How often do you use directional words?

vrabinec · Mar 13, 2008

I had a beta reader tell me I should pull out my directional words. Some samples:

(the kitchen is downstairs, they are upstairs) I wrote "she went down to the kitchen" the beta said to make it "she went to the kitchen"

(a character pulls some paper from another's hand) I wrote "she looked down at the papers" the beta said to make it "she looked at the papers"

(characters are in the middle of a room" I wrote "he pulled a chair over to a corner" the beta said to make it "he pulled a chair to the corner"

Now, I get that the reader will most likely have the relative location of all these things in his head, but I don't want to detract from the visual I'm trying to convey. In your opinion, do the directional words add enough in instances such as these to keep them in?

Claudia Gray · Mar 13, 2008

It depends. Generally, you want to cut out ANYTHING extra; people know she's not holding the paper above her head to read, most likely. OTOH, with something like the kitchen example, I can see that you might want to show that she's going downstairs and therefore create a bit more distance between the last scene and the next.

Bufty · Mar 13, 2008

Do they add enough to keep them in? No.

NicoleMD · Mar 13, 2008

Unless the act of going down stairs shows something, I'd be inclined to leave it out. I have a character that goes down the stairs to the kitchen, but I mention it because he's showing off in front of his father and is at the bottom before his dad can make it down two steps. I mention that my character takes every other step and skips the last three entirely.

Nicole

Death Wizard · Mar 13, 2008

I think it depends on the style of your narrative. If it's highly character driven, I would leave them out. But in some stories, detailed descriptions of physical movement can be crucial to what you're trying to say, and in these cases I think that the kinds of words you mentioned work well and should be used. They create a form of orchestration that can be very effective. Just make sure that you use the right words. For example, you walk "over" to someone, not "up" to someone, unless you are walking up a hill or whatever.

Brighid · Mar 13, 2008

As a rule, I stay away from them. Not fond of reading them either. Of course, this comes from someone who is directionally challenged - it confuses me if I have think about up, down, left, right, north, south too often. :Shrug:

Sarpedon · Mar 13, 2008

I don't necessarily agree with the philosophy of cutting a word out if it serves no particular purpose. How you use words is part of who you are, it helps define your style.

The second instance is a bit more gratuitous than the first. It tells us that the corner is over there. Well, we know that, its part of the definition of a corner, they are at the edge of the room. However, the kitchen is indeed downstairs. We don't necessarily know that. Most kitchens are found on the ground floor, but it doesn't hurt to reinforce the mental image of the house by repeating these terms every once in a while. I find that if I only get a description in the first pages of the novel, I forget it by the time I get to the middle.

And I am not directionally or spatially challenged, and I do like to visualize the setting of the scene

Oberon · Mar 13, 2008

I don't agree that all should go. I like the visual cues that give action to the scene. She went down to the kitchen, because the kitchen is downstairs. It gives the reader a picture of the setting. She looked down at the paper. I can see her looking down, which brings me into the scene better. "He pulled a chair into the corner." Which corner? the room has only one? "He pulled a chair to a corner." I'm sorry, I like the "over." It gives the sentence a better flow. These are not telegrams we're writing.

Bufty · Mar 13, 2008

To be honest, I don't think a beta reader should be bothering about such trivia - unless you have used these directional words to such an extent they become noticeable, in which case I think she is probably correct to suggest pruning them.

Jeremy · Mar 13, 2008

I find myself doing the same thing you do with your directional words. However, I agree with the beta, they really don’t add much to what’s going on and I think the sentences are improved without them.

I need to start paying attention to that in my own writing.

RGame · Mar 13, 2008

In those three examples, I would keep in "down to the kitchen," but take out the other ones.

windyrdg · Mar 13, 2008

Directionals are easily overused. Part of it is context. For instance: She bent down and picked up the coin. She picked up the coin. or She bent to retrieve the coin. or She retrieved the coin.

Did we already know the coin was dropped/thrown, or was the coin found?

Pick some of the books you love, or authors you admire, and read them critically counting the nunber of times directions are used. That should help you determine your own "voice".

