Fighting loneliness when writing

Sophia · Feb 18, 2008

I think I'm going to regret posting this as soon as I click 'Submit', as it feels very personal, but -- does anyone have any tips for fighting a sense of loneliness when you are working on a WIP? I know writing is essentially a solitary activity, and I would normally describe myself as someone happy in her own company. There are days, though, when the feeling of isolation is strong and I would like to deal with it.

I know that there are two answers to this, and they are to either "Suck it up" or "Quit, you whiny wimp". I can't seem to manage the first, but don't have any intention of doing the second. I'm hoping someone can suggest temporary fixes that lie between these two options; things that have helped them from moment to moment, if they have ever felt like this.

Shara · Feb 18, 2008

I do know where you're coming from, ElaraSophia.

Do you have any female friends who are also writers? Or if not, readers of the sort of stuff you write?

When I'm feeling lonely, I make a date with my writing girlfriends and we have a night out. A meal, some wine, general chat where we will invariably end up lamenting about writing problems and life problems and how no one else in the world understands us...

But I always come away feeling less lonely, and that at least there is someone out there who knows how I'm feeling (and generally feeling rather hung over the next day, but that's a different story).

Shara

kellytijer · Feb 18, 2008

I find tremendous comfort in being part of a writing group. I should say, as long as they are people with whom you have a mutual respect because the wrong writing group can exacerbate problems. In my group in particular, I have one special friend. We push each other, praise each other, and even tell each other when something the other one might have thought was great needs some work. Sometimes we take the advice, sometimes we don't. But the point is, it helps to have someone there through the often daunting task of getting what's in your head out on paper. Writing groups in your area should be listed on the web...I found mine right here at AW in the "Writers by City, State" forum.

maestrowork · Feb 18, 2008

I go to coffee shop, etc. I need to be surrounded by people so I don't feel like I'm alone in the world, but at the same time I have my own space. I find it extremely difficult to write at home without going stir-crazy after a very short period of time...

I come here to AW whenever I need some interaction. I have RL friends, too, but they're not writers...

bluntforcetrauma · Feb 18, 2008

I have a wife and seven kids at home. We are a close knit family. I still feel lonely. I have all of my life.

timewaster · Feb 18, 2008

I do all of the above. I meet friends for lunch, coffee or a drink. I am a member of a choir and a gym. I have a number of online 'friends' and some real life writing friends I'm in touch with - we lunch regularly and whinge.
I have four children, a husband and a dog. My mother lives nearby and we go shopping or lunching. I am very distractable.
As an extrovert living an introvert's life I never turn down an invitation.
Needless to say I do not write every day...

The Scip · Feb 18, 2008

I need to be alone to write. I am a very social person but when it's time to get to work I buckle down, close the doors, get rid of the phone and write. When I come out I turn the "leave me alone switch" off.

KTC · Feb 18, 2008

I'm too conspiratorial with my characters to feel lonely. They start to breathe by about page 12 and from then on in I feel their breaths on the nape of my neck. Lonely? I'm frickin' crowded when I'm working on my WIPs.

IceCreamEmpress · Feb 18, 2008

I find writing groups help. As do online groups like this.

Stormhawk · Feb 18, 2008

I never feel alone while writing, I have my characters.

ishtar'sgate · Feb 18, 2008

I know that isolated feeling but I don't need interaction with other people to get over it. I'm lucky to live in the country so if I'm feeling a little lonely working away on my own and it's just too quiet, I go outside and walk in our field, talk to and pat our horses and cow, putter in the garden if the weather is good and generally get a change of scenery from my writing desk. I stay out there as long as I need to and if that means losing an entire day, I lose an entire day. I'm much better for it when I go back to my WIP.
Linnea

The Lady · Feb 18, 2008

Writing groups are definitely good as long as you are on the same wavelength as them. See other thread about when you're in a bad crit circle.

But if you're really lonely it's probably your muses way of seeing she wants to practise dialogue in the real world.

If there's an absence of good friends close at hand could you do some activity/sport which might also count as research for your writing? Anyway, get out and meet some real people. I find it's a good way of making you scurry back to the computer.

Also, consider getting a pet. Some doggy might need you very much.

JoNightshade · Feb 18, 2008

Do you have a pet?

ETA: The Lady beat me to it.

Siddow · Feb 18, 2008

Are you feeling isolated or lonely? They're not the same thing.

For isolation, I'd get out whenever possible. Look for volunteer opportunities in your area, it gives you purpose beyond just wandering a mall or sitting at Starbucks and makes a great conversation-starter.

Lonliness comes from inside, not an external source. This may not be your thing, but try being very still and silent until you no longer feel alone. Really.

