Query letter question

Correct. It's a "pitch," not a synopsis. And you shouldn't reveal the ending of the book. You want the agent to read further, don't you?

Why don't you post it in Query Letter Hell?

If you're looking for a good site to learn about query letters (what they are, how to improve them, etc) check out Query Shark.

Not really. There's no reason at all not to reveal the conclusion. Just because it's a pitch does not mean an agent or editor doesn't want to know how it ends.

Wanting the agent to read further is, well, Huh?

What you want the agent to do is read the book. If revealing the conclusion stopped an agent from reading the book, you wouldn't reveal it in the synopsis, either. Every agent and editor I know reads the synopsis before reading the manuscript. They pretty much always know the ending before reading the manuscript, and this is as it should be.

But, look, what matters in a good query is how well you write it. It's being original, and it isn't telling the agent how well you can do this or that, it's showing the agent how well you do this or that.

This is one reason I don't much like query critique forums. The opinions therein are almost always based on successful queries they've seen here or there. The trouble with emulating successful queries is that by the time you see one, 49,718 other writers are using that query to write their own. This means every query the agent or editor sees reads pretty much alike. This is no way to stand out.

To catch a good agent or a good editor, you have to show the agent or editor good writing, and you have to show the agent or editor a good story, not tell them about one. You have to demonstrate how well you can write, not tell the agent or editor how well your book is written.

The best example of this I've ever seen manages to do it all with the first two sentences. She had a plan. She had a Goddamn plan.

Anyway, my advice is to not worry about revealing the ending, though an agent or editor will want to know how a novels ends before reading it. And don't worry about templates of "successful" queries. Successful two months ago does not mean it's worth a spit now.

Worry abut writing well. Worry about being original. Worry about showing the agent how well you write, and showing the agent how well you craft a story, rather than telling her.

I'll agree with Jamesaritchie that I don't think it's necessarily a problem to show the ending. I think it depends on the query, and the story, regarding whether it would be persuasive to include the ending in the query. For some queries it might be very effective, for others not so much.

I'll also agree with him that I worry query critique forums sometimes result in draining bits of voice and uniqueness from a query due to group think, or even conflicting advice or advice from less than sage sources. That's why the author needs to educate him/herself on queries and develop the ability to decide which comments to take into consideration in revisions and which to ignore.

I'll also agree that showing you can craft a well written query should be about showing a glimpse that you can craft a well-written story - to that end the query should use langauge effectively, build story tension and, whenever possible, show the voice of the book.

However, I will disgaree with him that being original is the end all be all.

Yes, the most effective queries probably stand out for some effective way - maybe a unique form, or, more likley, an effective taste of voice coupled with an effective pitch of an interesting plot.

My point is - yes, go for showing you can write, you can show more than tell, that your manuscript is well-written and has voice...but don't try to reinvent the wheel or doing something gimmicky or too weird in a quest to be original.

The most effective queries often use a proscribed format, but where they shine is through voice and that can-not-be-easily-described unique feel of the plot or language. Sometimes a single sentence is what sparks an agent's interest.

Too many "look at me! I'm original" queries crash and burn because they are just too out there, and the agents don't know the author is trying to be original - they just think the author is either a complete amateur or doesn't understand the process. And sometimes what looks "original" to the author is actually someting gimmicky that many before have tried (and failed at) so it actually ahs the opposite effect.

So, by all means, try for voice and a query that is uniquely yours. But don't tie yourself up in knots trying to be "original" at the expense of clarity. Use the examples out there as a guide in structure, but make it your own.

And, to be honest, I've come around to the school of thought that striving for perfection often drains the unique details and voice too much. Try for a clear, succinct query that effectively shows your book's primary conflict and gives a good taste of the voice of the book.

~suki

Either way works as long as the query is well written.

umgowa,

I don't think the problem is showing the ending or failing to. Either can work.

The problem is a lot of the queries that go all the way to the ending are more of a synopsis and a laundry-list of events, start to finish, than a pitch. Your pitch can stop at page 50 or at the very end, it just needs to be an actual pitch and not a summary of the whole damn book.

The query is a writing sample and a setup of the book, but it can end wherever it likes or needs to. the problem is when the query is written "John was a mild-mannered accountant, who liked to do this and than, until this one thing happened. he then did this other thing, forcing him to confront this person. the person retaliates, and John is forced to run to here, in order to talk to a third guy, before finally returning to one more place.." when you list everything, it tends to become dry and sterile like that. THAT is the issue, imho, not if the end was listed or not. You can pitch Citizen Kane as a story with XYZ, and "...ending with the revelation that Rosebud was his childhood sleigh, and a symbol of the life he traded away for his successes." and the pitch could be very effective, you just can't go "citizen Kane is the tale of a man who became a rich newspaper magnate, and then he did this, married her, this happened to make them distant...." and do the laundry-list thing for everything in between in a distant, boring overview fashion and expect anything but glazed eyes by the time you finish.

Quick

AT a recent writer's conference, I listened to a panel where an agent and an editor commented on about 14 query letters and the one thing they agreed and kept commenting on was that the query should NOT be a mini synopsis. They were of the opinion that it should be a hook and not give away the ending. Obviously this is one agent and one editor's opinion so YMMV.

I read lots of sample successful queries that landed people agents and they were all different. Some said the ending, some didn't. Some started out with a formal introductory sentence such as "I am seeking representation for..." and some went right into it.

I have read so much advice about queries, much of it conflicting. And every flippin person writing the advice column, or bitch column about what they hate in queries makes it sound like their opinion is the hard and fast rule.

One query blog I read from an agent had a sample query in it that she absolutely loved, but nobody else in her office liked it at all!

I reworked my query based on some feedback from agents. Sent out the next query and got a few requests for partials right away. But I felt it wasn't quite right yet, so I reworked it and sent the third one out to a bunch of agents. The third one hasn't gotten any requests so I went back to sending out the second one that did get requests.

The first query I sent out had some things in it that people have said "Do NOT DO this or this" in things I read after I sent it, yet... that one got the most requests so far.

So my point is, take what you read and hear with a grain of salt. You know if your query is good and if it gives them a good pitch for your story. People will tell you there are all these query "rules" but I would beg to differ. Put your address, email and whatnot on there. That's a hard and fast rule. Everything else is negotiable.