Ever just doubt yourself?

KikiteNeko · Mar 14, 2008

I know it seems like a generic question, but hear me out. I spent almost two years working on my novel. I reread, revised, employed betas (paid them in gratitude), made lists of themes, wrote out character bibles, indexes, themes, for one straight week I ate nothing but scrambled eggs in an attempt to understand my character better. There were nights I gave up sleep and sat furiously pounding away on the keyboard, filled with confidence and inspiration and some sort of profound muse.

I worked by butt cheeks off primping this story and wrapping it up in a neat little bow and preparing it for agents. I was so SURE. I read it over and over, delighted with how clean it had become, how well-formed, how 'exactly as I'd pictured it.'

"This is something I would read," I said.

And now I have 8 agents reading it (after 1 said thanks but no thanks) and I just feel like... there's no way in hell anyone will want to publish it.

Is this irrational? Is this normal?

Craig Gosse · Mar 14, 2008

I never question myself. Ever. I have a complete, utter, unshakable, unassailable conviction in myself.

...why, what have you heard?

jamiehall · Mar 14, 2008

Absolutely.

And the trap is, that there will always be reasons to think you aren't good enough, no matter where you are on your career path, so you need to believe in yourself in a way that doesn't always hinge on external events.

Because, writing involves a lot of waiting, and a lot of points at which something could go wrong.

Get an agent? Then you wait for a publisher and doubt yourself all over again.

Get a book published? Then you wait to see how well it does, and wonder if it'll sell well, and if it'll be your only book published ever.

Get a second or third book published? Then you wonder if you're going to be one of those to escape the three-book death spiral and ever get a fourth book published.

chartreuse · Mar 14, 2008

tomothecat said:
I know it seems like a generic question, but hear me out. I spent almost two years working on my novel. I reread, revised, employed betas (paid them in gratitude), made lists of themes, wrote out character bibles, indexes, themes, for one straight week I ate nothing but scrambled eggs in an attempt to understand my character better. There were nights I gave up sleep and sat furiously pounding away on the keyboard, filled with confidence and inspiration and some sort of profound muse.

I worked by butt cheeks off primping this story and wrapping it up in a neat little bow and preparing it for agents. I was so SURE. I read it over and over, delighted with how clean it had become, how well-formed, how 'exactly as I'd pictured it.'

"This is something I would read," I said.

And now I have 8 agents reading it (after 1 said thanks but no thanks) and I just feel like... there's no way in hell anyone will want to publish it.

Is this irrational? Is this normal?

Is it normal? Uh...yes. In fact, I'd go so far to say that if you didn't have some self-doubts, that would make you a freakish ego-maniac whom none of us would want to know.

Seriously, I don't personally know ANY writer that doesn't doubt themselves on a regular basis. I personally have doubts about whether or not I should be spending my precious time on this at all at least every 41.2 hours.

Now...the flip side to that coin is that when I first started writing, (for a local arts publication, covering the local music scene), I was that freakish ego-maniac. I never doubted my abilities, and in short enough order became the senior editor for the publication. Then I co-founded another. Eventually I burned out and gave up that line of work altogether, but I'm just saying that never doubting can create good things.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that in my experience, doubting yourself is perfectly normal. However, if you can banish the doubt, you may find that your dreams manifest a lot quicker.

KikiteNeko · Mar 14, 2008

Well, if I can publish one novel, regardless to how well or how poor sales go, I can at least say I did it. Can't deny myself that much, even if I do doubt my next project.

I was a bit of an egomaniac when I was in grade school, in which case I was really just "best of the worst." I've been writing since I was a kid, and I was always that kid who wrote the five page story about magical tennis shoes when the assignment was to write a few sentences about an object in your house. I somehow never had a class with a fellow writing enthusiast even up to high school. So teachers and other students were all like "wooow, you're good at this." But really, there was nothing to even compare it to.

In college, when I started seriously considering publication, I met tons of fellow students who were TREMENDOUSLY talented. The workshops were very humbling and just writing my first complete manuscript opened a whole Pandora's box of worries and trepidation I hadn't even CONSIDERED.

I miss oblivion sometimes. Sigh. /life story

chartreuse said:
Now...the flip side to that coin is that when I first started writing, (for a local arts publication, covering the local music scene), I was that freakish ego-maniac. I never doubted my abilities, and in short enough order became the senior editor for the publication. Then I co-founded another. Eventually I burned out and gave up that line of work altogether, but I'm just saying that never doubting can create good things.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that in my experience, doubting yourself is perfectly normal. However, if you can banish the doubt, you may find that your dreams manifest a lot quicker.

KikiteNeko · Mar 14, 2008

Jamie-- I hadn't even thought like, half as far ahead as you.

Sassee · Mar 14, 2008

Doubts? I never doubt myself.

<looks around for dempsey and DA>

Nope, never.

>.>

<.<

... and it isn't taking me a whole danged month to revise my chapter 2, either... I swears it.

jamiehall · Mar 14, 2008

tomothecat said:
Jamie-- I hadn't even thought like, half as far ahead as you.

And then there's also this which looks even farther ahead to the many hurdles writers face in trying to keep their careers going and solvent over a lifetime. Quite depressing, if you let it get to you.

KikiteNeko · Mar 14, 2008

Your insights sadden me.

