Ralph, the Gourmet Zombie-finish me

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Haggis

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Okay. Here's what's happening.

We need to write a story. A story about a kind, caring zombie who likes to cook. One who desires more than brains.

It's based on David's premise.

I've started it here.

Let's go once sentence at a time. I won't kill you if you do two, but I'd love for all of you to participate.

Think of it this way. It's a way to kill time until the chiZine and the NT thingies are over with.

So, go to the linky. Add your stuff. And have fun:

_________________

Brains. That's all the others think about, thought Ralph, as he shoved leftover entrails into his mouth. There must be more to life (or un-life, such as it was) than this. It's not that brains weren't good. Of course they were. But Ralph knew there had to be a higher purpose to his existence. When he was alive, Ralph had been a sous-chef--a kind of assistant to the main honcho in a three star restaurant. He knew food, he knew how to prepare it, and he had been weeks away from starting his own restaurant before the transformation. His brethren--his new brethren deserved the same access to quality cuisine as did his old customers. And, by damn, he was determined to accomplish that for them.
 
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Calla Lily

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Ralph turned another page of Alton Brown's cookbook, I'm Only Here for the Food. Hmmm... "Firecrackers..." hot pickled baby carrots. Ralph looked at the severed hands and feet still on his kitchen table. Those fingers and toes were just the right size.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's 4. I gotta make up for next week when I won't be posting at all.
 

dobiwon

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Deftly, he filleted the fingers and toes, reserving the bones and nails for soup stock.
 

David McAfee

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"What are you doing?" asked Marie, although with the current state of decay in her lips, it came out sounding more like "Whassh dun?" Ralph, having long ago learned to interpret her mushy speech, knew exactly what she meant.
 

Nakhlasmoke

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He'd have to make the most of this one, really stretch his culinary skills to the limit - sadly, the zombie palate was rather unrefined and Ralph had found that most of them slathered ketchup on everything they ate.

Okay that kinda sucks...
 

dobiwon

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Then he got a great idea; what they needed was a strong, zesty, tasty, condiment. And some garnish--how have zombies enjoyed eating for centuries without colorful food presentation?
 

Haggis

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"Braaaiiiiiinns," said Marie, although it sounded more like "Raaaiiiiinns."
 

dobiwon

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"Maybe a gourmet preparation," he said, "like 'brain au vin', or 'brainwurst', or 'blackened brain'."
 

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"Braaaaaaiiiin!" Marie voiced her approval and shuffled out of the kitchen.

"Finally!" Ralph cried. "I thought she'd never leave."
 

Calla Lily

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Ralph sniffed the blob of muco-purulent drool Marie had left on the table...maybe this was the beginning of a beautiful new sauce.


(Yes, that's my new favorite real medical word. It means a combination of spittle and pus. Aren't you all so jealous of my day job now?)
 

jgold

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There was only one problem--his wife only had so much fluid to harvest.

Where could he get more?

(BTW, this is making me gag. Thanks for the new word, Lily).
 

Cranky

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"There has to be a way," Ralph thought. Visions of this new, beautiful reduction danced in his rapidly decaying mind. He had to hurry.
 

Calla Lily

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He shambled down to the corner liquor store, funnel in hand. The usual crowd of undead winos were there, swilling boxed Franzia. He picked up a case of California Merlot and two empty bottles. Just as he thought: the floor and counters were liberally spattered with the main ingredient for his new creation. All he had to do was scoop it up. He hoped it wouldn't have residue of other vintages--one never knew what might spoil the bouquet of a new sauce.


(glad I could gross everyone out. Just part of my job)
 

dobiwon

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Back home, he expressed his concern to Marie. "Why not thust asthk people to thspit for you?" "No, no," he protested vehemently. "That would be just sputum; I need the richness and full-bodiness of muco-purulent drool!"
 

Calla Lily

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Ralph's next-door neighbor Stew popped his head through the kitchen door. "Why not do the Heimlich maneuver on them? They shoud have lots of goo deep in their lungs--I know I do." He popped his head back on his partially visible spine and hawked a steaming loogie into the pan on the stove. "Dibs on all the women who still have boobs. My wife's fell off last week. I miss 'em."
 

dobiwon

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"Here they are," said Ralph, holding up a jar. "I was saving them for a special desert recipe."
 

jgold

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Ralph tried to catch him. But the chihuahua was just too damn fast.
 

Haggis

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Unfortunately, as Marie was a zombie herself, "hot pursuit" was an agonizingly slow lurch, made even slower when her left foot fell off.
 
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