Thread of the Living Dead (Shemp)

[AnneMarble]

Roller coasters.

I can just imagine what the signature looks like. "Thanks for buying my booooooooooook!!!"

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

James,

Thanks for clearing up the "Cat out of the bag." Notice, that period is inside the quotes? Thanks for clearing that up, too.

Hawking and holding book signings at funerals? Someone would actually take that suggestion and run with it? Brain overload - Shutting down - Eyes crossed - Danger Will Robertson, Daaaannnggggeeerr....

AARRRGGGG!

Argile Stox

[Ed Williams]

...I will have that damn robot's voice in my head for a week now! <g> I loved those old "Lost in Space" episodes....

[lindylou45]

[QUOTE]Tracy and Argile.. THis would be great for the publishamerica sucks website. Have Pa's "We treat HB just like everybody else except the flowers" E-Mail and then post Shemps E-MAil saying how he met with PA and they're along for the ride. IT would destroy what little credibility PA had left. I'm also sure that the Maryland BBB would love to see this. Wonder what PAs busines rating would be then.

Good point, Sparhawk. I was thinking the same thing.

Tracy & Argile, with your permission I'd love to put this on the Shemp page of PAsucks. You can find it here (http://www.publishamericasucks.com/shemp.html)if you haven't seen it yet. I think it would help a great deal.

[astonwest]

Not to cast doubt on his wife's ability, but if she can write like that, why were Shemp's books so full of grammatical errors, etc.?
To be fair, my wife won't read my books while they're unpublished either...

Granted, one could make the argument that my first book wasn't actually published either, which I could use to encourage reading other manuscripts...but you know what they say about picking battles......

[lindylou45]

Okay, I don't want to skunk the garden party here, BUT . . .

This still doesn't necessarily prove beyond all doubt that PA was in on it.

No, work with me here. This is Stumpy we're talking about. Considering how prone he is to exaggeration and outright fabrication, do we have proof positive that he consulted with PA when he set up this death business? We have his word on it. His word

I was thinking about this as well. We may never know because the PA Partners are just as duplicitous as Shemp. It's hard to know who to believe in this situation. :Shrug:

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

...I will have that damn robot's voice in my head for a week now! <g> I loved those old "Lost in Space" episodes....

Ed,

LOL!

I... Just can't wrap my mind around... Hawking and signing books at funerals. I thought fishing out apartment vacancies from the obituaries was a creepy thing to do.

Oh, Geez! My mind is creating so many scenarios! Resisting the temptation to write a few in this Post. Resisting... Resisting... Resisting... Do not comply - Resistance is not futile.... Do not assimilate and Post those thoughts, Argile!

HELP!!!!! Creative Overload!!!!!

Argile Stox

[lindylou45]

"Argile and Tracy, with all due respect, if you were honest enough to refuse to perpetrate the hoax, what kept you from blowing the whistle when the scheme went down without you?"


Now listen up! Tracy Sutterer's and Argile Stox's hands were tied. At the time, Mark Wirtz and company were in command. Our voices would have been silenced by that conglomeration of Hoax perpetrators. We advised PublishAmerica by e-mail of the planning and implementation of this Hoax, and exposed the immoral felons.

I would watch the aspersions you are casting toward Tracy Sutterer. Don't get me started.....

Argile Stox



Those of us who have dealt with PA know what they are like. Trust me, I know what they would have done with the email you sent to them. Do the words "disregard unread" ring any bells?

[dink]

Periods go inside quotemarks because back in the days of cold type composition, the period was on a tiny little piece of lead. If that was the last item it might get lost, and it was delicate. The quote marks were put after it because that was a sturdier piece of lead and would help brace up and secure the period.
Interesting theory, but it doesn't quite explain why we do it differently here in Britain. I'll only put the quote marks after the full-stop if what I'm quoting is a complete sentence. Consequently, we get the following:

I think Uncle Jim just said 'pig in a poke'.

and

Uncle Jim said something about how 'the period was on a tiny little piece of lead.'

The convenience of this, for me, is that I can differentiate between a question including a quote, and a quoted question. For example:

Didn't Uncle Jim say something about 'a tiny little piece of lead'?

and

I think Uncle Jim mentioned asking about 'a percentage of his sales?'.

I say all this simply because I submitted a short story to an internet site, open to the whole world, and was dismayed to find that they'd Americanised all my punctuation. Vive la difference! :)

[lindylou45]

I agree. However, no one will, and I mean no one - will ever question the honesty and integrity of Tracy Sutterer. Not on my Watch. She has endured enough emotional and intellectual pain from her association with PublishAmerica.

The healing process has begun. There will be no setbacks. This New Yorker will see to that.

Argile Stox





Um, I have to say that Tracy is not the only one who suffered. No offense intended here, but sometimes one's past actions will come back to haunt them. Nuff said!

[DaveKuzminski]

I read not too long ago that there are two styles of using the closing period and quotes. One is to do it as was explained for the typeface problem. The other placed punctuation outside the quotes unless it was actually part of the quoted material.

[mdin]

I say all this simply because I submitted a short story to an internet site, open to the whole world, and was dismayed to find that they'd Americanised all my punctuation. Vive la difference! :)

If it makes you feel better, I have an entire book coming out in a few months from a British publisher, and the entire thing was pillaged by your archaic spellings and grammar rules.

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Those of us who have dealt with PA know what they are like. Trust me, I know what they would have done with the email you sent to them. Do the words "disregard unread" ring any bells?


Linda,

PublishAmerica (namely, Miranda Prather) did read the e-mails - and made the unusual effort to call and have a conversation with me. She took notes during our thirty minute conversation, and repeated some of the statements I had made.

She relayed some of my suggestions, namely shutting down the Public Message Board - leaving only the Private Board for messages, was met with "NO WAY ARE WE GOING TO SHUT DOWN THE PUBLIC BOARD" e-mails from an annoyed employee (Un-named). Tracy and I expected that.

However, she steadfastly maintained that PublishAmerica had "No Prior Knowledge" of the HB Marcus Hoax. Yeah, Right! I have a bridge in Brooklyn, New York that is for sale. Interested? Did I mention that she stated "He was just trying to kill his name" within the context of the telephone conversation? <---- I guess I just did.

Sorry, I just can't get past that "Hawking of books at funerals...."

Regarding "PublishAmericaSucks" Web site, and Posting the HB Marcus e-mails: Tracy & I have discussed the matter. We are not sure about the legal aspects. However, if you can clear it with your legal department, and make sure that we do not have "exposure" - GO FOR IT!

Book signings at funerals.... I just can't get it out of my mind!

Argile Stox & Tracy Sutterer

[arrowqueen]

I wonder if anyone's considered brothels as sales venues yet?

For a cut of the take, your friendly neighbourhood hookers could simply add the book price to their fees then present the books to the punters as they left.

I think we're onto a winner here.

[Ed Williams]

...massage parlors as potential book signing locations. Think about it, you could have your body and your literary needs stroked all at the same time!

Saint Ed of Hamdog....

[Julian Black]

How about the local ER on a Friday or Saturday night? All those sick and injured people sitting around, waiting to see a doctor, plus their family members? They're a captive audience, and considering how long they will have to wait, they'll get bored enough to read anything!

[DaveKuzminski]

Book signings at funerals.... I just can't get it out of my mind!

Argile Stox & Tracy Sutterer


Think of the promotional opportunities. You can then claim people are dying for your book; that they're even trying to take it with them into the grave. Not only that, but compared to the price of a funeral or even just a headstone, it's inexpensive. What better bargain could there be?

And just think, none of those customers will ever come back to ask for a return or complain about the editing, unless there's a bookworm in the casket with them. ;)

[Gratian Gasparri]

I wonder if anyone's considered brothels as sales venues yet?

For a cut of the take, your friendly neighbourhood hookers could simply add the book price to their fees then present the books to the punters as they left.

Given the chances you take concerning quality, the high price, and everything else associate with PA, isn't buying one of their books already considered prostitution?

[J.S. Blue]

JS, you seem to know the old Shempster pretty well, so maybe you also know the answer to the question we've floated on here from time to time: what does HB have on PA that gives him such a free pass? Or is he, as some here have intimated (me, for one), a relative of one of the principals? Surely he must have let something slip in the past, like "Yeah, ol' Uncle Willem sure has been good to me, letting me have full reign of his company's boards so I can play Mussolini Junior" or whatever. Give, man!

John

Marcus has no relatives at PA. They may both have naked pictures of each other involving farm animals though.

I see from this thread- http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2249&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=30 that someone must have finally gotten hb with a tranquilizer gun, he seems almost uh, "normal".

[Ed Williams]

....wanna make any bets on how long that's gonna last?

And another book signing idea - what about between acts on "American Idol?" Think about it, a PA author quickly jumps onstage and uses that 5-10 seconds of live air time for a fast sales pitch! Hey, the subsequent arrest and incarceration would get into the papers, which would translate into even more sales! And then, you take the marketing into hyperdrive by conducting a book signing during visitation day at the prison! If Moe-randa, Larry, and Curlem happen to be in there with you, it becomes a multi-author signing!

Ed Williams
BBA, MBA - Marketing

[Memphis Ed]

You obviously know this guy. How about answering some questions for me?

1) What does he do today for a living? I don't want specifics, I'd just like to have an idea what he does to earn a living?

2) What kind of home life does he have? Consistent drunk, loving father, good friend? What gives there?

3) What are his living conditions? Clean home, dump, transient?

4) How would you describe Mrs. Shemp? Smart, glad-to-be there, worn out with the stress?

5) Does he have many (or any) friends?

6) Is he taking any medication or is he a recreational drug user?

I find myself fascinated by this, but I also find myself slowing down for car wrecks.

[dink]

If it makes you feel better, I have an entire book coming out in a few months from a British publisher, and the entire thing was pillaged by your archaic spellings and grammar rules.
You know what? It does make me feel better. The world is in balance once more!

*hugs lovely old archaic spellings and grammar rules*

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Ok...Who started the funeral thing? Fess up! LOLOL

For the last few hours all I've heard from Argile are sick ideas on how to sell books at a funeral home! LOLOLOOLOL I presently have his hands cuffed to his chair so he can't share his ideas on this forum!

I have to admit that his ideas are pretty funny....kind of sick....but funny nonetheless! LOLOLOLOL

Tracy

[Sparhawk]

Tracy and Argile.

Thank You so much for posting HB's rants. I don't know if you picked up on this; but he actually lied to you in that E-Mail. I beleive he stated that PA had alrady removed his ID and password prior to the fake death announcement. YEt, there was that infamous HB post several hours after his supposed death with his famous "I walk on water" pic. The one where Mark(posing as JB) had to adjust the decease time of the dearly departed SHEMP. Ergo, his link was never terminated. I sincerely beleive that, as we all suspect, those stale twinkie creme sucking flunkies at PA were willing players.

You knew HB for three years. IS there anothe rside to this guy that we simply don't see? I just have a hard time imagining somebody that warped.

[Ed Williams]

Ok...Who started the funeral thing? Fess up! LOLOL

For the last few hours all I've heard from Argile are sick ideas on how to sell books at a funeral home! LOLOLOOLOL I presently have his hands cuffed to his chair so he can't share his ideas on this forum!

I have to admit that his ideas are pretty funny....kind of sick....but funny nonetheless! LOLOLOLOL

Tracy...and you and I were doing so well, but I'm afraid after admitting this that things will never be the same!

Grief-stricken Ed

[James D. Macdonald]

Ok...Who started the funeral thing? Fess up! LOLOL

It was Ed3 and Friends (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=190800&postcount=1626).

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Hello Sparhawk,

There's more to it than that. He did say to me both on the phone and on the emails that they took his password and name away from the board on Good Friday. That was supposedly the reason that Jane couldn't post the hoax herself. All of that was a lie.

The lie became more apparent after the rumor came around that he was banned. That was also a lie.

When they started the new board, PA registered everyone who was already registered on the private board. Only those who did not have a password for the private board had to re register. HB was never banned nor was his original password taken away. His current picture and posting information was on the private board prior to the new board coming into play. PA just simply registered him into the new boards using his old private board information. If you notice on his current posts the bottom still reads something about Parasites being released soon. Parasites has been out for over a year. All of that information was on the old private board postings he made. You will also notice that the current posting information says he's been a member since August. Mine read the same thing. We both got on the private board at the same time.

The Kilroy name was only used in order to 'soften' up the board members for his return.

There was a time, Sparhawk, when I would have told you that I saw a much different side to that man. I would have sworn to you that he would not be capable of the hoax that he perpetrated on Easter weekend. I really thought he was a kind and compassionate man. He had me completely fooled. He's much sicker than I could have ever imagined.

Tracy

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Ed,

Argile can't answer you at the moment. LOLOLOL

Check out the Writer's Mind topic. LOLOLOL

Tracy

[NancyMehl]

Ok...Who started the funeral thing? Fess up! LOLOL

For the last few hours all I've heard from Argile are sick ideas on how to sell books at a funeral home! LOLOLOOLOL I presently have his hands cuffed to his chair so he can't share his ideas on this forum!

I have to admit that his ideas are pretty funny....kind of sick....but funny nonetheless! LOLOLOLOL

Tracy

STOP IT!!!!

I'm going to be thinking about this all night now! LOL!

Sheesh! :Headbang:

Too, too funny.......

Nancy

[MartyKay]

Cos I opened my mouth on the JDD Media thread, boofhead Joshua Dinnerman sent me a nasty PM... I think the best way to fix this would be:

Introduce him to Shemp. Shemp submits article to boofhead. Boofhead doesn't pay. Shemp complains and rants. Boofhead tells him to "try it on". Shemp treats Boofhead as a "hostile idiot".

Problem(s) solved. :)

[Dawno]

Cos I opened my mouth on the JDD Media thread, boofhead Joshua Dinnerman sent me a nasty PM... I think the best way to fix this would be:

Introduce him to Shemp. Shemp submits article to boofhead. Boofhead doesn't pay. Shemp complains and rants. Boofhead tells him to "try it on". Shemp treats Boofhead as a "hostile idiot".

Problem(s) solved. :)

Oooooooooooh. Please do! :popcorn:

[astonwest]

Introduce him to Shemp. Shemp submits article to boofhead. Boofhead doesn't pay. Shemp complains and rants. Boofhead tells him to "try it on". Shemp treats Boofhead as a "hostile idiot".

Silly...have you learned nothing from history?

When Shemp doesn't get paid, he'll latch on like a puppy dog, will become the biggest supporter of that company, and bash on anyone who dares complain about their treatment...

*sigh*
:)

[J.S. Blue]

You obviously know this guy. How about answering some questions for me?

1) What does he do today for a living? I don't want specifics, I'd just like to have an idea what he does to earn a living? His wife has a job.

2) What kind of home life does he have? Consistent drunk, loving father, good friend? What gives there? Can't comment too much here, I haven't been over there lately. He does spent most of his time with his daughter within arms reach. "Good friend"? Har har.

3) What are his living conditions? Clean home, dump, transient? Average American home.

4) How would you describe Mrs. Shemp? Smart, glad-to-be there, worn out with the stress? Ha Ha! Describe him? Very smart- perhaps too smart for his own good at times. Rode hard, put away wet. Stays in the house all the time and imagines doing great conquests...read some of his postings on pA. Very creative and imaginative. Thinks he knows a lot more than he really does about a lot of things, knows a hell of a lot more about a few things than the average bear.

5) Does he have many (or any) friends? Not that I know of, maybe his brother in law who used to be one of his running buddies.

6) Is he taking any medication or is he a recreational drug user? No, other than the beloved Jack, Bud and Marlboros.

All statements made above are based on the last communications I had with him, which ceased last Easter. Who knows what he's really up to these days?

Anyone could ask the same questions about me. They may have more interesting answers.

I find myself fascinated by this, but I also find myself slowing down for car wrecks..

