who's the best literary agent for conspiracy books?

[Prophet Elijah]

authors the likes of David Icke, Jim Marrs, William Cooper, Jordan Maxwell, etc.


Illuminati/New World Order Conspiracy books

[IceCreamEmpress]

I think the publishers of that particular genre are open to unagented submissions.

Also, the first step is developing a platform--Web site, appearances at conferences, guest slots on "Coast to Coast AM", etc.

[Doug Johnson]

I know, but I can't tell you unless you know the secret password.;)

[ExposingCorruption]

Those books are all theoretical in nature. They have competing books that take a totally different view, hence, they can't be classified as nonfiction. By the same token, they wouldn't be classified as standard fiction. And I've seen some of those books. They're not very well written and I seriously doubt that any of them have been professionally edited.

[Prophet Elijah]

I know, but I can't tell you unless you know the secret password.;)

LOL

[Prophet Elijah]

Those books are all theoretical in nature. They have competing books that take a totally different view, hence, they can't be classified as nonfiction. By the same token, they wouldn't be classified as standard fiction. And I've seen some of those books. They're not very well written and I seriously doubt that any of them have been professionally edited.

I'd hate for my book to be "professionally edited." I'm hoping to find an agent who'll leave my work the hell alone. My editing is sufficient.

[Prophet Elijah]

I think the publishers of that particular genre are open to unagented submissions.

Also, the first step is developing a platform--Web site, appearances at conferences, guest slots on "Coast to Coast AM", etc.

who are the publishers of that particular genre? i might just go straight to them, if that's the case.

[Toothpaste]

I'd hate for my book to be "professionally edited." I'm hoping to find an agent who'll leave my work the hell alone. My editing is sufficient.

You do realise aside from agents having suggestions on edits, that when you land a publisher you will have many rounds of edits to go through before your book is out on the shelves right? And that the editing process isn't about "correcting" your work, or ruining it, but working with you to make it totally awesome? You are setting yourself up for a fall if you will only work with people who won't edit your stuff. Or setting yourself as a perfect candidate for Publish America.

[Prophet Elijah]

You do realise aside from agents having suggestions on edits, that when you land a publisher you will have many rounds of edits to go through before your book is out on the shelves right? And that the editing process isn't about "correcting" your work, or ruining it, but working with you to make it totally awesome? You are setting yourself up for a fall if you will only work with people who won't edit your stuff. Or setting yourself as a perfect candidate for Publish America.

how can i avoid the editor predator?

i want nothing to do with them. i love my book as is and don't want somebody addicted to "helping" messing up my art.

i'm an artist and an adamant editor is the last thing i want to have to deal with.

it sounds like another profession where people force themselves on you "for your own good."

is there any way to avoid this type of extortion and still get my book out to the public at large?

[Prophet Elijah]

what's wrong with Publish America? do they leave your work alone?

i'm not familiar with this business at all. all i know is my book is perfect as is

[juneafternoon]

Avoid PublishAmerica like a plague. I'm a newbie in this whole business, and I've heard and seen enough groans and shudders at its mention. Be afraid. Be very afraid. :)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PublishAmerica

Should be a starter on what's wrong with them.

[Prophet Elijah]

wow. they're bad enough to have a wiki entry. now that's funny!

well, i'm pretty sure i'll avoid them then.

[Richard White]

how can i avoid the editor predator?

i want nothing to do with them. i love my book as is and don't want somebody addicted to "helping" messing up my art.

i'm an artist and an adamant editor is the last thing i want to have to deal with.

it sounds like another profession where people force themselves on you "for your own good."

is there any way to avoid this type of extortion and still get my book out to the public at large?

I'd say, self-publishing.

I've never had an editor that did anything but improve my work.

Most authors are too damn close to their own work to see stuff. We fill in the blanks in the story that will confuse others because "we know what's going on."

I can't think of any major or small publisher who will print a book as is.

:Shrug:

[dantem42]

I can't think of any major or small publisher who will print a book as is.

About the only circumstance is if you've published successfully, finish your next meisterwerk, and step in front of a Humvee before it's edited.

Once Anne Rice became a poobah, she had hissy fits about editors touching her pot of gold. She would only allow them to publish as is. And her work got more and more bloated with literary flotsam and jetsam as a result. I sold a novel for the first time this year, and went through two heavy duty edits. The novel is much improved as a result.

[IceCreamEmpress]

who are the publishers of that particular genre? i might just go straight to them, if that's the case.

