Screams

[black winged fighter]

Hey all,

I'm typing right now, and I need to show someone screaming. Is it acceptable to just write "argh!" ?
How do you all insert screams?

Thanks.

[James D. Macdonald]

Fred screamed all the way down.

[Jamesaritchie]

Hey all,

I'm typing right now, and I need to show someone screaming. Is it acceptable to just write "argh!" ?
How do you all insert screams?

Thanks.

He screamed. I heard her scream. The scream carried above the sound of the music.

I don't think "argh" is a scream. I believe that's what a pirate says. Usually when he's disappointed, or wants to make a point. "Argh! I'll cut his flippers off and toss his carcass in the drink."

The urban dictionary actually lists "argh." http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ARGH&defid=1108501

[black winged fighter]

Pirates say 'Arrrr"

But what if I want a girl to say:

“Let me go! Let me -- argh! Put me down!”

I want to show a scream in dialogue, in other words.

[katiemac]

Personally, I don't like "screams" or any other vocal sounds in dialogue, even if it's just "um." If I were you (but I'm not) then I would just stick it in the narrative. I'm with James -- "argh" reminds me more of someone in frustration rather than screaming, and unfortunately I don't have a better suggestion for you. "Ahh!" reminds me of someone in awe, sometimes screaming, but it seems more comical to me.

[black winged fighter]

*shrugs*

Frustration works, too.

[katiemac]

Frustration works, too.

Then that's all right. I guess we don't actually know what kind of scream it is, after all.

[Birol]

Personally "arrggghhh" reminds me of Monty Python. But I'm weird that way.

[Crunchy Frog]

I think scream is "Aaagh!" without the "r," but I'm with everyone. I'd just say she screamed.

[Crunchy Frog]

Personally "arrggghhh" reminds me of Monty Python. But I'm weird that way.

Castle of Arrrrggghhh... at the back of the throat.

[Jamesaritchie]

Pirates say 'Arrrr"

But what if I want a girl to say:

“Let me go! Let me -- argh! Put me down!”

I want to show a scream in dialogue, in other words.

Pirates say both "Arrr" and "Argh." But pirates aside, "argh" is a pretty common expression, and it just doesn't sound like a scream. If you want to use a word to portray a sound, it needs to be onomatopoeic, such as "bang," "buzz," "click," "crackle," etc. "Argh" just doesn't sound like a scream.

I'm not at all sure there is an onomatopoeic word for scream. Sounds are the one place where it's usually better to tell than to show, especially when there is no onomatopoeic word to use. "She screamed" or "She yelped" is usually much better than trying to portray the actual sound. If you write "she screamed" or "she yelped," the reader will fill in the sound for you, and will do so in a way that sounds right to his or her ear.

But if you do want to portray the sound in text, you have to make whatever letters/words you use sound like a scream or a yelp. Listen to a scream. It sounds much more like AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE than like "argh."

Just for my own personal taste, the only times I've ever tried something like this was when I was going for blatant humor. Once upon a time I wrote a short story called "The Parachute." In it, there's a scene where the protagonist and a friend are on top of a silo with an old parachute. Thre's no bag for the parachute, and they use it by simply tossing the canopy into the wind. So far, they've only used the parachute on the ground, letting it drag them across an open field. Then they get the bright idea of trying to jump off the silo with it. Once up there, they chicken out, but accidently get swept off the silo when a gust of wind opens the canopy. They fall to the ground, one with the parachut tied around his shoulders, and the other wrapped around him for dear life.

In my version, I wrote.

"The parachute was barely barely large enough to support a skinny kid like me, and Eddie was not skinny. He outweighed me by fifty pounds, and the parachute did not even attempt to slow us down. I still remember what I said on the trip to the ground. All two seconds of it. I said, "AAAAIIIIIEEEE!" A feeling Eddie echoed."

