What do you do to clear your mind of rejection anxiety?

reenkam · Jun 8, 2007

So here's my story...I just started quering agents in March. I've been writing for years now and I wanted to finally get into the "looking for a rep" phase. So my first rejection actually made me happy. So much so that I called my mom to tell her about it. I've never heard of anyone getting a rep from their first query ever, so I was hoping I got that 1 required rejection out of the way.

My second query resulted in a full manuscript request. Once again I was very excited. Called my mom again, actually. That's been out for almost 3 months, now, so I really can't assume much, I guess.

But anyway, this week I've sent out 6 more queries since people told me holding back makes no sense. I've gotten 3 rejections already. Obviously rejection is a huge part of this...I mean, some people are probably pushing 200 or more. And you only need that one "yes" as they say. But at the same time I'm pretty sure it's hurting my writing.

Since sending out that full I haven't written anything worth keeping, pretty much. I started another YA novel and now I'm stuck with no ending and 15,000 words to go. I just started another and today decided it's terrible and a third manuscript, which I've been writing for 3 years now, I've decided needs to have about 30,000 words deleted because they suck.

Is it normal to start thinking your own writing isn't working? I'm not going to give up because of a few rejections, obviously. If I were to do something like that then I'm obviously not right for this type of career. But I still feel like my writing is suffering a lot lately from the anxiety.

Does anyone else experience this? What do you do to get past it?

CaroGirl · Jun 8, 2007

Eat chocolate and drink red wine.

I think you need to focus on your successes instead of what you perceive as your failures. A request for a partial or full is an accomplishment. You'll get many more rejections, and probably many more requests for material, before you snag an agent. Once you sign with an agent, you'll go through an editing phase, which I'm told can also be demoralizing, and then the agent sets to work selling your ms. This will likewise probably get rejected by publishers a few more times before finalling selling, and so on.

If you can't write while all that is going on, you can't write, my friend. You're in it now, and putting away your baggage to write new material is par for the course. Take a short break from writing, if you must, but you have to put on blinders if you want to continue.

Good luck!!

Calla Lily · Jun 8, 2007

What CaroGirl said. Every word of it.

If you're in a hurry for comfort food, I recommend those little chocolate "bottles" filled with liqueurs. :yum:

I just send out a full, have 2 other WIPs, am proofing one ms for pay (yay!) and editing another as a favor. Busy helps!

I also indulge in reseach when I'm feeling uncreative. Gives me the sense of doing something useful. Plus I get great party trivia-type conversation out of it.

joyce · Jun 8, 2007

Remember, you are not the only one out there getting rejected. We all feel your pain. I started sending out queries seriously about the same time as you. I've probably had 30 rejections, 1 request for a full, 2 requests for partials (one was rejected). I keep waiting and have my body crossed that someone will say yes. I also feel your pain about writing the next manuscript. I start writing, feel depressed questioning myself why am I doing this, then a blink of hope shines through with another request. Like Caro said, keep your chin up and just keep writing. It's good that someone requested a partial. The agent must have saw something in your writing to request more. Good luck. :Hug2:

davids · Jun 8, 2007

Copious quantities of Glen Livet

reenkam · Jun 8, 2007

thanks for the responses. i guess it's just a temporary lapse of creativity or something. i'll try out the chocolate thing and maybe i'll even do some research, too. accumulating party trivia is a plus

amusingly enough, i randomly decided to check my horoscope today, something I never do, and it said:

Try to avoid overthinking your actions or over-editing your work today. Sometimes you just need to let things be, and not think about them so much.

I guess I'll listen to this little paragraph of random text and just write on :e2BIC:

johnzakour · Jun 8, 2007

I hit my punching bad a few hundred times. I keep going until the creative juices spark or I hurt my hand.

stormie · Jun 8, 2007

A shot of peppermint schnapps on ice. And a bar of dark chocolate. Works for me every time.

Twizzle · Jun 8, 2007

alcohol. chocolate. repeat.

do not delete those 30,000 words. you may love them tomorrow. today you just need to go to your happy place for a bit.

someone once told me that when you get anxious, and it starts to mess up your writing, stop and go do something else creative. take a break and paint, draw, sing, garden. something. you'll rejuvenate. you may even end up inspired. and if that doesn't work-- eat. drink. repeat.

reenkam · Jun 8, 2007

I've found that reading posts on the Goals and Accomplishments page is a huge energy booster. I guess knowing that someone can do it gives hope?

zahra · Jun 8, 2007

I'm in a similar slump, and I'm a great believer in looking over positive comments made to you in rejection letters.

You can get so down that you forget them and concentrate only on the negative. I posted yesterday that I'd forgotten that although the British Film Council turned down my screenplay, they said I was welcome to re-submit it and asked to see anything else I had. I just remember feeling miserable about the rejection.

Also think about other ideas you have, and try to get that excitement back again. Then try and transfer that excitement to editing what you must.

Hope some of this helps.

Branwyn · Jun 8, 2007

All of the above. Salty and sweet work, too. Peanut butter cups!

When I get down and dejected I whine about it here. Everyone is so wonderful. Knowing you're not alone helps, so does doing something else creative.

I was ready to ditch my third ms. I felt so horrible that if someone substituted -fill in the blank with your favorite author's- writing I would have thought it sucked. A few weeks later, and it's not looking so bad after all. I know I'll rewrite it a few more times, but I'll just keep plugging along.

I know it wasn't Oscar Madison(Odd Couple), but I remember his character saying this quote, "I hate to write, but love having written." I don't recall who he was quoting. That about sums it up for me.

Kudos on having your full requested!

Never Give Up~ Never Surrender!

FloVoyager · Jun 10, 2007

Sorry about the rejection. They sting. I know. But at the rate of 1 full request to 8 queries (as in your sig today), I'd say you're doing something right. Keep at it.

Rejection anxiety? Take a short break if you need to--chocolate is always good--but then get back to writing. And write for yourself first.

What do you do to clear your mind of rejection anxiety?

reenkam

aka cupcake

CaroGirl

Living the dream

Calla Lily

On hiatus

joyce

I'm really shy...

davids

reenkam

aka cupcake

johnzakour

Dangerous with a Keyboard

stormie

storm central

Twizzle

Cluck that.

reenkam

aka cupcake

zahra

Was Zahra; lost profile - REBORN!

Branwyn

Print release:Sept.1,'09

FloVoyager

Will write for chocolate