Housemate giving me grief over cat

Thump

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Hi, so I posted a while back about my new kitten (the one I couldn't find a name for). Well, it was all going fairly well at first and Mr. Bingley settled in well.

I live with 4 other people, 1 woman and three men. Two of the guys and the girl love Bingley but the fourth has been less than enthusiastic. It wasn't too bad at first, just nasty looks and passive-agressive behaviour but he's now positively aggressive and none of the passive bit.

I'd understand if he'd voiced his objection to having a cat in the house BEFORE I got it. For over a month I kept mentionning that I wanted to get a cat, did he say anything? No.

The latest thing is the litter box, ok, yes, it smells after one week, which is why I change the whole thing every week. But he feels it's his duty to remind me. It's insulting and patronising because I DO IT ON MY OWN, I'm not 10 years old, I don't need him after me to do it. I scoop everything out twice a day and also, he "reminds" me. Now, he's gotten one of the other housemates to back him into "suggesting" I keep the box in my room which I had originally intended except they all lock the cat in the living room and kitchen that's why I had the box in the kitchen. Not much use if the cat can't get to the box, right? So he's all "this way we can avoid the argument every time the box needs to be cleaned" and I'm thinking "what argument?". I comply every time and am starting to get annoyed and feeling like a pushover. At the same time, what am I going to say? It's not like he's asking anything really objectionable and I can't do conflict. But his attitude is making it very unpleasant to live here but I'm only 3 months into my 6 months tenancy contract.

What can I do about this attitude of his?
 
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Misa Buckley

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The next time he raises the cleaning, just calmly and politely point out that you know how to care for your pet. Tell him that you do not need reminding and that you would appreciate it if he didn't treat you like a child.

Don't stand for his behaviour.
 

Shakesbear

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Um... once a week? I can only speak for myself but when I had a six week old kitten one a week was okish - but as he got older I changed his litter two to three times a week. As well as cleaning out as often as it was needed. Which may have meant twice a week. Is the cat going to be a house cat - or wills/he be going out? If the former then I think you ought to consider a better place than the kitchen - maybe the bathroom/toilet? No one can object to smells from there! If an outdoor cat then the use of the scratch tray will diminish greatly - and so will the smells. Ah - MR Bingley - sorry - slow here! He will make a pong unless you have him neutered - which should help greatly.

Agree with previous post!
 
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trocadero

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The litter we use is pine pellets which break down to sawdust when wet. The urine doesn't smell at all for about five days, then it has to be changed. Poos must be scooped immediately. You can buy cat food especially for indoor cats which keeps their poos solid and healthy and less smelly. Even if it smelled like roses, I couldn't bear the litter box in the kitchen - I think you might have to find an alternative. Even though our litter box has three sides, Taj (see my avatar), who is over a year now, manages to kick a lot of litter about onto the floor. It seems par for the course. Most people I know keep theirs in the bathroom - it makes clean up easy, too. If I had a separate shower recess I'd put ours in there, but we don't, so it has to be stepped around to get to the loo.

One way to win your grumpy housemate over might be to buy Mr. Bingley some toys. Da Bird is hilarious and I don't see how anybody could resist playing with it. I think if you deal with the tray issue, while asserting your rights, things might improve. I love the name Mr. Bingley!
 

Shakesbear

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You could always suggest grumpy housemate visit http://www.simonscat.com/ and realize just how lucky he is! If you have not visited the site before van I suggest that you empty your mouth and remove breakables from your immediate area!
 

Clair Dickson

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I'd put cat and cat box in my room and tell them you're sorry for intruding on them. Then, when any of the other housemates ask about it, tell them that you don't want to disrupt the house with your "smelly" cat box. It will solve the problem with Mr. Passive-aggressive. I'm not saying you have to be sorry... but this will solve the problem. If the other housemates miss having the cat around, tell them that it was too much of a problem and too insulting for you to be "reminded" to clean up after your animal like some child. You'll just keep the cat to yourself and not bother anyone with it anymore.