Now, an editor at a top magazine bought this story, and guess what the only change he made was? In the published version, this paragraph read:

"The parachute was barely large enough to support a skinny kid like me, and Eddie was not skinny. He outweighed me by fifty pounds, and the parachute did not even attempt to slow us down. We both yelled. Actually, we both screamed all the way to the ground. Maybe two seconds, all told."

Now, this story has been reprinted several times, and for the first couple of reprints, I tried to slip my version of the paragraph back in. No joy. Each time the editor made a change. With time and experience, I now agree with them completely.

Unless there is a solid onomatopoeic word to use, trying to portray sounds very seldom comes off well. Even if your ear gets the sound right, it's highly likely a reader's ear may well disagree completely.

[black winged fighter]

I guess I'll just use what sounds right, then worry about changing it when the story is complete.

It's a pretty minor detail, all things considered.

Thanks.

[Jamesaritchie]

I guess I'll just use what sounds right, then worry about changing it when the story is complete.

It's a pretty minor detail, all things considered.

Thanks.

Well, minor in some ways, but it's the little details that can kill you when an agent or editor is reading your manuscript.

[Julian Black]

I have to agree wtith Uncle Jim and everyone else who advised against using dialogue to show someone screaming (or shrieking, or yelping...).

I'll admit it's not quite as bad as depicting all the noises people make during sex through dialogue, but it comes pretty close. It may work in comic strips, but definitely not in fiction...

[Anatole Ghio]

Pirates say 'Arrrr"

Did ya hear about the new Pirate film?

It's rated ARRRRR!!!

- Anatole

[black winged fighter]

Oh no! The horror of the pun!

(grins)

[Birol]

I'll admit it's not quite as bad as depicting all the noises people make during sex through dialogue, but it comes pretty close. It may work in comic strips, but definitely not in fiction...

Your newspaper must carry some different Sunday funnies than mine does. *sigh* Must be nice to live in such a liberal community.

[Julian Black]

Your newspaper must carry some different Sunday funnies than mine does. *sigh* Must be nice to live in such a liberal community.By "it" I meant "screams," not "sex noises." Seattle's a great liberal town, but it's not <i>that</i> liberal.

Yeah, I suppose I could have made things clearer...[laughs]

[reph]

The "-gh" on "Arrrgh!" makes for a cry of disgust because it suggests the throat-clearing, mucus-raising action that characterizes vocalizations of contempt.

I guess the word I want here is "guttural."

"Francine opened the jar and peered inside. She dropped the jar and jumped back, making that sound that really frightened people make when they scream."

No? Fix it in the next draft, then.

[katiemac]

Reph, genius. I shall use it in my WIP.

[SRHowen]

“Let me go! Let me go." June screamed when the monster squeezed her tighter. "Put me down!”

Shawn

[Jamesaritchie]

I have to agree wtith Uncle Jim and everyone else who advised against using dialogue to show someone screaming (or shrieking, or yelping...).

I'll admit it's not quite as bad as depicting all the noises people make during sex through dialogue, but it comes pretty close. It may work in comic strips, but definitely not in fiction...

Of course you know I now have all those sex noises running through my head. Get them out, please!

[James D. Macdonald]

The reason your basic Sleazy Naughty Book has big chunks like this

"Oh!"

"Oh! Oh!"

"Ahhhh!"

"Noooooooo!"

"Yes! Yesssss! Yeeessss!"

"Arrrrggghhhhh!"

is because you can fill a lot of pages very fast when you do that.

[MacAllister]

hmmm....was that an Atlanta Nights cite? Then there's "mmmmmmmmm"....

[Julian Black]

Of course you know I now have all those sex noises running through my head. Get them out, please!I've had "The Oompa-Loompa Song" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory running through my head all day. I'm more than willing to trade...

[Birol]

Barb is still plotting against me for starting this thread (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=103351#post103351). Feel free to resurrect it.

[Fractured_Chaos]

*EG*

Yes, Ma'am!