Hey! We need humor!

[JennaGlatzer]

Managing ed. Amy Brozio-Andrews tells me that we're pathetically short on humor essays for Absolute Write.

Got any?

We pay $5 or a subscription to the Absolute Markets Premium Edition.

Looking for humor that's related to writing in some way.

See full guidelines: http://www.absolutewrite.com/site/submissions.htm

[mommie4a]

Sure, Jenna. I have a couple - kind of sardonic, though? I have no shame, so if Amy wants to read and say thanks but no thanks, s'okay by me. Send to her?

[mommie4a]

Oh - can you tell I'm getting the hang of this padding your post thing - I know you refer us to the guidelines, but I'm sooooo close to 50! :)

[JennaGlatzer]

Far be it for me to stop you. Pad away!

And yes, please send anything you've got to Amy.

She actually has an open slot in this week's newsletter, so the sooner the better! :)

[mommie4a]

So it is written - so it shall be done. (You know The Ten Commandments will be on in just four weeks!)

[rich]

I believe I submitted one to her about 3 weeks ago. I wasn't sure because I couldn't find it in my "Sent" folder. Last week I emailed her to see if she got it. Haven't heard anything yet.

[JennaGlatzer]

Thanks for letting me know! I'll check in with her.

[Alphabeter]

Jenna

While I'm sure this would be easier to answer in PM, I figure others would want to know the answer so I'm asking it here.

Is there a limit on the number of articles and how often they can be submitted to AW?

[Richard]

Heh. I'll try and knock something out when I get a sec.

[JennaGlatzer]

Nope, no limit. Because it's a weekly publication, we're always hungry for good material!

[aka eraser]

Heh. I'll try and knock something out when I get a sec.

Richard, that is NOT the way to score brownie points with our illustrious editor. Try: "I'll slave over my keyboard for hours - days if need be - to craft a hilarious and informative piece that I pray will be worthy of publication in your fine journal."

Worked for me. Okay, that, plus I gave Jenna and Amy each 10 bucks.

[Richard]

Please, I'm English. We're specialists in casualness ;-)

[Birol]

Worked for me. Okay, that, plus I gave Jenna and Amy each 10 bucks.

Eek! You've been accepted already? Did you submit during this go around? Me, I've heard nothing. Must've missed some crucial piece of information in the guidelines. Either that or the cash included in the e-mail slipped into the nether regions of the internet before it reached them.

Oh, well. Back to the drawing board. If I can find it. I know it's under all this paper somewhere.

[rich]

Also, keep in mind that we need to confess our AW rejections in the rejection count topic.

[aka eraser]

Eek! You've been accepted already? Did you submit during this go around? Me, I've heard nothing. Must've missed some crucial piece of information in the guidelines. Either that or the cash included in the e-mail slipped into the nether regions of the internet before it reached them.

Oh, well. Back to the drawing board. If I can find it. I know it's under all this paper somewhere.

No Lori! Don't panic. I wrote a piece that appeared a few months ago. :)

[Torin]

I wish I could write humour. I really do. I love it when I read it. I adore funny writing. Can't do it to save my life. :Shrug:

[aka eraser]

I wish I could write humour. I really do. I love it when I read it. I adore funny writing. Can't do it to save my life. :Shrug:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Torin! That was hilarious!



Sorry.

It's late.

I'm going to bed now.

:gone:

[Birol]

Nah, Frank, wasn't panicking. But good to know all the same. I would confess the amount of work that went into what I sent, too, but it falls under the category, "Not the way to score brownie points". ;)

[Mr Underhill]

Oh - can you tell I'm getting the hang of this padding your post thing - I know you refer us to the guidelines, but I'm sooooo close to 50! :)Speaking of which, perhaps we could just boil down the Pad Your Post Count for the humor submission. It gets pretty wacky sometimes, especially late at night.

Oh, and BTW I'm now at 49. :Thumbs:

[rich]

Just got an email from Amy. She accepted my humor piece--scheduled for 4/13.

My bribe was donating my check to The Water Cooler. The wife didn't like my charitable gesture, since without that check we'll be putting off our world cruise for another year.

[Birol]

Jenna was not exaggerating about being "pathetically short on humor essays." I know this because I got an acceptance last night. My piece is scheduled to run in the Just for Fun section of the May 4th newsletter.

[Penelope]

Way to go, rich and Birol! :Thumbs: I'll be eagerly awaiting the day when I can read your work in the newsletter. :)

[jdkiggins]

Congrats! Rich and Birol. I'll watch for them. I think I need to read humor to figure out what it is.

