Smells

honeycomb · Mar 2, 2008

Hi all,

First, to set the scene. It's 1943, rural S.C. in an African American community. My MC has just delivered a baby and her husband is enters the room.

Does either one make sense?

"He willed his stomach not to churn from the smell of blood and gore that settled in his nostrils."

or

"The smell of blood mix with old fish filled his nostrils."

Thx for the help.

onlyhere · Mar 2, 2008

In 1943 rural, the husband would have probably been used to the smell of blood.

NicoleMD · Mar 2, 2008

Maybe something this:

"He willed his stomach not to churn from the ripe smell of his wife's blood."

That way the emphasis on his wife might make more since, he's churning not because of the smell of blood, but because he knows it's his wife's. I didn't like the use of the word "gore" either, unless the midwife was a zombie or vampire slayer or something.

Nicole

Chumplet · Mar 2, 2008

Instead of 'the smell of...' you could compare the smell to something else, like the 'metallic smell' or 'thick odour' or something like that.

Pike · Mar 2, 2008

I agree on the "gore" issue. I've been in the room when my wife birthed all four of our children and yes it was a mess I don't recall being hit by a foul smell.

Pike

Edit note: Is the husband your VP character for the scene? I ask because, in the post, you said the mother was the MC and that's makes a huge difference in what you write.

ishtar'sgate · Mar 2, 2008

Blood has a warm metallic odor. I think it's the sensation of heat in my nostrils that gets to me the most.
Linnea

honeycomb · Mar 2, 2008

Pike said:
I agree on the "gore" issue. I've been in the room when my wife birthed all four of our children and yes it was a mess I don't recall being hit by a foul smell.

Pike

Edit note: Is the husband your VP character for the scene? I ask because, in the post, you said the mother was the MC and that's makes a huge difference in what you write.

Hi Pike,

I'm still learning the lingo. What's a VP?

honeycomb · Mar 2, 2008

Thank you all. This helps.

sheadakota · Mar 2, 2008

I think he means View point character- (I hope)

Smells

honeycomb

Caroline

onlyhere

Non-deceased hearse rider

NicoleMD

Onomatopotamus

Chumplet

This hat is getting too hot

Pike

Chivalry ain't dead

ishtar'sgate

living in the past

honeycomb

Caroline

honeycomb

Caroline

sheadakota

part of the human equation