Using Family Ties For Gain?

Sometimes you're the windshield, soemtimes you're the bug...i.e. it's like asking a relative who's a Dr. 'It hurts when I do this.' Family may feel obligated to help and feel like they're being used--both of which could strain a good relationship. OTOH, if you're tight with this person, be subtle, feel out if this aunt has 'helped' other writer friends. If so, then maybe she's likely to give you a push. Don't push her. If you've a good relationship and she sez 'no way' respect her. Having solid relationships is more important than fame and glory.

I'd already be mowing her lawn and painting her house.

But of course it all depends on Auntie. If she's willing to act as your conduit, no problem. That kinda solves your dilemma for you.

If not, well, there was no harm in asking.

-Derek

dpaterso said:

I'd already be mowing her lawn and painting her house.

But of course it all depends on Auntie. If she's willing to act as your conduit, no problem. That kinda solves your dilemma for you.

If not, well, there was no harm in asking.

-Derek

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Yeah - agree (not because he's a mod either you lot).

JJ

Joe270 said:

I found out tonight at a family dinner that my wife's aunt, with whom we are pretty close as a family, is good friends with a major LA producer. Very major.

My wife's side of the family knows nothing about my writing, and I've tried my best to keep it that way, but this might make me 'come out of the closet'.

Hell, I get criticized enough for everything, including breathing, why let them crit my writing, too? In fairness, this aunt has never been negative in any way to me. Hell, in fairness, it's only my FIL who's an insufferable ass, the rest of 'em are pretty cool.

This guy is big. He makes three to five films a year, and has one up for the Academy Award this year, which will only add to his pile. He does big budget movies, not indie stuff. The Academy Award talk was what brought the friendship up, because she said she wanted her friend's film to win. Shock of shocks.

My wife kicked me under the table to get me to shut my gaping mouth, hanging down into my dinner plate. The aunt and I have talked for years about literature, movies, poetry, but the focus has been films for the most part. But I never heard this from her before. So I asked a few questions to sort of verify her claim, only to get another kick from my wife. Later, my wife and I went outside to burn a couple butts where I asked, quite naturally, what the f***? She replied that they were old friends. I replied, quite naturally, what the f***? To which she replied, 'hell, I'm a scientist, I didn't know who the guy was'. To which I listed, off the top of my head, a twenty film resume.

Okay, all that said, here's the problem:

Can I or should I exploit this family tie to get my screenplay read?

Unload on me, folks, you know I have thick skin.

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Okay. Here's the deal.

You've never asked your aunt to read your work before. That's because you, on some level, really don't care what your aunt thinks of your work.

You only want her to read it now on the chance that she'll like it and pass it on to her friend.

I'm guess that your aunt isn't stupid. She doesn't sound stupid. So if you tell her that you've been writing screenplays for years -- oh, would you mind reading one and telling what you think, shortly after she drops the bomb that she knows this famous person in the business, she's going to know exactly what the whole thing is about.

If you want to do this, you need to be reasonably open about your motives.

Here is a basic lesson about human nature (which someone told me when they were teaching me about networking -- which is what this is).

People hate to be exploited -- but they like to do other people favors. It makes them feel good.

So that is how you approach it. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

You've been writing screenplays for X number of years. You hadn't known that she was friends with X -- you hadn't mentioned it to her because it had just never come up and you didn't like bothering relatives by having them read your stuff.

Obviously, you're not looking to have X read your screenplay (except maybe in fantasy land) -- because he's too much of a big shot.

What you'd *really* like -- is to have a chance to sit down and talk to him, and get his *insights* into how the business works.

That is what you want -- not to have your friend shove an anonymous script across a desk to this guy -- but to meet with him and have a chance to talk to him. Or to be precise, have him talk to you, and you listen.

Inevitably, over the course of that conversation, the fact that you are a beginning writer, and that you have scripts, is going to come up. You won't have to ask. If the conversation goes well and he's feeling generous, he'll offer to read your script (which, by sheer chance, you'll have brought with you). If he doesn't, then he won't.

At worst, you'll have had the chance to meet and talk with this guy and find out more than you know about how things work in the business.

And he'll have done you a favor, which will make him feel good. Your aunt will have done you a favor, which will make her feel good.

And nobody will feel as if you have exploited them.

Believe me, this is a much better approach.

NMS

Go for it. If you have a screenplay that is ready to rumble and it's the kind of film this producer usually works with, then you should definitely ask her.
Work it the same way you'd work a screenplay: sublety rules.

I have no doubt she'd critique my screenplay. I have salivated over her input for years, but that outs me completely, so I've never done it. She is the best beta anyone could ask for.

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she won't mind if you ask. in fact, she might be flattered that you'll value her opinion. also - like anyone in the "arts" fields you must out yourself in order to get noticed. maybe the time is now.

