Would this be considered headhopping?

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Curious2009

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Consider this excerpt from a scenario where the main character David is in conversation with John and William. Up to this point everything has been in limited 3rd person POV:

'Rather than replying, David simply closed his eyes. John and William looked at each other in confusion.'

Obviously David wouldn't know that John and William are confused with his eyes closed so is that head-hopping?
 
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mscelina

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Not necessarily. It's impossible to tell from the snippet you posted because we don't know whose POV you're writing from. If you're writing from David's POV then yes--it's head-hopping.

I just read a slush pile submission that had seven POVs in the first chapter--one paragraph had five. Makes for speedy rejections if you know what I mean.
 

Shweta

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Hi! :welcome:
As this is a general-writing question, and not novel-specific, I'm moving it to Basic Writing Questions. Hold onto your hat!

But first, an answer: it depends.

Given that you're (presumably) supposed to be in David's POV, then you're likely to throw readers with the second sentence, and it's better to reveal the other characters' confusion in subsequent conversation or action, when David finds out. (Which is to say, yes, that's head-hopping).

If you were doing an omniscient POV, however, dipping into each of these heads, it would just be a transition between people's knowledge states. You'd need to do it more smoothly than this, though. Giving readers POV whiplash is a thing to be avoided in any case, and is a big reason new writers are advised to choose a POV and stick with it. It's so that one actually has a hope of knowing what one is doing with one's POV.

(Either way, I'd read it out loud, as rhythm of the the lines doesn't really scan for me.)
 
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Kathleen42

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If you're writing from David's POV, it doesn't work.
 

dawinsor

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You need something like "When he opened them, he found John and William exchanging a glance."
 

Curious2009

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Thanks. It seems the consensus is that it is head-hopping.

Do others agree with Schweta that the rhythm doesn't scan? I've read it aloud and it seems fine to me. Am I missing something?
 

Kathleen42

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Thanks. It seems the consensus is that it is head-hopping.

Do others agree with Schweta that the rhythm doesn't scan? I've read it aloud and it seems fine to me. Am I missing something?

It's hard to provide feedback without seeing what comes before or after and what you tend to do to fix the head hopping issue.

If the story was in omni and you intended to leave it as is, I would write the two lines as separate paragraphs. That could, however, just be my own personal style coming into play.
 

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It's not head-hopping. It's simply breaking the POV, which a reader may find jarring.

And you find it smooth because you are not a reader who is travelling along happily and suddenly finds the POV broken. It seems fine to you because you are so familiar with it.

Remember -in limited 3rd -if your POV character can't see it, smell it, taste it, feel it, hear it or is otherwise aware of 'it' -then you cannot mention 'it' -no matter what 'it' is -until the character becomes aware of 'it'.

That should help you solve the matter.
 
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AdamH

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I just read a slush pile submission that had seven POVs in the first chapter--one paragraph had five. Makes for speedy rejections if you know what I mean.

So I'll just consider that a "no" then. No need to send the slip. :tongue
 

AdamH

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Remember -in limited 3rd -if your POV character can't see it, smell it, taste it, feel it, hear it or is otherwise aware of 'it' -then you cannot mention 'it' -no matter what 'it' is -until the character becomes aware of 'it'.

That should help you solve the matter.

Exactly!

It's also more fulfilling as a reader if you discover it when the character discovers it instead of using a convenient shortcut.
 

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Consider this excerpt from a scenario where the main character David is in conversation with John and William. Up to this point everything has been in limited 3rd person POV:
'Rather than replying, David simply closed his eyes. John and William looked at each other in confusion.'
Obviously David wouldn't know that John and William are confused with his eyes closed so is that head-hopping?
As has probably been said already, if "main character David" means David is the (third person limited) POV character in this scene, then you've shifted to third person omniscient to deliver the John and William observation. It's a form of head-hopping in that you've hopped into an invisible narrator's head. :) But you already know it reads iffy, so it's easy to remove the line, or replace it with something like, "John and William didn't say anything either. When David opened his eyes again they looked confused."

-Derek
 
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Whichever way you look at it, it's headhopping.

"John and William looked at each other in confusion." - Say we're in one of their heads, how would they know the other one was confused too? So it seems to me like the above paragraph has us in three heads at once.

ETA: I should add I'm off my norks on migraine drugs at the moment.
 

Curious2009

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Many thanks for the advice so far.

Do you all agree that if the main character, David, hadn't closed his eyes it would not be head-hopping (putting to one side, of course, that it is the act of closing his eyes mid-conversation that has puzzled John and William)?
 
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Izz

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Many thanks for the advice so far.

Do you all agree that if the main character, David, hadn't closed his eyes it would not be head-hopping (putting to one side, of course, that it is the act of closing his eyes mid-conversation that has puzzled John and William)?
You still haven't told us what POV or narrative style this scene is supposed to be in.

Is it written from David's POV?
If it's written from David's POV, then even with his eyes open this could still be considered head-hopping, because he can't know for a certainty that John and William are looking at each other in confusion. He could guess from their expressions, but the sentence would need to imply that he was guessing.

Unless, of course, you've already established David as an unreliable narrator, but let's not go into that.

Is it written from John or William's POV?
Same basic principles apply here as do above. If it's written from one person's POV, then the reader should only see and know things that character knows.

Is it written from an omniscient POV--where the narrator knows what's going on in the heads of all the characters at all times?
If this is an omniscient POV then, as Shweta said up-page, this isn't head-hopping, but it's not really a smooth transition between knowledge states and could do with some work.

Of course, if it's omni, then where in the book it is becomes an issue. If we're used to the omni POV we might not be bothered by that transition.

We need more information than you're giving us to offer advice that isn't based on assumptions about the scene and POV and narrative structure (and i can't help but wonder if soon we're going to see a post that says, 'this is from such-and-such a book').
 
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