showing versus telling help

That is an abrupt swing from character POV to what reads like the narrator's opinions. You could integrate the material into the character's thoughts. It is also too wordy.

A bit of fooling around with it:

The human mind might have evolved to be smarter and quicker, but Kaliope thought it should have outgrown the need for competition. Technology had only worsened humanity's foolishness over the last centuries. Contact with alien peoples had served no better. She could see no point in comparing her own race with those who had evolved on other worlds.

I would do this by removing this paragraph and showing the MC being looked down on by someone with a better cruiser. Instead of explaining what a cruiser is, I'd say the person jumped in and took off and flew away. Work in a mention of aliens by the characters in dialogue, in a way that indicates that contact with aliens is normal in their world.

That's how I would do it.

KC36 said:

I know I'm telling with the following paragraph. It's hard not to when describing things. Does anyone have any tips on trying to show in descriptions? I guess my question is, is it okay to use exposition like I did here? When is exposition preferred more than showing? Is that the case at all? Is exposition okay when conveying the setting? In my case, i'm trying to introduce a setting that takes place in the future.

Kaliope wished that the human way of life in the 28th Century could have changed since the past centuries she read about in eBooks. The human mind evolved to be smarter and quicker, but it did not change the tendency to compete against others to see who was superior. The increasing amounts of new technology produced greater gaps between social classes. Those who could afford the most expensive cruiser, or flying car, looked down upon those who used public transportation. The development of the smart computer, a computer designed to respond to humans, in the late 22nd Century was only the beginning of the ever-widening gaps. With more technology, people found more ways to criticize each other about who owned the latest craze. Of course, with the first contact from an alien planet came more criticisms within our own race, against theirs, and other planets after that.
There's definitely room for improvement, so I'm up for suggestions on making it better.

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Put your characters in that world, have them do things, navigate through this world, etc. Imagine the scenes like they were in a movie -- you don't just have a guy sitting in front of a blank screen describing the world. You actually see it, as the characters act through the scenes.

Read how JK Rowling show us her world. She doesn't just sit down and describe it in a few paragraphs.

When in doubt about show vs. tell, watch movies -- movies are mostly show instead of tell (unless there's voice over).

One thing that helps me is to first, write it, and then go back later (maybe five minutes, or maybe a day or two) and read it as through I'm not the author. Think of the amount of information that's given in that paragraph. You may want to consider spreading it out over chapters instead of giving it all at once. That way your reader is less likely to forget any of it. For example, the gaps between the social class could possibly be shown later when your character observes an example of it--even if that example is of cars he or she sees on the street.

My suggestion would be to keep all of your important facts, but write them down in a separate word document or on a piece of paper, and spread them throughout the novel as necessary. ^_^

If the character uses public transportation, maybe aliens do as well and could be encountered there.

break all that info up and disperse it throughout the story

coversations work best...

I agree with the people who say that stuff would be better acted out or given in dialogue, though I'm not sure you need the years. That said, I often find myself writing paragraphs like that one when I'm first drafting. When I notice one, I try to treat it like a memo to myself that I want all these thoughts and attitudes to come through. I mark it with square brackets so I can easily search for it later. Then when I'm writing, I try to work the stuff in. Then I go back and delete the paragraph of tell or at the very least drastically shorten it.

What Maestro said. You've got information here that could be spread out over three or four chapters. Maybe a cruiser goes by and she gets hit with the backwash and she has to go home to change and loses her job. Or something.

One thing I find in my own case, with my story, is that there is stuff that I put really condensed in a paragraph or two, which then can be put somewhere else, seperated into tiny bits when it makes sense to say those tiny bits.

I have paragraphs very similar to yours in the sense that they tell stuff pretty much the same way.
It's almost like those voice overs you see in films, but as the voice speaks you see people walking on the streets, in this case aliens.
If there's any other way of telling the reader these things, it would be better.