Look in bookstores for books similar to yours. Then submit your book to those publishers.

TrineDay (http://www.trineday.com/) publishes a lot of conspiracy-theory books, as does Progressive Press (http://www.waronfreedom.org/) and Loompanics (http://www.loompanics.com/WritersGuidelines/authors.htm).

[Prophet Elijah]

I'd say, self-publishing.

I've never had an editor that did anything but improve my work.

Most authors are too damn close to their own work to see stuff. We fill in the blanks in the story that will confuse others because "we know what's going on."

I can't think of any major or small publisher who will print a book as is.

:Shrug:

i'm tempted to self-publish, but i'm sick and tired of the work it'd entail. i wrote a book. (it was hard.) i just want my money. i'm sick and tired of working. i need a break and i need my money. i actually couldn't even afford to self-publish if i wanted to at this point.

[Prophet Elijah]

Look in bookstores for books similar to yours. Then submit your book to those publishers.

TrineDay (http://www.trineday.com/) publishes a lot of conspiracy-theory books, as does Progressive Press (http://www.waronfreedom.org/) and Loompanics (http://www.loompanics.com/WritersGuidelines/authors.htm).

Actually, my book is unlike any book that has ever been written. And less and less do i see books remotely close to mine in the bookstores. i'll check those links out: they look like they might be exactly what i need! thank you!

[Prophet Elijah]

About the only circumstance is if you've published successfully, finish your next meisterwerk, and step in front of a Humvee before it's edited.

Once Anne Rice became a poobah, she had hissy fits about editors touching her pot of gold. She would only allow them to publish as is. And her work got more and more bloated with literary flotsam and jetsam as a result. I sold a novel for the first time this year, and went through two heavy duty edits. The novel is much improved as a result.

i'm not 100% anti-editor, but i know people who get a salary often want to do something to earn it and i don't want people trying to earn their salary by f-ing up my work of art.

if i get to oversee the editing i may allow some, but i hope i don't end up in a situation where an editor has license to mess with my book without my permission

[Richard White]

i'm tempted to self-publish, but i'm sick and tired of the work it'd entail. i wrote a book. (it was hard.) i just want my money. i'm sick and tired of working. i need a break and i need my money. i actually couldn't even afford to self-publish if i wanted to at this point.

:Headbang: :Jaw::e2thud:

[Prophet Elijah]

^^

is self-publishing free? is it hassle free? i'm an author, not a business man. if i self-publish, i gotta do all the transaction work myself right? who needs the headaches? that's why there's publishing houses and literary agents, no?

[benbradley]

I'd hate for my book to be "professionally edited." I'm hoping to find an agent who'll leave my work the hell alone. My editing is sufficient.
My understanding is it's not so much your agent who will edit your book (though he/she may well give some suggestions), but rather an editor(s) at the publisher will do so, and the publisher (who pays the editor to make these decisions) makes the final decision of what they publish or not.

As others say, to have total control of your writing, basically your only alternative is self-publishing. From my reading on here on AW (and a little elsewhere), the self-publisher with perhaps the best reputation is Lulu.

But with self-publishing you miss out on much of the marketing and getting-the-book-in-bookstores power that publishers have and already know how to do. In order to get any sales at all with self-publishing, you really DO have to develop a platform and get your name out there by being on "Coast to Coast" and any other radio or TV show that would have you and such. I just looked up a few of David Icke's books on Amazon, and they're published by "David Icke Books," so he's self-published and surely didn't have an agent. Even so, he might still have had an editor.

You sound dead set against having your manuscript edited, but still, you may want to read a few of the threads in "Share Your Work" to get a feel for how feedback and editing by someone other than the author can improve a piece of writing that might look "fine" at first read. Of course, you may disagree with many of the responses and suggested changes to the originals, but that's also part of it, different people have different opinions.
wow. they're bad enough to have a wiki entry. now that's funny!

well, i'm pretty sure i'll avoid them then.
You may want to read around these forums some more. There's a forum named "Bewares and Background Check" where questions about specific agents and publisers are asked and answered. Within that forum is A WHOLE SUBFORUM on PublishAmerica, with many more juicy details and stories than in the Wikipedia article. And one small detail: fwhat I've read of PublishAmerica, they indeed do some minor editing, mostly along the lines of adding typos.

And probably the vast majority of publishers, good and bad, have Wikipedia entries thesedays. That site is huge.

