HOLLYWOODBYPHONE interview

www.hollywoodbyphone.com has invited me to be part of a conference
call on SUNDAY MARCH 2nd at 5:30 PM PST (8:30PM east coast time).

I’ll talk about my experiences working at two major talent agencies, along
with finding & developing projects and producing. I’ll also answer questions
and give feedback on loglines.

To participate:

Dial: 218 486 1300. Then enter the six digit bridge number: 680104.

I prefer the interaction rather than my just yapping about myself. So, if writers want to share their loglines for some feedback, I'd be glad to hear them. In regards to feedback, I'll base my opinion on the construction of the logline, its dramatic & cinematic potential and its marketability (comparing it to projects that are currently circulating town, in development or in production, for instance). I will be very honest.

NikeeGoddess said:

have you discontinued your logline lottery?

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Yes. We did it for two years and banked up a lot of content for people to review in the forum at twoadverbs. But it was too much work, and there wasn't enough time in the month for me to squeeze it in anymore.

I re-posted two of the old lotteries in my (defunct) blog.

http://twoadverbs.blogspot.com/2006/12/loglines-revisited.html

and

http://twoadverbs.blogspot.com/2006/12/loglines-revisted-revisted.html

NikeeGoddess said:

The Looter
While looting a San Diego mountain-side home a young man learns that life may not be greener on the wealthy side of town when he discovers a bed-ridden old man who was abandoned by his family during a mandatory wildfire evacuation.

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OK, here's my 2 cents.

It sounds like a "small" drama (not a bad thing) but not likely to be the sort of material you're going to sell on spec (if that's your intention).

I would stick closely to the concept and avoid editorializing. "...Learns that life may not be greener on the wealthy side of town..." states part of your theme, which should be extrapolated from the concept itself - rather than your telling us. Theme is expressed through conflict; the drama proves out your theme.

The logline should present the drama to us. (And remember that "learns" is not particularly cinematic because it's internal. The dramatist finds ways to externalize the internal. )

But the logline doesn't provide us with much conflict. The looter finds the adandoned old man and then what? Your logline doesn't portray the dramatic "struggle."

IMO, there isn't anything here that suggests a feature length film.

Your presentation offers up - what I consider to be - a scene: the beat where the looter discovers the old man. But I cannot see beyond that.

I can assume that they influence and change each other, but I'm not sure what the conflict is that facilitates those transformations. As a result, this feels like a short film at best.

This is clearly character driven, but the logline should still present the central conflict of the narrative - the conflict that propels the story forward. WHO IS THE PROTAGONIST? WHAT DOES HE WANT? WHAT STANDS IN HIS WAY? The answers to those three basic question help to create the logline.



More of this on Sunday March 2.

It was a lot of fun, and I thought there was plenty of potential in many of the loglines I heard.

Afterward, someone noted:

The two things I wrote down: 1) That Act 2 should be implied in your logline, which I never really thought about and 2) That the difference between a logline and a concept is that one can make you pictures scenes, and the other can actually make you picture the story. You gave Liar, Liar as an example.

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Part of my reply was:

A logline for THE WIZARD OF OZ: After a twister transports a lonely Kansas farm girl to a magical land, she sets out on a dangerous journey to find a wizard with the power to send her home.

After a twister transports a lonely Kansas farm girl to a magical land suggests the first act of the screenplay.

she sets out on a dangerous journey to find a wizard with the power to send her home suggests the second and third acts.

The logline doesn't include the ending (that she does make it back home) because we want to leave SOME questions for the reader.

If we only expresses the first part in a query - "It's the story of a lonely Kansas farm girl who gets caught up in a twister and finds herself in the magical land of Oz" - we have only a partial understanding of the story.

This can help me to envision some scenes but I cannot see the DRAMA - her journey to meet the Wizard and the conflict and adventure it brings - because I haven't been fully informed.

When someone suggests the first act set-up (just the concept) without the rest, they're not, IMO, providing a logline.

When I learn the rest (about her journey to meet the Wizard), then I get a clearer picture of the SCOPE of the full story. And I can begin to envision the movie. Without the second part of the logline (the part that often comes after the verb like "struggles," "investigates," "battles," etcetera), the story can be about anything - maybe the girl becomes queen of the mysterious land, maybe she loots it, maybe she comes down with some disease, or gets eaten by the denizens. How can I possibly know what the story is about unless I'm told what she pursues after landing in Oz? (After all, that makes up 90 pages of the script.)

Many of the loglines did just that last night. They presented me with interesting concepts - but didn't fill me in on the rest, so I couldn't envision the MOVIE.

This is because the writer only had the concept - and was testing it out (which is just fine). Or because - like most scripts - the writer doesn't give his protagonist anything to struggle for, or investigate, or battle, ectetera. Because most newbie scripts don't have much of a second act.

Remember: the weaknesses within your dramatic narrative will often be manifested in the logline. This is the real reason loglines are difficult to write - not because the scribe lacks the knack for loglines. (If you don't have a full dramatic story in your screenplay, it's really hard to write a logline.)

Some concepts are good enough to rest on their own laurels. "A dishonest lawyer must tell the truth for 24 hours" is pretty good on its own. But it still doesn't tell me the story.

However, it really comes to life when I learn the rest: "...while he struggles to win the most important case of his career." That's the conflict that propels the second act and leads us into the climax.

That's the movie!