Novels you claimed to have read but actually haven't

CEtchison · Nov 3, 2009

The book that came to my mind was one I did read a portion of, but I never finished. And I'm always quick to admit that I never read the entire thing.

In college, my Anglophone Literature class was the first one in the U.S. to have "The Satanic Versus" as required reading. This was right after the bounty had been placed on Rushdie's head. Huge brewhaha followed. The professor was interviewed on the national news. Groups were protesting on campus. It was a big deal. But no matter how hard I tried I could never get past page 63. Definitely not my cup of tea.

However, just carrying the book to class or having it on my bookshelf made a fabulous conversation starter.

scarletpeaches · Nov 3, 2009

misaditas said:
I haven't read Hamlet, but I have seen it. In Stratford-upon-Avon, with David Tennant as Hamlet and Patrick Stewart as Claudius/the Ghost.

It was fricking excellent

Jesus, I hate you.

That's like...a theatregoer's wet dream.

GAH!

GAH again!

blacbird · Nov 3, 2009

KTC said:
why would anybody do this? If I claim to read something, it's because I read it. I don't see why anybody would feel the need to lie about reading. Doesn't make sense.

Echo this, for emphasis, along with several others who already have done so.

What an odd question.

caw

mscelina · Nov 3, 2009

misaditas said:
I haven't read Hamlet, but I have seen it. In Stratford-upon-Avon, with David Tennant as Hamlet and Patrick Stewart as Claudius/the Ghost.

It was fricking excellent

That must have been awesome.

scarletpeaches said:
Jesus, I hate you.

That's like...a theatregoer's wet dream.

GAH!

GAH again!

I love Patrick Stewart. I saw his Prospero in The Tempest years ago on Broadway. What a voice. If anyone loves Stewart as I do, check out his Henry II in the remake of The Lion in Winter with Glenn Close as Eleanor. Outstanding.

Hmm...I think I'll pull that out and watch it tonight, actually.

BenPanced · Nov 3, 2009

Let's face it: you claim to have read, oh, say, The Joy Luck Club (first title I pulled out of the air) (and, yes, I've read it. Wonderful.) (Anyway). You're at a party and you tell somebody you've read it, but you haven't.

How do you handle the pop quiz that's going to follow?

"Oh, I read it so long ago, I don't remember most of it" ain't gonna cut it.

scarletpeaches · Nov 3, 2009

mscelina said:
That must have been awesome.

I love Patrick Stewart. I saw his Prospero in The Tempest years ago on Broadway. What a voice. If anyone loves Stewart as I do, check out his Henry II in the remake of The Lion in Winter with Glenn Close as Eleanor. Outstanding.

Hmm...I think I'll pull that out and watch it tonight, actually.

Oh dear God in heaven, that sounds mouthwatering.

Oh! Oh! And I love the X-men fillums. You've got Jackman for the eyecandy. Marsden for the no-eyes candy. (Heh. See whut ah did thur)?

And - AND!!! - Stewart and McKellen for the sheer starry-eyed wonderfulness of the pair of them in the same film!

*goes fangirlysqueesquee*

Shadow_Ferret · Nov 3, 2009

BenPanced said:
How do you handle the pop quiz that's going to follow?

"Oh, I read it so long ago, I don't remember most of it" ain't gonna cut it.

Unfortunately, with my memory, this is true even for stories I HAVE read unless its something I had finished within the last week.

BenPanced · Nov 3, 2009

I understand the social dynamics of The Cat In The Hat might be bit more complex for some to comprehend, but jeez...

Shadow_Ferret · Nov 3, 2009

That's the one where he sits on an egg and waits for the bird to return, right?

scarletpeaches · Nov 3, 2009

MSCELINA! I HAS ANOTHER STORY FOR YOU!!!

A complete derail but too wonderful not to share.

A few years back there was a fuss in the British media about clause 28, which would stop the deviant gays getting teachings into the classroom to corrupt youngsters. Michael Howard was the Leader of the Opposition at the time and supported the clause.

Anyway, one day he met Ian McKellen (as was) at a dinner party and asked for his autograph. McKellen, being the splendid chap he was and is, was very polite about it, asked, "To whom should I address it?" wrote something on a piece of paper, folded it, handed it to Howard and bade him good day.

And apparently he took great delight in telling people what he'd actually written on the paper was "I'M GAY - NOW FUCK OFF!"

Ever since then I've been a little bit in love with him.

BenPanced · Nov 3, 2009

*gets out the flashcards for the fert*

kangolNcurlz · Nov 3, 2009

Lady Ice said:
I'm sure we're all guilty of one of the following:

- Pretended to have read a book a friend lent you so you don't hurt their feelings but really you were too busy/didn't like it.