[DTKelly]

Think of the promotional opportunities. You can then claim people are dying for your book; that they're even trying to take it with them into the grave. Not only that, but compared to the price of a funeral or even just a headstone, it's inexpensive. What better bargain could there be?



Don't forget the promotional poster, "If you don't like this book, you MUST be dead.'

Can take the time to copy the 'remembrace' card information of the deceased onto the back of the front cover so whenever the reader picks up the book, they'll remember "Uncle Jed".

Stick a copy in the deceased's hands, don't forget the sign to hang on the lid of the casket, "Get you're copy of *title, author*, It's to die for!!!"

[Dawno]

http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2276

The question is how to turn several files into one file and then make that a pdf file (he says Adobe Acrobat but what he wants is a pdf file)

The "expert" asks what software the questioner is using and internet service the questioner has. The software is important but what does my internet service have to do with it? All I need is the right software installed on my computer.

It sure would be wonderful if real experts were helping these people.

[Richard]

No, that's just so you can make sure any AOL users aren't befuddled by more than one syllable per word ;-)

[DaveKuzminski]

It's amazing how many images the PA characters bring out.

Book signings at funerals brings to mind the vision of a self-embalming HB. However, his resurrections only brings to mind the image of a zombie (aka zobmi) walking around crying out, "Brains! Must have brains!"

Then we have Larry who reminds me of the old Leisure Suit Larry electronic game both in sleeze and single-mindedness.

Willem, of course, brings in the Old World element with its quaint images of concentration camps. I'm just not certain yet whether Willem is Colonel Klink or Sergeant Schultz.

Of course, Miranda brings to mind Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees or Freddy Kreuger (take your pick), except she's the anti-Myers (Voorhees or Kreuger) since her slashes hit only her.

[Sparhawk]

http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2276

The question is how to turn several files into one file and then make that a pdf file (he says Adobe Acrobat but what he wants is a pdf file)

The "expert" asks what software the questioner is using and internet service the questioner has. The software is important but what does my internet service have to do with it? All I need is the right software installed on my computer.

It sure would be wonderful if real experts were helping these people.

Ah Dawno,

As usual you are right on the mark. Shemps classical non-answer buys him the time to actually query somebody who knows how to solve this minor problem. After the newbie replies to Shemps ridiculous first post, Shemp can then come back with his researched reply and look like the hero and then get his fix of.. "Thanks HB"

No matter how deranged he may seem, he's playing it smart now. Be the bearer of useless disinformation, keep the newbies in a constant state of flux and need become more and more helpful, thereby making more newbies dependent upon him and his bad advice. THen, as new newbies come on board and read teh threads, they will assume that SHEMP Is PA' s GOd and all hail to SHemp.

PA is doing their part by eradicating all dissenting opinions and anyone with any real knowledge in teh publishing and marketing industry. SHEMP will become and is rapdifly becoming the "Mindless Prophet of PA" and PA is doing everyting they can to make it happen.

Why you ask??

Here is my theory. The word is out about PA already, the influx of newbies may not be as great as it once was therefor as we say in business, it's time to "Milk" the Cash Cow.

This involves feeding the existing newboes disinformation from one source. This requires a person with a sizeable ego an dlow selof esteem (SHEMP all the way) Instead of getting one book and turning the newbie away, by having said newbie appear on Radio Free PA and particiapte in teh Mortuaty Booksigning, the said newbie will beleive taht this is as much siccessas can be gained because the real publishers are EVil and will not gove them teh same chance that Sainted Publish Ameriscam has.

The existing crop of authors will now be brainwashed to further beleive that PA marketing practiced and HB Radio is as good as it get and is the wave of the future. Give PA your next book and you rnext book (buying 200 copies of each) market yourselves and after several years you may achieve SHEMP status.

They'll squeeze more books out of each existing patsie and do the same to the smaller influx of newbies. This is why I beleive the boards are so heavily patrolled now, they want a longer "Two book commitment" out of these newbies and lock them in harder. HB gets what he yearned for .. his godlike persona returned and PA keeps operating with the same NEt Income from an arguably smaller base.

The sad thing is, some really good people have been hoodwinked. I just don't get it.. (Thank God).

-Sparhawk

[Sheryl Nantus]

hmm... looks to me like the message boards are down.

or have they just gone deeper into hiding from us?

:Shrug:

[MMo]

A good question is, why are the PA authors wanting to convert their files to .pdf? Isn't that the one thing PA does in its "production" process?

Mo

[Ed Williams]

...and I would add this - sooner or later one of those newbies is going to do a web search, and the whole putrid history of Mr. Marcus will be there for all to see. In the end, you can run but you can't hide...

P.S. Y'all want a laugh? Here's Shemp responding to someone's question about his books:

Please note that they don't have to be read in any specific order. Note also that if you wait long enough you can see it on the screen instead.Hmm, on the computer screen as a vanity published e-book or a giveaway I can believe. But on a TV or movie screen? Spar, help me, I'm laughing too hard, hey, man, I may be having a heart attack!!! Get me to the hospital quickly, I can't die, if I do no one will believe me....

:banana:

[Dawno]

A good question is, why are the PA authors wanting to convert their files to .pdf? Isn't that the one thing PA does in its "production" process?

Mo

I'm guessing it's just further evidence that the newbie wants to do the right thing but nobody's telling him what that is. The PA submission guidelines say MSWord or WordPerfect but it looks like he had a problem sending files and thought sending stuff in the same format they send their proofs back was the answer. Of course we know that they want Word or WPerf so they can easily run their speel chek...it'll be more work for them if they have to convert a pdf. He also asked about "zipper" files. Poor newbie.

He needed better answers than he got from someone who could do root cause analysis of the problem because this guy doesn't know what he doesn't know so answering the question he posted won't solve the problem.

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

(If you have been following the "Writer's Mind" Thread on "Take It Outside Board," the title of this Post will make sense.)

It appears to this writer that Non-PublishAmerica is reeling from all the negative media press reports and negative posts on many other message boards. It is also quite evident that someone else, other than HB Marcus is writing his posts - or at the very least, editing them for content.

Tracy & I are of the opinion that HB Marcus is "Cycling." Huh? What does that mean? Well, I am no expert - and my knowledge of mental illness is quite limited.

However (Tracy loves it when I "However"), from what I have ascertained from varied TV News reports & Newspaper articles concerning Manic Depression (Okay - don't jump on the word "***-ertained, yet) HB Marcus is a "Rapid Cycler". This has nothing to do with bicycle marathons. It has to do with the mechanics of Manic Depression. I will break this down (no, I am not having a breakdown -Geez!) for you.

In the past year, HB Marcus has suffered the loss of a family member. He had to deal with Estate problems, other family members, paying bills, lawyers, selling a home, relocating, and a host of other mind numbing experiences. I am not defending him, please read on.

While he was fighting all these battles his mind was occupied. His intellect was absorbed in fighting battles on all fronts. People were paying attention to him, and his voice was heard. He was delighted by all of the attention. His ego was inflated, and no one could touch the Mighty HB Marcus. Fast forward to Easter Weekend / 2005.

At that time, he had relocated and the battles were over. All was quiet on the "Western Front." The phone was no longer ringing and people were not seeking him out. Yeah, he had his "phone buddies" that listened to him rant, rave, and laugh at his comical(?) take on life. Yet, that was not enough to satisfy his lust for attention.

In my opinion, that is when PTSD (Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder) hit and he was ripe for another Manic Cycle. His mind created a senerio of paranoia, based on "e-mails" he was receiving. Then, due to a chemical imbalance in his brain / lack of sleep / diet / and other factors - "Rapid Thoughts" began to overtake his sense of reality, and he became delusional. Are you still with me?

He then had to convince other individuals that what his mind had concocked, was Reality. He used verbal skills to emotionally trap others into believing "his sense of reality" by using his wife and daughter as the "bait". After all, who would not believe the almighty HB Marcus - His word was Gospel! Fast Forward to the end of the Hoax.

The Rapid Cycle Manic Depression - PTSD reached its peak when he was busted by his formor co-writer. As individuals learned of his Hoax and the gang which assisted him were also busted, HB Marcus had to run for cover. His "Fan" base was shrinking. HB Marcus attempted a comeback, and it was well received by PublishAmerica and some members of the message boards. Enter Tracy Sutterer & Argile Stox.

Tracy Sutterer & Argile Stox "Dogged" him and Mark Wirtz on the PublishAmerica Message Boards. We would constantly remind everyone & Miranda Prather of the Hoax, and we had the PROOF!; which we shared with PublishAmerica through e-mails and a telephone conversation with Miranda Prather. We were not going to let PublishAmerica, HB Marcus & Mark Wirtz off the hook. No matter what PublishAmerica states, they were his partners in this crime. Fast forward to the present.

HB Marcus was being attacked on all sides. He and Mark Wirtz had no room to talk. HB Marcus's reputation was in shambles. There was even a failed attempt to "patch and repair" his good name. Then, HB Marcus rapidly cycled into Depression. I believe he gave PublishAmerica a choice. It was either Tracy Sutterer & Argile Stox or HB Marcus. In addition, I believe that he demanded that all individuals that had attacked him in the past & present be eliminated from the message boards.

To this day, Tracy & I fail to understand why PublishAmerica succumbed to HB Marcus's demands, aligned themselves with him, and appointed him to be "HWMIC" (Head-White-Man-In-Charge) of the message boards and its members. HB Marcus's Radio Program was, and continues to be a failure. HB Marcus lied to everyone, and continues to lie. HB Marcus was, and still is prone to wild mood swings and incoherent posts. Yet, he remains King of the Hill. Have the patients taken over the asylum? We also fail to wrap our minds around the fact that individuals are Banned from the message boards for the minor crime of saying "BOO!"

It is this writers opinion that HB Marcus's Rapid Cycle Manic-Depression / PTSD affiction will emerge once again - sooner, rather than later. At this point I believe that HB Marcus is in "Level Mode". Whether this was induced by medication, the aspect of his family falling apart - and he would be truly alone or some other factor, it is too soon to tell.

Argile Stox

[astonwest]

pdf995.com (http://pdf995.com/) is a terrific site for a free PDF converter...works out of any Windows program that prints...it's what I use for all of mine.

Of course, I hope he's not attempting to fix his manuscript and resubmit it as a PDF...or trying to "fix" the PDF. That sort of thing has been known to get the folks at PA even nastier than they normally are...

[Dawno]

pdf995.com (http://pdf995.com/) is a terrific site for a free PDF converter...works out of any Windows program that prints...it's what I use for all of mine.

Of course, I hope he's not attempting to fix his manuscript and resubmit it as a PDF...or trying to "fix" the PDF. That sort of thing has been known to get the folks at PA even nastier than they normally are...

HOW DO I TURN SEVERAL FILES INTO ONE FILE , THEN CONVERT IT INTO ADOBE ACROBAT ?. THE FIRST TIME I SENT A MANUSCRIPT TO PA , IT TURNED INTO 175 FILES INSTEAD OF 175 PAGES ONE FILE , I KNOW WHEN THEY SEND PROOFS IT'S ALWAYS ADOBE ACROBAT .......I'M NOT THAT SAVY WHEN IT COMES TO DOING THIS ,

I think that's exactly what he's trying Aston. *sigh* I'm near tears wanting to help this poor soul. It really rips at me that it's nearly a hopeless cause.

[astonwest]

I think I linked to this thread (http://www.mindsightseries.com/cgi-bin/discus/board-auth.cgi?file=/3831/2845.html#POST27627) earlier...but another post is rather telling about how much fun you'll have in sending PDF files to PA...

Despite my objections (and presumably those of the Author Support Team), the book went to print without any of the changes I made to the pdf document they sent me.

I'm also trying to figure out why in the world sending 175 pages over the internet would send 175 files...

[James D. Macdonald]

I'm also trying to figure out why in the world sending 175 pages over the internet would send 175 files...

Let's juat say that it's inexpert use of his word processor. He saved each individual page as a separate file.

IIRC he's using WordPerfect, which is the program I use. It's a lovely wordprocessor.

There are two fairly easy ways to convert all 175 separate files into one big file, and one harder way. If the fellow would drop over here (the Tech Help (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=81) forum, I think) I'd be happy to explain.

If he'd drop up the Uncle Jim thread in Novels, I'd try to explain why the hardest way would be best.

[astonwest]

Let's juat say that it's inexpert use of his word processor. He saved each individual page as a separate file.
That was the thought going through my head, but in the same moment, I couldn't fathom WHY anyone would do such a thing...

[James D. Macdonald]

I couldn't fathom WHY anyone would do such a thing...

Anything that's technically possible ... someone will try.

[Trapped in amber]

Hi Vote Bot :)
Welcome to absolute write. You are the first non-human member, I believe.

[Richard]

Anything that's technically possible ... someone will try.

Still, idiocy like that is an artform.

[astonwest]

Anything that's technically possible ... someone will try.
Sounds like I'm still at work...

[mdin]

The good news about this is that one of the people seeking pdf help came here. Last night I didn't realize there was a PA connection. Here (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12713) and Here (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12714)

[PVish]

That was the thought going through my head, but in the same moment, I couldn't fathom WHY anyone would do such a thing...

He was TYPING! You need a new page every time you fill one up.

I'll bet he also hit return at the end of each line and put two spaces instead of one after each mark of end punctuation. Plus there's all that Wite-Out on his screen. . . .

[Dawno]

Hey, lets not pick on newbie--let's remember we're here to cast light on the shenanigans of Shemp.

It looks like he tried to give newbie some good advice but other people joined the thread with better advice...then!! PACHICK arrives


I hope you don't mind my asking, but why are you trying to convert
something to pdf? I know that's how PublishAmerica sends the manuscript back, but sometimes don't other publishers require a pdf. be sent, (PA doesn't ask for this.)
Just curious.

emphasis mine. Could newbie already be trying to flee?

[astonwest]

Maybe trying to create their very own e-book for resale?

[writerjenn]

Maybe trying to create their very own e-book for resale?

Sounds like the newbies are just trying to navigate all the PA crapola and probably THINK they need to convert their files to pdf's for the final version.

The sad part is, no one has told them that they don't need to do that, and that they aren't allowed to mess with the pdf galley. (For all those reading along, you fill out something called an errata list, which shows the page and line # of the error, the ENTIRE line with the error, and below you type the entire line with the correction.) Please don't waste your time worrying over pdf's. Your publisher (ack!) will prepare it for you.

Jenn

[Sparhawk]

...and I would add this - sooner or later one of those newbies is going to do a web search, and the whole putrid history of Mr. Marcus will be there for all to see. In the end, you can run but you can't hide...

P.S. Y'all want a laugh? Here's Shemp responding to someone's question about his books:

Hmm, on the computer screen as a vanity published e-book or a giveaway I can believe. But on a TV or movie screen? Spar, help me, I'm laughing too hard, hey, man, I may be having a heart attack!!! Get me to the hospital quickly, I can't die, if I do no one will believe me....

:banana:

Yes!! folks for $59.95 you can have the twisted works trilogy of HB MArcus on a new video cassette limited edition with The PA staff acting as the major dimented characters of these low rate "Comedy" Novels. Act Now and et a free HB illustrated comic and a pack of Marlboro's to smoke while you watch. IF you're one of the first 13 callers you get the HB Easter Special.. a fifth of jack Daniels that will make the viewing that much easier.

Order Now!!

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

LOL @ Sparhawk! I liked that one!



Tracy

[James D. Macdonald]

...but sometimes don't other publishers require a pdf. be sent... Anything's possible, I suppose, but I don't know of any real publisher that requires a .pdf.

[Ed Williams]

...snippets from the Stereo Dead Man:

The emails tell me I'm about as interesting right now as a five-pound bag of fertilizer.You're misunderstanding your emails, HB - you are a five pound bag of fertilizer.

I don't want to be banned because I've been around long enough to help people. True, there is always a need for an idiot to try and lure people into signing a contract with the most notorious vanity POD outfit in the world.

