Common Courtesy Take 2

Sure, but how do you tell the difference?

Kitrianna said:

Roger, I have been thinking about this all day and you say that the lack of courtesy is raging amongst people in their 20's and 30's, but I am in my early thirties (some say I act much older) as is Kthrok.

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I didn't mean that as a blanket condemnation of people in their 20's and 30's. Obviously, there are courteous people in that age range. I was once. I was talking about what I actually observed on those buses.

I also found that true of teenagers on the buses. That perhaps is understandable, but the interesting thing is that their parents didn't tell them to give up their seat. They'd rush in and get their seats while some old lady or a young mother with a child in her arms stood there and the parents said nothing. How are kids ever going to learn unless someone teach them?

tjwriter said:

He doesn't look a day over 45, don't let him fool you!

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Oh, pshaw!

The shame is usually a good indicator. Some people have the decency to look ashamed of themselves, yet lack the intelligence to get up. Or the defiant look. That's usually a good indicator, too. Perhaps it's all in the body language, now that I think about it.

Perhaps the best method is to stand at the front of the bus and ask, "Will no one swap seats so that I do not injure myself trying to make it to the back?"

Or you could whack 'em a good time or two with the crutches. But I think Roger's right. Someone has to teach the younger ones before they learn. I am ashamed by quite a few of my peers, and their 'entitled behavior'. But the best remedy that I've learned is to open your mouth and speak up. Until you call people out on it, they do whatever you let slide.

There was this young boy (about 8 or 9) the other day at the gas station screaming in what looked like his grandmother's face while she pumped gas. She stood there and took it. I had the sudden urge to smack that boy across the mouth, and it really took everything I had not to open the car door and give him a severe tongue lashing. Everything I had. Who teaches a kid that it's okay to do that? Who lets that behavior slide? Until someone stands up and says it's not okay, that kid will keep doing it. There is some truth to the village having some responsibility for all the children of the community. Letting bad behavior slide because it's not your problem eventually makes it everyone's problem. And I still feel really bad for not opening my mouth, though I'd probably be frowned upon for it.

Like as has been said, I think there are plenty of courteous people; it's just the exceptions that stand out. Much of it is due to plain lack of consciousness that there are other people around.

My pet peeve is when a group of people will gather to chat in the doorway of a store, theater, church, etc., when other people are trying to get through, or will walk slowly three or four abreast in a hallway or on a sidewalk, blocking others, or people who rush to enter an elevator before the people already on it can get off.

(All right, that's three peeves)

As a former pastor of my church used to say -- these people need a Copernican revolution -- they need to come to the realization that the universe does not revolve around a spot several inches below the midpoint of their belt.

Maryn said:

Anyway, nowadays I wouldn't bite my tongue if I were on crutches. Those seats are reserved for people like you--nudge some able-bodied bozo with a crutch and say, nice and loud, "Excuse me, I need a handicapped seat you're sitting in. Now."

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I love this. Excellent advice.

And I'm with you, Maryn, I don't care if anybody likes me anymore either.

dobiwon said:

...or people who rush to enter an elevator before the people already on it can get off.

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I get this same thing every evening getting off of the train on my way home from work. GET OUT OF MY WAY JACKASSES!!

Ahem. Excuse me, just had to get that off of my chest.

I, personally, think common curtesy is on the decline because it's not being taught in as many homes as it used to be. Sure there were discurtious ones in previous generations but I watch my generation and sometimes I'm embarrassed by them.

Sara - in the 20 something group.

I'm not so sure courtesy has as much to do with upbringing as it does with our personalities. Parents can teach their children proper manners, which they should, but it doesn't mean those lessons will carry through into adulthood.

Common courtesy comes to us without reasoning. You either do something thoughtful for someone, or you don't. You either care for the well-being of others above yourself, or you don't. There's some middle ground at times, I suppose, when common decency works to our advantage, and we're selective to whom we bestow our finer manners. But for the most part, the world is made up of those who would rather give and others who would rather take. It's always been that way. Courtesy toward strangers is but a tiny sliver of the equation that makes up the sum of all of our parts.

Like someone once said, "You either have it, or you don't."

i agree Silver, tho i do find that location plays a part in it too. Kit and I have lived in a lot of places both in the US and in Canada. I could almost tell you by city how ppl act in general just by the city they grew up in. Tho i think that has more to do with ppl following the examples of others around them

Isn't peer pressure a great thing?

I'm so used to all these courteous southern folk now, I don't know how I'd react to some of the a-holes ya'll describe. People are just nice down here, for the most part.

Who teaches a kid that it's okay to do that? Who lets that behavior slide?

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Depressingly many people, as I have learned from my job. Fertility and common sense are not intersecting sets for many.

I don't think it's so much as "teaching" kids manners, but "showing" them manners. I think it's hard to teach a kid to say "please" and "thank you" if you don't use those words yourself.

Like most others, I've seen consideration, and lack of it, at both spectrums. Unfortunately, I think I see more of the lack these days. I'm not going to single out any particular section of the community - I think all are equally guilty.

Like the Texans, I am surrounded by people with good manners, maybe because Southerners just put so much emphasis on being considerate. Though I've never been on crutches or otherwise physically challenged, I was pregnant twice and had people fighting over who got to open the door for me, load my groceries into the car, etc.

I think people's lives are so hectic these days that it doesn't really occur to them that they're being inconsiderate. In situations such as the one you encountered, Kitrianna, I would suggest good manners overkill on your part. In your most pleasant voice and with a big smile, say something like: "Pardon me, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm finding it difficult to continue standing up or to move further back on the bus, and I wonder if any of you kind people would mind letting me borrow your seat?" I bet several of them would have offered, and you would have had the satisfaction of knowing you gave them all a gentle refresher course on manners.

chevbrock said:

I don't think it's so much as "teaching" kids manners, but "showing" them manners. I think it's hard to teach a kid to say "please" and "thank you" if you don't use those words yourself.

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"Show" vs. "Tell" Yep

I agree with some of you - it really depends on where you live. Where I am, it's still normal for someone to hold the door for you. Just two weekends ago when hubby and I were going into a restaurant, a teenage boy held the door for us and several other couples while his family went on to their car.

Kitrianna said:

Snipped...

My question is for all of you, is it becoming normal for people not to give a royal rat's pituty about their fellow man?

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I can't speak for the rest of the world, but where I live that seems to be the case ... sadly.

A few months ago, while I was riding the bus, a bunch of teenagers with skateboards got on, and they all sat in the elderly and handicapped seating area. When asked to move for an elderly lady, they smarted off to her and said they had the right to sit there.

When I was their age, in the late 70's to mid-80's, if I'd have done that, the woman would have rightly smacked me up alongside the head and no one would have said a thing to her about it.

If anything, people would have been applauding her for it.

What I'm saying is, society in my neck of the woods is changing in a lot of ways for the worse. And like you asked, I'm sad to say people are caring a lot less about their neighbors than they did even twenty years ago.