Here's something I found pretty interesting with this whole show versus tell thing.
The stuff you Tell, is stuff that you want the reader to do by himself.
Show the reader stuff that will then make him think "The smart computer"
"Criticised each other" "technology created greater gaps".
Show this happening, and the reader will have in his head, what you're telling him in the excerpt you gave us.


And another little bonus thing.
Don't make abstractions, like beauty, popular, funny, ugly, horrible, into adjectives.
Let the reader make that conclusion.
Show the girl's golden hair and the soft skin, show that she's popular, or horrible. The reader will automatically consider the things you show him, beautiful, funny, yadda yadda yadda.
I know this might not apply to your story, with the whole golden hair stuff, but it's the process behind it that I think applies to even your story.

As has been said, you could put that information you're at the m,oment telling, into dialogue.
But don't make the dialogue do the "telling".
Don't make the reader say "Oh, in the 22nd century we built a smart computer." like a teacher or something.
Let the characters casually speak of their world, and then the reader will think, this world is going through something that wasn't expected, through problematic stuff.
Show that the smart computer is creating gaps, don' tliterally, straightaway say that it's the smart computer. Make a crazy old man say something like "Oh, it was that bloody smart computer! AAAARRRGHGGH!"
That sort of stuff.

I recommend you watch the movie I, Robot, if for no other reason than to see how to handle someone who wants "the good old days" in a futuristic setting.

Description is about interaction, not static "here's what I want you to know." Your character may be watching a documentary on the 21st century is surround-sound holo-vid, and wishing she could be back in that time period because, damn, it sounds like a much easier time than being stuck here in the 28th century. Stupid machines doing everything for her. She can't even go to the bathroom in peace...

Hopefully, you get the idea.

Emotions, interactions, attitudes...it all goes into description. Show people doing these things, living in these spaces, and being real. That's what it's all about.

Showing vs telling is a hard concept to grapple with and I don't think it's easy for any writer. Just keep revising and working on spreading the info around.

KC36 said:

I know I'm telling with the following paragraph. It's hard not to when describing things. Does anyone have any tips on trying to show in descriptions? I guess my question is, is it okay to use exposition like I did here? When is exposition preferred more than showing? Is that the case at all? Is exposition okay when conveying the setting? In my case, i'm trying to introduce a setting that takes place in the future.

Kaliope wished that the human way of life in the 28th Century could have changed since the past centuries she read about in eBooks. The human mind evolved to be smarter and quicker, but it did not change the tendency to compete against others to see who was superior. The increasing amounts of new technology produced greater gaps between social classes. Those who could afford the most expensive cruiser, or flying car, looked down upon those who used public transportation. The development of the smart computer, a computer designed to respond to humans, in the late 22nd Century was only the beginning of the ever-widening gaps. With more technology, people found more ways to criticize each other about who owned the latest craze. Of course, with the first contact from an alien planet came more criticisms within our own race, against theirs, and other planets after that.
There's definitely room for improvement, so I'm up for suggestions on making it better.

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If it's an introduction, it should be impersonal and a little distant; so I'd say you've set the right mood. However, the material itself doesn't pique my interest. You need something more dramatic (same idea but more dramatic words) to capture the imagination of your audience and get them hooked straight away. You're not writing an essay here.

eBooks? Think of something else. Invent a new term. Holobook, for instance. That's more evocative.

I'll wager you get more into the head of Kaliope further into the narrative.

Keep on the good work.

I agree with others who say this needs to be spread out over several chapters- this is very much an 'info dump' Don't tell us that there is breach among the social classes- show us- Perhap she is looking at one of the new vehicles and depending on what class she is- either looks at it with longing or depicts its flaws- let us experience ehr world through her-as she experiences it- we don't need to be told that man has evolved mentaly let us find out through your character.

I don't think any of this needs to be in the story at all - it should be self evident in what goes on
It is difficult to show people being cleverer than we are as you are one of us (twenty first century stupid people: )) but telling the reader doesn't really works as readers will still need evidence.
I'd keep this as a note to the writer - background if you like. I don't think it works as info dump.

