Grammar ?'s

brainandfingertips · Feb 7, 2008

A few simple grammar questions, mostly concerning use of apostrophe:

Only when they started up the mountain had the snow started coming down/to come down. (which?)

Jim said, noticing the setting sun, as he pulled off to the narrow shoulder. (okay?)

Following dads/dad’s instructions came second hand because he was also Coach Dad

then ran back to his fathers/father's side.

she said, unconsciously digging her nails into Jim’s thigh.

Jim couldn’t help but think, one helluva shot.
or
Jim couldn’t help but think: one helluva shot.

It was so cold Jim imagined the sun never shown/shined here.

Matera the Mad · Feb 7, 2008

The snow - either way, no lynch mob will be after you, I think.

Jim said, noticing the setting sun as he pulled off onto the narrow shoulder.

Dad's instructions - they were a person's instructions, not the instructions of numerous dads (that last bit is a prepositional phrase, FYI, and has no possessive in it)

then ran back to his father's side.

Jim couldn’t help but think, one helluva shot. - yup, right on target

It was so cold Jim imagined the sun never shone here.

Appalachian Writer · Feb 7, 2008

Coming down or to come down. Either is technically correct. I prefer the infinitive because of the active nature of the verb.

Noticing the sun, Jim pulled off to the narrow shoulder and said, "

dads or dad's? The apostrophe indicates possession, and these are dad's instructions.

Father's is correct, again a possessive rather than a plural.

Jim couldn't help but think, "One helluva shot."

...imagined the sun never shone here.

TheIT · Feb 7, 2008

"apostrophe", not "apostraphe"

benbradley · Feb 7, 2008

brainandfingertips said:
A few simple grammar questions, mostly concerning use of apostraphe:

Only when they started up the mountain had the snow started coming down/to come down. (which?)

Hmm, I think either one is okay.

brainandfingertips said:
Jim said, noticing the setting sun, as he pulled off to the narrow shoulder. (okay?)

Jim said WHAT? Something in quotemarks indicating the words JIm said are necessary here. When that's added I don't think it would be ungrammatical, but it could be cumbersome and may need a bit of rewriting. I'll let A Real Fiction Editor elaborate.

brainandfingertips said:
Following dads/dad’s instructions came second hand because he was also Coach Dad

then ran back to his fathers/father's side.

she said, unconsciously digging her nails into Jim’s thigh.

These all need the apostrophes as each of these people "own" each of these things.

brainandfingertips said:
Jim couldn’t help but think, one helluva shot.
or
Jim couldn’t help but think: one helluva shot.

Hmm, I'm sort of leaning towards using the colon, OTOH if this were spokem and the italic words were in quotes, the sentence would use the comma, or perhaps better, nothing at all.

brainandfingertips said:
It was so cold Jim imagined the sun never shown/shined here.

That was at first confusing because neither one looks quite right. Then I realized the word you want is "shone." Looking up shine, it's a bit complicated, and the usage "depends" - for example you wouldn't say "never shone his shoes."
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shine

brainandfingertips · Feb 7, 2008

Thanks to all... I should have posted the ENTIRE sentence and not just segments. Sorry for the confusion.

This look okay?
Jim said, applying the brakes as the road began to twist and turn. Noticing the sun, he pulled off to the narrow shoulder. “I’d better put on the chains.”

This one complete
Despite the pain, Jim couldn’t help but think, one helluva shot.

One more
Do you capitalize styrofoam?

Matera the Mad · Feb 7, 2008

Yeah, I was wondering about the context a couple of times - best-guessed

Flay · Feb 7, 2008

<<Only when they started up the mountain had the snow started coming down/to come down. (which?)>>

Either; but your tenses are muddled.

"Only when they started up the mountain did the snow...."
or
"Only when they had started up the mountain had the snow...."

brainandfingertips · Feb 7, 2008

Got it. Thank you. Anyone know about styrofoam/Styrofoam?

Judg · Feb 7, 2008

brainandfingertips said:
Got it. Thank you. Anyone know about styrofoam/Styrofoam?

My dictionary has it capitalized. Canadian Oxford, in case you're interested.

