Do twins make you cringe?

It makes a difference if they're identical or fraternal too. A huge difference. My sisters-in-law are fraternal twins (also had good friends in that situation). One of them married a fraternal twin who has a twin brother. Then they had identical twins. Each of those situations was vastly different. In my admittedly limited experience, female twins who are not identical tend to have difficult relationships. One or the other is inevitably judged as prettier, and there are enough insensitive friends and relatives who will tell them so. That creates cross-currents of jealousy and resentment that can poison the whole relationship. In one case, they still get along, but only by making a concerted effort to ignore the unwelcome comments. They said that left alone, they never would have had any trouble getting along. This seems to be less of an issue with two boys or mixed-gender twins. And with identical twins, it's not an issue at all. All the identical twins I've ever known had no trouble getting along and were usually very close. Not that any pattern is universal.

Zoombie said:

Why would twins make us cringe?

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That's why.

Judg said:

It makes a difference if they're identical or fraternal too. A huge difference. My sisters-in-law are fraternal twins (also had good friends in that situation). One of them married a fraternal twin who has a twin brother. Then they had identical twins. Each of those situations was vastly different. In my admittedly limited experience, female twins who are not identical tend to have difficult relationships. One or the other is inevitably judged as prettier, and there are enough insensitive friends and relatives who will tell them so. That creates cross-currents of jealousy and resentment that can poison the whole relationship. In one case, they still get along, but only by making a concerted effort to ignore the unwelcome comments. They said that left alone, they never would have had any trouble getting along. This seems to be less of an issue with two boys or mixed-gender twins. And with identical twins, it's not an issue at all. All the identical twins I've ever known had no trouble getting along and were usually very close. Not that any pattern is universal.

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Everyone please keep that bolded sentence in mind.

I'm an identical twin, and I don't get along with my twin all that well. This may be partially the result of having to share a room until college. That said, we were not total opposites and in fact shared many interests.

I've also known one pair of fraternal girl twins who had a very good relationship, though this may be because they are almost identical in looks anyway.


There's unfortunately no more way to make good generalisations about twins than any other set of similar people. For instance, that stupid crap about twin languages that gets so much attention. None of the twins I know have ever had that sort of thing. The truth is, it's a total myth. Sure, there are kids who make up their own languages or cyphers, eg, Tolkien and coin their youth, but this has nothing to do with twins. Twin telepathy is also a pile of crap.


But people have this tendency to see twins as different, and so we get stuck with all these generalisations when normal people who do the same thing don't get seen as different at all.

Please do not contribute to these stereotypes.

Liosse de Velishaf said:

What an odd question... hmm... Do I make myself cringe? *scratches head*


Well, sometimes, maybe. But it's got nothing to do with being a twin.



I think that as long as you avoid the common stereotypes (which make me seethe--not cringe--as someone with real experience), you will be fine.

Please, no evil/good, no secret languages, no telepthic connections, no desire to never be apart, no implicit understanding of each other, no falling for the same dude, etc...

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ITA. I am not a twin, but I am the mom to identical twin girls (preschool age). The stereotypes are very annoying. I would add to this list: the idea that a parent or sibling would have a conversation with an identical twin and not know which one they are talking to. I would never mix them up. and also - boy/girl twins are always fraternal. They don't look any more alike than any other brother and sister. boy girl twins should not be described as similar in appearance, or able to pass for the other, unless you would play the same trick with regular siblings.

But, if twins were done well, I would find it refreshing!

M.Austin said:

1. Both being female lesbians that have no problem with incest.

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I remember reading an interview with Tegan and Sara, a indie pop group consisting of a set of identical twins who are also both lesbians. When their sexuality came up, they mentioned how they were often asked up if they would ever make out with each other (the answer was a firm no.)

No pattern is universal, but that doesn't preclude the possibility of a pattern. I am, however, all in favour of not blindly toeing the stereotype line. People are first and foremost individuals.

vfmom said:

ITA. I am not a twin, but I am the mom to identical twin girls (preschool age). The stereotypes are very annoying. I would add to this list: the idea that a parent or sibling would have a conversation with an identical twin and not know which one they are talking to. I would never mix them up. and also - boy/girl twins are always fraternal. They don't look any more alike than any other brother and sister. boy girl twins should not be described as similar in appearance, or able to pass for the other, unless you would play the same trick with regular siblings.

But, if twins were done well, I would find it refreshing!

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In regards to the bolded text, I am merely elaborating. The parents calling the twins the wrong names does not equate to mixing them up. My parents often mixed up our names, but they were not mixing us up as people.

As for passing as an opposite sex twin: there is certainly the possibility that twins could do so, especially before puberty, but it is not the default circumstance. I totally agree that that belongs on the list of annoying stereotypes.

Keep in mind though that there's a reason people often think this. Twins are the same age, and so even though a mother and daughter (or son, since we're speaking of boy/girl pairs)--for instance--might look quite like each other if you compared pictures of them at similar (and most likely early) ages, they aren't going to look alike now. With twins, there is no age difference, and so the chances are higher statistically. But if you have a cousin, say, who looks very similar, then you could pass as each other if you are close in age. What I'm saying is, it's not so much a result of being twins per se, as it is a result of being related and of the same age. This is what we call a "false correlation".