There was just a little 'power struggle' where some people decided what the rest of us looked at on these boards. That seems to be over with at this point...or at least I hope it is. It would be nice to see a heated discussion without a retaliation like the wrath of a high school cheerleading squad.I've got an idea, HB, show 'em what you're made of! Fake your death and blame it on your fellow posters, you know, the ones who don't agree with you and exercise some independent thought. When you make your triumphant return, have them all banned! And, after you have enough of them banned, the boards will get all sterile and boring and....OOPS! That's where you are right now, isn't it? Never mind.I WANT MY HB PA!"No one wants that, from the looks of it the people over at PA don't want you at all. Take the hint, it will get worse...

[James D. Macdonald]

The only time that boy opens his mouth is to change feet.

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Direct Form The Horse's Mouth, The Meltdown Begins:

HB Marcus Speaks:

I'm just wondering if I'll be attacked or shunned if the board gets a little HB (freakin') Marcus back. I've been good for a very long time while others get it out of their system. The emails tell me I'm about as interesting right now as a five-pound bag of fertilizer. I don't want to be banned because I've been around long enough to help people. But I also know any move I make will be met with people all over me like a three-piece suit from a vending machine.

I think things are a little on the sterile side around here since the new board started up. That's not PA's fault or a result of the new format. There was just a little 'power struggle' where some people decided what the rest of us looked at on these boards. That seems to be over with at this point...or at least I hope it is. It would be nice to see a heated discussion without a retaliation like the wrath of a high school cheerleading squad.

So let me know if a little levity is prescribed here Dr. People. I'm sure the lurkers are going: "What is HB's deal? What kind of meds puts a brain on glacier speed like that? I WANT MY HB PA!"


Here we go, again....

Fine then, I'm not saying everyone should just lose their minds in one big moronic breeze because they would all end up in my sock drawer disguised as lint and I would have to claim them on my taxes as livestock...or not.

Okay, that was an overexcited reach of relief like someone poked me with a pin trying to pop my silly putty.

Okay, fine. I'll just pop a pill and hope they issue green cards to people without IQs.


Houston: We have a problem!

[James D. Macdonald]

There are some retailers like a Walmart or a Rite-Aid Pharmacy that have their books supplied for them by a local company. You should talk to the managers of those potential outlets and find out who supplies their books.


Our favorite fellow (http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2230) blunders around trying to guess how the ID system works without much success.

Let me make it easy for you, my lad: PublishAmerica books are not carried by any ID. Ever. Anywhere.

[T42]

Houston: We have a problem!:)Funny you should say that! I just dropped in to say that as of tomorrow I am out of Houston for good and the next time you hear from me I will be in the Hill Country. Yeah!
Hope to see you all soon! Stop by my place and visit anytime:)
Mem

[Dawno]

I enjoy a good laugh as much as the other guy or gal. I remember all the variety shows I watched with my family as a kid which showcased very funny impressionists and comics. Then as a teen my friends and I all listened to Dr. Demento and Firesign Theatre. My family would gather together to watch SCTV and Monty Python's Flying Circus. Add that to that a brother with a real ear for accents and a wicked sense of the absurd...well I think I know funny when I see or hear it. Remember the famous line from Lloyd Benson to Dan Quayle in the VP debates of '88 (*sigh* I know, some of you were infants...)? Please allow me to paraphrase:

"Mr. Shemp, I know humor and you're no humorist!"

And that's the way it is. Good night.

[J.S. Blue]

HBM Speaks:

I'm just wondering if I'll be attacked or shunned if the board gets a little HB (freakin') Marcus back. Both. I've been good for a very long time A WEEK?while others get it out of their system. The emails tell me I'm about as interesting right now as a five-pound bag of fertilizer. Ed already addressed this. I don't want to be banned because I've been around long enough to help people. WAAA WAAA WAA. But I also know any move I make will be met with people all over me like a three-piece suit from a vending machine. Really really bad rip-off of a saying I used a long time ago. Typical of his "I'll TAKE something funny I heard once and then I'll grossly overstate it, that'll make it REALLY funny."

I think things are a little on the sterile side around here since the new board started up. That's not PA's fault or a result of the new format. There was just a little 'power struggle' where some people decided what the rest of us looked at on these boards. OH boy.... That seems to be over with at this point...or at least I hope it is. It would be nice to see a heated discussion without a retaliation like the wrath of a high school cheerleading squad. Apperently, there was something funny in that last line, only hB knows for sure.

So let me know if a little levity is prescribed here Dr. People. I'm sure the lurkers are going: "What is HB's deal? What kind of meds puts a brain on glacier speed like that? Yes some did... I WANT MY HB PA!" No we don't.


Here we go, again....

Fine then, I'm not saying everyone should just lose their minds in one big moronic breeze Why not, you did? because they would all end up in my sock drawer disguised as lint and I would have to claim them on my taxes as livestock...or not. Slip sliding away, slip sliding away.

Okay, that was an overexcited reach of relief like someone poked me with a pin trying to pop my silly putty. Farther down to the depths of anti-comedy.

Okay, fine. I'll just pop a pill and hope they issue green cards to people without IQs. Good, then go lay down and have a nap and don't bother getting back up to post....or write.....anything.....ever.......again.


[/QUOTE]

[Jeff]

Several of us here, if I remember correctly, predicted a week or two ago that Shempie would soon enough have a noisy public breakdown because no one was paying attention to him.

The countdown has commenced.

[J.S. Blue]

Got this from the same thread- New folks join us all the time and you'll have a whole clean slate of admirers.

...and then detractors. Another cycle begins.

BTW, what ever happened to the good smilies? I seem to have lost my ability to post dancing bananas and such.

[M. Story]

BTW, what ever happened to the good smilies? I seem to have lost my ability to post dancing bananas and such.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoticonbanana.gif If you do a quick quote, there won't be any smileys like this one, or this one http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoteJump.gif or this one...http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteCheer.gif

To keep on topic...perhaps those at PA had a meeting with the PA Poster Pimp and his buddies and requested that they tone down their posts. The new pic & controlled language for nightie lady, the more subdued pimp posts, and no fur flying lately all indicate a lull before the storm. It won't last. People like that live for the thrill of the next explosion, and will create one if no one else does it for them. I'm sure someone soon will pull the pin on their grenade mouth and then "kaboom!"

[Susan Gable]

Got this from the same thread- New folks join us all the time and you'll have a whole clean slate of admirers.

...and then detractors. Another cycle begins.

BTW, what ever happened to the good smilies? I seem to have lost my ability to post dancing bananas and such.


Here you go, J.S.:
:banana: :banana: :banana:

When you're posting, click on the one smile up at the top of the box. If you don't see the dancing banana, click on Show all Smilies.

Unless this has to do the reset of the rep points? Or whatever that whole process was? Is it possible that you lost your dancing banana that way? (Sorry, but I have very limited knowledge about how these boards actually work!)

Hope you find your dancing bananas soon! :)

Susan G.

[Ed Williams]

..from someone last night who purports to be very close to Shemp. Let me say right up front that this is not Joe, nor anyone connected to Joe. This is from someone closer to Shemp than that. They had a lot they wanted to get off their chest, and get it off their chest they did. I am just going to hit the highlights here, and Joe, you might be able to vouch for or disavow what I'm about to write. The email address the message was from appears to be valid. Re our boy Shemp:

1. Earns NO daily bread. Collects a disability check. Claims he is legally blind, and has chronic back problems. Probably gets an occasional "tip" from P.A. for "dirty deeds done on the cheap."

2. Lived with his mother until she passed away. Other siblings "booted the boy" from family home, and he got absolutely nothing. Relationship with siblings? They loathe him, see him as a sponge. Had a major blow-up with his brother-in-law over his Mom's stuff.

3. Living conditions...up graded from a Sanford and Son like home to a rental house.The utilites are often cut off for lack of payment.

4. Mrs Shemp? She's basically a church mouse, very meek and polite. Very smart lady, but clueless about men. Shemp's step-daughter from his first marriage lives with them.

5. I would call his friends those of the "kleenex variety." He blows his nose on them and tosses them away. One such friend (Missy) he lured into the Easter death scene. When she discovered what Shemp has really done she was banned for coming onto the message boards and calling him a "lying prick."

6. Hits the "sauce" regularly. Takes some pain medication, whatever he can get for free from the clinic. Street smarts, but a pure loser.

7. He wants to believe that he is the next Robin Williams/Chris Rock. He also believes that if he stays with PA long enough that they'll send him to Hollywood. He lives for this eventuality, it's why he can't admit the truth to himself about PA. Tells everyone in earshot that some day he knows an agent will spot him. One already has, and took him to the cleaners a few years back.

[Sparhawk]

..from someone last night who purports to be very close to Shemp. Let me say right up front that this is not Joe, nor anyone connected to Joe. This is from someone closer to Shemp than that. They had a lot they wanted to get off their chest, and get it off their chest they did. I am just going to hit the highlights here, and Joe, you might be able to vouch for or disavow what I'm about to write. The email address the message was from appears to be valid. Re our boy Shemp:

1. Earns NO daily bread. Collects a disability check. Claims he is legally blind, and has chronic back problems. Probably gets an occasional "tip" from P.A. for "dirty deeds done on the cheap."

2. Lived with his mother until she passed away. Other siblings "booted the boy" from family home, and he got absolutely nothing. Relationship with siblings? They loathe him, see him as a sponge. Had a major blow-up with his brother-in-law over his Mom's stuff.

3. Living conditions...up graded from a Sanford and Son like home to a rental house.The utilites are often cut off for lack of payment.

4. Mrs Shemp? She's basically a church mouse, very meek and polite. Very smart lady, but clueless about men. Shemp's step-daughter from his first marriage lives with them.

5. I would call his friends those of the "kleenex variety." He blows his nose on them and tosses them away. One such friend (Missy) he lured into the Easter death scene. When she discovered what Shemp has really done she was banned for coming onto the message boards and calling him a "lying prick."

6. Hits the "sauce" regularly. Takes some pain medication, whatever he can get for free from the clinic. Street smarts, but a pure loser.

7. He wants to believe that he is the next Robin Williams/Chris Rock. He also believes that if he stays with PA long enough that they'll send him to Hollywood. He lives for this eventuality, it's why he can't admit the truth to himself about PA. Tells everyone in earshot that some day he knows an agent will spot him. One already has, and took him to the cleaners a few years back.

Wow!! If this is true what a sad and broken little man he is. His wife and child have my sympathy. No wonder he likes the message boards, it's his only claim to validity in his seemingly pointless life. Shemp has a wife and a child, these are blessings from the Great Maker of all things, he is not serving them in his current capacity. It always amazes me how a meek and humble woman can be so dominated by an egomaniac.

If HB is legally blind, he sure has no problem typing and reading from a computer monitor. I realize that there are varying degrees of blindness, but I find this particular claim interesting.

Ed, if all of this is true, and your in a better position than I as to the veracity of this data; SHemp is indeed a troubled soul that is grasping at this, his last best attempt at fame and fortune. Shame on Publish Ameriscam for fostering this individuals delusions of granduer for their own personal gain.

PA you doth truly suck stale twinkie creme. May a flock of irate, gastric pidgeons decorate your new headquarters with organic, biological waste matter !!!

[Memphis Ed]

1. Earns NO daily bread. Collects a disability check. Claims he is legally blind, and has chronic back problems. Probably gets an occasional "tip" from P.A. for "dirty deeds done on the cheap."

2. Lived with his mother until she passed away. Other siblings "booted the boy" from family home, and he got absolutely nothing. Relationship with siblings? They loathe him, see him as a sponge. Had a major blow-up with his brother-in-law over his Mom's stuff.

3. Living conditions...up graded from a Sanford and Son like home to a rental house.The utilites are often cut off for lack of payment.

4. Mrs Shemp? She's basically a church mouse, very meek and polite. Very smart lady, but clueless about men. Shemp's step-daughter from his first marriage lives with them.

5. I would call his friends those of the "kleenex variety." He blows his nose on them and tosses them away. One such friend (Missy) he lured into the Easter death scene. When she discovered what Shemp has really done she was banned for coming onto the message boards and calling him a "lying prick."

6. Hits the "sauce" regularly. Takes some pain medication, whatever he can get for free from the clinic. Street smarts, but a pure loser.

7. He wants to believe that he is the next Robin Williams/Chris Rock. He also believes that if he stays with PA long enough that they'll send him to Hollywood. He lives for this eventuality, it's why he can't admit the truth to himself about PA. Tells everyone in earshot that some day he knows an agent will spot him. One already has, and took him to the cleaners a few years back.

This speaks volumes. If Shemp thinks he is unique, he should fly to Memphis and then drive ten miles south where he will feel right at home....in Mississippi. This description sounds like their recruitment ad, although I hate to insult Mississippians by comparing them to Shemp.

[Ed Williams]

...the sad thing is, were he not a liar and responsible for misleading a lot of innocent people, I would genuinely feel sorry for the guy. It was hard to post that stuff up, but if he has no guilt at doing what he's doing for PA, then I have none whatsoever in posting the info up.

[bluwinteryfox]

If HB is legally blind, he sure has no problem typing and reading from a computer monitor. I realize that there are varying degrees of blindness, but I find this particular claim interesting.

PA you doth truly suck stale twinkie creme. May a flock of irate, gastric pidgeons decorate your new headquarters with organic, biological waste matter !!!
I'm legally blind myself if I don't wear my glasses. So HB may be. If I don't wear my glasses, I can't see a thing unless my nose is pressed against my monitor. But then I can't type.

And you're correct Sparhawk, pa does suck stale twinkie creme.

[James D. Macdonald]

Our friend asks (http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2321):


Has anyone here joined the writer's guild? I was wondering what they've done for you and how long it takes for an application to be processed. As I understand it, the writer's guild opens a lot of doors for writers. I would just like to know what they REALLY do.Has anyone here joined the writer's guild? I was wondering what they've done for you and how long it takes for an application to be processed. As I understand it, the writer's guild opens a lot of doors for writers. I would just like to know what they REALLY do.


Do you want to give him the bad news, or should I?

Oh, heck. I will.

Does he mean the National Writers Union (http://www.nwu.org/) or the Author's Guild (http://www.authorsguild.org/)? Or does he mean Writers Guild of America (http://www.wga.org/)?

Of the lot, he's eligible for membership in the National Writers Union, because they don't require publication.

[Literary Lola]

HB Marcus Speaks:

I'm just wondering if I'll be attacked or shunned if the board gets a little HB (freakin') Marcus back...The emails tell me I'm about as interesting right now as a five-pound bag of fertilizer... I don't want to be banned because I've been around long enough to help people..I WANT MY HB PA!"

Great goegly moegly, talk about pimping for an audience. I envision poor HB singing "I'm so pretty, oh so pretty" as he types.

He's afraid of being attacked or shunned? :roll:Dagnabbit, but that's funny. The only thing that nut job fears is losing his audience and wide-eyed adoration.

I don't know if any of you remember the mini-series Merlin a number of years ago. Anyway, at the end Mab, the evil soreceress, dies, not because she's killed in battle, but that she's simply forgotten. Becoming irrelevent is a woesome bedmate and I daresay that HB's sheets are soon to be his only friend.

He got it wrong, though. A bag of fertilizer is more interesting.

[Aconite]

Hurry--ZaZ is on the PA board:http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2314&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0&sid=fa797d6aa3cc00690e5796fe3ae9a971

PJDivineShout
Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 10:00 am
**
Tell me this, Zaz -- are you performing dead or alive? There seems to be some questions about the mortality state of some.

ZaZ
Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 10:01 am
**
I was going to fake being alive but it is neither a Christian holiday nor a unique thing to pull around this joint.

[Literary Lola]

Claims he is legally
Hmm. I certainly didn't see any white cane in Frederick. And he managed to traipse around the Gettysburg tour quite well. 'Course, when he's drunk he possibly is legally blind...

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

1. HB and Jane both told me back in August that he was denied disability from SSI.

2. HB told me many times by phone that PA provided all his books for all of his book signings without cost to HB. They paid for his entire trip to MD for the convention. They sent him flowers after the convention, when his mother died, and after his interview with AP for that article they did.

