Writing a character's thoughts

Williebee · Mar 28, 2008

OK, I know this must be in the forum some where. But trying to find it is making me nuts.

How would you write a character's thoughts?

In italics? without adding a "he thought" ?

"In quotes," he thought. ?

Does one way seem more obtrusive to you than the other?

More powerful or concrete a thought?

THANKS!

Axelle · Mar 28, 2008

I wouldn't use quotes, in any case. It would be too easy to mistake thoughts for real dialogues.
Italics does work, though most of the time I don't even bother. Normal police, with just "he thought" or some other synonym. And, anyway, if your POV is strong enough, you'll be telling the story through the character's eyes, so mostly everything you describe will be about what he thinks, IMO. For instance : "He looked at the annoying man." The man being annoying is only the character's opinion.

jodi henley · Mar 28, 2008

I find "he thought" and "she thought about it"--which then leads into the thought, to be very old school.

ever since Brockmann did her articles on deep pov (her name for deeply introspective pov) I see very little "he thought/she thought", and then only in newer writers or certain sub genres where it's an established...er, establishment?

this is a very good link

http://www.ntrwa.com/WT-DeepPOV-Platt.html

it's a how to article written by an interviewer explaining how Brockmann does it.

it's very close to a first person feel only done in third. Deleting all the thought tags to bring it in up close and personal.

z10 · Mar 28, 2008

dostoevsky is the master at this

giusti · Mar 28, 2008

I find this difficult too. The way I normally do this, is with no italics, no quotations, and no "he/she thoughts". I just leave it evident based on what the sentence is, that it is thoughts that are from this character. Such as:

He picked the vase up carefully. It was such a poorly-constructed piece. He knew full-well that no one was going to buy it, but nonetheless, it filled shelf-space.

But I have gotten a recent comment in the Share Your Work board, that this is rather intrusive (Which is why this thread caught my attention in the first place). So I am for the most part at a loss for what to do.

-giusti

Axelle · Mar 28, 2008

I just leave it evident based on what the sentence is, that it is thoughts that are from this character.

I do that a lot too, but one or two "he/she thought" here and there don't do any harm either. So long as it's not overkill.

Joycecwilliams · Mar 28, 2008

I always use italics. Here is an example

"Come in Trish. Something bothering you? It looks like you've been crying. "

Brenda's small frame moves away from the door, and sits in the big overstuffed chair near the window. I can never take her seriously when she sits there. She looks like Lily Thomlin playing Edith Ann.

"I want a divorce.” It comes out wrong and sounds like I'm ordering a bagel and coffee.

"Why? Last month you were adamant about making your marriage work."
"I know, but I'm tired. At times it feels like Owen and I are in a three-legged sack race and I am the only one using my legs. It's tiring and heavy."

padnar · Mar 28, 2008

I was advised to write about the character's thoughts
in Italics in this forum , so I am following it . Previously
i used to write quotes
padma

dpaterso · Mar 29, 2008

The advantage of using quotes instead of italics, for me anyway, is that lots of internal thought doesn't need underlined throughout the manuscript, which may become visually obtrusive. Gotta remember, we're talking about the written manuscript not the printed novel, you're not typing in italics. 'Course, unless it's a Sci-Fi novel with telepathy, I wouldn't use either. Staying within the MC's POV is a form of internal thought.

-Derek

Elodie-Caroline · Mar 29, 2008

I write a lot from inside of my characters heads; I very rarely write he/she thought, as I think their voices come over strongly and don't really need the tags, the readers would know who was doing the thinking. For myself, I also never use italics for thoughts, I hate reading italics in paperbacks, so refuse to write in them. I only ever use italics for emphasising one word...[FONT=&quot]‘She is the cat’s grandmother.'[/FONT]

Elodie

lkp · Mar 29, 2008

IMHO using italics or quotation marks is a sloppy way to write thoughts. You should be able to make it clear from context, maybe with the occasional "he thought" (though it does distance your writing) without formatting markers.

Joycecwilliams · Mar 29, 2008

padnar said:
I was advised to write about the character's thoughts
in Italics in this forum , so I am following it . Previously
i used to write quotes
padma

Yes, it is also recommended in grammer classes...

Phaeal · Mar 29, 2008

As some have said above, if you're writing in third person POV, deep penetration, you don't need to indicate when the character is thinking -- everything on the page is coming to the reader through his senses and thoughts, painted or skewed by his emotions and intellect.

All third person POV need not be deep penetration. There might be times when you don't want the reader in the POV character's thoughts, when you might want more distance from him or her. Examples: You don't want the reader knowing what the detective knows as he surveys a scene; you don't want to probe the mind of an antagonist and reveal all his wicked plans. In this case, the thought attribution problem wouldn't even come up.

First person POV, same as third person deep penetration. Anything thoughtful on the page is coming from the POV character, so no need to label it as such.

In omniscient POV, where the author-narrator is jumping from head to head in a single scene, I imagine that thought-attribution would be necessary: Indeed, gentle reader, Barry thought that Mary was quite the eyeful. Unfortunately Mary thought that Barry was strikingly like a slug.