Nope, I never did this. I usually give the book back telling them I'm not interested. I gave my sister Twilight to read (I loved it) and she gave it back the next day saying she didn't like it after reading one page, lol. Didn't hurt my feelings a bit.

- Counted a book amongst the classics you've read when in fact you only managed to get halfway through.

I think I've done this before, but not with classics. I usually word it in such away that implies I didn't read it all or that I tried to read it.

- Given opinions on books you haven't read based on the general consensus amongst your mates/the press/your elite social circle.

I've never done this. Not in the sense of giving a review while pretending like I've read it. I usually tell others what I've heard about the book from reviews.

- Name-dropped some books in order to look intelligent

I've done this to appear well-read. I did it when I was younger and still in college. I don't do it anymore, though.

- Claimed to have read a book when you've only watched the movie.

Never.

- Counted Shakespeare plays you studied at high school as part of your 'Shakespeare reading'.

Absolutely, because I actually read it from beginning to end - and understood it. The good thing about studying classics, for me, was that I had the chance to understand what I was reading. I have to admit that I don't understand Old English very well (I LOVED the teacher hand-holding! - thanks teach). I read Shakespeare in high school and college, and both teachers were very capable of teaching it, so no difference in quality of teaching for me.

To be honest, I don't like classics, just not my type of reading. I don't like much of anything by Shakespeare. I hated most of the classics I had to read in college because it wasn't my cup of tea. But, just because I hated it doesn't mean I didn't read it.

Everyone's personality and motives are different, so I do think some people will lie about these things, but I don't think everyone does it.

backslashbaby · Nov 3, 2009

Heart of Darkness is probably my example. I was swamped at school and couldn't read it properly at all. I did technically read + skim it, but when I say I dislike it, I'm not sure I'm being fair. I usually add all that in, but I didn't for the essay test, you know

?

And we had serious departments for literature in High School! If you try to spot a difference between my university lit classes and High School, it's not going to happen. Not all High School classes are jokes, really

MGraybosch · Nov 3, 2009

Lady Ice said:
- Pretended to have read a book a friend lent you so you don't hurt their feelings but really you were too busy/didn't like it.

Not me.

Lady Ice said:
- Counted a book amongst the classics you've read when in fact you only managed to get halfway through.

Nope.

Lady Ice said:
- Given opinions on books you haven't read based on the general consensus amongst your mates/the press/your elite social circle.

Only with the following disclaimer: "I haven't read it myself but I've heard that..."

Lady Ice said:
- Name-dropped some books in order to look intelligent

Only if I've actually read 'em.

Lady Ice said:
- Claimed to have read a book when you've only watched the movie.

No way.

Lady Ice said:
- Counted Shakespeare plays you studied at high school as part of your 'Shakespeare reading'.

Hell no.

Xelebes · Nov 3, 2009

To Kill a Mockingbird. Bluffed my way through it in English class. Couldn't stand reading the first chapter, couldn't stand reading the rest of the book.

Rowan · Nov 3, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
Oh, and I've never read The Iliad or The Odyssey either. Or anything by Dickens, Hardy, The Bronte sisters, Jane Austen, Suetonius, Plato or Marcus Aurelius.

I read most of those - in AP English though - so I'm thinking they don't count. Oh, I should add that I read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations while sitting around on surveillance cuz I was wicked bored and tired of listening to my partner prattle on about NOTHING! And I have no idea who this is: Suetonius. I'm obviously not an intellectual.

scarletpeaches · Nov 3, 2009

Rowan said:
I read most of those - in AP English though - so I'm thinking they don't count. Oh, I should add that I read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations while sitting around on surveillance cuz I was wicked bored and tired of listening to my partner prattle on about NOTHING! And I have no idea who this is: Suetonius. I'm obviously not an intellectual.

GOD you're such a pleb. And I don't believe you read any of it. You're lying, LYING I tells thee!

(Also, my aunt bought me Meditations after I split from a boyfriend years back...did me more good than any self-help book from the 21st century, I can tell you).

mscelina · Nov 3, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
Oh dear God in heaven, that sounds mouthwatering.

Oh! Oh! And I love the X-men fillums. You've got Jackman for the eyecandy. Marsden for the no-eyes candy. (Heh. See whut ah did thur)?

And - AND!!! - Stewart and McKellen for the sheer starry-eyed wonderfulness of the pair of them in the same film!

*goes fangirlysqueesquee*

Yep. Pretty darn perfect.

scarletpeaches said:
MSCELINA! I HAS ANOTHER STORY FOR YOU!!!

A complete derail but too wonderful not to share.

A few years back there was a fuss in the British media about clause 28, which would stop the deviant gays getting teachings into the classroom to corrupt youngsters. Michael Howard was the Leader of the Opposition at the time and supported the clause.