Does it say anything about candy? Do I get candy at any point in all of this?

jamiehall said:
And then there's also this which looks even farther ahead to the many hurdles writers face in trying to keep their careers going and solvent over a lifetime. Quite depressing, if you let it get to you.

inkkognito · Mar 14, 2008

As a therapist, I think that a little doubt can be a healthy thing, so long as it doesn't seize power and become your predominant view. We all need balance, and doubt is the flipside of the confidence coin. Without doubt, how would we ever improve? If all we had was blinding self-confidence, we'd turn out drivel and pooh-pooh useful feedback and then blame the agents and editors for having no taste them they turn it down. Doubt is the equalizer that helps us assess a situation objectively...you just have to know when to release it when it's done its job.

ottorino · Mar 14, 2008

Yes, all the time.

IceCreamEmpress · Mar 14, 2008

inkkognito said:
Without doubt, how would we ever improve? If all we had was blinding self-confidence, we'd turn out drivel and pooh-pooh useful feedback and then blame the agents and editors for having no taste them they turn it down. Doubt is the equalizer that helps us assess a situation objectively...you just have to know when to release it when it's done its job.

Yep. The last thing one wants is to be a victim of the Dunning-Kruger effect (or Kruger-Dunning effect, whichever).

Birol · Mar 14, 2008

tomothecat said:
Is this irrational? Is this normal?

Well, no, it's not rational, but it is normal. There's not much about this writing business that is rational. It's a roller coaster. One minute, you're on top of the world, the best there is, everything is going perfectly. The next, you're going through the loop-to-loop, everything gets turned upside down, your stomach has been left behind you, and you're realizing that you're really in control of this ride, that you're not as great as you thought, that there's lots of people ahead of you, above you, depending on you, and lots of things that could still go wrong.

It's part of the game, part of the challenge. It's part of what makes this writing career fun.

bluntforcetrauma · Mar 14, 2008

Self-doubt? You bet.

Maui Author · Mar 14, 2008

Every single day, especially when I get a rejection.

But then I think, if I gave it up and tried something else, would I be happier? And the answer is always no, because its the one thing I want to do more than anything else in the world. And that keeps me going.

sheadakota · Mar 15, 2008

every hour of every day I doubt myself. I don't even blink at rejections anymore, I expect them. I have a few agents reading things right now- but in my mind, I am getting rejected- just very slowly- *sigh*

triceretops · Mar 15, 2008

Pretty darned normal, if you ask me. I'm always trying to analyze how to improve and up my chances, thinking that I've got all the bases covered and all the problems solved...until the hammer falls and proves to me that I have no control over the situation and, what's worse, I never had. It's almost turned out to be a numbers game, in where I'm beginning to think that sheer quanity and output is the way to win this.

I wish I knew the formula. And if I did, I probably wouldn't spill the beans to the competitors. That's if I really knew the score.

Of one thing I'm certain, I cannot and will not give up again on this dream. And I do believe it is a dream of sorts because it sure hasn't been anything as tangible as a goal. But maybe that's what makes it so appealing. When you win this one, you've really risen above the ordinary crowd. Hah! Until next time...then you have to do it again.

Tri

Priene · Mar 15, 2008

I dabbled in self-doubt for a while. I had to give it up as it was damaging my productivity.

jenngreenleaf · Mar 15, 2008

I doubt myself daily. It makes me work harder.

Little Red Barn · Mar 15, 2008

Birol said:
Well, no, it's not rational, but it is normal. There's not much about this writing business that is rational. It's a roller coaster. One minute, you're on top of the world, the best there is, everything is going perfectly. The next, you're going through the loop-to-loop, everything gets turned upside down, your stomach has been left behind you, and you're realizing that you're really in control of this ride, that you're not as great as you thought, that there's lots of people ahead of you, above you, depending on you, and lots of things that could still go wrong.

It's part of the game, part of the challenge. It's part of what makes this writing career fun.

Ahh, Lori hit it right on the naill, tomo!

Now don't worry, if these 95 agents don't pan, you learn from it, then query those other 95 agents in your back pocket, waiting, right?

You'll be fine, Good Luck!

Stew21 · Mar 15, 2008

Yep. I sure do. I have a wicked second-guesser in my head.

mmurphy · Mar 15, 2008

Stew21 said:
Yep. I sure do. I have a wicked second-guesser in my head.

Same here. I hate it.

Know what I want to write? A pulp planetary adventure and a big bloated epic fantasy. I don't want to be original, I just want to write those.

I should just do it, but I second guess myself.

Matera the Mad · Mar 15, 2008

I have no problem with self-doubt.

I KNOW I've screwed everything up.

I go ahead anyway.

StoryG27 · Mar 15, 2008

Eight agents?!?! Reading your manuscript? That is awesome. Look, you're already passed the first barrier, no, you flew over it. If you have that many agents interested enough to want to read it, you need to give yourself a pat on the back.

Self-doubt is SO normal. Relax. I think you're doing just fine.

Branwyn · Mar 15, 2008

I agree with storygirl, 8 agents, wow.

I never doubted that I had a good story, but that was about the only thing I didn't doubt.

Never give up, never surrender!

Ever just doubt yourself?

.

Bored fanatic

Bereaved Snarkling

.

.

Momma Wolf

Bereaved Snarkling

.

Onlyifyouwanttowillyoufin daway-Enya

Hapless Virago

Around and About

Esquire

Halfway between here and there

part of the human equation

Out to lunch

Here to network and learn.

haz own threads

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

Miss Behave

Print release:Sept.1,'09