- Joined
- Nov 28, 2007
- Messages
- 5,239
- Reaction score
- 1,017
I love these things. What's your favorite?
Here's some of mine:
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
Here's some of mine:
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
