Ask Jason and Derek...

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

So, here it is. Your BWQ all-access pass to the guy in Scotland and the guy in Macon anything you'd like. Well, almost anything. We're not talking about what either of us did with the Mazola Oil, the goat and the jumper cables on that cold night in Prague.

However, you may begin with your BWQ questions ... now. No. Wait!

BONUS: Sometimes were both here. But since we're five hours apart, you'll probably always have at leat one of us handy).

OK. Ready? Go!

dpaterso · Apr 18, 2008

"Q: Hey Derek, do you know what the hell you're talking about?"

A: No!

Next question!

You're a wicked man, Mr. Tudor.

-Derek

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

Derek, I don't think anyone's buying it yet. We'll give them a little time ...

Calla Lily · Apr 18, 2008

Hey guys: Why do men enjoy public belching so much, and what the bast way to write "Brrrrrap!" in a scene? :tongue

wrinkles · Apr 18, 2008

You seem to be good friends. Have you ever met? Is there an international moderator convention that all mods attend?

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

callalily61 said:
Hey guys: Why do men enjoy public belching so much, and what the bast way to write "Brrrrrap!" in a scene?

Men enjoy belching in public because we're pack creatures and it helps demonstrate both our virility and strength. Also, the louder we get, the better the chance we have in attracting women who like to belch in public (this is especially prevelant in the rust belt and the Buffalo, NY, region.

)

As to the scene, I would describe the burp in detail, especially if it's pertinent to the story. Otherwise, "he belched" would probably suffice. I'd bet your writing the book Jane Austen could never finish -- Sense and Burpabilities?

Derek, embellish! And we're off and running!

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

wrinkles said:
You seem to be good friends. Have you ever met?

Perhaps in our past lives. I was an apple. Derek was an arrow.

wrinkles said:
Is there an international moderator convention that all mods attend?

Only if they are punished ...

Sophia · Apr 18, 2008

I'd ask a writing question, but Derek's avatar is distracting me. It looks like one part of an equation: Four zombie Benetton tribbles, divided by... what? And what does it equal? I must know!

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

ElaraSophia said:
I'd ask a writing question, but Derek's avatar is distracting me. It looks like one part of an equation: Four zombie Benetton tribbles, divided by... what? And what does it equal? I must know!

The tribbles thing happened while I was out of the country. Perhaps my co-host can enlighten us. However, if it starts meandering toward the goat story, I'm disappearing.

dpaterso · Apr 18, 2008

One of the great French philosophers, Jean-Prat DuClott, wrote "L'homme c'est ne seul si il belché" ("Man is never alone when he belches") which statement is recognized as a turning-point in European literature. Belching is very much part of the male psyche. As well as making space for more beer by releasing vast quantities of marsh gas (which in caveman days would have been ignited to flash-cook meat), the belch sound wave resonates at a particular frequency that causes female stomach muscles to vibrate in a stimulating manner. Western visitors to Kyoto at the turn of the 20th Century reported that certain Japanese belch-do sensei could cause a woman to drop her shopping at distances greater than 100 paces.

Moderators put on their 3D visors and tactile gloves and meet online in a virtual bordello every Friday night. Jase's sagicity is a noted fact, but few know of his pole-dancing skills.

In a mad attempt to seize power and take over the board, our co-moderator Rolling Thunder used his secret access handshake to change several members' avatars to cuddly lemmings, thus currying support for his coup. Many have gone over to the dark side but I have held firm.

-Derek

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

dpaterso said:
Jase's sagicity ...

Two rep points to anyone who can post the definition here and tell me what the hell this means.

I think he's saying I need to work out more and tighten some stuff up, but, I'm a little naive ...

Sarita · Apr 18, 2008

I think he means sagacity. Either that, or he's telling you you're sagging. Not sure...

Calla Lily · Apr 18, 2008

As a lifelong resident of said Rust Belt, alas, I have to agree.

Although I will point out that the DH manfully refriained from such pack behavior during our engagement. Then we got married and attended sporting events together (Bills games, anyone?) and he bonded with the pack.