3. HB told me many times by phone that he just needed new glasses, but couldn't afford it. He never told me he was legally blind.

4. He always told me that his sisters were crazy, but he and his brother got along well. He told me that his younger sister loved him to death and they got along great. He never once mentioned a brother-in-law.

5. His friends are only around when he needs them. I found that out and so did many others. I find it interesting that if Missy really wanted to call him a 'lying prick' then why is she back on the public board praising HB? She came back on the board as soon as the shooting stopped(so to speak).

6. One of the reasons he said he came back to the board was because his 'agent' told him not to 'kill' his name. What agent?

7. He also mentioned in an email a fellow PA author sent me that 'phase three' was about to begin. I believe that 'phase three' was the new message board and he knew he would be right back on there. He also knew that anyone who dared to go against him would have his/her posts pulled or they would be banned or both. He has no worries, as far as I see it. PA is getting rid of anyone who doesn't like him and says so. He's on top of the world right now and he knows it.

Tracy

[NancyMehl]

Ed,

The information you posted about H.B. rings very, very true. It fits with his "delusions of grandeur" personality. He creates an important persona to combat his failure and feelings of inferiority.

Also, I know that he mentioned being off-line for a while because the electric company shut him off (an accident, of course), and I think there was something about having to move.

I think you've got the real stuff there.

Nancy

[Dawno]

Looked at this link: http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2314&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 as posted on the Neverending PA thread. First, you go get 'em ZaZ!

Next, the new Shemp sig:

Contact me at(url removed) for signed copies of XXXXXX, XX XXX XXXXXX XXXX, or XXXXXXXXX. All three books have received 5 out of 5 star reviews yet comedy is as popular as self-inflicted hammer wounds.

Last I saw (all stacked up or shelved in a brick and mortar bookstore, btw) there were multitudes of funny books. Anyone read Evanovich? Pratchett? Holt? Douglas Adams? David Sedaris? Helen Fielding (of Bridget Jones fame)? There are so many more than that, those just come to mind.

Do an amazon.com search on comedy or humor. Lots of 5 star reviewed books specifically on those topics and that's without even trying to find other books that are funny but not categorized in the comedy or humor topics.

*sigh*

[Literary Lola]

Hurry--ZaZ is on the PA board:http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2314&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0&sid=fa797d6aa3cc00690e5796fe3ae9a971

PJDivineShout
Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 10:00 am
**
Tell me this, Zaz -- are you performing dead or alive? There seems to be some questions about the mortality state of some.

ZaZ
Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 10:01 am
**
I was going to fake being alive but it is neither a Christian holiday nor a unique thing to pull around this joint.
wow. I felt like I was being chased by one of those weird tornados, only it was the Icon Delete Button. I read page 2 as fast as I could so I could get to page three. Only when I hit the bottom, page 3 was already gone. I skipped back to page 1 and Poof! page 2 was history. I barely got out alive.

[Elincoln]

Hurry--ZaZ is on the PA board:http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2314&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0&sid=fa797d6aa3cc00690e5796fe3ae9a971


It's gone. Zazz's comments are history.

I'm sorry, but this selective Cut&Toss is really bugging me. PA reminds me of the Nazi Government. Their way or the highway...

[M. Story]

I find it interesting that if Missy really wanted to call him a 'lying prick' then why is she back on the public board praising HB? She came back on the board as soon as the shooting stopped(so to speak).
I noticed that, too. She has always been a part of the HBScam, even though several have tried to convince me otherwise. I don't really know her, but if she's praising HB, that says a lot right there about her character.

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Yep.... ZAZ's comments are gone very, very quickly and why? Why golly gee, he isn't saying nice things about HB. ZAZ will probably be banned by noon.... maybe not, but chances are, he will be. If you can't say, "I love you, HB," then you are usually banned very quickly.

PA just keeps proving my point....

Tracy

[Ed Williams]

...why I love this guy! ZaZ, you are just da bomb! And he also just made a huge, huge point for everyone out there to see and remember. HB is not someone to fear, why, it's just the opposite! Go straight at him armed with the facts, and he just can't take it. Witness this, did you see him challenging ZaZ to a best two-out-of-three or anything? Hell no - he saves that for the truly defenseless. He can't argue the points made, he can't take being challenged cause he has nothing to fire back with, basically, he can't do anything but rush over to his PA nipple and beg them to cut off the milk to the offender(s). PA, y'all were so stupid to reinstate this guy, he is doing more good for us than anything any of us could post or distribute re y'alls scam.

PA authors - stop tie-toeing around this guy. All you've got here is a loser times ten who's whoring out for PA because that's all he's got. PA is the highest he will ever advance in the publishing industry. Just like Curlem, Moe-randa, and Larry. Check out his background, consider his level of success. He's giving out advice to people? He's talking about publishing and how to do succeed? What a joke.

Marcus, the jig is about up. They're on to you, even the newbies. More is coming, in fact, much more is coming. You've never caught on to the fact that you can't keep making the same mistakes over and over again and not pay a price....
__________________

[ZaZ]

At post fourteen my posts were being removed as I typed.

I was trying to cut and paste the entire conversation but I was the only one making a point and saying anything entertaining. After awhile I just washed in with the tide.

Shemp is a doofus. That's just plain and simple.

[Elincoln]

At post fourteen my posts were being removed as I typed.

I was trying to cut and paste the entire conversation but I was the only one making a point and saying anything entertaining. After awhile I just washed in with the tide.

Shemp is a doofus. That's just plain and simple.

You did your best Zaz, and that's all we can do. Let's hope some newbies saw through the sham and come here to find out more.

And PJ, if you're out there. Welcome to our Free-thinking Forum!

[Trapped in amber]

Is it just me, or has Jean Marie's response to Shemp's post on the Writers Guild been removed? But his request has stayed up. So I suppose they're just waiting for a response that isn't the truth...

[ZaZ]

PAChick on PAMB with the pun of the day:

How can you pay someone to sit here with their eyes glued to these posts and not pay someone to promote our books? That's the big question. This is all I will say on this subject, no one will see it anyway, but you ran off some really decent people today, pretty soon all that will be left is crazy HB and newbe's who don't know any better...but I'll see them all later no doubt. Absolutely no doubt.

[James D. Macdonald]

As to what any of the writers' guilds, unions, or associations will do for you: It's mostly networking. You get the good gossip and rumors early. You learn about markets fast. Sometimes you have to be at the right place at the right time, and membership will help you learn what that place and time is.

They also have a bit of pull to deal with publishers who are mistreating authors, and they help warn authors of abusive practices and publishers.

[M. Story]

At post fourteen my posts were being removed as I typed. A word of advice...when you want to confront anyone on the PAMB, do it when Shemp & his PApimpettes do it--in the evenings or preferably late on a Friday afternoon. That is when PA puts the MB clock on "snooze" and messages stay up longer. Unless of course, Shemp has a hotline to the message board monitor, or has his own "delete" button. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoteHammer.gif

[Elincoln]

Unless of course, Shemp has a hotline to the message board monitor, or has his own "delete" button. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoteHammer.gif

Honestly, I don't think so. If he did, then all the post people did that ignored him would be deleted as well out of spite. He has that mentality to see insults in the weirdest places. I just think he goes running to Miranda's skirts, crying "So and so is picking on me!"

[Julian Black]

It's gone. Zazz's comments are history.

I'm sorry, but this selective Cut&Toss is really bugging me. PA reminds me of the Nazi Government. Their way or the highway...I was thinking of Stalinist Russia, myself.

Somewhere in all the still-unpacked boxes I have a book--The Commissar Vanishes (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0805052941/qid=1116607459/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/104-9397268-7437548?v=glance&s=books&n=507846), by David King--that discusses the way disgraced members of the Communist Party got selectively edited out of history. On the cover is an official photo of Stalin with three government officials that was retouched again and again to remove each official as he fell out of favor, until only Joe himself remained.

Watching loyal comrades and heroes of the PA cause selectively disappear--or have their less-than-laudatory messages vanish as if they had never been posted--reminds me of that book...

[Elincoln]

I was thinking of Stalinist Russia, myself.

Yes, that's a much better analogy. Thanks Julian.

[James D. Macdonald]

One day a PublishAmerica author and a Random House author get into a horrible automobile crash and both die. Because they were both bad authors, they go to Author Hell, where they're met at the gate by Old Nick himself.

"Well," says the devil, "Now that you're here, you have a choice. Do you want to go to PublishAmerica Hell or Random House Hell?"

"What's the difference?" says the Random House author.

"Well," says the devil, "in Random House Hell you have to eat a shovelfull of sh!t every day, while in PublishAmerica Hell you have to eat two shovelfulls of sh!t every day."

"I'll go to Random House Hell," says the Random House author.

"I'm loyal to PA!" says the PublishAmerica author. "Send me to PublishAmerica Hell!"

About a thousand years later the two authors find themselves sharing a table at a booksigning in Barnes&Noble Hell.

"How's it going for you?" asks the PublishAmerica author.

"Not too bad," says the Random House author. "After a while you get used to a shovelfull of sh!t every day. How's it with you?"

"Just terrible," says the PublishAmerica author. "One day they run out of sh!t, the next day they can't find any shovels."

[Susan Gable]

He was TYPING! You need a new page every time you fill one up.

I'll bet he also hit return at the end of each line and put two spaces instead of one after each mark of end punctuation. Plus there's all that Wite-Out on his screen. . . .

Hey, I still put two spaces after the ending punctuation. Haven't been able to retrain myself, plus since I tend to go a bit over my alloted word count, the double spaces are actually a self-fooling buffer zone. :)

But I most certainly do not put each page as a seperate file. Actually, I don't even make each chapter its own file - I know some writers do it that way. I have one huge master file with the whole dang book.

Back to the Shemp show! I wish I had gotten around in time to see Zaz's posts! You GO, Zaz!

Susan G.

[Jeff]

He has no worries, as far as I see it. PA is getting rid of anyone who doesn't like him and says so. He's on top of the world right now and he knows it. Tracy

Tracy, he may think so, but it is a very very small world orbiting a very very dead star in a shrinking galaxy (far far away - sorry, just saw Star Wars).

Anyway, let's not give this guy any more credit than he deserves -- the PA messageboards are nothing and mean nothing in the big picture of getting published and being noticed and respected by the mainstream. Indeed, judging by what goes on there and the rep that printer has earned being on them may well end up being a hinderance. He and his antics have been a detriment to PA, and I think we can both agree that he is stupid enough that he will act out and become a detriment to them once again.

He is not on top of the world, I think. He is sitting up high on the mast of a sinking pirate ship and smiling only because his feet are not yet wet.

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

I stand corrected, Jeff.

Tracy

[Jeff]

James, you are evilmeanwickedbadandnasty.

And I admire you, sir.

:Clap:

[Gravity]

This whole Shemp thread reminds me of something SF writer Gerald Kersh wrote, and it slammed me so hard I still pull it out from time to time. Here it is:

"There are men whom one hates, until you see, through a chink in their armor, the image of something nailed down and in torment."

If Ed's revelations about the boy are true (and I have no cause to doubt it) all I can say is, wow. How sad this whole Shemp mess is (and yes, I know he had me banned; it's still sad).

John

[ZaZ]

Wasn't that my whole point for making a 53 minute appearance at the PAMB? To prove just how useless a password to post there is?
You can go there, but be ye humans of no valor for guarding the entrance to the cave is a creature so foul...so incredibly stupid...

Here's a brief outline of my stay today.

Brief hello
Brief response
Insult
Repetitive parrot-like automaton rhetoric
Funny Insult
Repetitive parrot-like automaton rhetoric
Truth
Repetitive parrot-like automaton rhetoric
Nasty mean and true insult
Shemp runs for mommy
Posts deleted
Wise guy banned

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

HB Marcus has a penchant for flipping out on the weekends. Watch for it!

I dunno, maybe I am seeing things that are not there. No, I have not been drinking, nor have I been using inhalation therapy. However, have you noticed Shemps latest Posts on the Public Board today? Something about a cartoon character - a Moose to be more specific? He loves that Moose. The tone and sentence structure of his Posts appear to be written by an adolescent or a senior in High School. Could it be that he has hired a Ghost Writer to Post on the Public Message Board? The Posts are light and airy which is a tell-tale sign that someone else, other then HB is writing the Posts.

Sure, I enjoy cartoons. I watch Futurama and Family Guy on [adultswim] every night. "Bender" the Robot is a (excuse the expression) dead ringer for HB Marcus & "Peter Griffen's" escapades mimics HB's thought patterns.

Let's see... If I was compared to an animated cartoon character, which one would it be? Hmmmm.... Wonder Dog? Err.. No. Popeye? I don't smoke a corn pipe - and lack the muscles. I get sea sick, too. Mr. Gadget? Getting warmer. The Hulk? Piss-Off this New Yorker, and yes, Tracy can attest to the fact that my mind transforms into a green seething monster, and I trash individuals verbally. Ahh - "Dexter" would be the right choice, and you would have nailed my personality, exactly.

If the patterns remain the same, HB Marcus is going to run wild on the public message board this weekend. Why? Because he is bored stiff. Maybe he will hold a book signing at a local funeral home - for excitement!

What do you, Dear Reader - think will happen on the public message board this weekend? Share your thoughts....

"Dexter" - I mean, Argile Stox

Addendum:

Wouldn't surprise me if Shemp stays off the PAMB this weekend - to prove me wrong. However - like a pressure cooker, Shemp's valve is going to reach the "Red Zone" soon.

"Go ahead, make my day." Come on, Marcus - BRING IT ON!

[James D. Macdonald]

A Henry Holt author, a Harlequin author, and PublishAmerica author were in an art museum, standing in front of a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden.

"They must be Henry Holt authors," says the Henry Holt author. "Observe the symbolism! Contemplate the subtext of the apple, the fig leaf, and the serpent!"

"No," says the Harlequin author. "They are clearly Harlequin authors. See how beautiful they are! See how they're looking into each others' eyes, deeply in love!"

"You're both wrong," says the PublishAmerica author. "Those two are PA authors. Their naked butts are hanging out and they have just one apple for the two of them, but they think they're in paradise."

[MadScientistMatt]

With all the veteran authors at the PAMB eventually realizing they can't sell with PA and either giving up or getting another publisher, I have to wonder if the real reason they keep Shemp around is that he's the only "experienced" author they have who has been with them for years and still believes that if he keeps going he can make it big. It may be just like how their victims are so glad they have a publisher, any publisher, that they're willing to overlook its faults. PublishAnyone may be so glad they have somebody who'se been with them for years and still believes that they are willing to overlook his ranting and the fact that he may only believe due to being borderline delusional. They need someone with "experience" to offer their newbies encouragement, and somebody who'se resigned himself to yearly sales that can be counted on their fingers is not going to cut it.

[James D. Macdonald]

Three authors were sitting on a park bench in Frederick, MD, when they noticed that they were all wearing "I'm With the Banned" tee-shirts.

"Why did you get banned?" one asks.

"I was banned for bashing Lynn Barry," the second author says. "How about you?"

"That's funny," says the first author, "I was banned for defending Lynn Barry." He turns to the third author. "Why were you banned?"

"For being Lynn Barry."

[CaoPaux]

Three authors were sitting on a park bench in Frederick, MD, when they noticed that they were all wearing "I'm With the Banned" tee-shirts.

"Why did you get banned?" one asks.

"I was banned for bashing Lynn Barry," the second author says. "How about you?"

"That's funny," says the first author, "I was banned for defending Lynn Barry." He turns to the third author. "Why were you banned?"

"For being Lynn Barry." :Hail:

[ResearchGuy]

Who was it (Thoreau?) who said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Shemp may not be quiet, but ...

--Ken

[Literary Lola]

Three authors were sitting on a park bench in Frederick, MD, when they noticed that they were all wearing "I'm With the Banned" tee-shirts.

