As a writer who recently has optioned his first script, I'm shocked as to how different this industry works compared to other businesses. From the producers along the way that told me they loved the script and would call me tomorrow and never did to the ones who overstated their amount of pull. Every point of this process has made me convinced that I must be the only one not on hallucinogenics, as most have been complete flakes. I must thank the one genuine actor who referred me to a distribution company that convinced a prodco to take a chance.
Have others come to the same conclusion? I'm glad I write for the enjoyment and the dream of having my vision on the screen. If I had to rely on this for my financial well being, I would go crazy.
Here's the thing. There's no doubt that there's a tremendous amount of bullshit in this business. Part of it is that, on the producing/development side, it's a business where the majority of people only really have the power to say no (that is, almost nobody can say yes to making a movie, to financing a movie, to buying a script, to optioning a script -- most people, at most levels, can only make recommendations, or say no to something. The "no" sticks - the "yes" is always provisional - dependant on somebody above them in the chain of command).
Simultaneously it's a business where nobody really ever wants to say no.
It's a business that's based on "relationships" -- and saying no is unpleasant. It makes you look like a bad guy. You have to give a reason for it.
I've been replaced by other writers on a number of projects. I was on board to direct a script of mine and got kicked off the project.
And at no point did anybody ever pick up the phone and tell me directly. They always called somebody else - my agent, my manager, my producing partner, so that they could drop the hammer by proxy.
And when scripts get passed on, the reasons that come down the pike are almost always bullshit -- a resemblance to some movie to which it has essentially no resemblance. Whatever -- nobody wants to say that they didn't like the script.
So this habit of lying just permeates everything. Nobody ever wants to be upfront with anybody about anything.
It's all double-speak and euphemisms and hype and going into meetings where people just sing the praises of your work through the roof -- it's the greatest script we've ever seen. It's fantastic, it's unbelieveable, and you walk out of the meeting thinking -- this was the greatest meeting I've ever had -- and you leave and they don't return your phone calls.
So you have to start adjusting your ears and just tune that stuff out and start listening for the phrases that matter like "What's your availability" or "So, who's repping you?" -- which means that they actually want to call your agent and talk business or, "Are you available to meet with (next guy up the line)?" which means that whatever you're pitching is obviously moving ahead.
Or conversely, phrases like, "Well, we've got to talk to one guy ahead of you -- "
Any time you go in to pitch something and you hear that, you know that the whole pitch thing is a joke, that they've actually decided ahead of time who's going to get the job and they've just wasted the time of a bunch of idiots (including you) as a pro forma thing. And that "guy ahead of you" is going to get it, and was going to get it from the beginning.
So as you gain experience you gain the ability to translate what the bullshit they're talking actually means and to discard the stuff, however nice-sounding it sometimes is, that doesn't really mean anything.
So you have those meetings that are really complimentary, but no talk of availabity, no talk of talking to your agent, no suggestion of making an offer, your pitch isn't moving up the line, you just sort of know that nothing is coming from it. At least not in the immediate future.
So you begin to learn what's real, in this sort unreal landscape, and what isn't.
Because obviously, real deals get made and real offers are made and real movies are made.
It just all happens in this realm of euphemistic bullshit that you need to translate.
So, yes, the producers lie, but it's an odd situation, because on some level, when a lie is mutually understood as such -- it sort of stops being a lie.
So you go in and meet a producer and he says, "I love your work," you translate it as meaning, "Hi, how are you?" and you say, "Oh, thank you very much" which really means, "I'm fine. How are you."
Because that's really all it means. It doesn't mean he loves your work. It doesn't mean he's even read your work or even knows who the hell you are.
What it means is that he's got maybe fifteen minutes to hear your pitch. So let's hear it.
NMS
