YELLING DIALOGUE when there's a lot of background noise!

underthecity · Apr 6, 2008

What is the best way to write dialogue in a scene where there is a lot of background noise?

I've added a scene that takes place in a bar. There's a band playing, and now the characters have to YELL at each other to be heard over the music (at least until I've moved them to a quieter place near the back).

In my first draft I had exclamation points after every line with a "she yelled" thrown in here and there. But you're not supposed to overuse exclamation points so I cut almost all of them out.

Now it looks as though the characters are just talking like normal, even though there's a band playing (Aerosmith's Sweet Emotion in case you're wondering) and it's ear-splittingly loud.

I've been in noisy bars before where I've had to yell at the bartender to be heard, as I would expect most readers to have experienced themselves. The fact is, you just can't talk in a normal tone in a noisy bar.

How do you write it?

allen

mscelina · Apr 6, 2008

I find that the words, "What?" "Huh?" "I couldn't hear that." "What did you say?" interspersed with occasional exclamatory statements usually suffices.

In a first draft, I would just write out the exclamation point-riddled dialogue. Don't worry so much about the technical stuff-just get the story out.

ChaosTitan · Apr 6, 2008

As a reader, if you establish quickly that it's a noisy bar and that the characters are shouting (something most of us have probably experienced), you don't have to constantly remind us of the fact. One or two of these:

She had to yell to be heard over the ruckus around her. "Hey, Evan, stop oggling her ass."

"Get over it, I'm a free agent," he replied, one hand cupped to the side of his mouth.

Pretty much establishes the context. Too many exclamation points, followed by too many "he/she shouted/yelled/hollared" is going to get annoying to read.

Sage · Apr 6, 2008

I agree with Chaos. Once you establish the scene, the reader will imagine it naturally. If the situation changes (the band stops playing and suddenly they don't have to talk as loudly, for example), you just let the audience know and go from there

SpookyWriter · Apr 6, 2008

Complain to the manager.

Jenan Mac · Apr 6, 2008

I'd go with ChaosTitan's suggestion. Plus, you can play with it a bit:

She had to yell to be heard over the ruckus around her. "Hey, Evan, stop oggling her ass."

"Get over it, I'm a free agent," he replied, one hand cupped to the side of his mouth.

"As if anybody would pick up your contract," she replied, knowing he couldn't hear her.

"What?"

She patted his cheek. "I said there are tons of girls who'd want to pick up your contract. But the redhead's gay."

treehugger · Apr 6, 2008

Or do something really simply like, "They had to yell to hear each other over the music." And then continue as normal.

I agree that by setting the scene as a noisy bar, you shouldn't have to use a lot of exclamation points or words like "yelled" "hollered" "shouted" etc.

Phaeal · Apr 6, 2008

treehugger said:
Or do something really simply like, "They had to yell to hear each other over the music." And then continue as normal.

This does it for me. :e2headban

Gillhoughly · Apr 7, 2008

Establish as advised above. Dialogue will have to be simple, fewest words possible.

If you want subtle nuances of speech, then the characters have to take the conversation outside, because that's what people do when they really need to talk undistracted. If they're into a serious conversation under such conditions most readers won't buy it.

BlueLucario · Apr 7, 2008

SpookyWriter said:
Complain to the manager.

LOL!

Yeah, try using exclamation marks for like a few lines, not on every single quote. And used said after a while. The reader should already have an idea that your characters are yelling.

maestrowork · Apr 7, 2008

Once you set up the scene, and have the characters yell to each other, the readers will understand. No need for exclamation point, etc. Just a normal dialogue will do. You may add an occasional "What did you say?" or "Can you repeat it?" or something to give it some realism. But we all have been to noisy places. Once you set the scene, just let the readers' imagination take over.

Actually I would even go to the extreme and say "don't use an exclamation point" unless the character really is exclaiming.

Also, in a noisy, crowded place, people are not going to have long, drawn-out conversations. Mostly it'll be short, punctuated, and to the point, and eventually people will say something like "let's get out of here so we can talk."

MelodyO · Apr 7, 2008

I'm curious to know if the same holds true for a vicious argument. If your characters are screaming things like "I'd rather be dead than with you!", how can you avoid a bunch of exclamation points? Or in that case would the reader expect and accept them rather than be annoyed?

Interesting question, Underthecity.

Seaclusion2 · Apr 7, 2008

MelodyO,

In a vicious argument the exclamation point denotes the tone of the remark rather than the volume. In the bar conversation, unless they are having a heated argument, an exclamation point would send the wrong message to the reader. Appropriate tag lines would convey the volume of the dialog. I also used all caps once to denote extreme rage, but don't really know if that's appropriate.

Richard

maestrowork · Apr 7, 2008

To me, exclamation point is not to be used for "volume." It should be used for... exclamation. Even if they're yelling at each other, not every sentence is an exclamation. "You suck" isn't an exclamation, but "What a fucking idiot" is. Still, littering your dialogue with exclamation points doesn't read too well. And try to avoid them in narrative, by all means.

underthecity · Apr 7, 2008

Thanks for all the comments. I've used two or three methods discussed here, and as I said, have cut most of the exclamation points. The "she yelled"s only appear two or three times, and at one point the music drowns out what a character says.

The whole scene turned out pretty awesome.

allen

Perle_Rare · Apr 7, 2008

You might also want to have one of your characters misunderstand what the other has said. Depending on the scene, you could turn this into a funny moment or, alternatively, more character development.

And I second Gilhoughly's comment. Short sentences. In a noisy bar, I tend to keep things simple and short. Extra verbiage is too difficult to understand and I hate yelling so repeating myself in a loud environment is just not my idea of fun.

hammerklavier · Apr 7, 2008

I can't hear you! Don't fire the gun while you're talking!

maestrowork · Apr 7, 2008

What? Don fried the nun? What did you just say?

chevbrock · Apr 8, 2008

HOW ABOUT USING CAPITALS LIKE YOU WOULD IF YOU WANTED TO YELL AT SOMEONE OVER THE INTERNET?

underthecity · Apr 8, 2008

OH, I THOUGHT ABOUT WRITING THE WHOLE SCENE THAT WAY! but I didn't.

allen

YELLING DIALOGUE when there's a lot of background noise!

underthecity

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mscelina

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ChaosTitan

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Sage

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SpookyWriter

Jenan Mac

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treehugger

Phaeal

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Gillhoughly

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BlueLucario

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maestrowork

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MelodyO

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Seaclusion2

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maestrowork

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underthecity

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Perle_Rare

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hammerklavier

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maestrowork

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chevbrock

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