Haikuicide

JAlpha · Mar 31, 2005

brokenfingers said:
I think you are right,
it makes it more personal –
increasing its strength…

Speaking of strength
mighty fine writing you do
read your idol piece

Good luck :Clap:

JAlpha

rhymegirl · Mar 31, 2005

This haiku isn't writing-related, but I think it's one of my better ones. And it doesn't rhyme.

Clouds filter through sharp
branches, unravelling threads
of sky tapestry.

JAlpha · Mar 31, 2005

rhymegirl said:
This haiku isn't writing-related, but I think it's one of my better ones. And it doesn't rhyme.

Clouds filter through sharp
branches, unravelling threads
of sky tapestry.

Very nice!

If you shift the word "sharp" to the second line you'll get

sharp branches unravelling

You can cut "thread" because it's understood in the tapestry reference

That leaves you with space in the first line to describe the clouds.

Working on haikus was and always will be the best way for my to sharpen my revision skills. As a tool for improving a writer's craft . . . I think haikus are highly underated.

JAlpha

rhymegirl · Mar 31, 2005

Yeah, good suggestions! I agree that it's a challenge to write these because we are limited (5-7-5) in the number of syllables. Therefore, we have to choose our words carefully. I'll be thinking about a re-write.

brokenfingers · Mar 31, 2005

JAlpha said:
Speaking of strength
mighty fine writing you do
read your idol piece

Good luck

JAlpha

I must say your words
shine brightly upon my face -
like sun through the clouds…

Thank you.

Richard White · Mar 31, 2005

No typing appears
Haikus distract me from work
Empty manuscript

JAlpha · Mar 31, 2005

brokenfingers said:
I must say your words
shine brightly upon my face -
like sun through the clouds…

Brokenfingers,

neon pink post-its
haiku's from new AW friends
your's front and center

JAlpha · Mar 31, 2005

Richard White said:
No typing appears
Haikus distract me from work
Empty manuscript

Richard,

Haiku's a distraction, never :Shrug:

Writing haiku's is the best way to learn how to put down the words that really count . . . best editing exercise a writer can ever undertake, no matter the genre.

Thank you for playing along,
JAlpha

brokenfingers · Mar 31, 2005

JAlpha,

Have you a story
standing in line with the rest,
An Idol to be?

rich · Apr 1, 2005

I agree JAlpha. I like to pick a subject I'm interested in and write a number of haikus on it. Half the ones I write are light--like epigrams, and almost always with the last line being a twist. Moving lines, words and syllables is a great writing exercise, and since one is dealing with just 17 syllables it's less daunting than playing with a larger piece.

JAlpha · Apr 1, 2005

brokenfingers said:
JAlpha, Have you a story

#100

JAlpha · Apr 1, 2005

Rich,

Are you familiar with the form of poetry called Haibun? I find that particular form of poetry one of the easiest ways for me to decide what shape (either a very short--flash piece or poem) that some of my work should take.

JAlpha

rich · Apr 1, 2005

Yes. I've read some, but never attempted one. Sounds like a good idea. Seems that'd work on not just flash pieces and poems, but short stories as well.

JAlpha · Apr 1, 2005

Rich,

Yes, I converted one short story in particular into a haibun poem, Break Away. Darn glad I did too. It placed 9th in last years 73rd Annual Writing Competiton. The Flashquake website offered a class on Haibun poetry two years ago, best thing I ever did in the way of cross-training for my short story writing. If you put one together, fire it my way. I'll give you some feedback and share some of the market info I have as to where you might be able to place it. That said, Flashquake does publish them, and they did publish, Break Away. I sent it to them after it placed in WD. Seemed fair, since they were the ones who first introduced me to the form. Though they no longer offer the class, because the instructor has been very ill.

JAlpha

Betty W01 · Apr 1, 2005

Can you explain Haibun to those of us who are clueless? <waves hands and yells, "That would be me!">

Meanwhile,

spring in Ohio
comes in fuzzy green slippers
sprinkled with snowflakes.

JAlpha · Apr 1, 2005

Hi Betty,

The broader definition of a haibun poem is . . . a work of terse autobiographical prose accompanied by haiku verse. It was originated by the well-known seventeenth-century Japaneese travel journal by Matsuo Basho. Though as all things artistic typically evolve so to has the haibun. Various other adaptions have surfaced.

It shouldn't take but more than a few google searches, and I think you will find some examples. Also, here's a lead on a very good book on haibun poetry as it has evolved in the west . . . Journey to the Interior:American Versions of Haibun, edited by Bruce Ross.

If you find the form suits you, be sure and send me what you've created.

JAlpha

brokenfingers · Apr 1, 2005

JAlpha,

I read your entry and liked it alot!

I felt the beach breeze
and the sorrow that life brings
in time and in war

Good Luck!!

JAlpha · Jul 30, 2005

The buzzing bar fly
licks the last drop of warm beer
from narrow red necks

If anyone else feels inspired to write a beer theme haiku, here’s a market for your creation.

http://beerhaikudaily.blogspot.com/

And of course, it would be great if you shared some of your haikus (beer themed or otherwise)here too. :Cheers:

William Haskins · Jul 30, 2005

frustration felled me
the distance is too great to
touch someone with words

mommie4a · Jul 30, 2005

Your words fill my fix.
You say the distance is great,
But friends don't give up.

three seven · Jul 30, 2005

Ode To Mac

JennaGlatzer said:
New friend to corrupt,
I'm glad you have arrived.
O! You shall be fun!

MacAllister said:
don't take stuff too hard
prob'ly they just had other
threads to visit then

ohhhhhhhhhh....I suck at this...

paprikapink said:
Here's a tip, Mac: Next time, don't post a haiku right under Jenna's.

Unless of course, as
in this case, Jenna got it
wrong and you didn't.

Perks · Jul 30, 2005

behind this screen smiles
someone who adores your words
for each is hard won

Perks · Jul 30, 2005

and one more for my current frustration -

A summer's folly
to learn a way of seeing
what I don't do well

Sarita · Jul 30, 2005

remembered joy fills
my mind when old friends pop in
sharing poetry

reph · Jul 30, 2005

The limerick lady
stumbles in and looks around.
I'm lost: no dactyls.

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