"Why did you get banned?" one asks.

"I was banned for bashing Lynn Barry," the second author says. "How about you?"

"That's funny," says the first author, "I was banned for defending Lynn Barry." He turns to the third author. "Why were you banned?"

"For being Lynn Barry."
All right, someone nab that bong out of Jim's hands. No, wait. Keep it. Too danged funny. The experience sounds all too familiar.

[James D. Macdonald]

A PublishAmerica author, a Bookwrights Press author, and a St. Martin's author meet one day.

"My book is in the Barnes&Noble in my hometown," the PA author says.

"My book is in every Barnes&Noble in the state," the Bookwrights author says.

"My book is in every Barnes&Noble in the country," the St. Martin's author says.

"What kind of idiot do you take me for?" the PA author says. "No one has the time to drive around and visit them all!"

[MacAllister]

:ROFL: stand back, everybody...Jim is on a roll, today!

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Fictional News Report:

NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams.

And now we turn to Publishing News. PublishAmerica, a little known Trade Paperback Publishing Company has declared War on its Authors. Argile Stox has this report via the Internet -

Brian, I am reporting from the Village of the Banned - here in Fredrick, MD; where the Mass Banning took place. Oh, the humanity of it all!

Brian Williams here - Argile, we are unable to get a News Crew to the Site - we have been blocked. Can you describe what has happened?

Well - Brian, the carnage of broken dreams and .97 cent royalty checks litter the streets. It just takes my breath away. It reminds me of the vintage footage of Cossacks raiding and destroying Villages in the 1900's.

Argile, have you any idea who masterminded this terror?

Brian, my sources tell me that HB Marcus and PublishAmerica snuck in during the moonless night and Banned almost every one of the old-timers. It was a horrific sight to witness. One by one, they were lined up against a wall, and BANNED. Contracts, Manuscripts, Over Priced Trade Paperbacks are everywhere - shredded beyond recognition.

Argile, this just in to our News Desk. HB Marcus has been arrested. However, PublishAmerica claims that he was Dead at the time, and no charges have been filed.

Brian, from eyewitness accounts I have heard - HB Marcus was headless and naked, riding a Zeebra when this happened. Witnesses report that the headless body was holding HB Marcus's head in its hands...

Argile's Internet connection has been lost. We will bring you more - as the situation develops.

This is Brian Williams for NBC Nightly News - Goodnight.

Argile Stox

(Thanks ResearchGuy for the Picture)

[Boob]

Zaz, you`re still as funny as hell. I`ve missed ya. :hi:

Boob.

[NancyMehl]

Argile, you are truly funny.

Shemp could learn something from you.

Thanks for the laughs....:ROFL:

Nancy

[lizziepants]

1. I'm fairly sure the idiot of the week has moderator privledges on the new PAMB, perhaps was even one of the perks to changing the format of the board.

2. I wonder at times if being a narcissistic psychopath with antisocial and self destructive tendencies isn't just a means to an end for certain people. I'm quite sure he revels in the negative attention he recieves. Come to think of it -- I'd be tickled if I had an entire thread on a message board devoted to me. Ohhh wait.. nevermind, not if it was dedicated to how f'n crazy I am. (Which, I am.)

3. Let it be said here publicly, any words I've tossed in the nutcases direction were simply my personal opinion, not fact and mostly meant to entertain myself. See, I've been recieving terribly threatening emails -- and recently was able (with the assistance of Road Runner & Bighead) to parse where they're coming from. What a sad little man one must be to send hateful rantings to a sweet, innocent girl like me. <insert sly wink here> Don't hate me because I'm enlightened, come and sit on the dock with me and I'll share my rum and knowledge with you -- else, find someone else to pick on.

3. Uncle Jim - needless to mention, you're hilarious.

4. Zaz, well, no comment needed there, you know exactly what I think.

5. Ed! I had something lewd to say to you as well, but in my altered state (I have pnuemonia) I have misplaced my words in the antihistamine fog.

Ta!

Also -- nice to see the new faces, you gotta laugh at someone who may choose any nickname they wish and selects something like, "boob." Comedy. Sheer comedy.

[NancyMehl]

A PublishAmerica author, a Bookwrights Press author, and a St. Martin's author meet one day.

"My book is in the Barnes&Noble in my hometown," the PA author says.

"My book is in every Barnes&Noble in the state," the Bookwrights author says.

"My book is in every Barnes&Noble in the country," the St. Martin's author says.

"What kind of idiot do you take me for?" the PA author says. "No one has the time to drive around and visit them all!"

:roll:

I sense a new book..... "PA JOKES!"

Of course we know whose pictures would be on the front cover...... :Clap:

Nancy

[ResearchGuy]

Fictional News Report:... riding a Zebra when this happened. ...
Lotta that going around: http://cartoons.umbachconsulting.com/HorseOfADifferentColor.html

--Ken

[DreamWeaver]

If HB is legally blind, he sure has no problem typing and reading from a computer monitor. I realize that there are varying degrees of blindness, but I find this particular claim interesting.I am NOT defending HB, and this is a bit OT, but I would like to note that the computer is one of the greatest tools invented to help legally blind people read, be it books, letters from friends, business paperwork, whatever. With a computer, one has the ability to increase text size at will, to the point where only one word fits on the screen at a time. I have a friend who has to read this way--one HUGE word at a time on a computer screen--and is d*mn glad of the opportunity.

In addition, some people legally or completely blind can use a computer program that audibly reads text to them, in a mechanical voice. This is one reason you should always tag your images with a description when coding HTML--so the blind people can hear their software read a description of what the image is showing.

So, a legally blind person using a computer or reading/writing with the aid of a computer is not an oxymoron.

On the other hand, HB is a moron.

Thank you for your time. Now back to your regularly scheduled thread.

Kris

[DTKelly]

I sense a new book..... "PA JOKES!"



Do you think PA would publish it? :Shrug: :popcorn: :D

[astonwest]

Do you think PA would publish it? :Shrug: :popcorn: :D

As long as the submitter didn't put PA in the title and make it obvious...
they do publish anything...

[DaveKuzminski]

Do you think PA would publish it?

Sure, but their spellcheck would probably change all instances of PublishAmerica into American Book Publishing Group.

[Gratian Gasparri]

I'm just wondering if I'll be attacked or shunned if the board gets a little HB (freakin') Marcus back.

Shouldn't that be HB Marcus freakin'?

But I also know any move I make will be met with people all over me like a three-piece suit from a vending machine.

Am I the only one who doesn't know what the heck this simile means? It is not just a poor simile or a bad one, but rather it makes about as much sense as screen windows on a submarine.

HB, today I read volumes three and four of Uncle Jim's Circle of Magic series. Uncle Jim uses a number of similes in his books. They are wonderful! More importantly, they make sense.

It would be nice to see a heated discussion without a retaliation like the wrath of a high school cheerleading squad.

Okay, this is a poor simile, if not a cliche simile, but at least it makes some sense.

So let me know if a little levity is prescribed here Dr. People. I'm sure the lurkers are going: "What is HB's deal? What kind of meds puts a brain on glacier speed like that?"

A lobotomy?

[James D. Macdonald]

Q. If Willem, Miranda, Larry, Janet, Jessica, and Michele jumped off the roof of the townhouse at the same time, which one would hit the ground first?

A. Who cares?

=========

I'm glad you're enjoying the Circle of Magic books, Gratian.

------------

Back to topic sorta -- I thought the lurkers were supporting HB in email. Why's he all of a sudden unsure of what they think?

==========

For reasons that seemed good at the time I saw HOUSE OF WAX a week ago. That movie was like an explosion in a Stupid factory. You walk out of the theatre with little bits of stupid all over you. Given the fact that that thing exists ... there's hope for almost any book to be made into a movie.

So keep the dream alive, HB. Stranger things have happened.

[MartyKay]

Hi Vote Bot :)
Welcome to absolute write. You are the first non-human member, I believe.

No, wasn't Shemp a member at some stage?? :)

[Christine N.]

See, UJ, that's what they get when they try to remake an already wonderful Vincent Price movie. VP's probably turning over in his grave.... or maybe he'll just rise from the dead. You know how he is.

Anyway - PA sucks, HB sucks. It all sucks big stale twinkie cream.

[Gravity]

[QUOTE=James D. Macdonald]
==========

For reasons that seemed good at the time I saw HOUSE OF WAX a week ago. That movie was like an explosion in a Stupid factory. You walk out of the theatre with little bits of stupid all over you. Given the fact that that thing exists ... there's hope for almost any book to be made into a movie.

QUOTE]

Apropos of nothing, I own and cherish a VHS copy of the original 1950's House of Wax, starring Vincent Price (scared the liver-lights out of me when I was a kid). When I was working on the school paper in college, one of the speakers that came to our campus my senior year was none other than Mr. Price himself. He was mesmerizing, and after the speech was over I was honored to interview him at length. What a gracious, funny, fascinating man.

All that to say, anyone who'd have the temerity to remake a classic like H.O.W. has no shame; what's next, a new verison of White Heat, starring Nicholas Cage?? At least I heard the only thing the new H.O.W. has in common with the original one is the title.

Arrgghh...their punishment should be having to work for Meiners filming his autobiography. Or worse, Shemp's (thought I got off-topic, didn't ya?):D

Oh yeah, speaking of reworked titles, I did hear that someone's making a movie of PA's shenanigans.

They're calling it Ship of Fools.

John (who went clear around the barn for that one)

[J.S. Blue]

..

1. Earns NO daily bread. Correct. Collects a disability check. I don't think so, he whined about how all the doctors and lawywers were wrong and screwed him out of his disability! Claims he is legally blind, Just needs his glasses and see fine with them. and has chronic back problems. Yeah, he hurt his back moving pianos but he couldn't get a doctor to agree that he was hurt enough for disability. Probably gets an occasional "tip" from P.A. for "dirty deeds done on the cheap." Don't know, doubt it.

2. Lived with his mother until she passed away. Lived there for awhile- couple of years anyhow before she died.Other siblings "booted the boy" from family home, and he got absolutely nothing. Pretty much- he was executor of the estate until he screwed around so long they took the executorship away and the court divided the property as I understand it. Relationship with siblings? They loathe him, see him as a sponge. Had a major blow-up with his brother-in-law over his Mom's stuff. Don't know about the brother in law thing,( that would be one of his old running buddies that married his little sis) but none of them get along as far as I ever saw, with the exception of Marcus and his older bro.

3. Living conditions...up graded from a Sanford and Son like home to a rental house.The utilites are often cut off for lack of payment. They moved from his Mom's old house which needed a little R/R to a mobile home in a park in ****** Ohio, it's in need of some TLC but not a shack. I guess they have trouble making ends meet for various reasons, my guess is because the boy needs to take care of business and get a jorb.

4. Mrs Shemp? She's basically a church mouse, very meek and polite. Very smart lady, but clueless about men. Shemp's step-daughter from his first marriage lives with them. Oh boy....She's pretty quiet, has a descent job. I don't know where the clueless about men part comes from, that's an insult where none is warranted. Marcus has step daughters from his CURRENT spouse, don't know if she lives there. Last I knew she didn't.

5. I would call his friends those of the "kleenex variety." He blows his nose on them and tosses them away. One such friend (Missy) he lured into the Easter death scene. When she discovered what Shemp has really done she was banned for coming onto the message boards and calling him a "lying prick."
Friends are a tool to be used until they don't suit his current needs. Not a sincere person as I've found out. I have heard from a few people that "he talked of me with reverence". I've heard he "spoke of me like I was a God". I wonder them why he was able to cast me off like an old snakeskin when the siht went down. A phone call alerting me as to what was about to happen may have made a totally different outcome to his "plan".

6. Hits the "sauce" regularly. Takes some pain medication, whatever he can get for free from the clinic. Street smarts, but a pure loser. Unless things have changed drasticly, he sho' likes his bottle. As to the "whatever he can get for free from the clinic"? That's sounds a little fishy to me, he was never a pill popper.

7. He wants to believe that he is the next Robin Williams/Chris Rock. He always wanted ME to "do standup", and told me regularly that "you are as funny as f**k!" He even video recorded me doing a "sit down" routine where he "interviewed me" and I did some observational comedy. He uses/used the tape as part of his "comedy database". As I've said many times, he posted on the PAMB "I stole everything from Joe". He also used to tell people he made stuff up by "thinking what Joe would say about it". Great. I told him I wasn't able to go up onstage and "just be funny" so I wasn't interested. Soon after that he "developed his funny" and started writing "comedy". The only people I ever knew to laugh at his "stuff" were the regulars at the pool hall/ bar and we all know EVERYONE is funny at 1:30 AM after a few. He also believes that if he stays with PA long enough that they'll send him to Hollywood. Uh, O.K....He lives for this eventuality, it's why he can't admit the truth to himself about PA. The bottom line is this-He got screwed by PA AFTER he told everyone around him they were "DA BOMB" an his sizable ego will not allow him to say "I was wrong, I got taken for a ride."Tells everyone in earshot that some day he knows an agent will spot him. One already has, and took him to the cleaners a few years back. I warned him 'bout that and told him about some of the correct avenues to getting published waaay back when and he went with the agent AND pA anyhow!!!!!

Any more questions?

[Kevin Yarbrough]

Okay, I don't want to skunk the garden party here, BUT . . .

This still doesn't necessarily prove beyond all doubt that PA was in on it.

No, work with me here. This is Stumpy we're talking about. Considering how prone he is to exaggeration and outright fabrication, do we have proof positive that he consulted with PA when he set up this death business? We have his word on it. His word.

After all we've seen, are you really able to take his word on anything?

What if he just told PA he was changing his screen name from HB Marcus to Killroy and PA said "Um, okay" and ignored the rest of the rambling involved? Does this not seem a touch more likely? Particularly with that rant he spewed out later about how he'd been left "twisting in the wind".

I think the connection between PA and HB is far more tenuous than we sometimes speculate. It's just easy to conflate them because they're both disreputable bullies.

Argile and Tracy, with all due respect, if you were honest enough to refuse to perpetrate the hoax, what kept you from blowing the whistle when the scheme went down without you?
'Shay, isn't it possible that the email that said PA left him twisting in the wind just a set up to make PA look like they don't treat him any different? They had to make sure PA didn't look like they were helping him any, and this did it, to an extent. I think it was kinda funny that the email showed up anyway.

Is it possible that PA ust changed his name? Yeah, it is. They might have asked why since he is their biggest supporter. Easy enough to prove though. Just have a court order to check their ISP's records, or even their computers. Heck, even check PA's time sheets to see if they were working on that weekend, since they said the office was closed.

You feel that? Hot. Seems like there is a fire in Frederick, all things that went on that weekend are going to go up in smoke. I also think it is funny that they are using Compers internet server, guess it would be easy for you to delete anything if you owned it huh?

[J.S. Blue]

...that though I thought we were friends for years- since around 1978-9, he has been changing, in a not-so-good-way for awhile now.

When he would act like an *** or say something way out west, I'd call him on it in what I used to tell my wife were my "mean e-mails". He would either come back with a "thanks Joe, I didn't realize I was getting that carried away", or sometimes by a bunch of excuses as to why he did/said what he did.

I blew his cover during the Easter weekend "hoax" partly because he'd crossed the line and it was time for people to get some facts. There was just too many manipulations on too many levels there and he dragged me into it and thought I'd go along with his "ride". He should have check ahead first.

I only feel pity for him now.

[Trapped in amber]

Gravity, you met Vincent Price? I'm very jealous.
I saw a trailor for House of Wax when I saw Amityville. I wasn't impressed by the snippets.
***************************

J.S. Blue, that's very sad. Maybe losing quite so many friends will eventually make him think about what he's done to them.

[DTKelly]

Oh yeah, speaking of reworked titles, I did hear that someone's making a movie of PA's shenanigans.

They're calling it Ship of Fools.