Flay · Feb 7, 2008

Styrofoam is a proprietary name (at least in North America), & takes a capital S.

brainandfingertips · Feb 7, 2008

~Thanks~

JAG4584 · Feb 8, 2008

best grammar checker

Any particular program that is better than another for the grammar checks to check our work etc.?

Hey - If I missed the post I will delete this one so I don't duplicate etc

Judg · Feb 8, 2008

As far as I know "best grammar checker" is an oxymoron, right up there with "good grammar checker". Get a good grammar book, do the exercises. You're smarter than any program out there.

JAG4584 · Feb 8, 2008

Thanks! I also needed a good laugh and this helped.

Judg · Feb 8, 2008

Always glad to be of help...

brainandfingertips · Feb 9, 2008

-Hey there, I got a couple new ones. Is one of these any better than the other?

At home that night, Rick tried to comply with Mr. Pachovsky’s instructions.

That night at home, Rick tried to comply with Mr. Pachovsky’s instructions.

-How would you put this? I'm not sure someone's voice can say something?

“Sorry, honey, I was talking with your grandmother and Tim called. I told him you’d give him a call back,” his mother’s voice said through the door.

spiralout · Feb 10, 2008

brainandfingertips said:
-Hey there, I got a couple new ones. Is one of these any better than the other?

At home that night, Rick tried to comply with Mr. Pachovsky’s instructions.

That night at home, Rick tried to comply with Mr. Pachovsky’s instructions.

Both of these are technically fine. You might want to put a comma after "That night" in the second one, but I've always struggled with being too loose with commas.

“Sorry, honey, I was talking with your grandmother and Tim called. I told him you’d give him a call back,” his mother’s voice said through the door.

The only problem I see with this one is that it might be too long-winded. Maybe His mother called out to him from behind the door. "Sorry, honey. I was talking with your grandmother and Tim called. I told him you'd give him a call back."

Or something similar.

spiralout · Feb 10, 2008

Actually, maybe something like "Tim called, but I was talking with your grandmother. I told him you'd give him a call back," would be clearer. The way it is now, especially with the "Sorry, honey" at the beginning, I have to assume you mean she hung up on Tim for grandma. But you could mean she ignored her son because her friend Tim called right after grandma did. I get it once I read the second sentence, but the order makes it feels awkward to me. Just a thought, though.

brainandfingertips · Feb 10, 2008

No it's actually that his friend Tim called and she told him that her son, who she's talking to through the door, would call him back. I changed it a bit:

“Sorry honey, I was talking on the phone and Tim called, told him you’d give him a call back,” his mother’s voice said coming through the door.
-his mother's voice said from the door?
-his mother's voice said coming through the door?

spiralout · Feb 10, 2008

his mother's voice said through the door.

IceCreamEmpress · Feb 10, 2008

brainandfingertips said:
This look okay?
Jim said, applying the brakes as the road began to twist and turn. Noticing the sun, he pulled off to the narrow shoulder. “I’d better put on the chains.”

This is wrong.

"I'd better put on the chains," Jim said, applying the brakes as the road began to twist and turn. Noticing the sun, he pulled off to the narrow shoulder.

and

Jim applied the brakes as the road began to twist and turn. Noticing the sun, he said, "I'd better put on the chains." He pulled off to the narrow shoulder.

are correct.

You have to put the "said" tag in the same sentence as whatever it is that the character said.

brainandfingertips · Feb 10, 2008

That wasn't the whole sentence, it looks like:

“Yes buddy, but get comfortable, we’ve got a ways still.” Jim said, applying the brakes as the road began to twist and turn. Noticing the sun, he pulled off to the narrow shoulder. “I’d better put on the chains.”

Grammar ?'s

brainandfingertips

Matera the Mad

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

Appalachian Writer

Somewhere in the hills....

TheIT

Infuriatingly Theoretical

benbradley

It's a doggy dog world

brainandfingertips

Matera the Mad

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

Flay

brainandfingertips

Judg

DISENCHANTED coming soon

Flay

brainandfingertips

JAG4584

Judg

DISENCHANTED coming soon

JAG4584

Judg

DISENCHANTED coming soon

brainandfingertips

spiralout

ride the spiral to the end

spiralout

ride the spiral to the end

brainandfingertips

spiralout

ride the spiral to the end

IceCreamEmpress

Hapless Virago

brainandfingertips