And get one of those automatic air freshners that go off like every thirty minutes and put it by your bedroom door. Even a clean cat box has an odor. When we had our cat, the smell bothered me. We put the airfreshner at the top of the steps and it covered the wafting odor of litter. I mean, after months, as soon as we walked in the door, we could smell the scent of litter. It's not bad, but it does change the odor of the house.

As for the kitchen... really? That's just gross. I love cats, but their wastes do not belong in the kitchen any more than mine do. How does a cat get "locked" in a room, anyway? Leave the door open to where the kitty's litter box is-- even if it's open a crack, the kitty can get through. Even if the door's closed, kitty will go to the door that leads to the litter box and ask to be let through.
 

Thump

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I don't especially like having it in the kitchen but the way this house is built, it was pretty much the only place where it could go. There's a downstairs bathroom that connects with the kitchen (and it smells foul, the guys use it but you don't hear any complaints about that... even though you can smell it from the kitchen...) but it's tiny and there's no space for the box. And because they insisted on closing the door so the cat only has access to the living room and kitchen, well, where else could it go? They forced me into having it there.

So, just a few minutes ago I had an argument with grumpy housemate. This morning he asked me to keep the tray in my room in exchange for letting the cat run free in the rest of the house. I said fine, even if it means keeping my room door open all day and the subsequent lack of privacy. This was my side of the compromise. BUT the kitten is very active at night and doesn't let me sleep. I wake up very early for a very boring job and I NEED to sleep. So, I talked with another housemate and he suggested I take the tray back downstairs during the night and then back into my room for the day. I informed Grumpy about this and he was all stubborn that he didn't want the tray in a communal area. ANY communal area. Upstairs bathroom included. He was refusing to compromise, it was hard but I stood my ground. I almost cried but I held myself quite well and no one noticed.

Eventually he agreed to one place that I thought off as being an acceptable compromise. He SHOUTED at me! I swear, he ever does that again, he's getting it right back. Ok, you can't say I haven't been a good and patient housemate! I keep compromising but not him, everything has to be done his way and he always has to have the last word. I'm not backing down though, he could have said something before I got the kitten. Bing is not going anywhere and neither am I (unless I get a job in London that is ;) ).
 

Thump

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Um... once a week? I can only speak for myself but when I had a six week old kitten one a week was okish - but as he got older I changed his litter two to three times a week. As well as cleaning out as often as it was needed. Which may have meant twice a week. Is the cat going to be a house cat - or wills/he be going out? If the former then I think you ought to consider a better place than the kitchen - maybe the bathroom/toilet? No one can object to smells from there! If an outdoor cat then the use of the scratch tray will diminish greatly - and so will the smells. Ah - MR Bingley - sorry - slow here! He will make a pong unless you have him neutered - which should help greatly.

Agree with previous post!

It really doesn't smell all that much, only really starts to reek after a week and even then, you have to really get close. He'll be getting neutered as soon as he's old enough too.

Oh and Grumpy plays with the kitten, even cuddles him every now and then, the hypocritical b*****d. I think he likes the cat just fine just doesn't want to deal with the consequences of having one in the house. If the cat had been his, I bet he wouldn't be nearly as accommodating as I have been. And he's the only one who has a problem with it, the other three housemates are fine with the whole arrangement but things have to be done to his requirements.

I wish I knew how to make myself less of a prefered target. There are things my other housemates do that he criticizes in me but doesn't seem to mind in the others.
 

icerose

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Could it be you're the only one who's a threat to him? As in are you the only one who stands between him and his way? Sometimes that's enough to make you a target.

Hopefully you won't be with Mr. Grumpy for long and hopefully the new bedroom arrangement will work and give you some peace.
 

KTC

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There is nothing worse than the smell of a litter box. It permeates everything. I know if I walk by somebody who has a dirty litter box at home. It's on their clothes, their hair.

Do you use a clumping litter?