[Prophet Elijah]

As others say, to have total control of your writing, basically your only alternative is self-publishing. From my reading on here on AW (and a little elsewhere), the self-publisher with perhaps the best reputation is Lulu.



thanks. can you link me to Lulu

[Richard White]

^^

is self-publishing free? is it hassle free? i'm an author, not a business man. if i self-publish, i gotta do all the transaction work myself right? who needs the headaches? that's why there's publishing houses and literary agents, no?


No it's not free.

It was more the expression, ". . . i just want my money."

Oh, if it was only so easy. I've been published four times, so far, and they were all media tie-in works, so I had contacts before I ever wrote the first word and never did the money just appear.

Partial advances up front, rest due on delivery, occasionally having to browbeat the publisher for my money, royalties held against returns, etc. This is not a business that moves quickly and payment moves even slower on occasion.

Other people may have other experiences but very damn few people get rich writing. I'll probably make more in my life as a tech writer than I ever do as a novelist. *shrugs* I'm cool with that - it's just how it works.

[Prophet Elijah]

well, i'm in it for the money. i hate writing.

if i was self-published i'd be more likely to get rich right? cuz i'd get all the profits

but the only twist is i'd have to hustle more to make my book known.

how much does it cost to self publish? i've surely got 200 sales in me, easy. that's just people i know. how much would it cost to self-publish a book that's about 470 8x10 pages

[ExposingCorruption]

well, i'm in it for the money. i hate writing.

if i was self-published i'd be more likely to get rich right? cuz i'd get all the profits

I can't believe that a few people got all over my case for asking some simple questions, but they apparently have no problem with your statements in this thread.

[Prophet Elijah]

I can't believe that a few people got all over my case for asking some simple questions, but they apparently have no problem with your statements in this thread.

what questions are you talking about? why should anyone have a problem with anything i'm saying?

[waylander]

But with self-publishing you miss out on much of the marketing and getting-the-book-in-bookstores power that publishers have and already know how to do. In order to get any sales at all with self-publishing, you really DO have to develop a platform and get your name out there by being on "Coast to Coast" and any other radio or TV show that would have you and such. I just looked up a few of David Icke's books on Amazon, and they're published by "David Icke Books," so he's self-published and surely didn't have an agent. Even so, he might still have had an editor.


One of the things you need to remember about David Icke is that here in the UK, he was a well-known TV presenter, mainly in sports. That gave him something of a platform to sell his books and some TV coverage. Now he is mostly regarded as a circus act.
If you are not starting from (at least) a similar position, you are likely to find it next to impossible to sell your books.

[waylander]

i'm tempted to self-publish, but i'm sick and tired of the work it'd entail. i wrote a book. (it was hard.) i just want my money. i'm sick and tired of working. i need a break and i need my money. i actually couldn't even afford to self-publish if i wanted to at this point.


Why do you think you're going to make money out of this?

[IceCreamEmpress]

well, i'm in it for the money.

Then you're in the wrong business entirely. Seriously. You'd be better off buying lottery tickets.

how much does it cost to self publish? i've surely got 200 sales in me, easy. that's just people i know. how much would it cost to self-publish a book that's about 470 8x10 pages

If you did it through Lulu.com or directly from LightningSource, probably about $15 for a softcover, $28 for a hardcover.

[ORION]

Yanno the LOTTERY worked for me...you might give it a try prophet LOL.

[Toothpaste]

i'm tempted to self-publish, but i'm sick and tired of the work it'd entail. i wrote a book. (it was hard.) i just want my money. i'm sick and tired of working. i need a break and i need my money. i actually couldn't even afford to self-publish if i wanted to at this point. . . well, i'm in it for the money. i hate writing.

Laziness, greed . . .

i love my book as is and don't want somebody addicted to "helping" messing up my art.

i'm an artist and an adamant editor is the last thing i want to have to deal with.

it sounds like another profession where people force themselves on you "for your own good."

is there any way to avoid this type of extortion and still get my book out to the public at large?

Arrogance. . .

Actually, my book is unlike any book that has ever been written. And less and less do i see books remotely close to mine in the bookstores.

Ignorance.


I am always struck how these things should not be compatible at all, and yet how often they are found together.



Prophet - self publishing may be the only road for you. But be warned, it's hard work for very little money, and that seems to be exactly what you want to avoid.

[Stew21]

i'm tempted to self-publish, but i'm sick and tired of the work it'd entail. i wrote a book. (it was hard.) i just want my money. i'm sick and tired of working. i need a break and i need my money. i actually couldn't even afford to self-publish if i wanted to at this point.


