Some problems with my mystery

SecretScribe · Mar 7, 2008

Hi there

I have two problems with my mystery – ok, a lot more than two, but struggling with these right now.

The first is introducing characters. I have started my novel with the body and there is a bit of drama when the main char first sees the body and she looks almost exactly like his late wife. Problem is, we don’t know these characters at all, so when he reacts in an unusual way, it doesn’t seem unusual, just odd for a seasoned cop to react like that at a crime scene. It also then becomes difficult to introduce the characters afterwards because it would be very contrived. I also like, when reading, to know more or less what the physical characteristics of characters are, so I like to put this in. So, how do you introduce your characters, but also start your novel with a bang?

The other issue is that after the dramatic opening my plot falls completely flat for a time – quite a bit of time. I have a number of actions that the cops are taking – informing the family, attending the autopsy, making calls, etc, etc. The problem is that, while they need to do these things and a lot of them need to be included in the story, it is deadly boring. How do you deal with this?

Hope you have great ideas and advice!

Dale Emery · Mar 7, 2008

SecretScribe said:
The other issue is that after the dramatic opening my plot falls completely flat for a time – quite a bit of time. I have a number of actions that the cops are taking – informing the family, attending the autopsy, making calls, etc, etc. The problem is that, while they need to do these things and a lot of them need to be included in the story, it is deadly boring. How do you deal with this?

I don't know how to advise without some additional info. So...

What makes it necessary for the reader to witness those activities?

If you deleted those scenes entirely, what kinds of important things would the reader not know?

Dale

Mr Flibble · Mar 7, 2008

Problem is, we don’t know these characters at all, so when he reacts in an unusual way, it doesn’t seem unusual, just odd for a seasoned cop to react like that at a crime scene.

Internal dialogue

'Jeez, the hair, the face, I though she was X. But my mind must be playing tricks, X has been dead seven years.'

have a number of actions that the cops are taking – informing the family, attending the autopsy, making calls, etc, etc. The problem is that, while they need to do these things and a lot of them need to be included in the story, it is deadly boring. How do you deal with this?

Have a lackey do the boring stuff while your tec gets on with exciting things. Even if it's your tec that does it, you don't have to write it all out. A quick tell -- 'the funeral was grey and rainy' the into the exciting stuff.

sheadakota · Mar 7, 2008

Have each graph end with a cliff hanger if you can- little mystreries within the mystery if you get me-

As far as describing the charcters in the midst of action- don't- the descriptions can be woven in later without making it look like you're putting them there-

V.W. Singer · Mar 11, 2008

One way to introduce information about your character is to have his colleagues and the other people usually at the crime scene make informative comments. "Sorry to hear about your...." "Say, she looks just like..." and so on. You can also have them gossip behind his back. "Boy he's sure put on a lot of weight lately....", "I heard that xxx saw him go into a brothel last Saturday night....", "That hooker I pulled in the other day said that....", "My wife was talking about tall men the other day and xxx immediately came to mind...."

As for the boring bits, use something simple to create a lead. It could be a dead end or a little sub-plot, but it gets the Detectives going - a locker key/unusual medication/pregnancy test/bus ticket/ etc. in the corpse's bag, or the corpse's fingerprints don't show up in the system, tests on her hands show gunshot residue, etc. Most of these will be found quickly by the labs, so the detectives don't have to hang around for too long.

SecretScribe · Mar 12, 2008

Thanks guys. I know that a lot of the drudging police work (they made a hundred phone calls) can be summarised and taken as read in many cases, but there are some things that need to be done, because bits of information (real clues and red herrings) get hidden in the midst of it. Would introspection work so early in a novel? I do have some conflict between my detectives, but I don't want to have too much of it so that it just becomes plain boring.

What I did was I wrote down all the scenes in the book and then made a note next to each stating whether it contained action/drama/conflict etc. I realised that I have quite a bit of drama and action in the first three chapters and then nothing, nothing, nothing. Then it gets going again. I guess I have sort of mid-novel blues, but closer to the beginning.

Dale Emery · Mar 12, 2008

SecretScribe said:
Would introspection work so early in a novel?

It can, if you motivate it. You'll have to give the character a good reason to introspect, such as a meaningful event or revelation that would reasonably trigger the kind of introspection you want. If the event or revelation is strong enough, that can motivate several pages of introspection.

For example, early in Greg Iles's Blood Memory, Cat Ferry returns to her childhood home -- a mansion -- for the first time in 15 years. As she approaches the grounds, she sees a gnarled dogwood tree. Her father died under the tree. Seeing the tree, with its strong associations, triggers her to recall the night her father died, to replay it in her mind. This takes up several pages, and soon Cat has further occasions to reflect more deeply still.

That's one example. Cat does a lot of reflecting even early in the book, and Iles motivates each instance very well.

Now that I think of it, there's plenty of introspection even in the first chapter, though each instance is brief and relatively mild. You can read it here:
http://tinyurl.com/2fbhoz (Click "read an excerpt")

Dale

ToddWBush · Mar 12, 2008

I'd go with a "getting to know the character" way of getting around the boring parts. As in, getting to know them through dialogue with other characters, actions, etc. But then again, my mystery involves a smarta$$ lead who not only lets you see who he is (it's told in first person) but also shows you the other characters through his comments.

RJK · Mar 28, 2008

Let's discuss your first problem. Why would you NOT expect a "Seasoned Cop" to react to seeing a corpse that closely resembled his late wife? The cop is human and has human feelings.
I'm a retired police officer and have been to many crime scenes. I've seen police officers puking their guts out. I've seen them crying at what they've had to witness. Believe me, they react just like you would. the difference is, they set those reactions aside and do their work.

Your second problem - the boring but necessary scenes: Use them to build character, add to the plot, salt the mine with evidence. Michael Connelly uses a "Notify the wife" scene to introduce Harry Bosch to a new character who eventually becomes his lover.
describe how the cops are dealing with the sights and smells of the autopsy to add realism.

I hope this helps.

SecretScribe · Mar 31, 2008

Thanks guys, some great ideas here. And I read some Greg Iles - very good!

Snowstorm · Mar 31, 2008

Is there a possibility of a flashback scene whereby your main character reflects first on his wife then finds the body? Or perhaps your main character may be thinking of his wife, which puts her right in the front of his mind as he finds the dead woman. The emotion may be better understood that way.

Consolidating the technical information may be helpful since getting bogged down in informing the reader may bog down your story. OR perhaps feeding the technical information in a tense portion of your scene might heighten the exposure of that information. {I hear a silent movie's piano playing: dun, dun, DUN}

Bufty · Mar 31, 2008

Seems to me you may be short on technique, SS.

Is Dwight V Swain's Techniques of the selling Writer on your bookshelf?

[quote=SecretScribe;2214017]Thanks guys, some great ideas here. And I read some Greg Iles - very good![/quote]

Some problems with my mystery

SecretScribe

Dale Emery

is way off topic

Mr Flibble

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

sheadakota

part of the human equation

V.W. Singer

SecretScribe

Dale Emery

is way off topic

ToddWBush

RJK

Sheriff Bullwinkle the Poet says:

SecretScribe

Snowstorm

Baby plot bunneh sniffs out a clue

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?