Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
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I normally have no issues with suspension of disbelief, it is usually quite effortless. With Meyer's work, I had to work really hard to suspend my disbelief. That in my opinion one of the biggest markers of badly written fiction.
Everyone knows I should have played Jacob.
Of course, they'd have to revise the script, since I'm irresistible.
Of course, they'd have to revise the script, since I'm irresistible.
I think the reigning theory is that Edward was a virgin when he was made a vampire, so he was still packing some over a century later. Who knew semen lasts that long? Must be the benefits of cold storage. Works same as a semen bank.
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Nope, because there's another vampire out there who's knocked up a few human women and has four half-and-half kids out there. It's just part of Stephenie Meyer's "most bodily fluids" thing. Everything except semen becomes venom or something, I dunno.
We know she fails at biology, so yeah.
The biology around her vampires is totally screwed up. I can produce a hearty list. While vampires are obviously inhuman, and hence many biological rules wouldn't apply to them, her ones don't make sense at all.
A simple example would be Bella drinking blood during her pregnancy to 'feed' Nessie. The blood would be DIGESTED in Bella's gut, and the nutrients would reach Nessie. So, the baby gets the nutrients. This is exactly what happens when you eat normal food. Why blood then?
I can't remember, but do Meyer's vampies have blood in their vessels? Or some other 'venemous liquid?'
A simple example would be Bella drinking blood during her pregnancy to 'feed' Nessie. The blood would be DIGESTED in Bella's gut, and the nutrients would reach Nessie. So, the baby gets the nutrients. This is exactly what happens when you eat normal food. Why blood then?
I can't remember, but do Meyer's vampies have blood in their vessels? Or some other 'venemous liquid?'
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Shock value.
No, all the blood is burned up in the first year after turning, like the human body burns up energy. That's why newborns have such red eyes, because of the extra blood in the body.
That's according to SM, anyway.
You know... that actually makes sense... I mean amidst all of the nonsense I suppose something had to sound vaguely plausible.
Um...
I am a sexual deviant, but I think the whole hot/cold thingy is kinda appealing in an abstract sense.
ABSTRACT SENSE!
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Yeah. I mean, if she'd stuck to it being magic/fantasy, rather than trying to make everything "scientific" when it came to her vampires, she might have stood a chance.
But no. Biology fail.
But no. Biology fail.
Now, the best vampires are in a novel that was written by a member of this very site!
They weren't real...and in fact, they were just LARPers.
Ah...good times. Who says you can't write a vampire novel without vampires?
They weren't real...and in fact, they were just LARPers.
Ah...good times. Who says you can't write a vampire novel without vampires?
I heard someone liken it to getting intimate with a popsicle *shivers*
That's exactly what Meyer said when asked a similar question!
I didnt particularly find james FUG
Worth the price of admission alone. If only he had more scenes. *sigh*
The more I read it, the more I want to write some sort of paper on why it appeals to the masses in such a crack way. Why does the prose work? I think I'll write that as my term paper in lit crit.
(Kidding........or am I....?)
It'd be worth the research...
(Kidding........or am I....?)
It'd be worth the research...
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Curiosly, that matches the description of the Devil's um...equipment, according to many witches' confessions...
I bet Meyer would love to write a novel about witches, but then it might become obvious to everyone just how much she owes to Anne Rice's writing.
EDIT: I wonder how genuine SM's claims of 'no research'/'only read one book by Rice' are...in fact, I wonder if this is a way of deflecting criticism, or appearing to be an ingénue blessed by the gods of talent (ahem), or even a way of avoiding lawsuits.
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Well if it's true, she looks like an idiot. If it's not true, she still looks like an idiot. There's nothing favourable in it for her either way.
Random thought:
I just remembered the catch phrase that drove me nuts. It was "full of concern". I just found the words in my WIP and was suddenly drawn out of my book and tossed into Twilight. I liked the phrase at first, but it got old after twenty times of it.
Grrr....search and destroy.
I just remembered the catch phrase that drove me nuts. It was "full of concern". I just found the words in my WIP and was suddenly drawn out of my book and tossed into Twilight. I liked the phrase at first, but it got old after twenty times of it.
Grrr....search and destroy.
Since I obviously had nothing better to do, I went through Twilight looking for the word "concern". The has been used exactly 20 times in the span of 256 pages.
And she uses the phrase "I gulped" 9 times.
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So I wasn't exaggerating then!
20 times in Twilight, plus 20 in each sequal comes to 80 "concerns".
Oh yeah, I even noticed the same words she used.
She use "commanded" as a dialogue tag, twice on the same page.
She use "commanded" as a dialogue tag, twice on the same page.
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