My mom needs prayer -- she may be dying

[Plot Device]

Hi guys,

I have been caring for my mom for two years now and the past two months she has really gone down hill.

I have been screaming to my brothers for these two years that she needs to go into assisted living, and only NOW are they starting to take me seriously. But as of this week, I'm starting to think it's too late.

Twenty years ago, I responded to a family request to temporarilly move out of my family's house and go to stay with another relative to help them with the growing burden of caring for my grandmother (my mom's mom). I did so for the two months prior to that grandmpther's eventual death. The upshot of that ordeal was that by moving in with that other relative, I wound up getting saved.

Meanwhile, all these years later, I am right now seeing some of the same signs in my mother as what I saw in Gramma right before she passed away. The past two weeks has been a severe decline in so many of her abilities and even desires to function. Even her willinglness to bathe and eat has practically shut down. She's lost so much weight from not eating. And if she doesn't eat, she doesn't take her pills. I make food for her, and an hour later I go back to check on her, and MAYBE she took one bite, and the pills did not get taken at all. For the past week I have been constantly in the bathroom, wordlessly cleaning up attrocious messes she has been leaving behind all over the toilet and the floor. She hasn't been doing her nails, so yesterday I spent an hour clipping them and filing them so she she could use her hands again.

I'm getting up the nerve right now to call my brother in Ohio and tell him that in my opinion she will not make it to see the month of May. But I kinda doubt he's going to believe me. (My aunt said that in her estimation, since I'm the baby of the family none of my other siblings are ever inclined to believe me about anything. Sibling hierarchy sucks!)

What's killing me the most is seeing my mother just shut down and give up on everything.

She has a CAT scan scheduled for this Friday, and so I have to go and get the prep medicine right now. But I'm afraid she won't want to take any of it.



As for her salvation ... I don't know. My aunt is convinced my mother is not saved, so she has been calling others in her church to pray for my mom. But I'm a little more liberal in my view of how wide the grace of God can extend.

As for me, I have not been this stressed in years. And today I am barely functioning myself as I realize how rapid the deterioration has been even since this past Saturday.

[Sheryl Nantus]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

in my thoughts and prayers...

I have no doubt that the Lord will have a special place for your mother - let others think as they will, no one knows His Will.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Little Red Barn]

hugs (((Plot)))). so sorry...

[sassandgroove]

prayers and hugs to you and your mom, and guidence for your siblings.


ETA; I think Jenna is Foinah today, I think this is really Plot Device. God will know who needs prayer anywho.

[callalily61]

Praying for all of you.

[III]

<coming out of April Fool's mode for this one>

I'm praying for you, PD (but I'm using your real name in the prayer), and for your mother and brothers. I know this has been a very tough time for you with the house and your mom, etc. We're here for you and we care about you.

<goes back into AF mode to make trouble>

[stormie]

:Hug2: Prayers and hugs. I wish I could do more! And let us know how the CT turns out.

[DWSTXS]

Good thoughts and wishes to you and your mom

[Plot Device]

Update.

Doctor called back again today and said: "Go to the ER right now."

I said: "In my layman's TV-educated, half-assed understanding of medicine, I'm terrified at this point that she has cancer."

Doctor said: "That possibility is at the top of my concerns right now also."

So, after my brother fro Ohio calls back (any minute now) we're off to the ER.

[sassandgroove]

prayers are going with you.

[callalily61]

And more from here.

[Inspiewriter]

Adding my prayers to the list.

We just put my grandmother into assisted living, she's 91 and healthier than anyone in the family except for the dementia. So she can't live alone. It's a tough decision.

Also sending warm fuzzy thoughts.

[Cranky]

I'll be praying for you and your mom, PD.

[triceretops]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Tri

[Jenny]

Prayers for your mom, you and your family. Take care of yourself (and don't drink too much bad hospital coffee;))

[Unique]

My aunt is convinced ...


and thankfully - it's not up to her. She may be right but there is an equal chance she is mistaken.

Take heart. God knows a person's :heart:heart:heart: and it's not up to us; (good thing, too, if ya ask me...)

PM me if you'd like to talk.

Prayers said on mom's behalf - and yours as well. ((hugs))

[windyrdg]

Praying for you. I know how hard it can be to lose a parent. Put your mom in God's hands...that's where she's always been anyway. If you've never had any contact with them, it may still not be too late to bring in Hospice. They'll care for your mom, but they will also care for the caregiver.