She'd never send it to her friend if she didn't like it a whole lot. That's the way she is. The script must pass her muster, no doubt.

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so you've got nothing to lose. she'll screen it first and you won't shoot your wad too soon by sending it out before it's ready.

This business is hard enough without having scruples. Exploit the living freak out of the situation, say I.

I don't see what's wrong with being honest and telling her you want her to read your work with a view to passing it on.

Just as someone who works in the entertainment / theatre / tv industry, nepotism is a fact of life. If you have an opportunity, ask about it. Guaranteed, a whole load of other people you'll meet along your career will have done the same, whether they admit it or not. A load of people working for the company I do some work got the job through relatives. I got my job through a neighbour, who found out I had qualifications in the industry and there just happened to be a job going.

There's no need to spoil the relationship and be pushy if your aunt seems not to like the idea, but if you don't at least ask, you'll never know if that was an opportunity that you missed. What I would probably do would be to ask her if she has a moment, then ask her for advice, more than anything, and see where that leads. There's no need to be sneaky or anything but you can phrase it more gently than just 'hey will you look at my script', is what I mean.

What if you just asked HER to look at your script and give you feedback? "I'm at the point where I can let people see this now." Then if she loves it, SHE will want to show it to her friend. People are way more psyched about something if they think it's their own idea.

Go for it. As others have said, be straightforward about what you're doing. And be sure to let her know that even if she has reservations and/or doesn't feel that her friendship with the producer is such that she can give him scripts, you can take it and your great relationship with her will remain unchanged.

Just a small piece of obvious advice in between all the go-for-its:
Make sure you're totally ready first. Your script better be as awesome as it can be. And, preferably, you'll have a few other scripts in your drawer that are equally awesome.
No second chance to make a first impression.

-Johan

Take the advice of someone who is actually IN THE BIZ!!


(His intials are NMS.)

Joe270 said:

This is how I see it going. She will enjoy critiquing the screenplay, no doubt. She volunteers at libraries for kicks. She's an avid reader and an avid movie fan.

I wouldn't need to ask her to pass it along IF she likes it.



I, in a very stupid decision, decided not to write a couple I had outlined. One is from my unpublished (naturally) novel. I can pitch them, no problem, but going in with one screenplay looks unprofessional, no doubt.

I've got some time, I might bang together the novel adaptation.

Thanks for the great advice, everyone. I'll keep you posted. I'll need a week or so to get the screenplay to her because I want a couple beta readers to critique it before sending it to her.

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Oh -- there's one other thing you have to understand -- and it's a very important thing -- about having your aunt "pass your script along" -- as opposed to you lobbying for a personal meeting.

If this guy really is a big time producer, he's got lots of friends and relatives, and those friends and relatives have lots of people in their lives like you -- people with screenplays. In the course of his life, he also likes to "do favors" -- and he doesn't like to hurt people's feelings by saying no -- so if your Aunt asks him, he probably say no.

But there's a big difference between him saying yes to your aunt and him actually reading your script.

I tell you this from bitter experience, because I used to work as a relatively low level exec in a development company in New York and I had bosses and they had friends and relatives and those friends and relatives also had people like you -- people with screenplays, who would ask my bosses to read their friends/relatives screenplays.

What would my bosses do? They would say yes. Would they read the screenplays. No.

They would stroll into my office. Me, who actually had work to do -- real work, reading real scripts and writing real notes and doing reall stuff -- and they dump these scripts on my desk and ask *me* to read them and basically prepare crib sheets for them so that they could get on the phone with Aunt Whomever -- and pretend to have read these unreadable pieces of crap that *I* would be stuck reading.

And I am prepared to bet that this producer, whoever he is, has somebody on his staff like me, who would be the person who would be stuck reading your script and would be in an exceptionally uncharitable mood while he was doing it.

That is why it is much better for you to angle to get the face-to-face meeting, because then, at the very least, you will have gotten a face-to-face meeting (or phone to phone meeting -- I don't know how close you are to where this guy is).

NMS

Good luck Joe!! Let us know how you get on.

The only other thing to keep in mind, I suppose, is that you have protected yourself from your in-laws' opinions of your writing for a long time, probably for a reason (the FIL, I reckon?) And this aunt is someone you actually like and respect. If, by some weird fluke of the universe cuz who could imagine this, she happens to not like it, how will it affect your family dynamics? And how will you feel about it?

I would say don't do it. My dad is an executive producer and when I first got out of college he got me a job and people treated me like crap. I hated it so much that I got a job as a driver on film sets so I would have time to write and not be considered a political hire. While it might be different to just have someone read your work if the screenplay does go anywhere that stigmata will always follow you. There are tons of people that make it in this town with out exploiting family connections. The fact that you live in Vegas makes it hard but good screenplays get around, cause most of them are so so bad. If you fell that you have something really good and this is your only connection I would say just ask for an email and maybe drop him a line asking him for advice.