It does stink. Just because you can't smell it, does not make it less odoriferous. You should use a clumping litter so you can scoop out pee bombs a couple of times a day. And you should be cleaning the box completely every two or three days.

I am thinking maybe the 4th person has a point. Truly...there is not much that is more disgusting than the smell of cat piss. And in the KITCHEN! No thank you. I'd be backing him too...sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear.
 

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It really doesn't smell all that much, only really starts to reek after a week and even then, you have to really get close. He'll be getting neutered as soon as he's old enough too.

Oh and Grumpy plays with the kitten, even cuddles him every now and then, the hypocritical b*****d. I think he likes the cat just fine just doesn't want to deal with the consequences of having one in the house. If the cat had been his, I bet he wouldn't be nearly as accommodating as I have been. And he's the only one who has a problem with it, the other three housemates are fine with the whole arrangement but things have to be done to his requirements.

I wish I knew how to make myself less of a prefered target. There are things my other housemates do that he criticizes in me but doesn't seem to mind in the others.

I don't think you're cleaning the box enough. If you were...he probably wouldn't have a problem...seeing that he likes the cat. The poor guy just doesn't like the stink of cat piss.
 

mommyjo2

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I think you're just going to have to keep the cat in your room. You say you talked about wanting a cat for a while, but did you actually seek out the housemates' permission before adopting it?

And litter box in the kitchen??? Nasty!
 

brainstorm77

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Scoop the litter daily.
 

Rufus Coppertop

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I'd understand if he'd voiced his objection to having a cat in the house BEFORE I got it. For over a month I kept mentionning that I wanted to get a cat, did he say anything? No.

Did you mention that you actually were going to get a cat?
 

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There is nothing worse than the smell of a litter box. It permeates everything. I know if I walk by somebody who has a dirty litter box at home. It's on their clothes, their hair.

Do you use a clumping litter?

It does stink. Just because you can't smell it, does not make it less odoriferous. You should use a clumping litter so you can scoop out pee bombs a couple of times a day. And you should be cleaning the box completely every two or three days.

I am thinking maybe the 4th person has a point. Truly...there is not much that is more disgusting than the smell of cat piss. And in the KITCHEN! No thank you. I'd be backing him too...sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear.

I agree here -- get the best clumping litter available and scoop it every time you walk past the box. Also, line it with a ForceFlex Glad bag (they hold up the best) so you can completely change it all out regularly and easily.

And I agree with the others who think keeping it in the kitchen is disgusting. I have a cat, and I'm not particularly bothered by litter, but I would never, ever put it in the kitchen. So, I can totally understand why your roommate would be unhappy about it being there.

I think you need to keep it in your room. Moving it back and forth is likely to freak the cat out, and he may stop using the box. You only have three months left on your lease; that's really not a lot of time. Then you can move and put the box wherever you want.

While I agree that your roommate shouldn't be shouting at you, dealing with another person's pet is a major inconvenience. You have three roommates who apparently have no pets of their own and don't care to. When you all decided to live together, no one had a pet. While they didn't tell you not to get the cat, it's still unfair to expect them to be uncomfortable in their home because of it. If the roommate's not cool with the litter box, he's not cool with it. And he pays rent and didn't sign a lease with the intention of caring for a cat. So... move the box. Sorry; I know that's not what you want to hear, but that's my take on the situation.

Good luck. :)
 

Cassiopeia

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I had one of those litter boxes that had a sensor and it scooped the clumped cat litter up the minute the cat left the box. I can't remember why it stopped working, it could have been one of my kids fiddled with it, but it scoops the icky bits into a bin that's lined and then you grab it at the end of the day and toss it. It keeps the litter very clean.
 

Libbie

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Use a clumping clay litter, and scoop the box twice a day: Once in the morning, once at night before everybody starts dinner.

If you're in that box every day, twice a day, you'll notice when it starts to smell. Your room mate obviously already has. Added bonus: He'll have nothing to complain about if he sees you cleaning out the box all the time.