I pushed and pushed to get my late brother-in-law to call them. (He'd been fighting cancer for a long time.) The Hospice doctor looked at his tests and charts and told his wife that he probably had a week. He died six days later. She's since told me how difficult it would have been not to have those last few days to say everything that needed to be said. I've been a volunteer with them for three years and never met a more caring group of people.

As we approach death we naturally sever ties with this world in preparation to crossing over. Don't let this behavior bother you. It's natural and expected. You've gone above and beyond.

[Appalachian Writer]

You certainly have my prayers, not just for your mother but for yourself. I cared for my late husband, a victim of MS. After my daughter's death, the MS won the battle that had been raging for almost thrity years. He lost the will to go on and finally went to sleep. I know what YOU'RE going through, and so I extend your wish for prayers to you and those who you love, mother and brothers included. If she must rest now, let it be peacefully.

[ALLWritety]

Hi PD

Am praying for you and your family. I have lost both parents when i was young and before i was saved. My dad died of cancer so i understand somewhat of what you are going through.

Kev

[JennaGlatzer]

Prayers from me, too, PD. I'm sorry this has been so stressful.

[mscelina]

Me as well, PD. Let us know what happened after you got to the hospital.

Major hugs and love all around. Gods go with you.

[Susie]

I'm so sorry, Plot. Prayers and good vibes sent your way. My heart goes out to you.

[AOC]

Lots of prayers and hugs to you and your mom. I hope she gets better.

[HeronW]

PD, my mom's 89, in hospice care, with various health problems though her mind is still active. Often she says she wants to go and I'm making an uneasy peace with her wishes. Our bodies are not meant to last forever, but the love that we have shared does. Let your mom's last time be in comfort and painless. My thoughts are with you.

[heyjude]

Prayers sent, Plot Device. I'll be thinking about you.

[writin52]

((((Hugs, PD))))) I have some idea of what you are going through as my mother may also be dying. The tests have not come back, but she is so weak and must be assisted to do even everyday tasks. She has had no desire to eat for sometime. Tell your brothers that if they don't believe you concerning your mother's health they should come help you for awhile and see for themselves. Fortunately, in my case, my sibs including my brothers have rallied as they always do at such times. As to your mother and her relationship with God, no one knows what it is except the two of them. I believe you can never underestimate God's willingness to forgive.

[C.bronco]

I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Plot Device]

We spent six hours in the ER and after tests and a CT-scan, they determined there is no cancer. Instead she has severe colitis, it's very infected, and she's has lost so much blood she was on the verge of needing a transfusion. So they admitted her to the hosipital at 3:00 AM.

I got home this morning at 3:30.

She has been bleeding a lot and yet she kept insisting it was just hemeroids. But I kept telling her for the past month that I thought otherwise. Last week at the doctor's, the doctor did NOT ask if she had been bleeding, so I spoke up and mentioned it. My mom again dismissed it as hemeroids. But when she and I were in the ER last night, she stood up off the bed with the help of a nurse and started pouring our a huge measure of fast-running blood. The nurse said the smell and color of the blood indicated a lot of pus was present, and the volume of blood suggested a fistula, so the nurse showed the doctor the bed sheets. The doctor started her on antibiotics, and when the CT-scan came back, he gave us the diagnosis of colitis.


My brothers are aware of all this. I don't know what will happen next but at least this isn't cacner.






Thank you to all who have prayed.





.

[Sheryl Nantus]

my two cents, FWIW - try to keep her in the hospital for as long as possible. Don't let them discharge her back to the house with a wish and a prayer that you'll be able to cope with it.

kick the family in the behind and tell them that it's time to stand up now or they'll regret it later.

and get some sleep - take care o'YOU, because no one else will.

;)

[Little Red Barn]

We spent six hours in the ER and after tests and a CT-scan, they determined there is no cancer. Instead she has severe colitis, it's very infected, and she's has lost so much blood she was on the verge of needing a transfusion. So they admitted her to the hosipital at 3:00 AM.

I got home this morning at 3:30.

She has been bleeding a lot and yet she kept insisting it was just hemeroids. But I kept telling her for the past month that I thought otherwise. Last week at the doctor's, the doctor did NOT ask if she had been bleeding, so I spoke up and mentioned it. My mom again dismissed it as hemeroids. But when she and I were in the ER last night, she stood up off the bed with the help of a nurse and started pouring our a huge measure of fast-running blood. The nurse said the smell and color of the blood indicated a lot of pus was present, and the volume of blood suggested a fistula, so the nurse showed the doctor the bed sheets. The doctor started her on antibiotics, and when the CT-scan came back, he gave us the diagnosis of colitis.


