Waking up

At night, or maybe the rescuers have covered their faces or otherwise disguised themselves? Perhaps the MC is thrilled and relieved that he's being rescued, only to have one of his rescuers turn around and clip him in the head with an iron pipe (or what have you), obviously on purpose. Next thing you know, he's waking up with a mild concussion and a spotty memory of what happened....

It sounds really interesting! If you start with action, not only does it grab the reader, it also eliminates the whole problem of starting with a wake-up scene. Good luck with it!

if i remember correctly, Ms. Snark hated reading pitches in which the main character woke up primarily because it was all a prelude to the real action. Which in many cases, it is. In Metamorphoses, though, Gregor wakes up and is a cockroach. In the first sentence. That's not just waking up.

Gravity's Rainbow opens with the character waking up, doesn't it?

Queen of Swords said:

Does anyone feel that there's a problem with starting a story by having a character wake up? I'd written such an opening for my novel - the character was severely injured and wakes up to find himself in unfamiliar surroundings - but I thought I'd read somewhere that this kind of opening was cliched or otherwise unpopular. I could rewrite it, but I was wondering what other people thought on this topic.

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I don't know. I've heard of dream beginnings where the character is involved in either a dream or a nightmare at the very start of the novel, and then we find out later that the character is only dreaming. I know that's pretty chiched, but I have never been bothered by stories beginning with the character waking up, especially if they wake up from a long coma or something like that.

Whether this beginning is cliche or no, I couldn't say, though.

I've never started a novel like that. I can see how it would be an easy way to start that could annoy editors. I've started chapters with characters waking up...but it's usually upon recovery from an that took place earlier in the work injury.

Queen of Swords said:

Gripping enough start?

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Hell yeah! I like the setting--very unusual! I hope you get the poor guy medical attention quick, though.

This is excerpted from "Edit Cafe," a blog written by 3 editors--

Jane Jones sat drinking her herb tea by the window and looking out on her backyard. She enjoyed how her decision to use mainly blue and yellow flowers had painted a beautiful summer landscape.
Contentment filled her. Owning her own house and having a good job to pay for it made waking up each morning rewarding. She even had a newly acquired housemate in the form of a terrier puppy to enjoy.

The phone rang, and Jane spent the next twenty minutes catching up with her best friend Sue. Soon it would be time to head off to Bible study at church, and Jane collected her well-worn Bible from the bedroom and her notebooks from the living room. Yada . . . Yada . . . Yada . . .

Why do authors persist in starting their stories in such painfully slow manner? Nothing has be presented to make me care about this character or want to keep reading about her.

Send me a chapter that opens like this, and 9 times out of 10 I'll pitch it across the room to the recycle bin. If I make myself read further, it is likely because something in the story summary promised a plot hook that I'm determined to find -- or I feel obligated to the author. Beginnings can be revised, but even an interesting story summary often doesn't have enough power to pull me past a slow and boring beginning. If the book starts out slow, I fear the author will never get it revved up enough to push past that dreaded middle drag that so many authors fall prey to.

I want to be lassoed and hauled into your story. I want to quickly get so tangled up in your characters' lives that before I know it I've read the first 3 chapters and I'm panting for more.


Jillian Jasper's green thumb had become particularly helpful when turning her backyard into a cemetery.
One sentence and my attention is alert. Why would anyone want to bury someone in their backyard? Is she a murderer? Is she nuts?

[FONT=&quot]Do you think opening paragraph would be any better to send to a publisher at all please?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"Samantha woke with a start as the telephone rang on her bedside table. It was only six-fifteen am. She had had two hours sleep so far, who could it be at this time of the day? Blurry-eyed and fuzzy-headed she fumbled for the phone. She pushed her tousled blonde hair out of her face as she propped herself up on her pillows. ‘Yes?’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] ‘Samantha, it’s me, Berni.’ [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] ‘Mum, it’s early isn’t it.’ The fist of fear gripped her belly. ‘Is something wrong? Is John—Dad okay?’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] ‘It’s nothing like that, darling. I’m sorry for ringing you up so early, but we had a break-in last night.’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] ‘Oh, I’m sorry. Anything taken?’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] ‘The only thing that’s been stolen is our address book.’ Berni paused. ‘Samantha.’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] ‘Yes?’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] ‘I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but Jeffrey was released from prison last week. Me, John, and the police think that it was him who broke into our house and took the address book.’"[/FONT]

Inspiewriter said:

Why do authors persist in starting their stories in such painfully slow manner? Nothing has be presented to make me care about this character or want to keep reading about her.