:Wha:

[Stew21]

well, i'm in it for the money. i hate writing.




again I say: :Wha:


you must be joking.

[benbradley]

thanks. can you link me to Lulu
:Headbang:

Well, okay... you can go to http://www.google.com and in the searchbox type in lulu. I think you can find it from there.

[benbradley]

Yanno the LOTTERY worked for me...you might give it a try prophet LOL.
__________________
Patricia Wood
http://pkwood.blogspot.com (http://pkwood.blogspot.com/)
http://patriciawoodauthor.com (http://patriciawoodauthor.com/)
Patricia Wood's debut novel LOTTERY is available for sale at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Borders and your local independent book store.
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/boo...sbn=0399154493 (http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?z=y&cds2Pid=91&isbn=0399154493)
Aww, Orion, you're just trying to sell your book!;)

[talps]

:popcorn:

Just to add to benbradley's excellent suggestion... when you see the results from the google search, the next thing you'll want to do is click on the Lulu link.

Then you'll be on your way. Do let us all know if money appears as swiftly as you want it to - I think we'd all like to know how to get rich off of writing while simultaneously hating it. It would be a unique story indeed.

[Prophet Elijah]

to all you people who are hating on me you'll eat your words when my book makes me rich.

your books probably suck and therefore you don't expect to be rich, but my book is great and THAT'S why i expect to be rich.

to everyone giving advice, thank you.

[waylander]

I can wait.
Why don't you tell us the name of your book so we can look out for it.

[IceCreamEmpress]

to all you people who are hating on me you'll eat your words when my book makes me rich.

Jim Marrs isn't rich. Alex Jones isn't rich. David Icke may be rich, but if so, it's because he did a good job of the money he earned as a sportscaster and television presenter; it's not from selling a bazillion copies of his books, videos, and audiotapes, even though he has.

Nobody's ever gotten rich from writing a conspiracy-theory book so far. It's possible you might be the first person, but the odds are against you.

And you know what else about the three people I just mentioned? They work incredibly hard. They knock themselves out promoting their work, appearing on "Coast to Coast" and various Internet radio shows, speaking at conferences, etc., etc.

The top people in the field you want to get into work like dogs and don't get rich. Why do you think you're going to get rich without working hard?

[Soccer Mom]

to all you people who are hating on me you'll eat your words when my book makes me rich.

your books probably suck and therefore you don't expect to be rich, but my book is great and THAT'S why i expect to be rich.

to everyone giving advice, thank you.

Is this the part where everyone is called a looser?

This isn't the way to win friends in this business. It really is a business and there are living breathing agents and editors on these boards. This isn't the way to impress them. There are people here who could help you. You've asked for advice, but you don't like the answers you've been given.

If you know everything, then you don't need advice. If you don't know everything, then you might need advice. Read and heed before getting so defensive. It will serve you better in the long run.

If you do indeed have a wonderful manuscript, then it is important to get this part right.

[Prophet Elijah]

I can wait.
Why don't you tell us the name of your book so we can look out for it.

i'll say the name of it after it's published. i don't want to say it yet, but it's of course, great

[Birol]

I'd hate for my book to be "professionally edited." I'm hoping to find an agent who'll leave my work the hell alone. My editing is sufficient.

Yeah. Right.

who are the publishers of that particular genre? i might just go straight to them, if that's the case.

Go to your bookstore. Find the books in your genre. Look inside to see who published them.

how can i avoid the editor predator?

i want nothing to do with them. i love my book as is and don't want somebody addicted to "helping" messing up my art.

i'm an artist and an adamant editor is the last thing i want to have to deal with.

it sounds like another profession where people force themselves on you "for your own good."

is there any way to avoid this type of extortion and still get my book out to the public at large?

Self-publish.

what's wrong with Publish America? do they leave your work alone?

Yes.

i'm not familiar with this business at all. all i know is my book is perfect as is

Uh huh.

i'm tempted to self-publish, but i'm sick and tired of the work it'd entail. i wrote a book. (it was hard.) i just want my money. i'm sick and tired of working. i need a break and i need my money. i actually couldn't even afford to self-publish if i wanted to at this point.

:ROFL:

Actually, my book is unlike any book that has ever been written. And less and less do i see books remotely close to mine in the bookstores. i'll check those links out: they look like they might be exactly what i need! thank you!