Hmm, they must've done so reshuffling, because I heard the movie was a documentary about an ex-PA author and their battle with PA. The working title was "I'm with Stupid" :Shrug:

[Gratian Gasparri]

J.S. Blue, that's very sad. Maybe losing quite so many friends will eventually make him think about what he's done to them.

We can only pray. Yet the information reported by Ed and JS Blue would confirm what I've long suspected, namely that Shemp is just as much a victim of PA as everyone else.

[Susan Gable]

I found this Quote of the Day on one of my favorite sites (www.refdesk.com (http://www.refdesk.com) - a great resource for writers!) and when I saw it, I immediately knew I had to post it here. Let me know if you think it resonates ;) with this thread.


"The compulsion to take ourselves seriously is in inverse proportion to our creative capacity. When the creative flow dries up, all we have left is our importance." - Eric Hoffer (http://www.bartleby.com/73/1681.html)


Susan G.

[Literary Lola]

We can only pray. Yet the information reported by Ed and JS Blue would confirm what I've long suspected, namely that Shemp is just as much a victim of PA as everyone else.
I disagree. PA is a lifeline to Schlump. He's a narcissist in need of a platform and PA is a scam in need of a cheerleader. They feed off of each other’s sick bile and try their level best to toss it over to their victims in an effort to control and bully. Gad, ain’t scammin’ grand?

[writerjenn]

Aren't we due for another meltdown soon? I'm working on my WIP today and would love a good show. :popcorn:


Jenn

[Memphis Ed]

Aren't we due for another meltdown soon? I'm working on my WIP today and would love a good show. :popcorn:


Jenn

I agree, Jenn. It's time for a little noise over there.

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

The Poll on "The Writer's Mind" located on Take It Outside Board will be closing soon.

This is your chance to have the Wrath of Tracy Sutterer inflicted on Argile Stox. "May The Force Be With You."

Argile Stox & Tracy Sutterer

[Sarashay]

Hmm, they must've done so reshuffling, because I heard the movie was a documentary about an ex-PA author and their battle with PA. The working title was "I'm with Stupid" :Shrug:

Wouldn't it be "I'm with Stipid"?

[DTKelly]

Wouldn't it be "I'm with Stipid"? :ROFL: *touche* or, in PAland, *toochie*

[Dawno]

I smoke cigarettes but I can still tell you which way an animal is in the woods, and which kind.:confused:

Please, please, someone release him back into the wild where he can be one with nature. I'm sure he will be much happier. :rolleyes:

[J.S. Blue]

... at the "quote from an idiot a day" website-

I'm a rather messed up mutt. I don't tan, I turn red for a time and turn to a bronse color. I smoke cigarettes but I can still tell you which way an animal is in the woods, and which kind. In fact you can probably drop me in the forest to find my way out and have to come look for me after a week. By then I should have built a casino.

Is this the best he can do humor-wise?

[MacAllister]

Gawd--now he's Howard Bumpo, with a penchant for bright lights.

[Kevin Yarbrough]

... at the "quote from an idiot a day" website-

I'm a rather messed up mutt. (no argument here.) I don't tan, I turn red for a time and turn to a bronse color. (Bronse? Does he turn into a statue or something?) I smoke cigarettes but I can still tell you which way an animal is in the woods, and which kind. (Since you are in the PA woods, what kind of animal is Meiners? You know where he is? I can. Picks up stick, sniffs it. Licks the wind. Looks at a tree, rubs butt on it. Sorry, had an itch. Seems to me like he is in a non-extradition country counting money.) In fact you can probably drop me in the forest to find my way out and have to come look for me after a week. By then I should have built a casino. (Only if you get picked up by some construction workers who are building a casino on an Indian reservation, otherwise in a week you would have gone crazy from no smokes and began acting like an animal. But before any of that I think some animal would scare you up a tree for the week and by the time the people come back to get you they would have found you treed by a rabbit or chipmunk. Build a casino? Please. Do you think you could with your wasting bone disease? What about your back injury from moving washers?")

Is this the best he can do humor-wise? (Sad to say it, but it probably is Joe.)?
.

[Kevin Yarbrough]

:confused:

Please, please, someone release him back into the wild where he can be one with nature. I'm sure he will be much happier. :rolleyes:

Dawno, I wouldn't do that to nature. He might pollute the fragile eco-system or something. But hey, if an HB falls in the woods does anybody hear it?

[Julian Black]

Is this the best he can do humor-wise?Humor? Try comprehensibility...

[Ed Williams]

Charlotte Leslie


Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 39
Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 10:40 pm Post subject: Am I allowed to lose my mind
So long Billy Jack off....
A.K.A. H.B. Marcus..It's been quite a party , but I'm jumping ship !!
On behalf of all my friends that you lied to, and conned, and laughed at.

Kiss this you little maggot......


BEAM ME UP !!! ABSOLUTE WRITE.....END TRANSMISSION......

[Sparhawk]

Yeah Ed..

I just saw that a few miutes ago.. something went POP in PA land.. and teh post is still standing. Where is SHEMP.. I mean the moderator ?

[Dawno]

I wonder what happened that caused her to post that!? I hope Charlotte will give us the scoop.

Oh, and in honor of the revelations made on this thread I think a new nickname is in order...maybe Shemposabe?

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

I see that the post is gone.

I'm just shocked and awed! Support told us that they didn't work weekends. That's why the whole hoax stayed up all Easter weekend.

Yeah, right! They don't work weekends? Let's be real!

Tracy

[Boob]

She was playing tootsies with the shempasaurous this morning. I wonder what made her flip? :popcorn:

[JennaGlatzer]

Charlotte! :hooray: I'm rolling out the welcome mat for you.

[NicoleJLeBoeuf]

(Sorry to come into this discussion so late--gods, this thread moves so fast that "Yesterday" seems like ancient history!)

If HB is legally blind, he sure has no problem typing and reading from a computer monitor. I realize that there are varying degrees of blindness, but I find this particular claim interesting.So does my boss, actually, and it is interesting. I presume it takes a longish time to get used to the voice and inflections of the text-to-speech synthesizer he uses, WindowEyes (http://www.gwmicro.com/products/). And then using it to compose email in MS Outlook and grant proposals in WordPerfect--he does a lot of arrowing back and forth to get the thing to spell out what he just typed in order to check his spelling. I'm amazed at his facility with the computer. He even has a command that lets him move the mouse using his number pad, and the synthesizer reads out what button or link he's hovering over.

Sorry, Sparhawk--in many things Shempish I agree with you, but you're barking up the wrong tree here. Us sighted folks do have a tendency to make assumptions about what the blind can and can't do; working for a radio reading service (http://www.rrsr.org/) helps open one's eyes, so to speak!

(Now, as for legally blind, when I wore glasses which I thought were a pretty slight prescription, I had an optometrist tell me that I was legally blind. Not a term I would have thought applied to what little correction I ended up needing under the laser (LASIK roxxors da hizzy). So it is quite possible that our Shemp suffers from a similar myopia and has heard the term "legally blind" applied to him, and milks it for all the misleading it's worth.)

Edit: This thread does indeed move fast. Looks like DreamWeaver beat me to the sentiment! Ah, well, redundancy can be good, if you're a database or a computer back-up application.

[writerjenn]

Holy Moly!

Charlotte, come on down! I've got a nice cuppa and a hot fudge brownie with your name spelled out in cream cheese icing.

Jenn

[JennaGlatzer]

Just a quick request: When you copy/paste from other boards, please make sure to strip out any images. It steals the bandwidth from other sites when the images are linked from there, and much as I enjoy the idea of that, we have to fight fair.

[James D. Macdonald]

Support told us that they didn't work weekends.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Tracy, but isn't it true that Support posted on a weekend that they don't work on weekends?

[Ken Schneider]

Correct me if I'm wrong, Tracy, but isn't it true that Support posted on a weekend that they don't work on weekends?


I'm not Tracy, but, I'm sure that support-mods, are spread far and wide. Just like the mods here, aren't in one spot. The office is closed on weekends.
I have always felt that there are just a few of them in the P.A. headquarters, with staff at home receiveing e-mails-m.s's from the office to work with.
When first I had contact with P.A. the e-mail addys were not to the main office but to individuals. Now they seem to have P.A. in the addy. Though that means nothing.

P.A. is a small time operation-with computers hooked to them that gives the impression that they are large. Go look at the pics on their site of the-Office- A house stuffed with crap. A scam outfit in all forms.

[Ed Williams]

She was playing tootsies with the shempasaurous this morning. I wonder what made her flip? :popcorn:...read between the lines, you'll see that she was major spoofing Shemp on some things, primarily because she knew he would be too stipid to catch on. Some of her posts to him are classics, think about it, Shemp resembles Billy Jack? If you reread some in that light, you can tell what she's really doing...

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Originally Posted by TracySutterer & ArgileStox
Support told us that they didn't work weekends.


Sorry folks.... I was being sarcastic. I don't believe a thing support says anymore.

Tracy

[M. Story]

...read between the lines, you'll see that she was major spoofing Shemp on some things, primarily because she knew he would be too stipid to catch on. Some of her posts to him are classics, think about it, Shemp resembles Billy Jack? If you reread some in that light, you can tell what she's really doing...

H.B. got what he deserved. I conned him. I fed his ego...That's all it took. I was going to "toy" with him,and let it go. Maybe a hen joke or two. Then we began to talk about the fact he was 8th Native American... ...the dress I'm wearing... was hand made for me by the elders of clan Eagle. They gave it to me, in honor of my fund raising efforts for building Indian schools..[There are] one thousand shells, hand sewn on the collar and back of the dress. A ceremony dress, and honorary membership with the tribes of America..An, a new name to go with it. I am ,Sa oko nan cena Toka ekock Sa om....The one who chases rabbits through the snow....Mountain lion.

So, you can see how much I love the Native Americans.... I just went beserk !!! When H.B. made that crack about building a casino in the woods, I lost it !!! Everyone knows the casino's have ruined the Native way of life..

So, all day I played cat and mouse with Shemp....I am a cat, remember ? Hear me roar !! He just dug himself in.. I played up the fact his hat made him look like Billy Jack...Well, the boy gulped that down like Jack Daniels , straight from the bottle.. I did speak of vision quest{ I have been on one} Every thing you read on the post about my love for the true American people is the truth.... Finally, I had enough. I decided at 10:30
last night to make "my stand". Short and to the point.... He crushed Lynn Barry and my other friends with his filthy talk and threats.. Not me....

I did this for all of the people H.B. has attacked and had P.A. ban from the boards..I'm sure I am among the "banned " today, and I might add "proud to be with them".

He did not see the this ambush coming,I was in his eyes, just another brick in the wall. So, now he has a new name, and it is not with honor. Forever, he will be known as Billy Jack Off... Serves him right..You may put this up any where you please today.. The Dead Shemp thread would be nice, if it doesn't take up too much space.

I will be posting soon with my new and truthful friends over at Absolute write .
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoteClap.gif Excellent!!! WELCOME CHARLOTTE!!!! Woo, woo, woo, woo! (Couldn't get the wave smiley to work...)

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

"Book Signing At A Funeral" has been Posted on "The Writer's Mind" in "Take It Outside Board."


Argile Stox

[T42]

Hi Ed, Marlene and all,
Just wanted to stop in and say hi. I can't believe the shemp is still posting. OK, I can believe it, just get nauseated thinking about it. :Jaw:

[SRHowen]

O-Si-Yo Rabbit Chaser

[Jeff]

Hi Ed, Marlene and all, Just wanted to stop in and say hi. I can't believe the shemp is still posting. OK, I can believe it, just get nauseated thinking about it. :Jaw:

He stated today, if I recall correctly, that he will be there forever.

Like he knew this to be a fact.

[James D. Macdonald]

Reminds me of a kids' song from my youth:

Born on a tabletop in Joe's Cafe
Dirtiest place in the USA
Polished off his mother with DDT
Shot his father with a three-oh-three.
Davey, Davey Crockett
King of the Wild Frontier.

[Dawno]

There was once a family rumor that one of my direct ancestors was a Native American. I have recently had the opportunity to really dig into our history and can't find a single bit of legitimate evidence and I've gone back to the early 1800s. It didn't take much legwork to find out, but for some it's just easier to spout off from their safe little cyberhome where anyone who might call you on your lies just gets their posts deleted and joins the banned.

Off topic: Google ads at the top of the page are all for Native American art, etc. I'd click through to support AW but doesn't it cost the company that adverstises something per click? If I'm not going to buy would it be fair to click thru? Dilemma!!

[CJWilkes]

Correct me if I'm wrong, Tracy, but isn't it true that Support posted on a weekend that they don't work on weekends?
I know for a fact that they work on weekends, because I just said goodbye to all my friends at PA very nicely and politely. I had invited them to e-mail me or chat with me other places and wished them all the best with theirs and their books. Within 5 minutes my threads were all pulled. It was far from a glitch...

[underthecity]

He stated today, if I recall correctly, that he will be there forever.
As I spend my Sunday proofreading and editing my WIP destined for a real, commercial publisher, I can't help but to remark that if Shemp is planning to stay at PA and on those boards forever, then my god, what a pathetic literary-career choice. Seriously. The man has three books with PA, with another on the way. They aren't sold in stores or much online. And he appears to have an imaginary fan base of readers he feels are salivating for his next release. Who the hell is buying his books? Anyone?

I would think that after receiving the cigarette-money royalty checks following book 1, then book 2, then book 3, he would have given up by now and tried a different publisher. Anyone with any sense would have. But no. Apparently he plans to stick it out at PA, but for what? Just so he can be King S--t of T--d Mountain? His books certainly aren't going anywhere. Why does he bother? If he has serious aspirations to be a writer, he would have left after book 1.

Judging by the influx onto AW, most PA authors who see the light after the first royalty checks do decide to move on--and those are just the ones we see here. How many hundreds--or thousands--have given up their hopes of being a real, published author with books really sold nationwide?

What a conundrum. I have to wonder where PA would be without him. I also have to wonder where he would be without PA.

underthecity

[CJWilkes]

You may want to start from bottom to top... since I pasted it how I sent it. This is to HB an PA from me...

To HB - PA from CJ Wilkes - Re: Global Talk Radio...

By xxxx xxxxx? I am in reality land, and if you are being stalked, then why do you have to feed into it... and on the boards too.

I am not trying to be rude, I am just tired of it all. That is it. I am also tired of being treated like crap by PA because of your troubles. It seems that ever since you and your problems have happened they are protecting you and yours to the point of hurting other authors that have nothing to do with you. All I have ever wanted was to tell my story to others so that they could know they have hope... well, now I am considered a PA basher (which has been the farthest thing from the truth than you could ever imagine... and every time I try to talk to PA about it they treat me rudely and are very condesending.) I have been labled as part of a click that cannot be trusted... and when I try to prove my loyalty to PA my book gets pulled completely. Do you go and point your finger at the people you dislike and tell PA to hate them, because if you do I consider you to be as bad as all my past abusers... because that is what you are doing... is abusing other authors that never did anything to hurt you, /*except maybe get a little more recognition than you*/. I am sorry, but I am hurt. I have even stood up for you and if you are the definition of friend then who needs them! No one should have to deal with stalkers and bad men, but you are fitting yourself right into that category and you scare me. I am going to do my best to separate myself from you and PA as best as I can... because I do not play games. I do not need to be harrassed or treated poorly because you think I am a click. I am not nor will I ever be. I beat to my own drum and say it how I feel it. I have my own voice and I have faught too many years to gain it. You and PA will not tromp on me or my story.... and understand if people dislike you you may just want to look at what you are doing to create those problems. I am noticing that Not that many people can hate someone so vilely without there being some fault there... and the stench is coming through quite profusely!

I had to say my peace and there you have it. Don't worry, I am sending it on to PA too, so you won't need to run to them yourself. I am tired and I do not know what I have done to get the bad end of your mean stick or PA's. For some reason PA feels like I am some sort of bad seed. If I am it would be now from this point forward because of your treatment and their treatment of me. Just thought I would let you know.