Stijn Hommes · Mar 13, 2008

I think your beta went a bit overboard in cutting those directional words.
In "He pulled a chair over to the corner." you can comfortably cut over without affecting the meaning of the sentence one single bit.

In the kitchen example, though, I wouldn't cut. If you mentioned the layout earlier, it doesn't hurt to reinforce the image, if you didn't -- this will tell the reader a lot about the location within just a few words.

I'm two-minded about the papers. You could cut "down" without a lot of trouble there, but it would really depend on the context if I would do it in that case.

Don't stop using them, just don't go overboard.

IceCreamEmpress · Mar 13, 2008

What Stijn says.

If the directional carries useful information, then keep it. It's hard to tell without context.

For instance:

James tried to catch Diane's eye, but she kept looking down at the papers, avoiding his glance.

Clearly "down" there is important, because the point is that Diane is looking away from James. Without the "down", the sentence doesn't work as well.

Similarly,

Kate was in her bedroom when the doorbell rang. Yanking a sweatshirt on over her pajama top, she ran down to the kitchen.

The "down" here is useful, too, because it implies someone racing from upstairs and dressing as they go.

Ralph sat, stone-faced, as his grandfather slowly dragged a chair over to the corner.

And here, the "over" emphasizes the distance the feeble grandfather has to drag the chair without Ralph's help.

So don't cut them out unless they don't serve a function. I think your beta reader has gotten rule-happy.

Death Wizard · Mar 13, 2008

IceCreamEmpress said:
What Stijn says.

If the directional carries useful information, then keep it. It's hard to tell without context.

For instance:

James tried to catch Diane's eye, but she kept looking down at the papers, avoiding his glance.

Clearly "down" there is important, because the point is that Diane is looking away from James. Without the "down", the sentence doesn't work as well.

Similarly,

Kate was in her bedroom when the doorbell rang. Yanking a sweatshirt on over her pajama top, she ran down to the kitchen.

The "down" here is useful, too, because it implies someone racing from upstairs and dressing as they go.

Ralph sat, stone-faced, as his grandfather slowly dragged a chair over to the corner.

And here, the "over" emphasizes the distance the feeble grandfather has to drag the chair without Ralph's help.

So don't cut them out unless they don't serve a function. I think your beta reader has gotten rule-happy.

Excellent points.

kzmiller · Mar 13, 2008

I'm going to be terrible and suggest that you get a second opinion. Your beta reader may be on track or may be jumping on a pet peeve. The problem with pet peeves is that sometimes they blind you to proper usage. My favorite example is passive voice. There are definitely times when passive voice is perfectly appropriate, even necessary. People jump on it because inexperienced writers tend to dull their prose with it and even use it for action scenes where it's usually inappropriate. But if you read prose with zero passive voice, it sounds psychotic before too long.

If you have multiple people telling you that the directional language is distracting, you may have too much directional language. Or you may have an appropriate amount of choreography but it's overbalancing relatively weak dialogue or narrative. Propping up other elements of the prose might make the directional 'issue' (if it really is an issue) go away. Definitely don't make changes on one opinion unless you happen to strongly agree with that opinion.

Andre_Laurent · Mar 14, 2008

In most cases they should be cut....but not always.

vrabinec · Mar 14, 2008

kzmiller said:
I'm going to be terrible and suggest that you get a second opinion. Your beta reader may be on track or may be jumping on a pet peeve. The problem with pet peeves is that sometimes they blind you to proper usage. My favorite example is passive voice. There are definitely times when passive voice is perfectly appropriate, even necessary. People jump on it because inexperienced writers tend to dull their prose with it and even use it for action scenes where it's usually inappropriate. But if you read prose with zero passive voice, it sounds psychotic before too long.

If you have multiple people telling you that the directional language is distracting, you may have too much directional language. Or you may have an appropriate amount of choreography but it's overbalancing relatively weak dialogue or narrative. Propping up other elements of the prose might make the directional 'issue' (if it really is an issue) go away. Definitely don't make changes on one opinion unless you happen to strongly agree with that opinion.