Check out Chris Stevenson's Word Wars. That'll give you some great examples of how these things are done. Not that you're not also very good. But it never hurts to check out the competition.

Have the character "see" the surroundings (i.e. the setting.) That's a good way to show. Best thing to do is read what you write. If it sounds like something a narrator would say, it's "telling."

Don't feel bad, I have a huge problem with this. My beta reader is on me about this a lot. It's tough to notice you're doing it sometimes which is why betas are so invaluable.

KC36 said:

How would I introduce the setting them? That's kind of the only way I could think of to do it

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Don't "introduce" it.
Just let it be.
Just write about the characters going about their daily lives.
You, knowing what the world is like, will unconsciously influence what you write, based on the stuff you know about this civilization.

For example, in my story, boys that bring the mail....they bring it at night.
I don't say "Boys usually brought newspapers and letters at night."

I just show a daily life. As if it was the most casual thing in the world.
that's how you get the reader into the story. (I think...)

Setting, as in the physical environment the characters find themselves in? Or the "feel" of the setting? The feel that would tell the reader that the times are hard and unusual and "the smart computer" has all the fault?

It's hard because it's usually a mesh of show and tell.
things like colours and smells....well you have to be straight about it. It's things you SEE, that help the reader visualise.
Showing things, I think it's more to do with abstractions. To show is to let the "Tell" for the reader. It's to let the reader make all the conclusions you usually put in needless Telling.


When you show and tell, show and tell things that only peak the interest to the character who's looking around.

Do you feel the need to just spurt out everything you know about the setting?
Do it in a separate word file (or whatever you use).
Then think how your character would react to that. How would he interact?

When putting it in your characters point of you though, don't use everything you put on that seperate file.

Trust the reader. SF and Fantasy readers in particular accept that they will not understand everything about your world at once -- in fact, the excitement of discovering new worlds is what makes them SF and Fantasy readers. Pick one element of your future, a cruiser or a computer or human-alien interactions, and base a scene around it. Getting in the century is tricky, but you could manage that by having Kaliope look at a newspaper or magazine, digital or otherwise, or by passing a building or monument inscribed with the year it was put up. I'd say letting the reader know the exact year isn't nearly as important as imparting an exhilarating sense of a future (to us) setting.

Kaliope appears to be a native of her world. Therefore it should not strike her as a strange place; most things about it she will take for granted, even if she is disenchanted with her surroundings.

What the opening should do, in addition to beginning to describe the setting, is to set the story in motion. So combine introduction of the setting with some sort of action, physical or mental, external or internal, that will intrigue the reader and make learning the new world look worthwhile to him.

A static setting isn't as inviting as a setting where something's happening, where something or someone is about to change.

KC36 said:

How would I introduce the setting them? That's kind of the only way I could think of to do it

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There are books that start like that, but the content is far more piquant. Even if it's detached it must be dramatic and also mysterious; mysterious in the sense that the content is equivocal. "Alien race", for instance, can be given "personality" by giving it a name. You're also telling too much in a scant few lines.

And you're not the first person using this approach. It is less common, though.

I'm no expert, but I think I might work at it this way, for example:

Kaliope sighed. "It doesn't matter what century, 8 or 28, people never change." Have her move. Show the sights. Show a little competition. Have her see someone using a smart computer, show the interaction. Let two people begin to fight or argue in front of her. Illustrate the emotion rather than talk about it.

Hope I was of some help.

Oh wonderful,

I just found this thread and it's exactly what I need at this point in my writing.

So I'll be back tomorrow when I have time to read all this.

Cheers

"Is it ok to have telling with the action?"

I would have to say no- You want your action scenes be, well, active- anytime you 'tell' it automatically slows the pace and pulls the reader out of the scene- you most definitely do not want to do this in an action scene.

Maybe after she decimates the boy she can reflect on how they all think the same way, or something-

as others have said, you don't have to explain everything to your readers- they'll figure it out - the hints you give along the way should pull them along and involve them in the story-

It is hard to try to think along different lines when you have already written something- I know! Been there!