Why do we segregate ourselves?

Hey, Jo, I know what you mean. When hubby and I got married, we joined a small group based around marriage. We were newlyweds, but everyone else had been married for decades. They're all obviously older than me (hubby is too) and I feel like I learned a ton about marriage, life, and God from them during the years that group met. Bonus, we're still close to them all.

So that's based on marriage, but you get the point. Also, we used to have a group called "29 Again". It was really for all age groups, families, singles, etc, and we went bowling together, to movies, etc. Just fun.

Our women's small group is a wonderful mix of ages and marital status(es?).

Is there something like that you can join? Surely they have small groups somewhere around you that would appeal!

Jo, this is not a church phenomenon but is rooted in our anthropology--at least in the USA. Much of it is so subtle as to escape notice. E.g. married couples often find their unmarried friends dropping off the radar after six months or a year. The married folks find their companionship with other married people. In case you're wondering, it's the sex, or more to the point its sanctioned availability, that separates them.
Adults have sex all the time but the sex that society smile upon is somehow special. Notice I said society not God here. It's anthropology not religion I refer to.

Age in our society is a great separator too. Unlike our Asian and Native American cousins, youngsters in general aren't included in adult life. We go to great lengths to shift our kids off to consecutive rounds of morning Karate, followed by afternoon soccer (in the 70s and 80s it was tennis) or golf. In winter we carpool our boys and girls to ski lifts or skating rinks for hours upon hours of hard play. Then it's back home to catch up on school work.

I live in a small hamlet. I live on a street where we have six children under the age if five. There are four teen age boys (13-15). I never see them out in the yard. I never see the boys in the company of their parents--ever! I say we have because I believe we all have a part in the care of our children. If said that to any of my neighbors I'd be regarded as someone to watch. I grew up in a time where, in summer we went to bed with a hook and eye latch to secure the screen door. The latch was there not to stop intrudes but to keep the door from blowing open in case there was a strong breeze.

Who decides this separation, this separation by age, gender, race, or even sexual orientation (the local Presbyterian church has a service for GLBT teens and young adults)? It's adults who decide this, not youngsters. Who wears their kids out with incessant activity? Adults. I look at the kids all dressed up in sport uniforms buying power beverages in the mini-marts. And you know what? They look tired.

There are three large churches nearby and I see far more kids on the playing fields than I do coming out of church with their parents, and I can assure you there are absolutely none without parents.

How many times have you heard,"I can't wait for school to start again!" Why?

Well, Jo this is in part (a very small part) of why we are the way we are.
The thing is we have the power to change it. Who says you have join a group? Start one of your own. Include everyone--youngsters especially.

It all starts and ends with adults. The saying that "the hand that rocks the cradle", is no lie.
C

I have a slightly different take on this. As citimouse says, by nature, humans tend to segregate. We seek those who are like us, thus forming communities large and small. However, in regards to churches, I see things a little differently. With congregations dwindling, churches have tried to modernize their thinking. They form singles groups in an effort to entice the lonely unmarrieds whose goal is to meet that perfect someone. They form senior groups, again appealing to the lonely who feel they might find a friend. Married groups, especially those with children, are seeking families that share the same beliefs, tryingto foster friendships for their children that lack the worldly associations. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. But what happens when the church tries to become just another organization like say the Ruritan Club is that spiritual education seems to go by the wayside. Churches have diluted thier purpose in order to fill the pews. If you're interested in real spiritual education, you should speak to your minister and ask if their are any integrated Bible study groups. I used to host one in my home. Four-six women showed up regularly and they all varied in age. It's in those less church-sponsored and more people-sponsored situations that I've had my greatest learning experiences.

Appalachian Writer wrote:

Churches have diluted thier purpose in order to fill the pews.

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Amen to that. It is a sad situation.

Sincerely,
Gehanna

You aren't obligated to attend the classes for your age group, I think it's just a reference.

At least that's how it works where I live.

I think the suggestion of asking the minister (or the staff at the church) is a good one. Also, check and see if they have a bulletin board where things are posted. Check if you can post something on that board, if they do. You might have to start something yourself.

Don't limit yourself to just your church though. See if there's a local town-specific newspaper that has some local happenings. I know that the one that is specific for my town has stuff like that. It even has faith (and inter-faith) based events.

citymouse said:

Jo, this is not a church phenomenon but is rooted in our anthropology--at least in the USA. Much of it is so subtle as to escape notice. E.g. married couples often find their unmarried friends dropping off the radar after six months or a year. of their parents--ever! I say we have because I believe we all have a part look at the kids all dressed up in sport uniforms buying power beverages in the mini-marts. And you know what? They look tired.

C

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I agree--and it reminds me of being in middle school and only feeling comfortable around people "like me." That's why all the girls called each other the night before they would actually wear a dress to school (instead of jeans.) I think it's a comfort thing.

I'm avoiding the philosophical reply and the anthropological too. I think it's just a way of dividing a large group into smaller groups, with the assumption that since you'll all have something in common, you'll all like one another.

I agree with earlier advice. If you dislike the segregation, join a Beth Moore group or a similar study group outside the church. My mother in law attends a Bible study with young married women in her neighborhood. She's nearly 90, and the girls just adore her. And her wonderful recipes!