My brothers are aware of all this. I don't know what will happen next but at least this isn't cacner.






Thank you to all who have prayed.





.
In prayers and thoughts. I'm so relieved and I pray they don't release her yet. Try to rest.
hugs

[callalily61]

Glad it's not cancer and yes--I agree with Sheryl and kimmi: try to get them to keep her there for a little bit. Please take care of yourself too.

[III]

Still praying for you and your family PD. Take a walk outside and get some good rest.

[stormie]

Yes, I'm relieved for you and her it isn't cancer, but get a social worker or patient's rep at the hospital to help with any arrangements on her lenghth of stay there, or a physical rehab place even, since she lost so much blood and is weak.

Prayers still with you and your mom!

[Norman D Gutter]

PD:

Just now saw this. Prayers are going out.

NDG

[Sheryl Nantus]

Yes, I'm relieved for you and her it isn't cancer, but get a social worker or patient's rep at the hospital to help with any arrangements on her lenghth of stay there, or a physical rehab place even, since she lost so much blood and is weak.

let me echo this one yet again - there is usually a social worker who can help arrange either at-home help for the caregiver or at least help with the emotional stress of the situation. Take advantage of everything they can offer to help out - whether or not the rest of the family agrees. A social worker can also help you access home care supplies if you need them and at least answer questions.

and, if I may suggest - get in touch with the clergy for the hospital. They'll probably be stopping by anyway, but it may help you and your mother to chat a bit with someone who's a bit removed from the situation. Doesn't have to be a religious chat, but these people work in these types of situations all the time and know how to console and help everyone who's involved. Trust me, they'll not be harassing your mother on her religious beliefs as much as they'll be helping her deal with the situation and put her fears to rest.

those people surely have a special place in Heaven for the work they do.

[William Haskins]

my thoughts are with you and your mother, PD. may you find the strength to weather this.

[bluntforcetrauma]

My brothers are aware of all this. I don't know what will happen next but at least this isn't cacner.

Still praying, but this is encouraging news.

[Plot Device]

My brothers are now angry with me and are accusing me of being negligent toward my mother. This is now my worst nightmare.

[Inspiewriter]

My brothers are now angry with me and are accusing me of being negligent toward my mother. This is now my worst nightmare.



((((HUGS))))

[Sheryl Nantus]

My brothers are now angry with me and are accusing me of being negligent toward my mother. This is now my worst nightmare.

bah.

in a word - screw them. The doctors know that there's nothing negligent about your care and they're the ones that matter - and YOU know as well.

get a social worker in there pronto to help out - and don't you dare feel guilty for taking on the burden and letting them off scott-free. Odds are they're feeling guilty now and are taking it out on you.

[Ziljon]

I'm sorry you have to go through all this, Plot. If your brothers hassle you, send em over here and we'll set them straight.

[kellytijer]

prayers and hugs from me as well.

[How2writer]

My brothers are now angry with me and are accusing me of being negligent toward my mother.

Is this what they call projection? They are projecting onto you the feelings they have for themselves but can't accept. Don't accept the role of scapegoat.

You've been a responsible, loving, daughter. Any of us would be lucky to have you caring for us. Shrug off the guilt and get some rest.

[Death Wizard]

I know you're not Buddhist, but just for the sake of respectful discussion, here are some ways that Buddhists deal with the issue of severe illness and the potential of impending death. If this no longer applies to your mom's condition, then feel free to ignore it. I certainly mean this in the most respectful of fashions. This (paraphrased and edited slightly) from a Buddhist monk named Loden Jinpa:

1: Take time out to care for the dying person, make them feel that there is someone there to look after them, support them and listen. People need to feel that they are supported both before they die and after. So listen to them without judgement.
2: Stay focused on the positive and encourage the person to rejoice in their spiritual achievements, regardless of how much or little practice they did during their life. This will uplift the dying person's mind … regrets at this point are useless!
3: It is especially useful to encourage and support letting go when the actual time has come. It is of no benefit to the dying person to tell them they won’t die or to dismiss their feelings and words of letting go.
4: It is useful to arrange for the dying person (before they die) to give away their belongings, to make donations where they can, say goodbye to friends and to make funeral arrangements.
5: Help support faith, devotion and confidence by arranging the room with images of religious symbols, ministers, etc. Try to minimize the display of loved ones as this can promote attachment, clinging and in extreme cases upset to the dying person. Leaving a photo of a new grandchild, for example, won't help the dying person. Showing them photos that are requested is fine, but continual reminders of what they will not see again will only result in a depressed mind.
6: Practice prayer together.