Uh huh.

i'm not 100% anti-editor, but i know people who get a salary often want to do something to earn it and i don't want people trying to earn their salary by f-ing up my work of art.

if i get to oversee the editing i may allow some, but i hope i don't end up in a situation where an editor has license to mess with my book without my permission

:ROFL:

^^

is self-publishing free? is it hassle free? i'm an author, not a business man. if i self-publish, i gotta do all the transaction work myself right? who needs the headaches? that's why there's publishing houses and literary agents, no?

:Wha:

well, i'm in it for the money. i hate writing.

if i was self-published i'd be more likely to get rich right? cuz i'd get all the profits

but the only twist is i'd have to hustle more to make my book known.


:ROFL:

to all you people who are hating on me you'll eat your words when my book makes me rich.

:ROFL:

your books probably suck and therefore you don't expect to be rich, but my book is great and THAT'S why i expect to be rich.

to everyone giving advice, thank you.

:ROFL:



Oh, c'mon. Someone 'fess up. This is joke, right? Like ChunkyMacBirol?

[Toothpaste]

to all you people who are hating on me you'll eat your words when my book makes me rich.

your books probably suck and therefore you don't expect to be rich, but my book is great and THAT'S why i expect to be rich.

to everyone giving advice, thank you.


Again, Ignorance, Greed, Arrogance . . .

It is only the insecure who need to puff themselves up like that. Those who are already doing well know they are and have nothing to prove.

I don't see anyone "hating on you". I see people in utter shock that someone wants to get rich quick writing a book. And in even more shock that this same someone doesn't want to do any work for it.

The golden words syndrome you exhibit is just the icing on the cake. But not a big deal, maybe your book is fantastic, how should we know. If it is, it's really too bad you are so lazy that it will never get published (this is just fact considering you have no desire to do any work, so that means you won't write any query letters, send out packages to agents/editors, nor will you put in the work that goes behind self publishing - basically I have no idea how this fantastic book of yours will ever see the light of day).

[Prophet Elijah]

Jim Marrs isn't rich. Alex Jones isn't rich. David Icke may be rich, but if so, it's because he did a good job of the money he earned as a sportscaster and television presenter; it's not from selling a bazillion copies of his books, videos, and audiotapes, even though he has.

Nobody's ever gotten rich from writing a conspiracy-theory book so far. It's possible you might be the first person, but the odds are against you.

And you know what else about the three people I just mentioned? They work incredibly hard. They knock themselves out promoting their work, appearing on "Coast to Coast" and various Internet radio shows, speaking at conferences, etc., etc.

The top people in the field you want to get into work like dogs and don't get rich. Why do you think you're going to get rich without working hard?

my book is the best conspiracy book that's ever been written. not a nock on those authors you mentioned who i've learned much from, but my book is better suited to make me rich because getting rich is my aspiration, whereas getting rich is not those authors' intentions, so far as i'm aware.

i'm not totally against hard work. but self-publishing seems too hard, even for me.

[Birol]

:popcorn:

[Bubastes]

http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/eatdrink033.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

[Prophet Elijah]

Is this the part where everyone is called a looser?

This isn't the way to win friends in this business. It really is a business and there are living breathing agents and editors on these boards. This isn't the way to impress them. There are people here who could help you. You've asked for advice, but you don't like the answers you've been given.

If you know everything, then you don't need advice. If you don't know everything, then you might need advice. Read and heed before getting so defensive. It will serve you better in the long run.

If you do indeed have a wonderful manuscript, then it is important to get this part right.

i'm not really trying to win friends. what do i care for friends? i want money, not friends. you sound like somebody hellbent on kissing butt to get you where you want to be. not me, i have talent. i'm allowed to be a jerk, because i'm exceptional.

[waylander]

Dude - you have so much to learn, and I'm afraid it is going to be a hard road for you.
Why don't you make it easier on yourself. Sit back, read some of the threads on self-publishing, agents and publishers and think about the advice you've been given.

[Toothpaste]

Good luck Prophet.

[Prophet Elijah]

Again, Ignorance, Greed, Arrogance . . .

It is only the insecure who need to puff themselves up like that. Those who are already doing well know they are and have nothing to prove.



i'm far from doing well. i'm doing terrible. i can barely afford toilet paper. i have to steal napkins from mcdonalds to wipe my ass

[Soccer Mom]

i'm not really trying to win friends. what do i care for friends? i want money, not friends. you sound like somebody hellbent on kissing butt to get you where you want to be. not me, i have talent. i'm allowed to be a jerk, because i'm exceptional.