Trust me, I have had death threats (real ones) from my own family, and I know that sometimes there are just desperate situations - but I do believe that a person can hold a certain amount of grace through it all. It is just my opinion and I am not saying my way is right or not, but the PA boards is not the place to take it and the authors should not have to be dragged into it - in my OP.
Enough said and best wishes to you and yours. Now that you have your way would you please leave me and my book alone - that is for PA too. I don't think I deserve to be hurt anymore. I have cried enough over this and frankly you all are not worth my tears anymore. You have your wish and I am gone. Thank you.

C.J. Wilkes

Marcus wrote: Here's reality land, I'm being stalked.

-----Original Message-----
From: CJ Wilkes [mailto:cj@cjwilkes.com (cj@cjwilkes.com)] Sent: Saturday, May 21, 2005 11:40 PM
To: Marcus
Subject: Global Talk Radio...

HB -

You might not like what I have to say here, but here goes anyway. Please understand what I am trying to say without reading between the lines. And if you don't like it just throw it away. I noticed on the thread Global Talk Radio that you mentioned that xxxx xxxxx was throwing

Jabs at you. Maybe - Maybe not... But why does it always have to be mentioned? It just seems to go back and forth... and brought up in threads that only you and the jabber or vice versa, understand what is happening. It would be nice if everyone can accept opinions. Not everyone feels like you should have to pay and some really don't care. I don't think that everyone is trying to attack you and yet I do understand that some are. Can't you just say - It is not all about me, because, frankly, it is getting old.

Understand, I am not attacking you, I am just tired of reading an interesting thread and hearing about HB this or HB that troubles. I like some of your suggestions and I like some of others suggestions, but

lets let the past be the past even if they can't.

Just my 2 cents :)

C.J.

[triceretops]

CJ, I can't believe they did that to you. Salutations and warm goodbyes, and they pulled them! All bets are off--this company's got to go down!

Shemp is a moderator.

Tri

[CJWilkes]

I know you are all going to laugh and think that I am a sucker... I guess sometimes I can be... but I learn from my mistakes :)

The fees are not my control. Artist First does their own interviews for
a 'donation', which isn't something they can continue to do. They
charge their on-air talent for their space on the monthly schedule. The
charge Lillian passes on to the author is without profit. But it does
fluctuate when there are fewer weeks in a month or when there is an
unexpected cancellation in the previous month. I have advised her on a
uniform amount that would cover such contingencies so that producing the
show would not come out of her pocket or her guests.

I don't like to ask Lillian about the money but I do from time to time.
I honestly can't tell you what she's charging right now because there is
a new system of archiving the shows. That is an extra charge but it
really is in the best interest to all. The amount an author pays is
still far cheaper than the other on-air talents. It's also the cheapest
way to reach the largest number of people.

I'm being completely honest with you even though I am under contract
with Lillian as an asset to her show. I'm entitled to profits but there
are none to have at the present time. I just wanted in on the ground
floor of something that I can franchise into a bigger venue down the
road. I know the future of the business and I'm going to be in on it.
Sure, the pay just isn't there right now. But in two years I'll still
be with Lillian and she will be writing her own ticket. The talent is
there, it's just a matter of time and patience right now.

So as I said, I don't ask about the money. I know a little about what
goes on with the station but it's none of my business because I'm not
looking for whatever pocket change may come from a month where Lillian
may do better than break even.

I appreciate the fact that you pursued this matter privately, but it
really isn't necessary. Nobody is making any money out of this...yet.

-HB

-----Original Message-----
From: Nathaniel P. Wilkerson
Sent: Thursday, May 19, 2005 2:42 PM
To: hb
Subject: radio pricing...

I did not think it would be appropriate for me to post this. I do have
a comment/question. Before when you had mentioned the fees you said it
was $60.00 for an hour... then Lillian quoted and had me pay $80.00. I
don't know if you have talked about that with her, but your fees quoted
should coincide. I paid it and did not complain, but then I hear that
people are paying only $25.00 to go on artistfirst.com.

Just thought that I would run that by you.

C.J.

[Jeff]

HB Marcus said:

I know the future of the business and I'm going to be in on it.
Sure, the pay just isn't there right now. But in two years I'll still
be with Lillian and she will be writing her own ticket.

It's just my opinion, but from what I know of that kind of internet radio, he would have a brighter future and make more money selling Amway. Of course, then he would have to actually work.

CJ, you are not a sucker. Keep your chin up and keep your eye on the ball. PA and the PA boards are small potatoes.

Good luck to you.

[Ed Williams]

...looks to me like you've seen the light, and you are mirroring what a lot of PA authors feel - why the obsession from HB about HB, why is everything at PA centered around HB, why? Simply put, PA is all he has, and he will clutch it til the day he dies. He's a nobody that desperately wants to be somebody, and they're the worst kinds to deal with. He also seems to be mentally unstable, which doesn't help matters at all.

ArtistFirst? It's a joke. CJ, there is no need to pay money to someone to be on a radio program. Think about it - if this person had any listeners, they would attract advertising. Think shows like "American Idol" charge viewers? Advertisers line up to buy time because they know there's an audience. Think about that, and think about ArtistFirst. Should tell you all you need to know. And, if Billy Jack-Off has a stake in the program, then he's shilling for it because it's potential money in his pocket. Outside of PA and the friends/family of the authors, no one knows the program exists. Based on the PA boards discussion of his first stint as program host, it appears its gonna stay that way for awhile.

During the time I have posted on the AW boards, BJO has stated:

1. That he had a financial backer.
2. That he was going to do stand-up comedy.
3. That he was interested in writing screenplays.
4. That other publishers are interested in him.
5. That multi-author signings are the way to do book promotion.

...and more. The truth?

1. Signed with a fee charging lit agent.
2. Several books with POD vanity press PA.
3. No stand-up comedy, no TV/movies, just the shill for vanity radio.
4. The biggest truth of all is this - with HB, there will always be the "deal around the corner." Watch and see how many materialize. If he were doing anything, he wouldn't be faking his death in order to garner attention. He would also have had the sense to know that such a stunt was going to hurt him badly. It has.

CJ, you've turned a corner here. You now have a chance to really do something with both your story and your writing. Go for it - lots of us are willing to help.

[ZaZ]

That Charlotte is about as cool as I am.
Billy Jack Off. That's great.

[Sheryl Nantus]

all I have to say is to simply LOOK at the Artist-first Radio webpage.

if that doesn't scream Amateur Hour, I don't know what does.

:Shrug:

[Ed Williams]

That Charlotte is about as cool as I am.
Billy Jack Off. That's great....that I'm switching over from Shemp to BJO...

[Jeff]

all I have to say is to simply LOOK at the Artist-first Radio webpage.

if that doesn't scream Amateur Hour, I don't know what does.:Shrug:

Sheryl,

I keep wanting to listen to HBillyJack but all I get when I tune in to ARTIST FIRST RADIO is the "National High School Coaches Association" Radio Hour, or the "American Wrestling Federation" Radio Hour, or the "Bigfoot Central" (he exists) Radio hour.

Now don't get me wrong, I am sure that the above is all top-notch widely listened to quality radio. Aw heck, they are probably more interesting than listening to HBillyJack, anyway.

[Dawno]

all I have to say is to simply LOOK at the Artist-first Radio webpage.

if that doesn't scream Amateur Hour, I don't know what does.

:Shrug:

Reminds me of Shemp's old website...bad colors and all.

[robeiae]

What bothers me about the ArtistFirst website is a lack of information...who are they really? Who owns them? Where are they? And people actually send them money??? I want their donator list...I have several million dollars in an African bank that I can't get to...just need some U.S. bank accounts to tranfer the money into...

Rob

[Literary Lola]

Correct me if I'm wrong, Tracy, but isn't it true that Support posted on a weekend that they don't work on weekends?
Oh poo, we all know The Icon works 24/7. Some of their best work was done on the weekend when they were in the process of killing off a friend of mine. They lie so often I'm amazed they don't meet their forked tongues from around the corner.

[Literary Lola]

He stated today, if I recall correctly, that he will be there forever.

Like he knew this to be a fact.
Pah, of course he'll be there forever. He'll be the last one left to turn out the lights. I can see him typing long into the night seeking a reply from the hollow echos of Nobody'sVille. Everyone will have been banned and he'll be there playing with himself. Besides, the little twerp has no where else to go. Sad.

[Jean Marie]

I think he already is playing with himselfhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif

[James D. Macdonald]

.I have several million dollars in an African bank that I can't get to...just need some U.S. bank accounts to tranfer the money into...

Hands off! That money is mine. Mine, I tell you! The only son of the late President of Nigeria said so, and he wouldn't lie!

[Ed Williams]

I think he already is playing with himselfhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif...after eating dinner. :banana: And, as far as Billy Jack-Off never leaving the PA boards, let's face it, where else can he go? The talent lounge over at ArtistFirst? At his financial backer's Palm Springs estate? BJO (note the clever resemblance to BTO) is sort of like the literary equivalent of the Loch Ness Monster, you hear a lot, and there's an unvalidated sighting every now and then, but when you look hard you find nothing but the squinting of your own eyes...

[Dawno]

Jim, Jim, that's a mere pittance compared to what you could do after you attend this special conference (http://j-walk.com/other/conf/index.htm). And wait, there's more (http://www.j-walk.com/other/spamu/index.htm)! :D


If I had the talent for web design I'd do a site like the second one based on all the agent and publishing scams I read about here. Vanity U? Traditional U?

[Trapped in amber]

I do believe that a person can hold a certain amount of grace through it all.

C.J., I'm sorry they removed your posts. They were filled with the grace I've seen you display on both boards.

Charlotte, that was hysterical :ROFL::welcome: .

[J.S. Blue]

hb muckraker told me three or four years ago he was "getting in on the ground floor" of pA and was going to be with them for the rapid rise to fame and fortune! I see he's both rich and famous now- in his own parrallel universe, you know the one where he sucks and blows at the same time and creates a giant whirling vortex of bull-ony.

He also said he was one funny mo fo!

As far as his "financial backer"? His wife.

[Lisa Y]

I've been away from the board a bit, so someone please explain...HB is back? PA let him back on?

[Dawno]

I've been away from the board a bit, so someone please explain...HB is back? PA let him back on?


Oh my, yes. Everyone who ever "picked on" him is banned and he's the guru of the newbies. It's apalling but not surprising.

[Trapped in amber]

PA has new boards.
Shemp is back and those who have vociferously opposed him are banned and/or are leaving of their own volition.
Posts are being deleted a lot.
So PA and Shemp are being their usual selves.

[Sarashay]

He's getting in on the ground floor of a one-story building.

[Jean Marie]

Ed, I am very sorry for interferring with your dinner; I promise never to do it againhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
when I think of the name Shempster, all I see is him on a hampster habit trail. Only he keeps falling off into a vat of JDhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoticonwag.gif

[Ed Williams]

It's sort of ironic when you think about it. BJO has gone around having pretty much anyone who disagreed with him kicked off the PA boards. Now he's basically accomplished that. So, the people left either don't know him at all, or else know just enough to figure that the best thing to do is to stay away. It's funny - BJO is in total control of a kingdom that knows him not, and cares even less. I am laughing my *** off watching him trying to be kind and considerate, when I know what the truth really is. I'll bet just about anything that it won't be long before he'll pitch a bender and the "real BJO" will come to the fore...

[Charlotte M. Leslie]

Coffee please, black..Any muffins? Good to be home. Took me a while.
I was covered with ticks and fleas. I was on that horrid pirate ship for
months. But, I escaped, and gave that old "head" pirate a kick where
it hurt the most.. Old BJO is still crying ..

Let's kick some P.A butt.

[Dawno]

Coffee please, black..Any muffins? Good to be home. Took me a while.
I was covered with ticks and fleas. I was on that horrid pirate ship for
months. But, I escaped, and gave that old "head" pirate a kick where
it hurt the most.. Old BJO is still crying ..

Let's kick some P.A butt.

Welcome! I loved reading your post to BJO. Don't forget to post over in the newbies section and let folks who don't peruse the Neverending PA thread know about you!

[Ed Williams]

...what you told BJO is classic, and great to see you here! You're one of my favorite people already, and I agree, you need to get over to the Neverending PA thread and let 'em know you're with us...

[TracySutterer & GaryRogers]

Welcome aboard, Charlotte. That pirate ship is getting more and more deserted.

Tracy

[triceretops]

Hi Charlotte. And welcome home. I've got a patch over my eye, a saber between my teeth, and I'm ready to board that beeeeotch. We've already given her a broadside and some grapeshot through her sails. But we can always use a mop-up crew, me hearty.

Arrrhhhh, and there be a scurvy dog o're there too, matey. We need to see his gizzard an' send him to Davey Jones.

Triceratops:Clap: :hi: :welcome:

[book_maven]

He's getting in on the ground floor of a one-story building.

Those who always get in on the ground floor end up with dirt.

[Gravity]

Arrrhhhh, and there be a scurvy dog o're there too, matey. We need to see his gizzard an' send him to Davey Jones.



Davey Jones? Of The Monkees?? What's he ever done to deserve spending time with Shemp?

Oh, wait a minute...you meant the Davey Jones that lives...way down at the bottom of the...never mind.

John;)

[astonwest]

And Ed, if you ever forget and accidentally drop the 'O', I think it would still work...though using different words...

[Gratian Gasparri]

I would think that after receiving the cigarette-money royalty checks following book 1, then book 2, then book 3, he would have given up by now and tried a different publisher. Anyone with any sense would have. But no. Apparently he plans to stick it out at PA, but for what?

So that he can continue to publish without facing rejection -- his one great fear. If you read his writing, you would understand that the likelihood of this fear coming to pass is justified.

[Gratian Gasparri]

Welcome aboard, Charlotte. That pirate ship is getting more and more deserted.

Tracy

Ship? I thought it was a rubber dinghy!

[Gratian Gasparri]

freedomAs far as his "financial backer"? His wife.

Why does his wife put up with this? Why doesn't she force him to get a job and pay his own way as a writer?

[Liam Jackson]

freedom

Why does his wife put up with this? Why doesn't she force him to get a job and pay his own way as a writer?

Maybe she thinks he's still dead.

[J.S. Blue]

WELCOME CHARLOTTE- YOU ARE AWSOME!

As to the question "why does his wife 'put up' with it"? He has her as snowed as most other folks he controls. Maybe it's her way of staying out of the house as much as possible.
You seen situations where a spouse will stay in the house even after repeated bouts of physical violence. You've seen cases where one spouse controls the other every action and thought, what's the difference here?

[J.S. Blue]

"Making him go out and get a job" is like trying to push a cat through a knothole backwards.....

Everytime he had a job before, he "broke something" remember?

[Kevin Yarbrough]

Coffee please, black..Any muffins? Good to be home. Took me a while.
I was covered with ticks and fleas. I was on that horrid pirate ship for
months. But, I escaped, and gave that old "head" pirate a kick where
it hurt the most.. Old BJO is still crying ..

Let's kick some P.A butt.
Charlotte, just be lucky you got off the pirate ship without scabies.

By the way, if PA is a pirate ship then they have to be the worst pirates I have ever seen. Who is the captain? Larry? What does that make HB? The talking parrot on Larry's shoulder? You know what? That works. HB says the same things over and over, just like a parrot.

Gratian, they wouldn't fit the bill to buy a rubber dinghy. They would take some drift wood, some old rope and throw it a boat together. Even the big three wouldn't build it. They would have their authors do it for them for free. And they are, as is evidenced by their MB.

As for HB getting in on the ground floor? He is, he is just to blind to see that the building is a one story crack house that is condemmed and is scheduled for destruction.

[Kevin Yarbrough]

"Making him go out and get a job" is like trying to push a cat through a knothole backwards.....

Everytime he had a job before, he "broke something" remember?
He has had this PA job for awhile and didn't break anything. In fact, it made something bigger. His ego that is.