[Pat~]

PD, I just now saw this. I'm so sorry, and am praying for you and your mom. Your brothers sound like a case of 'denial' to me--and her hospitalization has now shocked them into accepting her situation. And of course the comments they're now slinging your way are simply a projection of their own guilt, so try to blow it off it you can. (Yeah, you can thank my counselor for all this insight...). Seriously, hang in there. Hugs to you.

[Appalachian Writer]

We spent six hours in the ER and after tests and a CT-scan, they determined there is no cancer. Instead she has severe colitis, it's very infected, and she's has lost so much blood she was on the verge of needing a transfusion. So they admitted her to the hosipital at 3:00 AM.

I got home this morning at 3:30.

She has been bleeding a lot and yet she kept insisting it was just hemeroids. But I kept telling her for the past month that I thought otherwise. Last week at the doctor's, the doctor did NOT ask if she had been bleeding, so I spoke up and mentioned it. My mom again dismissed it as hemeroids. But when she and I were in the ER last night, she stood up off the bed with the help of a nurse and started pouring our a huge measure of fast-running blood. The nurse said the smell and color of the blood indicated a lot of pus was present, and the volume of blood suggested a fistula, so the nurse showed the doctor the bed sheets. The doctor started her on antibiotics, and when the CT-scan came back, he gave us the diagnosis of colitis.

My brothers are aware of all this. I don't know what will happen next but at least this isn't cacner.

Thank you to all who have prayed. .

I, too, am relieved it's not cancer, but it is serious. Take care. Get some rest. I'll pray for you this evening and every evening, for family unity in this troubled time, and for your mother's recovery.

[callalily61]

Prayers continuing, PD.

[Gehanna]

Hello Plot Device,

I am praying for you and your family. I realize the heartache that all of this is creating for you. I am sorry.

Sincerely,
Gehanna

[RumpleTumbler]

Will you give an update please?

[sassandgroove]

yes, how is she doing?

[Plot Device]

Hi Guys,

Okay. It turns out my brothers are not mad at me. They were just grumbling out loud on the phone with me by asking: "Why didn't you call the doctor? Why did you let this go on?" But it was one of those questions you ask in annoyance and frustration, and wasn't really meant to be an accusation. They assured me today that they undertsand I have been holding down the fort myself all this time and so they appreciate all I have done.

Meanwhile, my mother does NOT have to have surgery. Cancer was ruled out, but the doctors were concerned that maybe they needed to operate on her colon. So after two days in the hospital with no food and only ice chips, they finally said she can start eating broth and jello, and then they said she can go home tomorrow.

Unfortunately, she has several bed sores and has also grossly neglected her feet for almost a year now, so she needs podiatric care.

As a side comment, it turns out that poor foot health is a major problem for elderly in this country. They reach a point where they get so old and feeble and their eyesight gets so bad and the sensations in their feet grows so faint that they:

1) can't bend all the way over to clip their own nails anymore
2) can't feel either the itching of fungus or the pain of sores
3) can't always weild nail clippers with either the strength or the dexterity to clip safely or effectively
4) can't visually see their own toenails anymore to successfully spot any problems
5) almost never walk around in either bare feet or even sandals allowing others around them to notice any foot problems

Anyway, my oldest brother flew in last night with his family from Ohio. They visited Mom and sat down with me and worked out some priorities of what we need to do now. I explained to them that I have had to pick my battles very carefully with her, and my many months of insistence concerning her feet and concerning her bleeding has fallen on deaf ears. (Once again, she kept saying the bleeding was only hemerhoids, and said her feet were "fine" but I never even saw her feet until two days ago -- I haven't seen her naked feet in years!)

They assured me that they do not blame me but they do feel she is no longer capable of making proper decisions about her own health, so they will soon be getting a health care proxy and a durable power of attorney. Meanwhile, I have already spoken to an attorney about selling the house, and my brother spoke with that attorney on the phone with me today, and that attorney will also help with the POA. That attorney wants ME to be the POA because I am here while my brother is in Ohio.

Hopefully, we can get her on a waiting list for an assisted living facility before the first of May. And then get her INTO such a facility before the first of September.

Meanwhile, the hospital caseworker wants a nurse to make regular periodic visits to my mom to make sure she is keeping clean and that the bed sores heal. And we need a foot specialist to start making regular visits also to keep her nails trimmed and the foot fungus at bay.