Fess up Rllngthunder, that's you in the troll costume, right?

[Prophet Elijah]

Dude - you have so much to learn, and I'm afraid it is going to be a hard road for you.
Why don't you make it easier on yourself. Sit back, read some of the threads on self-publishing, agents and publishers and think about the advice you've been given.

it is a hard road. you aint kidding about that.

[Soccer Mom]

i'm far from doing well. i'm doing terrible. i can barely afford toilet paper. i have to steal napkins from mcdonalds to wipe my ass

Wait! I'm wrong. This isn't RT. This is Shane, isn't it? Do the words "sheep poo" mean anything to you?

[Prophet Elijah]

Good luck Prophet.

THANK YOU! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. FOR MY FINANCIAL SUCCESS AND MY HEALTH AS WELL.

[Soccer Mom]

No, it isn't RT or Shane. Shane could never be so succinct. Hmmm. I'll figure it out in a moment. :tugs on troll mask:

[Birol]

:ROFL::roll::ROFL:

I'm sorry, gang. I probably should encourage some decorum or something, but I just can't. Not today. Not with this.

Elijah, if you ARE for real, you have so much to learn about humanity AND publishing, it's... Well... Life can't have been easy for you. Publishing definitely isn't going to be.

[Prophet Elijah]

Wait! I'm wrong. This isn't RT. This is Shane, isn't it? Do the words "sheep poo" mean anything to you?

I'm one of a kind.

[RLSMiller]

I'm one of a kind.

Screw conspiracy books, you'd make a killing doing stand-up comedy. :D

[Soccer Mom]

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/1/29/notmahfaultu128461195889687500.jpg

[Prophet Elijah]

:ROFL::roll::ROFL:

I'm sorry, gang. I probably should encourage some decorum or something, but I just can't. Not today. Not with this.

Elijah, if you ARE for real, you have so much to learn about humanity AND publishing, it's... Well... Life can't have been easy for you. Publishing definitely isn't going to be.

my life has been hell. all i know about humanity is that most people are self-righteous hypocrites. i know nothing about publishing. nothing.

[Birol]

I'm one of a kind.

No. You aren't. You really aren't. That's why people are a mixture of amused and tired in talking to you. There's been a long list of people through this forum stating the exact same things as you. They're not household names or rich, either.

[Birol]

my life has been hell. all i know about humanity is that most people are self-righteous hypocrites. i know nothing about publishing. nothing.

And you've decided that's the best way to be?

[talps]

Oh no way. It's getting louder in here?

Must think long & hard about next post... Will practice decorum in the mirror & return dignified, I promise.

[Bubastes]

i know nothing about publishing. nothing.

And yet you're intent on ticking off people who could teach you? Uh yeah, makes sense to me.

If you want to be rich, writing is NOT the way to do it. There are easier, more reliable ways to make money. That's why so many writers have day jobs. Even the rich ones like Grisham and King had day jobs when they started out.

ETA: So, what's your timetable and game plan for becoming rich and famous? It helps to have a specific plan for success because it never "just happens." When do you think the book will come out? How much money do you hope to make from the book?

[talps]

all i know about humanity is that most people are self-righteous hypocrites.

Et tu?

i know nothing about publishing. nothing.

And yet you're refusing to listen to those who have tried to help you. And Elijah, trust this - if you knew nothing about Publish America upon entering AW, you need all the help you can get.

[Prophet Elijah]

No. You aren't. You really aren't. That's why people are a mixture of amused and tired in talking to you. There's been a long list of people through this forum stating the exact same things as you. They're not household names or rich, either.

lol, you can't judge my character from 30 or so posts. there's nobody on this planet exactly like me. that's why i'm going to be rich and famous and most of you will remain mediocre haters

[Birol]

lol, you can't judge my character from 30 or so posts. there's nobody on this planet exactly like me. that's why i'm going to be rich and famous and most of you will remain mediocre haters

Okay. If you say so.

[waylander]

lol, you can't judge my character from 30 or so posts.

Oh, but we can.
I think you've given us a very clear picture of yourself.
You're young aren't you.

[eqb]

THANK YOU! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. FOR MY FINANCIAL SUCCESS AND MY HEALTH AS WELL.

Oh my. How did Nigerian spam get past the AW filters?

[Prophet Elijah]

Et tu?



And yet you're refusing to listen to those who have tried to help you. And Elijah, trust this - if you knew nothing about Publish America upon entering AW, you need all the help you can get.

i'm listening to everything everyone is saying. i appreciate much of the feedback.

