used before. Writing a good story is all about adding a fresh twist.

LJD · Aug 24, 2011

you might look at:
http://dearauthor.com/features/beyo...ook-friends-to-lovers-trope-by-taryn-kincaid/

and maybe the reviews tagged under friends-to-lovers...there are an awful lot of them.

NeuroFizz · Aug 25, 2011

Use experience for this--the experience gained in relationships. As one gains this kind of experience, it may become evident that the physical aspects of "love" are certainly great fun and drug-like, but they aren't the end-all, be-all of solid, long-term relationships. You could have your character (or characters) learn from relationship experiences the importance of things like emotional stability, reliabilty, kindness, sense of humor, intelligence, etc. And that they trump six-pack abs or large breasts in the long run. And maybe the character will realize that the kid who grew with your character to adulthood has those important qualities. There are all kinds of challenges one could throw at the characters to help them learn these life lessons. Significant character growth (with some trips and back-slides built in) would run in parallel with the realization of the unexpected bond between the long-time friends.

bonitakale · Aug 25, 2011

You're actually looking for a way for them not to realize that they love one another--or to put it off, right?

If it would work, you could just do the gradual approach. She talks about her friend to other friends, and they poke kind fun at his [insert physical characteristic here] and she hasn't noticed it, or realizes she hasn't noticed it for a while, or is indignant, but doesn't remember that she used to poke fun at him too. He is talking to her, and she's explaining something, and he is studying her lips. Either way, they can notice what they're doing or not.

In Emma, Emma believes she is in love with Frank Churchill, and doesn't realize that she really loves George Knightley. She has a long mental soliloquy , in which the first person she thinks of is Mr. Knightley, but she doesn't realize that. When she thinks of Frank Churchill, she thinks she's "caught herself" -- "always the first person to be thought of!" She never sees who it is that she really thought of first.

shaldna · Aug 25, 2011

My hubby and I did the friends to more thing twice.

The first time was back in the day when we first met and were just friends. Eventually it progressed into something more.

When we met again many years later we were just friends - for about two weeks, we were sitting on my sofa having a glass of wine and I said 'are you going to kiss me or not' and that was it.

L.C. Blackwell · Aug 26, 2011

Sometimes it doesn't take a crisis to make you realize something important about the other person--a stressful moment, a long, hard day's work, can bring out qualities that push liking into admiration and respect, which is a good precursor to love.

Lady Ice · Aug 27, 2011

JSDR said:
From my own experience of friends first, lovers later:

Both people are single, and they're in the same group of friends. They hang out as a group of friends. They talk to each other the same amount as they would talk to any other friend.
Then something happens. I call it "the extra minute."
Suddenly, the two are in a situation that naturally occurs in which they spend *an extra minute* (could be more) together. Could be one's mom is late picking her up, and the guy offers to wait with her. Could be she's doing an errand and they run into each other. The extra minute thing happens because all of a sudden, they see each other in a non-normal (for them) situation. Conversation doesn't have to be significant. The moment opens up a new perspective: hey, Kevin's pretty cute.

This is realistic.

The jealousy one is cliche. I have a close male friend and I'd feel jealous if he was going out with a girl because I'm used to being the dominant girl and he'd naturally want to spend more time with her than me. If you fancy one of your male friends, watching them go out with another girl is heartbreaking. It's a totally different feeling.

I think those cliches undermine the power of close friendships. Not every close friendship between a girl and a guy is secretly romantic and so there'd need to be some indication of a physical attraction.

Velma deSelby Bowen · Aug 27, 2011

Another possibility would be cluelessness, or some basic misapprehension on the part of one of the friends. If they're of different races, one of them might assume that the other would never see them as a potential partner, and misinterpret everything as friendliness. Or, say, if she's several inches taller than he is, and assumes that, since she's always seen him with women his height or smaller, there's absolutely no way he could be interested in her. (Not that this ever happens in real life *ahem*.)

How to Write It: Friends to Something More

Faith and Heresy

roughin' it

Captcha

Woolly

Rambler

JSDR

wants moar baddassery.

rainsmom

Feeling like an old timer

Tromboli

Hopelessly Hopeful

ABCDZ

JSDR

wants moar baddassery.

rainsmom

Feeling like an old timer

Devil Ledbetter

Come on you stranger, you legend,

writingismypassion

~Charity~

Susan Coffin

Tell it like it Is

LJD

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

bonitakale

shaldna

The cake is a lie. But still cake.

L.C. Blackwell

Keeper of Fort Blanket

Lady Ice

Makes useful distinctions

Velma deSelby Bowen

I miss the mountains....