This is the first time it's been brought up, but it made enough sense to me that it got my attention. I think I will end up eliminating some like the "down" in "she looked down at the papers". That really isn't necessary, the more I think about it. And even though I might use that in everyday speach, it doesn't add anything since most people would visualize her looking down to look at them without being prompted. I'll have to look at them one-by-one (great, just what I needed, another search through the MS. Hope my concentration holds out)

How do you guys go though your manuscripts when you're looking for specific things such as this? Do you group a couple things together? Let's say, in my case, I have a nasty habit of using "just" and "a bit" which I need to trim, so I was going to do those simultaneously. I'm just worried that, by page 352, I'll be daydreaming about dinner and the neighbor's wife instead of concentrating on the task at hand. Any tricks you guys use?

Bufty · Mar 14, 2008

Presume you use Find and Replace. If you don't want to replace a word or phrase en-masse, 'Find' whatever you are looking for, say 'just' and 'Replace all' with 'just' but in say a red font so it stands out. Repeat for 'a bit', and anything else as necessary. Then go through manuscript looking for the red font or blocks or whatever you used.

That what you are after?

vrabinec said:
This is the first time it's been brought up, but it made enough sense to me that it got my attention. I think I will end up eliminating some like the "down" in "she looked down at the papers". That really isn't necessary, the more I think about it. And even though I might use that in everyday speach, it doesn't add anything since most people would visualize her looking down to look at them without being prompted. I'll have to look at them one-by-one (great, just what I needed, another search through the MS. Hope my concentration holds out)

How do you guys go though your manuscripts when you're looking for specific things such as this? Do you group a couple things together? Let's say, in my case, I have a nasty habit of using "just" and "a bit" which I need to trim, so I was going to do those simultaneously. I'm just worried that, by page 352, I'll be daydreaming about dinner and the neighbor's wife instead of concentrating on the task at hand. Any tricks you guys use?

vrabinec · Mar 14, 2008

Bufty said:
Presume you use Find and Replace. 'Find' whatever you are looking for, say 'just a bit' and 'Replace' with 'just a bit' but in say a red font so it stands out. Repeat as necessary. Then go through manuscript looking for the red font or blocks or whatever you used.

That what you are after?

Cool! Yeah. Is that in Word?

Bufty · Mar 14, 2008

EriRae · Mar 14, 2008

I use directional words too often. If it makes sense without it, don't use it. I agree, walking down to the kitchen is more descriptive than walking to the kitchen, if the kitchen is indeed on another floor.

Erin, Queen of the rewrite...186k to 100k and shrinking

Shadow_Ferret · Mar 14, 2008

So I shouldn't say, "They went downtown for lunch" instead I should they "They went town for lunch." Right? Did I get the jist of this thread?

maestrowork · Mar 14, 2008

vrabinec said:
I had a beta reader tell me I should pull out my directional words. Some samples:

(the kitchen is downstairs, they are upstairs) I wrote "she went down to the kitchen" the beta said to make it "she went to the kitchen"

(a character pulls some paper from another's hand) I wrote "she looked down at the papers" the beta said to make it "she looked at the papers"

(characters are in the middle of a room" I wrote "he pulled a chair over to a corner" the beta said to make it "he pulled a chair to the corner"

IMHO, your beta is nitpicking. He's micro-editing your prose, instead of focusing on the story, characters, etc. that are FAR more important than whether you write "she looked at the papers" or "she looked down at the papers."

Dump him.

Bufty · Mar 14, 2008

I think the above are all valid points but borderline directional issues as such. The main and more obvious beginner's directional errors occur in passages like the following.

I headed due north and felt my way along the dark corridor, my left shoulder rubbing the coarse western wall. All of a sudden, there was nothing to my right. I hugged the left wall and kept straight on before turning left about twenty paces farther along. I felt my foot go down and guessed there was a staircase. It spiralled down to the right and at the bottom there was a candle. By the dim light I made my way along the corridor for about another ten paces, then turned into a door on my left. Across the room was another door on the far end of the left wall. Through that and to the right was another opening through which a single curved step led me up and round a corner to the left. Up another six steps and round the second next left corner I came across a west-facing door...

Sheesh! Wait till I make notes before I get lost...No wait, I am lost.

How often do you use directional words?

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