I wouldn't use quotes to set off thought -- that could confuse them with speech. I would only use italics to set off an unusual sort of communication, like telepathy. It seems that telepathic conversation in italics has become conventional in SF; it's a trick that works well.

Bufty · Mar 29, 2008

.

giusti said:
I find this difficult too.

He picked the vase up carefully. There is no action to link the next sentence to the previous one as a thought of whoever 'he' is - it comes across as an opinion of the narrator. It was such a poorly-constructed piece. [He knew This is the intrusive part - it's you telling me that he is thinking] full-well that no one was going to buy it, but nonetheless, it filled shelf-space.

Click to expand...

Try - and this isn't perfect, but you should see the difference.

Jim lifted the vase and inspected it. A poorly-constructed piece. No one would wish to buy it, but nonetheless it filled shelf-space.

Click to expand...

But I have gotten a recent comment in the Share Your Work board, that this is rather intrusive (Which is why this thread caught my attention in the first place). So I am for the most part at a loss for what to do.

-giusti

DoctorShade · Mar 29, 2008

My book invovles a lot of thoughts that can be transmitted to someone else, so I always use italics to easily distingish. And I need to use tags because characters are exchanging thoughts.

Kid At <3 · Mar 29, 2008

Personally, I use italics when I write a character's thoughts. If you use quotes, readers might mistake it for a person talking.

jannawrites · Mar 29, 2008

I use italics to show thoughts, as well, occasionally (but not as a rule) I precede or follow it with, "I thought." If it turns out not to be appropriate, my future agent/editor/publisher can make the final call.

Dave.C.Robinson · Mar 29, 2008

I tend to use a mixture of italics and context cues depending on the thoughts.

Most of a character's normal interior monologue I just leave in context. However if they're strongly sub-vocalized thoughts such as mental exclamations I will put them in italics. Telepathy I tend to use a combination of a mark to set it off and italics, as it's another form of both dialog and thought.

Constantine K · Mar 29, 2008

I like the italics route for direct thoughts.

I only add a "he thought" for flow purposes. Example:

I can't believe it, thought Adam. It's really happening.

mada · Mar 29, 2008

I'm not sure what the "correct" way is to write a character's thoughts, but I can say that every time I come across italics in a book, I translate that as a thought.

Sorry it's not much help, but it made me wonder if we sometimes think so much as writers that we don't think about it from the reader's perspective.

JoNightshade · Mar 29, 2008

I think it depends a great deal on the characters you're writing about, and how close you want to get to them. My current main character is very chatty, so he will actually say things to himself. In that case, most of the narrative (in third person) IS what he is thinking about things, but occasionally I use italics for something he says, in the first person, TO HIMSELF. As in, he's not just idly thinking this, he's actively telling himself something. I also use it if he's directly thinking of a line he WANTS to say to someone else but does not speak out loud. Example:

Irving cleared his throat. “I see you’ve got some new equipment.”

Samuel followed his eyes to the computer now sitting on the left side of his desk. “That? It’s not new, I got it from the other lab.” Hoping to catch me doing some of my own discretionary spending?

Other characters, say from my last novel, don't have such active interior lives, so less italics.

choppersmom · Mar 29, 2008

I've done a little of each, but mostly either italics or just plug the thought in there and let it hang out. Behold:

The deputy, Sheehan by his nametag, observed Jerri Lynne silently for a moment. "That eye looks a mite sore. You want some ice?"

Jerri couldn't help wondering what he looked like when he smiled. "Ice?" she said. Great. Now he just thinks you're an idiot.

"To bring down the swellin'."

"I know that. If you've got some ice, I'll take it."

Sheehan's eyes crinkled in a smile. So that's what you look like. Lord have mercy.

C.M.C. · Mar 30, 2008

Myself, I find italics to be more distracting than determining whether a passage is a thought or a spoken line. Generally, a halfway decent writer should be able to let the reader know which voice the passage is in without it being much of a mental strain.

Williebee · Mar 30, 2008

I'd like to thank you all for the unified consensus of opinions on this, folks. Not.

"I'm both less confused and more uncertain about the right way to roll with this," he thought.

"I think I'm going to have to pick one way, that works best for the whole novel, and just stick with it."

, he smiled.

ACEnders · Mar 30, 2008

Joycecwilliams said:
I always use italics.

Me too.

Writing a character's thoughts

Williebee

Capeless, wingless, & yet I fly.

Axelle

jodi henley

z10

giusti

Axelle

Joycecwilliams

padnar

dpaterso

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels

Elodie-Caroline

lkp

Joycecwilliams

Phaeal

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

DoctorShade

Kid At <3

jannawrites

no, really

Dave.C.Robinson

... with the High Command

Constantine K

mada

Getting back in the groove

JoNightshade

has finally arrived

choppersmom

---

C.M.C.

Archetype

Williebee

Capeless, wingless, & yet I fly.

ACEnders

Self-Banned