[rich]

(Just can't get used to the name Birol. I keep thinking beer-all.)

Well, Lori, it just better not be funnier than mine. Kudos.

[aka eraser]

Congrats you two!

Pay no attention to the fine print at the bottom of Amy's acceptance letter. Just an unimportant little clause I had her add about promising to not send out a weekly emailed humour thingy.

No biggie.

Carry on.

:gone:

[Penelope]

Bad Frank. :whip:

[jdkiggins]

I didn't get a rejection yet, so maybe mine is in the running for June, July... or the next decade when she's run out of real humor. LOL

[Birol]

(Just can't get used to the name Birol. I keep thinking beer-all.)



No worries. Keep calling me Lori. Or start making up names.

[rich]

Just saw my piece in Absolute Write--a must read for anyone having trouble writing cover letters.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/fun/grand_expectations.htm

[Richard]

Heh. I sent a couple of pieces in, but never heard back, so I'm assuming she wasn't amused. Did the press release for a book called 'Actively Avoid Writing A Novel In 7 Days' and a fairly similar letter to that one, about writing to an agent with Stories Ripped From The Headlines...of a local British paper, where the most that ever happens is a Largest Aubergine contest.

[Birol]

Funny stuff, Rich. Congratulations.

[aka eraser]

I enjoyed that Rich. Nice piece.

[batyler65]

Funny stuff, Rich. And I loved the bio.

So, have you started on that full-length novel yet? Hmm?

[awatkins]

Rich, I got a huge laugh out of your piece in the newsletter. Good job!

[rich]

Thank y'all.

With the exception of Barb--I'm picturing her wielding that taser upon my 136th birthday.

[KTC]

Hey...I just saw this thread now. I write writing related humour all the time. I will check out the guidelines and click send some day soon.

[Liam Jackson]

Just saw my piece in Absolute Write--a must read for anyone having trouble writing cover letters.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/fun/grand_expectations.htm

Thank you , sir. May I have another?

[Brainerd T.]

Doctor Hugh Moore at your service. My cover letter was lost the other day. It got kicked off and fell too close to the fire.

[JennaGlatzer]

Rich, I laughed out loud. My favorite: "An eloquent dissertation rebuking the Oceanside Junior Soccer League for taking sides with the referee who banned me from all my daughter’s soccer games."

That was mighty kind of you to put off the world cruise for the Cooler, too... thanks!

If anyone's been waiting more than about 3 weeks for a response from Amy, please do feel free to follow up with her. We've had some trouble with her spam filters overreacting.

[rich]

You're welcome, Jenna. I figure if I can get another acceptance here, and not be so charitable, I could swing the cruise and a decent down payment on a Mercedes.

[JennaGlatzer]

I'll buy you the fuzzy dice myself!

[rich]

Hmmm, fuzzy dice ain't what a prestigious Mercedes should sport. If you could spring for a Dolly Parton bobble "heads" doll I think it would be classier.

[Brainerd T.]

Looks like I don't qualify. I've never been published in the strict sense of the word. I've always gotten paid in smilies.

I'd rather write a column. I have a lot of character. I could do a cartoon paragraph in column format. No need to illustrate, if you see my column, it's illustration enough for anybody.

Maybe they could use an unemployed circus.

[krobsten]

I tried to send something off to Amy after reading this thread, and had to paste it into a form that removed all formatting. As the formatting was kind of important, any ideas on how to format in that little box?

[Humourwriter]

If anyone's been waiting more than about 3 weeks for a response from Amy, please do feel free to follow up with her. We've had some trouble with her spam filters overreacting.


Would it be possible to set up Amy's AbsoluteWrite account with an autoresponder? Or, if not her regular email address, a special one for submissions?

Bill.

[AmyBA]

The spam filter issue with my previous e-mail provider was *really* getting out of control (replies to messages I'd sent out weren't even making it into my inbox :Hammer: ), so I've since switched over to another. So far, so good.

At least, I haven't heard from anyone asking if I've received their message... so yes, if you've sent me something more than two or three weeks ago (can't remember which day I actually switched) then please accept my apologies and do feel free to re-send. :Hail:

If you're sending something that needs special formatting, let me know and we'll work it out.

[rich]

Just read your AW piece.


I liked those opening lines:

"Writers are strange. They talk to themselves and see things others do not. They even see things that are not there."

Hmm, and I politely requested that you not be funnier than me.

[Birol]

Aww, gee, thanks, Rich. :o

[batyler65]

LOL

I'm now beginning to understand why Bud is such a pain.