Anyway, one day he met Ian McKellen (as was) at a dinner party and asked for his autograph. McKellen, being the splendid chap he was and is, was very polite about it, asked, "To whom should I address it?" wrote something on a piece of paper, folded it, handed it to Howard and bade him good day.

And apparently he took great delight in telling people what he'd actually written on the paper was "I'M GAY - NOW FUCK OFF!"

Ever since then I've been a little bit in love with him.

God love him--another owner of one of the great voices of three generations. I don't think I've ever seen him do something I hate.

Rowan said:
I read most of those - in AP English though - so I'm thinking they don't count. Oh, I should add that I read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations while sitting around on surveillance cuz I was wicked bored and tired of listening to my partner prattle on about NOTHING! And I have no idea who this is: Suetonius. I'm obviously not an intellectual.

Suetonius is a Roman historian/biographer. Dry reading for just about anyone.

scarletpeaches said:
GOD you're such a pleb. And I don't believe you read any of it. You're lying, LYING I tells thee!

(Also, my aunt bought me Meditations after I split from a boyfriend years back...did me more good than any self-help book from the 21st century, I can tell you).

Marcus Antonius' Meditations is absolutely one of my favorite classical reads, right behind the Odyssey and the Iliad. Who'd have thunk a Roman would have common sense?

Rowan · Nov 3, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
GOD you're such a pleb. And I don't believe you read any of it. You're lying, LYING I tells thee!

(Also, my aunt bought me Meditations after I split from a boyfriend years back...did me more good than any self-help book from the 21st century, I can tell you).

Sssshhh, don't tell anyone! :tongue

(This is just between us but I loved Meditations too! And Plato, Socrates, Sophocles, and Virgil. Not bad for a pleb

).

Krintar · Nov 3, 2009

Xelebes said:
To Kill a Mockingbird. Bluffed my way through it in English class. Couldn't stand reading the first chapter, couldn't stand reading the rest of the book.

I found that book so intolerable that I talked the teacher into letting me do Atlas Shrugged instead. That's right: Ten-page political rants (of an ideology I disagree with) possessed of not a single pause for actual storytelling made for a more interesting and entertaining read.
There is one good thing about To Kill A Mockingbird, though - it proves once and for all that it is possible for a remake to be better than the original story.

Matera the Mad · Nov 3, 2009

I have commented on books that I have only read parts of, but never claimed to have read the whole thing if I hadn't. My BS-ometer would crash and burn

Slushie · Nov 3, 2009

Wait...so high-school Shakespeare doesn't count? Why didn't anybody tell me this? Does this also apply for all the other in-class high-school book I've read? If so, then include these as unread:

-The Catcher in the Rye
-The Sound and the Fury
-All Quiet on the Western Front
-1984
-Brave New World
-Dubliners
-Great Expectations
-Invisible Man (Ellison)
-Animal Farm
-To Kill A Mockingbird

OP, I hope you understand why that last part of you're post came across as illogical and/or insulting. Sure, some people slacked off in high school and held teacher's hand because the big bad books were so confusing, but most of us here probably enjoyed reading in high-school and understood what we read. Don't discount high-school reading just because it was assigned; reading is reading. The original post belongs on YouTube for the masses to opine about how much high-school reading sucked and how Mrs. Stupid-Teacher forced them into Shakespeare; it doesn't make sense on this website.

Yuck! I feel so condescending now. I just can't control it sometimes. Sorry.

Slushie · Nov 3, 2009

Look, there's a reason the part about Shakespeare pissed me off. I wasn't exposed to Shakespeare until my sophomore year, but reading Julius Caesar inspired me to pick up Twelfth Night (on my own), then I went on to As You Like It, then A Midsummer's Night Dream, then read Macbeth in class. From there on, I devoured his work. Reading Shakespeare in high-school inspired me to make writing more than a fleeting hobby. I know you would have no way of knowing this and you didn't intend for it to come across as an insult. I'm not trying to pick a fight. Just venting, that's all. Okay, I'm done.

Kathleen42 · Nov 3, 2009

I occasionally let people hang onto their assumption that I've read War and Peace because I feel that 786 pages should count for something.

KTC · Nov 3, 2009

Shadow_Ferret said:
I don't generally consider the books I was forced to read as books I've read because I got nothing out of them. To be honest, I know I was forced to read Faulkner and Steinbeck, but I can't remember what. I'm sure I was forced to read Hemingway, too, but again, I can't recall what.

I only count books I remember.

This is not the way that we all feel about it. I took in every book I read. It's just silly to use a wide paintbrush like that. SILLY.

Novels you claimed to have read but actually haven't

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