[Prophet Elijah]

Oh, but we can.
I think you've given us a very clear picture of yourself.
You're young aren't you.

my greatness is incomprehensible to all but a few, with old souls

[Prophet Elijah]

Oh my. How did Nigerian spam get past the AW filters?

nah, for real, prayer is powerful, and i am very ill at this time. sincerely, please pray that i'm restored back to full health soon so i may exercise and feel strong again.

also, please pray that i meet the right person to help me become wealthy and my book successful

thanks.

[talps]

i'm listening to everything everyone is saying. i appreciate much of the feedback.

*inhales*

That's good, Elijah. But please do accent your appreciation when posting. Forgive us all for doubting your brilliance, but when someone suggests you look up Lulu and you request the link for it, well... This is not a place where others are going to do the work for you.

You claim rightfully to know nothing... There is a whole lot to learn here, but if you don't ratchet down how impossibly brilliant you and your book are, no one will give you the time of day here. I realize that you don't so much care about the opinions of others, but if you're hoping to learn anything at all and not get suckered - which is easy to do - then you really should ratchet down the volume.

Not that I'm not incredibly entertained by it all, but still, the flames are getting higher, that's all.

*exhales*

[Rolling Thunder]

my greatness is incomprehensible to all but a few, with old souls

I think you're great.

[melaniehoo]

also, please pray that i meet the right person to help me become wealthy and my book successful



Have you tried Oprah?

[dpaterso]

Prophet Elijah, this isn't a play forum. If you're in a frisky mood try Office Party. But cease & desist with the crap here. Thanks.

-Derek

[Stacia Kane]

lol, you can't judge my character from 30 or so posts. there's nobody on this planet exactly like me. that's why i'm going to be rich and famous and most of you will remain mediocre haters

I am totally a mediocre hater, sure. But I can afford toilet paper because I work hard.

Of course, there's nobody on the planet exactly like me, either. I thought we were all special little stars?


Look, Elijah, I sincerely wish you well. But please consider this: Even if your book is a huge bestseller, even if you got an agent tomorrow and they sold your book next week for a huge advance, you wouldn't see any of that money for MONTHS. Publishing is not a fast business. It's not like an editor sees your book and cuts you a big check. It takes a long time. Please take care of yourself in the interim. Talk to someone about your financial difficulties and see if help is available. I mean it. Nobody should have to steal napkins to use in the bathroom, not least because it will clog up your toilet and lead to huge plumbing bills.

[Prophet Elijah]

*inhales*

That's good, Elijah. But please do accent your appreciation when posting. Forgive us all for doubting your brilliance, but when someone suggests you look up Lulu and you request the link for it, well... This is not a place where others are going to do the work for you.

You claim rightfully to know nothing... There is a whole lot to learn here, but if you don't ratchet down how impossibly brilliant you and your book are, no one will give you the time of day here. I realize that you don't so much care about the opinions of others, but if you're hoping to learn anything at all and not get suckered - which is easy to do - then you really should ratchet down the volume.

Not that I'm not incredibly entertained by it all, but still, the flames are getting higher, that's all.

*exhales*

i thought Lulu was a person or poster on this site. I didn't know she was a company. nobody initially said lulu.com, which would have been obvious. Lulu sounds like a name, and i assumed it was the name of a self-publisher who frequents this site; so i thought, "Great! Link me to her!"

i'm only defending myself against the haters. it's all love here as far as my p.o.v. i don't catch feelings and greatly appreciate that i have a place to come to get my questions answered.

if people didn't start dissing me i wouldn't have dissed anyone or puffed myself up as people surmise. i was asking questions and speaking my mind about how i'm in this profession strictly to get some $ and everybody soon got hostile, like wanting money for my work is so wretched.

not everybody loves what they're good at. i wrote a great book, but it was hard and if it wasn't for the prospect of making $ i wouldn't have wrote it.

why does everybody expect people to want to work for free? screw that. i've got bills to pay. writing for me is a profession, not a religion.

[Prophet Elijah]

I think you're great.

thank you. you are very wise.

[Prophet Elijah]

Have you tried Oprah?

lol, i got that email too hehe

[Prophet Elijah]

Prophet Elijah, this isn't a play forum. If you're in a frisky mood try Office Party. But cease & desist with the crap here. Thanks.

-Derek

nobody asked you. don't hate on me just because i have a personality

[talps]

Not for nothing, Elijah, but Derek doesn't need to be asked before posting. He is here to help keep things respectful & decent.