Anyway, my mother is out of danger, she's coming home tomorrow, and my brothers are not at all angry with me.



So again, thanks to everyone here for all your prayers.




-

[Appalachian Writer]

Glad to hear the good news. Hope all goes well. I'll still keep you in my prayers. Prayers work.

[Inspiewriter]

So glad she's out of danger!!!!!

[callalily61]

Good news, indeed, PD. Will keep praying that she continues to improve and you get a break. :)

[stormie]

Yep, prayers work. I'm so glad things are working out. And having POA is really important.

[Sheryl Nantus]

that's excellent news!

glad to hear things are going well - it may take some time to get all the details worked out but I'm sure YOU'LL be better in the long run for all the hard work now.

:)

[heyjude]

Wonderful!

[Plot Device]

Hi again, guys ...

I haven't even haned out any rep pointes for this thread yet. But in the mean time my mom needs to go back in to the hospital now. The really aweful part is she needs to go through the ER again because there's no other way for her to get admitted. (I got off the phone with a nurse just now who said "Gone are the good old days where you could skip the ER and get right in.")

Please pray that we do NOT spend another 9 hours in that ER. Please pray that she just gets in to the ER right away and then from the ER gets admitted back into the regular hospital by 6:00 PM (it's 1:00 PM right now).

Thanks.

[C.bronco]

Best wishes. I hope you get right in.

[III]

Prayin for ya PD

[sassandgroove]

prayers sent.

[callalily61]

Praying.

[windyrdg]

Never stopped praying for you. Hope all goes well for you and your mom. Is your brother still there to offer support?

[Inspiewriter]

Still praying.

[Jenny]

Echo, Inspie -- still praying. You take care. I'm glad your family is pulling together instead of apart, and that you're developing a medical support network for your mom.
Being a carer can feel awfully isolating.

[Plot Device]

Hi again, guys.

We arrived at the ER at 2:00. It was a ghost town! We were admitted into the ER at about 5:30 and then they made the decision to admit her into the hospital by 6:15. She was in her hospital bed before 7:30.

Thank you all for praying.

[callalily61]

Glad she got admitted. Get some sleep, PD!

[William Haskins]

best wishes for you and your mom.

[stormie]

Yeah, ERs between 1 AM and 4AM are eeriely quiet. Usually. And driving at that time is just as quiet. Which, when upset or anxious, is nice. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom, PD.

[Susie]

That's wonderful your mom is on her way to recovery and is coming home.

[Inspiewriter]

Getting a bed in the hospital is quite an achievement all by itself!

Hugs and prayers.

[stormie]

Getting a bed in the hospital is quite an achievement all by itself!

Hugs and prayers.
I once drove up to the ER entrance, put on the hazard lights, grabbed a wheelchair, got my very ill mother into it, insisted she be seen right away, got her into triage, had them call her doctor (she had been operated on two weeks before), got her to the admitting office (bypassing those lovely curtained cubicles in ER), they found a room and bed, then I pushed her fast to another building, up the elevator, past the nurses station (while some stared gaped-mouth and others protested I had to stop), and into her room and onto her bed. There I grabbed an emesis basin and she promptly threw up.

Seriously, she was very ill at that time and I had had it with waiting for this and waiting for that. Most of the time I'm cooperative and calm. :D

P.D.--Now that I've finished my story, how is your mom doing now?

[sassandgroove]

YEs Plot Device, How is she?

Stormie, when i was only 16, my mom and I had gone to Raleigh to pick up my aunt at the airport. We had gone early to hit the malls, since Raleigh was a good 2 hours from our house. As soon as we got to Raliegh we stopped at a gas station and my mom slipped and broke her ankle. I didn't have any experience with emergencies, but I got her in the car, asked the gas station people how to get to the ER and took her there. I hadn't been to an ER so I didn't know what to expect but when they didn't respond right away I said in my 16 year old panic state "HELLO, MY MOM IS HURT OUT HERE!" That got some results. :) I ended up having to drive to the airport by myself. I got there just as my aunt was walking out of the skyway. "Mom's in the hospital, let's go!" We went back to the ER, watched my mom get a cast and my aunt drove us home. When i got home and mom was settled in the recliner I went in my room and cried. For the next 6 weeks she told anyone who would listen how well I took care of her.

[Cranky]

I want to ditto the above: How are you and your mom doing, PD? Still praying here...:)