Once a week is far too infrequent to be cleaning up after a cat, IMO. Animals in captivity can't roam around and get away from their own waste. Just because you can't smell the ammonia from the urine doesn't mean your cat can't, and an accumulation of urine can cause respiratory issues and burn the nasal passages.
 

Libbie

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Also, yes, the kitchen is the wrong place for cat feces. You can get some serious diseases from cat poop. Move it somewhere else.
 

Thump

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I use a clumping litter and I scoop every day, twice a day (before I leave for work and when I get back). He didn't have to ask me, I had a schedule but he felt the need to "remind me" anyway. Just because I don't do it to his schedule doesn't mean I don't do it. He's just looking to cause trouble.

Also, I'm not the only one with a pet, the other girl has a rabbit and it pees on EVERYTHING when she brings it inside. Has Grumpy asked her to not bring the rabbit into communal areas? Nope.
He also asked me to "be more proactive washing my dishes". Whose dishes are those in a pile in the sink? Not mine. Has he asked the others the same thing? Nope.

And like I said, I didn't want it in the kitchen in the first place but they didn't give me a choice so I think it's really unfair that I'm the one getting criticized for the location when I was forced into chosing that place.

And yes, everyone in the house knew that I was going to get a cat so long as there were no complaints. He says I didn't tell him which is nonsense because I brought it up at our first "house meeting". If any one of them had said they didn't want a cat in the house, I wouldn't have gotten one no matter how much I wanted it because, like I said, I don't like conflict. That said, if someone brings it to me, I'll fight back. All he had to do is not be an anti-social jerk and ask me not to.

He goes around with this smug look on his face now that I moved the box to my room (because they realized they couldn't leave kitten locked in the living room if they didn't want the box in the kitchen) like it's some sort of huge victory against me when it was my original intent anyway. Also, considering he had to give in and let me have the box outside of my room at night when he refused completely at first would rather say I won the bigger battle. It's just so frustrating to live with this guy! Grrrrrrr! Sorry for venting on all of you but I know that there's a lot of people here who know how to deal with difficult and contrary people better than I can. I can handle the regular sort of bullies just fine, having been bullied all of my childhood, but this is a completely different sort of abuse.
 
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brainstorm77

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Well if it bothers you to live with him and his behaviour, I suggest moving out and away from him. I had roomates in the past I could not connect with and I moved out.
 

Fran

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I lived in a shared flat with five other people, and three of them decided to get a kitten together. Total. Disaster. None of them looked after him properly, and me and my then boyfriend ended up paying for his litter and sometimes his food as well. They didn't clean his litter out and he pissed in a box in our bedroom all over my ex's CDs. We told them all if they didn't start looking after the cat me and my ex would assume responsibility for him, and that sorted them out. My point is, your flatmate may actually LIKE cats (my ex and I both love them) and he's concerned you're not caring for him properly. I'm not suggesting for a minute you aren't, but it's possibly his perception. And some people are more sensitive to smell than others - my ex would gag trying to clean a litter tray whereas, while not pleasant, I didn't find it as disgusting as he did. But I hope Mr Bingley brings you lots of happiness. :)
 

Kate Thornton

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I think problems with the kitty and problems with the roomie are only superficially connected.

Do everything you can to keep the kitty & its litter from being any sort of nuisance.

Then let the bully know you're on to his stupidity and if he annoys you ever again you will take drastic measures. I have a whole list of drastic measures, some more drastic than others, depending on if your residence area has the death penalty or not. Somehow Mr. Passive-Agressive has got the notion you are a victim. Disabuse him of this nonsense.
 

Keyan

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One other thing: Do you have a covered cat litter box? It definitely reduces the smell, as well as improving the look of the thing. Our cat loved it the minute we got it. I could see her going "Privacy! At last!" We have it in a bathroom with the open side facing a wall, so it's not evident at all. We use one of those cardboard liner trays so the whole thing can be changed frequently.