Another tip for you... and this is soaring WAY off "Ask The Agent" topics and may need to be moved (?)... but when it comes to approaching agents, do not tell them how great your book is, OK? That is up to them to decide. As an aspiring author, yours should be a position of humility. You can proclaim your greatness only once you've delivered the goods.

[dpaterso]

nobody asked you. don't hate on me just because i have a personality
You and your personality are taking a 24-hour break. Use the time to ponder an attitude adjustment.

Folks, don't feed the troll. He can't reply anyway.

-Derek

[Rolling Thunder]

:ROFL:

For those of you that keep -asking-.

1.) No. I am not the Prophet.
2.) I understand sarcasm.
3.) Prophet doesn't. :rolleyes:

[JJ Cooper]

Did we figure out the best literary agent for a conspiracy book?

JJ

[IceCreamEmpress]

Did we figure out the best literary agent for a conspiracy book?


We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you.

[JJ Cooper]

You're all the same you non-believers.

JJ

[ExposingCorruption]

it was hard and if it wasn't for the prospect of making $ i wouldn't have wrote it.

(Wouldn't have "wrote" it?)

P.E. If you're writing is anything like your posting, your book, which I suspect does not actually exist, may have serious problems.

[James D. Macdonald]

I'd hate for my book to be "professionally edited." I'm hoping to find an agent who'll leave my work the hell alone. My editing is sufficient.

AuthorHouse is waiting to hear from you.

[victoriastrauss]

I'm thinking this thead may need a time out--I'll keep an eye on it over the next day or so, though, in hopes things cool down.

- Victoria

[twnkltoz]

I smell a troll.

[Prophet Elijah]

Not for nothing, Elijah, but Derek doesn't need to be asked before posting. He is here to help keep things respectful & decent.

Another tip for you... and this is soaring WAY off "Ask The Agent" topics and may need to be moved (?)... but when it comes to approaching agents, do not tell them how great your book is, OK? That is up to them to decide. As an aspiring author, yours should be a position of humility. You can proclaim your greatness only once you've delivered the goods.

i.e. he's here to censor people (or force them with threat of being banned to censor themselves) and shut them down when they dare speak to him like they'd speak to anyone else.

why should i be dishonest when approaching an agent? my book is great and i won't refrain from saying so. the agents who reject me will surely regret it once they see how much my book goes on to sell. i could care less. i only need one agent, not a million. so the rest can kiss my ass

[waylander]

Your query letter should simply tell the agent what the book is about. Your writing sample is what tells the agent that you've written a great book.

[Provrb1810meggy]

Someone is allowed to control what people say on their website, but they're not allowed to control what people say on their own websites...so this situation is fair and I don't see the point of complaining about it.

It's hard for most writers, especially writers with a first book, to get even one agent, and it'll be even harder if you go on about how great you and your book are.

If I were you, I'd take a nice, long trip through the Rejection and Dejection forum and see all the hard work and heartache that goes into trying to get published before you go any further. Then decide if it's worth it. Most will find that if you don't love it, it certainly isn't. If it is worth it, then at least you've got a reality check.

[Bubastes]

Dude, you know that there are agents who read this message board, right? Are you sure this is the impression you want to give them?

[talps]

I give this 'til 5PM California time...

Anyone wanna place a bet?

[Toothpaste]

why should i be dishonest when approaching an agent? my book is great and i won't refrain from saying so. the agents who reject me will surely regret it once they see how much my book goes on to sell. i could care less. i only need one agent, not a million. so the rest can kiss my ass

Remember earlier when I said that people who are a success don't need to share it with people because they are confident? You misread it and pointed out you weren't a success. And I really am sorry about your current position financially.

But my point was, telling someone you are great (even if you are) is often regarded by others with suspicion. Because if your writing is truly great, there is no need to tell anyone. The person reading it will more than be able to figure it out for himself. Often it is the person who ISN'T great who goes around saying how amazing he/she is. Many agents are faced with such people submitting to them.

You are great. You are not pretending to be. You don't want people misconstruing your pronouncement of greatness as just one of those other people who only think they are. It may be a bit unfair, that whole a few bad apples rotten the whole barrel kind of thing. But it makes sense. That's why it is best to simply send in a letter and let your work speak for itself.

[Soccer Mom]

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/1/29/wehnirichanf128461270855312500.jpg

[victoriastrauss]

Time out!

- Victoria