Delta's new flight class system, AKA how to turn a 3 hour trip into a psychology experiment

Perks · Dec 11, 2014

One of the hallmarks of 21st century Western culture is the concept of choice. We can tailor so many details of our lives to suit our most minor preferences, so that we may assert and trumpet our individuality right down to the color of every frame and font within our clickable reach.

And this is great, when it's not feeding narcissism and distorting the importance of our most minor likes and dislikes to the point we're confused about how much getting from Atlanta to Cleveland should feel like a spa day.

To that end, Delta is rolling out a five-tier class system for flying their airline. Oh the choices! The most notable of the changes being Tumi skin care kits and Westin bedding in the new premier class, Delta One, which actually makes First Class the second best (or first worst, if you're keeping score) choice for your discriminating tastes. On the other end of the spectrum are the enhanced risks and penalties if you've got neither the money nor the sense of self-worth to live a little at 30,000 feet - namely, if you book that cheap-ass seat (at probably at least $300 anyway) you couldn't upgrade even if you won the lottery on your way to the airport. And if you miss your flight or your travel plans change? Sucks to be you. No credit for unused tickets and no standby.

So, how are you going to fly? What are you willing to pay for to end up in the same place as everyone else in a few hours?

Devil Ledbetter · Dec 11, 2014

I'm not sure it's possible to make coach class any worse than it already is, but if anyone is up to the task, it's Delta.

We usually fly Delta for work (mainly because our small local airport offers little else, so it's Delta or haul your ass 2+ hours down to Detroit Metro), and though none of us bother with Sky Team, whenever they announce boarding for Sky Team members, we bump fists and say SKY TEAM!

I scored big in October when Delta lost my luggage (temporarily) and gave me a toiletries kit with an honest to gosh Sky Team t-shirt in it.

Xelebes · Dec 11, 2014

Will they be offering medical experiments?

Diana Hignutt · Dec 11, 2014

Xelebes said:
Will they be offering medical experiments?

That should drop the cost of a trip from NYC to LA down to about $38...plus luggage fees, of course...

Xelebes · Dec 11, 2014

Mm, I'm sure they have done the numbers. It only drops the ticket price by $38.

heza · Dec 11, 2014

I have some physical health issues that make traveling difficult. Even if I was strapped for cash, I'd probably upgrade to the Comfort+ (the top-tier economy class) for the extra 4-inches of leg room on short flights. If the seating was the same for the two first-class options, I'd have said the perks weren't worth it to me (why do I need a skincare kit?) to upgrade, but since the seats fold out into a bed, I'd likely try to save up to splurge on the Delta One. But for me, it's all about the room and not about the other frills. (I usually bring my own food on the plane, anyway and I don't like wine pairings because I can't drink reds.) ...also, I'm not sure I've ever flown Delta, so probably a moot point.

Xelebes · Dec 11, 2014

heza said:
(why do I need a skincare kit?)

The rashes.

Perks · Dec 11, 2014

I like that the comfort plus buys you "the new quilted seat covers" with your upgrade - the only economy class option that gives you that. It really lends that strong visual demarcation between the last Comfort+ row and the slums.

heza · Dec 11, 2014

Xelebes said:
The rashes.

I'm pretty sure rashes are only included with the secret "First Main Delta One+" class.

Xelebes · Dec 11, 2014

Am I thinking of the burns then?

clintl · Dec 11, 2014

Devil Ledbetter said:
I'm not sure it's possible to make coach class any worse than it already is, but if anyone is up to the task, it's Delta.

I'm sure if they hired those consultants the CIA used, they could come up with some good ideas.

heza · Dec 11, 2014

Xelebes said:
Am I thinking of the burns then?

Probably. Those come standard.

Devil Ledbetter · Dec 11, 2014

Perks said:
I like that the comfort plus buys you "the new quilted seat covers" with your upgrade - the only economy class option that gives you that. It really lends that strong visual demarcation between the last Comfort+ row and the slums.

So, quilted like Northern bath tissue? My, how luxurious!

Marlys · Dec 11, 2014

We flew Delta last month from the US to Amsterdam, and they served us the worst airline food I've ever had the misfortune to place into my mouth. They've pretty much already done away with selecting your own seat anyway--and they aren't the only airline that has. Oh, you might have the option to go online and believe you're selecting your seat when you buy it, so that, like, you and your husband can sit together. But when the boarding passes get printed, you're seated miles apart.

An attendant on a flight from Austin (don't recall if this was Delta or American) confirmed to the passengers that they'll only honor seat assignments if you book through the airline website. If you go through Expedia or another booking site, they won't pay any attention to your seat selection--I suspect, from the number of families they split on that flight (including a father and his toddler!) that they actually make it a policy to split those people up.

Flying didn't used to suck this much. Did it?

patskywriter · Dec 11, 2014

I didn't even know that Delta was still in business. Still, as a person who started taking public transportation when I was a toddler, I don't see why I'd want to pay through the nose for frills when traveling to Washington DC, Georgia, or Chicago (the only places I'm likely to visit these days).