Derek, you can dress it up in that fancified furriner talk, but the language of the belch is universal, calling men from the four winds in the same way a shoe sale magically draws women to gather at the Window of Worship.

I presune there's a signal that occurs out of the normal hearing registers, much like the scholocation used by bats.

I thank you, gentlemen. Beers in the fridge. Help yourself.

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

callalily61 said:
I thank you, gentlemen. Beers in the fridge. Help yourself.

See this, Derek? Two years here and we have to get our first beers from a member. We need to speak to the shop foreman about this. You'd think there'd be a cooler in the Super-Secret "Grammar is Better than all of the Lance Bass Quotes in the World" Scottish and from-California moderators' room. But, nooooooo ...

dpaterso · Apr 18, 2008

I knew I shouldn't have let the pole dancing thing out of the bag.

sagacious adj. showing insight or good judgement. sagacity n. [Latin sagax -acis]

-Derek

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

Saritams8 said:
.... or he's telling you you're sagging. Not sure...

Either way, I like that he's coming on to me 10 posts in. Should make this thread lively and entertaining as well as educational.

[drops for push ups]

Sophia · Apr 18, 2008

dpaterso said:
I knew I shouldn't have let the pole dancing thing out of the bag.

sagacious adj. showing insight or good judgement. sagacity n. [Latin sagax -acis]

-Derek

Yeah, nice try, but too late, I'm afraid! My informant tells me the virtual bordellos of the secret mod metropolis of Sagicity may get some unwanted masked visitors tonight. Have that button primed that turns the place into a tea room!

dpaterso said:
few know of his pole-dancing skills.

Many have gone over to the dark side but I have held firm.
-Derek

Hur, hur. (nudge nudge)

Haggis · Apr 18, 2008

I have a question for the Caledonian fellow.

Is it true that there are several species of lemmings?

dpaterso · Apr 18, 2008

ElaraSophia said:
Yeah, nice try, but too late, I'm afraid! My informant tells me the virtual bordellos of the secret mod metropolis of Sagicity may get some unwanted masked visitors tonight. Have that button primed that turns the place into a tea room!

Why do I get the feeling a Jessica Alba dance clip might fit nicely here?

Haggis said:
I have a question for the Caledonian fellow.

Is it true that there are several species of lemmings?

I've honestly no idea, I don't think I've ever eaten any. Here in the wilds of Scotland we hunt pheasant and haggis, the latter are particularly tricky to catch because their left legs are shorter than their right legs so they can stand perfectly balanced on nearly vertical mountainsides.

-Derek

Haggis · Apr 18, 2008

dpaterso said:
I've honestly no idea, I don't think I've ever eaten any. Here in the wilds of Scotland we hunt pheasant and haggis, the latter are particularly tricky to catch because their left legs are shorter than their right legs so they can stand perfectly balanced on nearly vertical mountainsides.

-Derek

I thought that was only in the males. The females are supposed to have a shorter left leg. Otherwise, how would they ever get together and make little haggises?

Calla Lily · Apr 18, 2008

They use Safe Sex, Haggis. Didn't your HS health teacher explain that to you?

The female haggises plant their eggs o the first day the heather blooms, Then the male haggises... well... fertilize the little darlings. (This is a family forum, so I'll gloss over the details.) Then, just when the heather goes to seed, the little haggises arrive. The daddy haggis then makes comfy nests for the baby haggises, and the female camouflages the babies to Man won't hunt them before they can defend themselves.

Through natural selection, only the haggises with the most uneven legs have survived, thus ensuring their balance--and nature's balance--on the mountains.

Oh, it's late... I need to stop now.

dolores haze · Apr 18, 2008

I thought the female haggis ate the male haggis with broon sauce after the completion of the mating ritual. But what do I know - I'm a sassenach.

BlueLucario · Apr 18, 2008

Remember you said I can ask anything.

Q: Can I have a hug?

jst5150 · Apr 18, 2008

BlueLucario said:
Q: Can I have a hug?

A: You may. Step up into my embracing arms.

Dawno · Apr 18, 2008

Would it be out of line to ask, yanno, a basic writing question?

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