[robeiae]

All this talk of pirates makes me think of S. Jobs and B. Gates. Did anyone see "Pirates of Silicon Valley"? I mention this only because there does seem to be some similarities between the way PA is run (in terms of how the uthors are treated) and the way Apple was run for awhile (in terms of how employees were treated). Of course, Apple had something special to offer....

Rob

[James D. Macdonald]

One thing I've always been curious about. All that "you got in on the ground floor" and "you bought stock at Bill Gates' garage sale" talk. What does that mean? What's he trying to get across?

[Ed Williams]

One thing I've always been curious about. All that "you got in on the ground floor" and "you bought stock at Bill Gates' garage sale" talk. What does that mean? What's he trying to get across?...so let me see what I can do. First the phrase:

"you got in on the ground floor" - Billy Jack-Off loves implying that PA is going to tighten its requirements anytime now, so the authors now in the gates are lucky because they "got in on the ground floor." The reality is, as we all know, is that PA is about as selective about their writers as a rabbit is about its sexual partners.

"you bought stock at Bill Gates' garage sale" - Pathetic attempt to humorously restate the same "you got in on the ground floor" statement. Implies that PA will be a great force in the publishing biz one day and that all their authors will benefit from it.

How many years has he been saying this stuff now?

[Memphis Ed]

The Internet radio boat has left the dock.

The simple fact remains that the key is good content, just like in books. Good content draws listeners; listeners draw advertisers. When advertisers pay for content, the talent doesn't have to charge guests to be on the show. Advertisers pay for that.

Archiving radio shows is old news. Easy to do and no big deal. Podcasting is another thing altogether, but the challenge still is to develop a product that people want to listen to and will pay to get. Something compelling, something of value.

No one is going to pay to hear a PA author discuss their book, so the authors have to pay. No one is going to pay to hear BJO do his schtick, so he'll have to pay.

[James D. Macdonald]

Yabbut ... how in the world could being one of the first authors at new publishing house possibly be a benefit over the subsequent years? How is that supposed to work? I've been around this business for a fair time -- full time pro for nearly twenty years -- and I just don't get it.

[Trapped in amber]

I think Shemp basically means that clever folk know an oppertunity when they see it, that joining PA is more than publishing, it's an investment. Like buying a share at a low price, you'll reap the biggest rewards by joining before it expands.
He wants authors to think it wasn't just an option to go with PA, it was the best possible decision they could have made. If they believe it and say so, it must affirm his bad decisions in his mind as reasonable ones.

It's interesting that recently he has mentioned looking at other publishers, he now seems to see PA as a launching pad for a stellar literary career. It's a foot in the door. That's just as false as the ground floor theory.

At least I think that's what he says means. I have difficulty understanding his ideas sometimes.

[robeiae]

I think Shemp basically means that clever folk know an oppertunity when they see it, that joining PA is more than publishing, it's an investment. Like buying a share at a low price, you'll reap the biggest rewards by joining before it expands.
This coming from a guy who's hiding from creditors...yeah, he's an investment guru.

Rob

[Sparhawk]

-- full time pro for nearly twenty years -- and I just don't get it.

You see Uncle Jim, it's like this, in one sentence you've answered your question. YOU are a professional writer. You know how this business works and are good enough to make a real living at it. SHEMP is a blowhard with no real clue about anything except feeding his ego. He is a hack comedy writer with a poor sense of humor who stole his material form somebody else. What he spouts off would logically make no sense to you because you are experienced, knowledgable and intelligent.. YOU, sir, are the ANTI-SHEMP.. The Jedi to his Sith, the scented rose to his dog poop aroma.

It's easy to spout off anything when you know nothing and that is HB Marcus.. legend in his own mind.

[Ed Williams]

Yabbut ... how in the world could being one of the first authors at new publishing house possibly be a benefit over the subsequent years? How is that supposed to work? I've been around this business for a fair time -- full time pro for nearly twenty years -- and I just don't get it....I think what BJO means is that PA is going to tighten their requirements one day and thus it will be harder for anyone to get published by them afterwards. If you follow that logic, then it would reason out that those who are already published by them are fortunate, indeed.

And always remember, Uncle Jim, what they say about trying to assign logic to the illogical, I'm just givin' it a shot.....<g>

[Banned-Aide]

[QUOTE=Ed Williams]...I think what BJO means is that PA is going to tighten their requirements one day and thus it will be harder for anyone to get published by them afterwards.

Ahhhhhhh, dare to dream. If only that statement were true, think of the books that could avoid the PA death sword.

BA

[DaveKuzminski]

From the looks of how many books were actually rejected, I think the PA death sword is might dull and rusty.

Hmmm, polish it up and give it an edge. It might bring in a few bucks in a yard sale. ;)

[Sparhawk]

[QUOTE=Ed Williams]...I think what BJO means is that PA is going to tighten their requirements one day and thus it will be harder for anyone to get published by them afterwards.

Ahhhhhhh, dare to dream. If only that statement were true, think of the books that could avoid the PA death sword.

BA

In order to tighten requirements said requirements have to exist in the first place. Since a contract was offered on Atlanta Nights and The Purple Pony, there are no PA standards. It's too bad they revoked the Atlanta Nights contract, it probably had the potential to be their number one best seller.

[astonwest]

Hmmm, polish it up and give it an edge. It might bring in a few bucks in a yard sale. ;)

For sure, the books won't...as evidenced by our garage sale this past weekend...
;)

[Gravity]

I've been thinking (always a dangerous pastime) about ol' Shemp, and I'm believing he might have found his level over at the PAMB at last, i.e., that of the Grand Old Man of Print-On-Demand (or the G.O.M. of the P.O.D.). The Gompod, to coin a phrase (which sounds a bit like a George Lucas character).

I can think of no other reason he hasn't exploded recently; I suppose having dozens of groupies fawning over his every word will tend to keep him on a somewhat even keel.

Let one of those aforesaid groupies grow a brain and start questioning the Gompod, however, and all bets are off.

John

[J.S. Blue]

One thing I've always been curious about. All that "you got in on the ground floor" and "you bought stock at Bill Gates' garage sale" talk. What does that mean? What's he trying to get across?

James,

It means he is spouting his usual delusional rhetoric.

rhetoric

noun

1: using language effectively to please or persuade
2: high flown style; excessive use of verbal ornamentation [syn: grandiosity (http://www.dictionary.net/searchbox.php?st=2&query=grandiosity), magniloquence (http://www.dictionary.net/searchbox.php?st=2&query=magniloquence), grandiloquence (http://www.dictionary.net/searchbox.php?st=2&query=grandiloquence)]
3: loud and confused and empty talk; "mere rhetoric" [syn: palaver (http://www.dictionary.net/searchbox.php?st=2&query=palaver), hot air (http://www.dictionary.net/searchbox.php?st=2&query=hot air), empty words (http://www.dictionary.net/searchbox.php?st=2&query=empty words), empty talk (http://www.dictionary.net/searchbox.php?st=2&query=empty talk)]
4: study of the technique and rules for using language effectively (especially in public speaking)


Rhetoric here being number 3.

I guess by being their "boy" he thinks somehow he will eventually gain something from his stay at the PunishAmerica Hotel.

[J.S. Blue]

Gravity,

No one is really listening to him.
He asked if the weather was calling for snipers at the "campout" and nobody said "no".

He's losing power like an old set of flashlight batteries.

[Literary Lola]

- Billy Jack-Off l
I stipidly forgot what BJO stood for. It's been a long and tiring day. So, I'm reading BJO this and BJO that and all I can think is "Blow J*b." Yes, yes, I had nothing for the "O." Like I said, it was a long day. Thanks, Ed, for reminding me what BJO really stands for. LOL. Stipid, stipid Lola.

[robeiae]

There were two girls in high school that were nicknamed "BJ and the Bear" (for young-uns, that's an old TV show about a truck-driver and his pet bear). One was called the Bear 'cause she was a little hairy.

Rob :banana:

[Gravity]

There were two girls in high school that were nicknamed "BJ and the Bear" (for young-uns, that's an old TV show about a truck-driver and his pet bear). One was called the Bear 'cause she was a little hairy.

Rob :banana:

Pet chimp actually, whom he called "Bear." Ah, it was the eighties. Who needed anything explained? (Lame show, by the bye...amazingly it spawned a sequel, The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo, if I ain't mistaken). The eighties...what a useless decade it was, lads.)

John

[Charlotte M. Leslie]

This is strange..Today, I received the replacement copies from P.A. The others,
had peeling covers..I sent them back, and P.A. replaced them with new ones.
Why bother? The cover is beautiful, and inside? Well, you know how that is.

Not to defend old BJO, as I gave him the name he so richly deserves, but I
think there is something wrong with him..There is something broken inside
of him, and it cannot be fixed. And, I'm waiting for a"blow up." This week end.
It's memorial day. The big pirates will be out spending the money they made
from sucking us dry. That leaves old BJO at the helm of the rotting ship.
He's a trained seal,accepting what ever spoiled fish they hand him. So, on
hand for our holiday entertainment will be, Publish America's , Putrid,pompous,
prancing,Prince. Just my take on things...You must remember this, I put the
hurting on the boy, so I expect a nasty post. I won't be there. Why ? because
I'm free of BJO and the unholy trio..Hope that ship takes on water..bilge water.

[Ed Williams]

...having you with us, you know I think a lot of you.

Re BJO, I think that his influence is really on the downhill slope. People are not listening to him on the PA boards, that's patently obvious. Apparently BJO forgot one thing when he was getting all those authors banned - they're human beings, they have talked to others, so now most on the PA boards are wary as hell of him. Congrats, Marcus - you are now reaping the sweet benefits of what you, and you alone, have sown...

[Dawno]

Meanwhile a compatriot of BJO says:

As far as sales go I think I have reached a dozen copies so I have a long way to go to reach my target of over 2,600,000 which is what Dan the Da Vinci man sold at the last count.


:cry:

[M. Story]

Does anyone know if BJO is still on the private board and being ignored there, as well?


RE: everything else that's going on, I'm sure it's Dawno's fault. She's now offering apologies for the years of 1959 through 1965. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[Banned-Aide]

I can still check the private board. Yes, it's the same in there as it is on the public one. His attempts at humor and shock are falling flat. People are talking around him.

BA

[J.S. Blue]

Pet chimp actually, whom he called "Bear." Ah, it was the eighties. Who needed anything explained? (Lame show, by the bye...amazingly it spawned a sequel, The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo, if I ain't mistaken).
John

NERD ALERT!! NERD ALERT!!

[M. Story]

I can still check the private board. Yes, it's the same in there as it is on the public one. His attempts at humor and shock are falling flat. People are talking around him. BA

Thanks for the info BA. I don't even like going back over to PA read the MB any longer. It honestly makes me ill when I see how people are getting sucked into the sewer of PA. It kind of reminds me of the exotic Sirens of Greek legend that lure ships to their doom on the rocks near their island. The Sirens, however, from what I recall, use sweet, hypnotic melodies whereas BJO just emits a sound like nails on a chalkboard or the annoying, loud horn that tests the emergency alert system. :Wha:

[Gravity]

NERD ALERT!! NERD ALERT!!

Not hardly. :box: :ROFL: My sons watched it when I was at work (back in those days I was an insurance guy, and usually didn't get in until maybe eleven o'clock or so every night). But rest assured, my boys would tackle me to the floor and tell me all about BJ and the Bear, the A-Team, and BattleStar Galactica, or whatever. And from their descriptions, those shows sounded very dumb indeed. (But I never told them that; I mean they were only ten and eight).

John

[Aconite]

And from their descriptions, those shows sounded very dumb indeed.

They were.* However, speaking from experience, kids that age can make anything sound very dumb. Also boring, and a lot longer than it was, if they try to tell you the jokes.


*Note that the new Battlestar Galactica is a very different show. Yes, I am a nerd.

[Ed Williams]

...that the worst thing you could do to someone was not to hate them, but to ignore them. It appears to me that Shemp is enjoying that sweet experience over on the PA boards these days. PA can prop him up there, but they can't control what people think and what they do. Maybe this is the best punishment of all for BJO, maybe being allowed on their boards just to be ignored is the most fitting "tribute" of all...

[Ed Williams]

Just a few things here I need to say..H.B. you need to tell Lynn Barry
how sorry you are for what you said and did to her..She is truly a
wonderful writer and special friend to me..You owe her!! and all the rest.
I see, you have tried to pattern yourself after the gentleman known as
Uncle Jim. Full name James Macdonald. A true gentleman, and a caring
person to his fellow writers. You should take lessons from him. My friend,
and all around truth seeker, Ed Williams,is another example. They don't
come any better than Ed Williams. I can always count on him to be loyal,
kind,and helpful. I saved Jenna Glatzer's name until last. She's the great
and wonderful lady who runs the joint known as Absolute Write. If you are
tired and weary, and feel alone here at Publish America, then come on over to Absolute Write. Pull up a chair, stay a while, have a cup of tea.
The door is always open, and the truth is always spoken. Jenna, Ed, Jim,
good friends. Come and join us. Charlotte has left the building.Wow, Charlotte, you are da bomb! Uncle Jim, Jenna, we're famous!

P.S. The thread is right here: http://bb.publishamerica.com/viewtopic.php?t=2315&start=30

[Trapped in amber]

YAY Charlotte!

:TheWave:
:Clap::Clap::Clap::Clap::Clap:

You know, Shemp does seem to think he's the PA equivelant of Uncle Jim. That's a truly epic delusion.

[Dawno]

Does anyone know if BJO is still on the private board and being ignored there, as well?


RE: everything else that's going on, I'm sure it's Dawno's fault. She's now offering apologies for the years of 1959 through 1965. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/tongue.gif

Limited Time Offer! Call NOW! Operators Are Standing By! (why they're not sitting and what they're standing by, don't ask me)
Void in Maine and where prohibited by law. Just say "No" to PA.

[Jean Marie]

Great to see you dear ladyhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gifglad to know you're safe and sound. I've read some of what you said, andhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoteHail.gifto you! I cannot thank you enough for letting the ShAmpster have it with both barrels. I understand calling him BJO, however, the guy that played Billy Jack was a handsome man who lived in my hometown (in California) and, ah well, if you musthttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoticoncry.gifI'll try and live with it.

[Ed Williams]

...when people impersonate you. First Elvis, and now Uncle Jim. Y'all know, all kidding aside, that is exactly the demeanor HB is trying for on the PA boards, to be like Uncle Jim. Only problem is, our Uncle Jim is a professional author and can give professional quality advice, BJO is shilling for a vanity press and gives vanity press level advice. Marcus, you aren't even the polish on Uncle Jim's shoes...

[Kevin Yarbrough]

...when people impersonate you. First Elvis, and now Uncle Jim. Y'all know, all kidding aside, that is exactly the demeanor HB is trying for on the PA boards, to be like Uncle Jim. Only problem is, our Uncle Jim is a professional author and can give professional quality advice, BJO is shilling for a vanity press and gives vanity press level advice. Marcus, you aren't even the polish on Uncle Jim's shoes...
BJO isn't even the sh!t on the bottom of Uncle Jim's shoes. He is more like one of the gnats that bite your a s s when you go camping.

[Ed Williams]

...and as I speak, Charlotte's posting is still up on the PA boards, classic...

[Jean Marie]

he's the flea on a tick's arsehttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteSsh.gif

[Susan Gable]

...and as I speak, Charlotte's posting is still up on the PA boards, classic...

I know, I can't believe it! Awesome! I had posted on the Neverending thread to run and see it because I figured it would be gone before we could say, "Way to go, Charlotte!" But it's still up there! Someone is asleep at the switch this morning. :)

Susan G.

[Kevin Yarbrough]

Jean Marie, I was going to say he was a flea on a dogs nuts but I thought I would be nice.

[Dawno]

Well as the long weekend approaches I hope you've all polished your golden calf and grabbed your tania so you'll be all ready to settle in and enjoy. Things have been quiet over there, toooooo quiet, if you know what I mean.