Gravity · Dec 11, 2014

Cincinnati has been a Delta hub for donkey's years, and for all those years Delta's been playing that thing like a Wurlitzer (it's no wonder our airport has been voted the most expensive in the USA to fly out of ... and I know I ended that sentence with a preposition; bite me).

That said, it doesn't shock me a whit they've come up with such an in-your-face ploy to separate the Eloi from the Morlocks.

Devil Ledbetter · Dec 11, 2014

Every time I fly Delta, which is often, I fly coach class. As I walk through first class I see that their seats are slightly wider and they get their bag o' peanuts thrown at them earlier ... and other than that, meh, yawn. you turkeys paid how much more for a slightly wider seats?

There is nothing about first class that would make me willing to spend hundreds more. You're still just another chump on a glorified flying bus.

Gravity · Dec 11, 2014

Or as the old joke goes, a cannibal child looks up and for the first time in his life he sees a plane flying overhead. He points. "Papa! What is that?" His father smiles. "They're like lobsters, son; you only eat what's inside."

MaryMumsy · Dec 11, 2014

I would love to read an announcement from an airline that said: we are reducing the number of seats by one third, you will have more butt room and leg room, you get two free checked bags, and, oh by the way, we are doubling the fares on the flights using those planes. They would be my airline forever. I remember when air travel was pleasant, comfortable, and civilized. Now it is more akin to going by bus, just faster.

MM

Gravity · Dec 11, 2014

That may not be far from the truth, MM. I had to fly Delta about three weeks ago, and once we reached cruising altitude my seatmate--a comely young woman--put her head against the window and promptly fell asleep.

Within two minutes of conking out she started releasing a silent but noisome flatulence attack that had passengers two rows back complaining about the stench. Me, I felt like a French soldier being gassed at the Somme.

Not endemic to Delta, of course, but "bus-like" nonetheless.

Roxxsmom · Dec 11, 2014

Xelebes said:
Will they be offering medical experiments?

I'm just waiting for them eliminate restrooms completely from economy class and instead (for a 20 dollar fee) offer a depends undergarment and a can of air freshener at check in.

Xelebes · Dec 11, 2014

Roxxsmom said:
I'm just waiting for them eliminate restrooms completely from economy class and instead (for a 20 dollar fee) offer a depends undergarment at check in.

Nice. You can fit 30 more seats once you get rid of that pesky bathroom.

CassandraW · Dec 12, 2014

Devil Ledbetter said:
Every time I fly Delta, which is often, I fly coach class. As I walk through first class I see that their seats are slightly wider and they get their bag o' peanuts thrown at them earlier ... and other than that, meh, yawn. you turkeys paid how much more for a slightly wider seats?

There is nothing about first class that would make me willing to spend hundreds more. You're still just another chump on a glorified flying bus.

Yeah, I'm with you. Even when I flew to Australia and Asia for pleasure, I still couldn't imagine paying so much extra for what is a pretty short-term experience.

The only times I've felt like being in business/first class was worth the markup was when I was flying an international overnight flight to Europe, and expected to go straight to a day's worth of meetings as soon as I got there.

veinglory · Dec 12, 2014

I just did a 19 hour journey in economy class and if you are healthy and pragmatic in nature it's just fine. Padded reclining seat, on demand movies, on demand snacks, two meals with a choice of wine. There were three other classes of seating on the plane and if people want to use them it sure doesn't offend me. I just have better things to do with the money than get a footrest and a cloth napkin.

Don · Dec 13, 2014

MaryMumsy said:
I would love to read an announcement from an airline that said: we are reducing the number of seats by one third, you will have more butt room and leg room, you get two free checked bags, and, oh by the way, we are doubling the fares on the flights using those planes. They would be my airline forever. I remember when air travel was pleasant, comfortable, and civilized. Now it is more akin to going by bus, just faster.

MM

Yeah, we should definitely go back to the C.A.B. days when flying was so expensive and snooty that only men in three-piece suits and women in cocktail dresses ever climbed the stairs. The hoi-polloi just stink up the airplane with their farts, after all. Poor people should stick to the bus, like god intended. Things were so much more civilized back in the day when FedGov set the transportation rates. Now just look at all the middle-classers screwing up not only the airlines, but numerous island destinations and, in reality, the whole cruise-line industry to boot! What the hell was I thinking when I worked so hard on the Airline Deregulation Act and celebrated when Jimmy Carter signed it into law!

The average passenger may be Spam in a Can these days, but at least the average passenger can afford to get where they want to go. Coach carried me to many places I would never have seen even a generation or two ago.

And in an era you can get 38 flavors of ice-cream at one stop or dozens of different coffees at another, it's plain that people should have only two choices when it comes to airline service... or politicians.

Delta's new flight class system, AKA how to turn a 3 hour trip into a psychology experiment

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