Send me a chapter that opens like this, and 9 times out of 10 I'll pitch it across the room to the recycle bin. If I make myself read further, it is likely because something in the story summary promised a plot hook that I'm determined to find -- or I feel obligated to the author. Beginnings can be revised, but even an interesting story summary often doesn't have enough power to pull me past a slow and boring beginning. If the book starts out slow, I fear the author will never get it revved up enough to push past that dreaded middle drag that so many authors fall prey to.

I want to be lassoed and hauled into your story. I want to quickly get so tangled up in your characters' lives that before I know it I've read the first 3 chapters and I'm panting for more.

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Some things go without saying. Here's my edit (which may or may not be your style; just an example of ways you can trim without losing the message, while at the same time moving the conflict up nearer the start).

Elodie-Caroline said:

[FONT=&quot]It was only six-fifteen am. Samantha propped herself up on her pillows. ‘Yes?’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘Samantha, it’s me, Berni.’ [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘Mum, it’s early isn’t it.’ She moved forward leaning on her elbow. ‘Is something wrong? Is John—Dad okay?’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘It’s nothing like that, darling. We had a break-in last night.’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘Oh, I’m sorry. Anything taken?’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘Our address book.’ Berni paused. ‘Samantha.’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘Yes?’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘Jeffrey was released from prison last week. We think that it was him.’[/FONT]

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Yes, and I like josephwise's version too.

If it were me, I would start the story like this:

"Is something wrong?" It was only six-fifteen am. Samantha propped herself up on her pillows. "Is John—Dad okay?’
‘It’s nothing like that, darling. We had a break-in last night.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. Anything taken?’
‘Our address book.’ Berni paused. ‘Samantha.’
‘Yes?’
‘Jeffrey was released from prison last week. We think that it was him.’

Sorry Joseph, that doesn't work for me I'm afraid. There's no telling that she had answered a phone call, Berni could have just jumped in bed beside her telling it like that.
The dialogue was semi-okay, but this sentence wouldn't be said this way ‘Jeffrey was released from prison last week. We think that it was him.' Berni knows Samantha, she knows how she has to deal with her, gently, not abruptly, she loves her. Also it would be 'We think it was him'. Lots of native English speakers don't use words like 'that' in their sentences, we use lazy talk... 'We think it was him,'
Thank you anyway

josephwise said:

Some things go without saying. Here's my edit (which may or may not be your style; just an example of ways you can trim without losing the message, while at the same time moving the conflict up nearer the start).

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P.S. I realise that I had used that in my original writing, it shouldn't have really been there, at that time it was more of an explanation for the MC.

Hi,
Although the dialogue is nearer to my own, and yes, the last sentence could be shortened that way for tighter writing, without the 'that', it still doesn't explain that it's a telephone call.
A little later on, readers will find out why Samantha doesn't sleep much and why she's had only had two hours sleep.

Inspiewriter said:

Yes, and I like josephwise's version too.

If it were me, I would start the story like this:

"Is something wrong?" It was only six-fifteen am. Samantha propped herself up on her pillows. "Is John—Dad okay?’
‘It’s nothing like that, darling. We had a break-in last night.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. Anything taken?’
‘Our address book.’ Berni paused. ‘Samantha.’
‘Yes?’
‘Jeffrey was released from prison last week. We think that it was him.’

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I guess I'm lost. I don't understand the particular reasons behind never using this opening.

How about something like:

Elodie-Caroline said:

Samantha tried to focus on the clock as she groped for the phone. Six-fifteen! She sat up with a jolt. 'Yes?'

‘Samantha, it’s me, Berni.’

etc.

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FennelGiraffe,
Yes, at least that sets the scene up. I couldn't just drop my girl straight onto a story starting a conversation. If I were reading it, I would be thinking 'Huh?' But there again, I'm blonde lol.
From another site I belong to, we often talk about books (It's not a writers site btw). Everyone I talk to likes to read the first chapter or two before they make up their mind whether they like a book or not. They're not reading with critical eyes like we do on here. I got myself some beta-readers from said site last week, and I got many remarks about how I pulled them into the story; one woman read it the whole way through in a few hours because she couldn't put it down.


Elodie

FennelGiraffe said:

How about something like:

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Maybe it's a matter of personal taste, because I tend to like character driven fiction, but I don't mind a book starting with a wake up, if it's going somewhere other than the bathroom, breakfast, etc.

I get the reason (I think) for agents and editors saying don't do it, because many would fall into a trap of describing the toothpaste, the cheerios, blah blah blah. Like anything else, though, if it's done well and moves the story forward, I would keep reading.

I think the flip side of this question is "Why do I care?" another popular agent/editor comment. If I haven't gotten any sense of the MC at all, I might not care about whether or not he gets medical attention.

Good luck with this, it sounds like an exciting read.

Apmom,
Thank you very much if you are addressing me. If not, I'm sorry for being so presumptuous