HeronW · Feb 18, 2008

There's only you and the WIP. Take breaks: call a friend and say, 'Think of me slogging through Ch 7 and can I call you when I'm done?' Or meet someone and don't talk shop, just enjoy their company for lunch; go for a walk; visit a new store that features something you like: crafts, fabrics, flowers; hit a book store and get something by a fav author or just buy a new bookmark; make up a big pot of soup; research something not in your book--just for the helluve it; write a short longhand note to a friend and mail it; be part of the world for a little bit. Let your inner child play with others then go back to that WIP.

This all will fill your spirit and your well of creativity.

Toothpaste · Feb 18, 2008

I like to make sure I have some sort of plan for the evening (well for me the evening is the least productive time of day, for you it may be the afternoon or whathaveyou). Knowing that I will be getting out of the house is good at keeping the isolation at bay. Also I find exercising can be quite invigorating. My back, despite my ergonomic chair, can get quite sore after a while, and doing some exercises (with my big red ball) for twenty minutes even, can make me feel worlds better. Even happier. Oh and I hate exercise! I'm talking about all the chemical stuff that happens inside when you exercise making you happier, not the act itself.

sunna · Feb 18, 2008

The Lady said:
Also, consider getting a pet. Some doggy might need you very much.

This bears repeating. My dog sleeps right next to my office chair most of the time, and makes occasionally grumpy commentary on my typing speed. She's even been known to help me write my characters out of a stalled plot, though it's rare.

Matera the Mad · Feb 18, 2008

It helps to have a good forum to bounce around in

inkkognito · Feb 18, 2008

I do pretty much a combination of what the others here have suggested. I belong to a writers' group and also have several friends who are also writers, and I make sure that we get together regularly. I have three cats and a quaker parrot, so there's plenty of non-human company even when hubby isn't home. And I make a weekly lunch date with myself, going to a restaurant and thumbing through Writers Market for ideas as I eat. I occasionally try to get together with fellow writing friends for research trips to bookstores, too, but last time my friend kept distracting me with a magazine about Johnny Depp. Not much productive got accomplished that time, although any notes would have been ruined by the drool anyway.

johnrobison · Feb 18, 2008

I actually do a lot of writing at work for this very reason . . . I can take a break and go engage the wider world at any moment.

Sean D. Schaffer · Feb 18, 2008

ElaraSophia said:
I think I'm going to regret posting this as soon as I click 'Submit', as it feels very personal, but -- does anyone have any tips for fighting a sense of loneliness when you are working on a WIP? I know writing is essentially a solitary activity, and I would normally describe myself as someone happy in her own company. There are days, though, when the feeling of isolation is strong and I would like to deal with it.

I know that there are two answers to this, and they are to either "Suck it up" or "Quit, you whiny wimp". I can't seem to manage the first, but don't have any intention of doing the second. I'm hoping someone can suggest temporary fixes that lie between these two options; things that have helped them from moment to moment, if they have ever felt like this.

I'm sorry you think those are the only two answers to your question. They're not.

Stephen King wrote, "Life is not a support system for art; it's the other way around." What I find to be very helpful in my own struggle with loneliness, is visiting with good friends who are supportive of your writing endeavors. Also, I find sometimes just getting out into the neighborhood and doing something that involves other people -- i.e. going to the local grill and getting something to eat; even a simple smile and 'hello' to a familiar cashier can really cheer me up -- is of immense comfort and help to me. If I don't get out into the world around me, and live my life, I end up feeling not just lonely, but depressed and feeling as though I have no real reason to live. Simply getting out of the writer's chair and going out to live outside your home, can really make a major difference.

I'm not saying this is the be all, end all, solution to your problem, but I am saying it might help. Other people, a lot of the time, can really bring out the best in you and your sense of self-esteem as well as your abilities as a writer.

I hope this helps you out, and best wishes to you. Don't let the writing consume you to the point you're not enjoying life anymore.

--Sean

Sophia · Feb 19, 2008

Thank you very much, everyone, for taking the time to post such great advice. It was wonderful to log on this morning and see the replies. I really appreciate the suggestions. Thank you, again.

seun · Feb 19, 2008

I'm not lonely. The voices in my head keep me company.

L M Ashton · Feb 19, 2008

I think the voices in my head are talking to the voices in your head.

seun · Feb 19, 2008

L M Ashton said:
I think the voices in my head are talking to the voices in your head.

Can you tell them to keep it down? I'm trying to sleep.

Fighting loneliness when writing

Fix it in the Rewrite

What the hell is going on?!

Fear the Death Ray

Esquire

present

...walks this way.

Stand in the Place Where You Live

Hapless Virago

Angry Bunny Girl

living in the past

Critical Member

has finally arrived

I'm super! Thanks for asking

Down Under Fan

THE RECKLESS RESCUE is out now!

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

Onlyifyouwanttowillyoufin daway-Enya

A Free Range Aspergian

Horror Man

crazy spec fic writer

Horror Man