Questions For Moms

shannp · Jan 25, 2008

I'm working on an article for a new women's issues site and need a bit of help.

What do you do when you actually have time for yourself, besides write, of course?

Do you have a special routine or ritual that you use to relax when you take some personal time out?

How do you get your kids/significant other out of your hair to GET that time?

There are tons of articles around on the subject with sugar-coated advice about locking yourself in the bathroom for an hour and soaking in the tub. However, I know MY kids would scream bloody murder and my husband would beat down the door if I tried it. I thought I'd come here for some real-life mom solutions.

Thanks for any replies!

Greenwolf103 · Jan 25, 2008

Three words: Get up early. I WOULD say "stay up late" but with a 3-month-old among my two, the night hours are not as reliable as the morning hours for free time. Also, despite her bedtime, my 6-year-old is a hopeless night owl. My husband doesn't get why I get up at 5 in the morning, but if it means two hours of peace and time for myself, I'm not changing that!

Also, once a week, usually on Saturdays, husband watches the children while I go out for 2-3 hours for coffee, books, check out antique stores, etc. Just to relax and have a little fun. Maybe visit a restaurant and order a meal I don't have to cook or be interrupted while eating because 6YO is talking her head off or the baby needs to be fed, etc.

Another thing: Cut back on housecleaning. If I really need that alone time, I'll cut back on some chores to relax.

What I do when I have that free time: Take a nap, visit the Water Cooler, catch up on emails, read, call my mom or watch a movie.

Those bits and pieces of free time really help me keep my sanity!

ETA: I do all that stuff in addition to the writing.

heyjude · Jan 26, 2008

shannp, thanks for the comment about sugar coating. It drives me crazy when articles say things like that. You're right, my kids (2 and 4) would break down the bathroom door with hubby close behind.

The sad fact is that I rarely get time to myself. I visit this forum while the kids murder each other in the background (JK, actually they play very well together).

On the rare occasions I'm away from the kids (once every couple of weeks a neighbor takes them for an hour or two) I write my little heart out.

In the meantime I try to enjoy the little brats--um, darlings--and count the days until the little one goes to kindergarten.

Siddow · Jan 26, 2008

I've got four kids and a husband, and the only true 'alone time' is when I leave the house. I'll go the library, get my hair done, go out to lunch, do some window-shopping, etc.

Sometimes when I've had a particularly hectic week, my husband will load up all the kids and take them to the park, or IHOP, or a movie, and let me have a few hours of solitude in my house. I'll admit it: I camp out on the sofa and eat junk food. I don't even turn on the TV. I just enjoy the quiet.

johnnysannie · Jan 26, 2008

shannp said:
I'm working on an article for a new women's issues site and need a bit of help.

What do you do when you actually have time for yourself, besides write, of course?

Read, sleep, go to the library, take a long tub bath

Do you have a special routine or ritual that you use to relax when you take some personal time out?

When my kids were babies, my parents offered to watch them for about three hours every Sat. so my husband and I could have a "date". That helped save my sanity!

How do you get your kids/significant other out of your hair to GET that time?

I just put my foot down and told husband that there would be times when I would have to get out of the house ALONE

There are tons of articles around on the subject with sugar-coated advice about locking yourself in the bathroom for an hour and soaking in the tub. However, I know MY kids would scream bloody murder and my husband would beat down the door if I tried it. I thought I'd come here for some real-life mom solutions.

Thanks for any replies!

Hope my answers help!

Monkey · Jan 26, 2008

I don't get any time to myself.

Maybe when the kids are older.

I nurse while typing on AW, and I write during naptime...in the same room with my 3-year-old, who rarely actually goes to sleep.

*sigh*

shannp · Jan 26, 2008

Thanks everyone! Keep them coming, I'll be working on this all weekend. I'll try and post a link to the article when it goes live, so you can see what I came up with.

I promise to not suggest locking yourself in the bathroom!!

klow · Jan 26, 2008

I like to exercise. I have four kids ages 4 to 10. Now that the youngest is in preschool during the mornings, I do have some free time to write and exercise without interruptions. Before they were all in school, I would do exercise tapes while they were napping. It was something I definitely had to schedule into the day.

Actually, even now I do the tapes when they are home...when I haven't been able to fit them in in the mornings. The kids try to do some of the moves with me and they get a little work out, too.

Appalachian Writer · Jan 26, 2008

I'm a widow now, but when I was younger, I had a difficult time just having a cup of uninterrupted coffee. I made a decision, and it worked for me. I set my alarm for an hour earlier than I really had to get up. The alarm went off, the coffee cup filled, and the book came out. I allowed myself 45 minutes each morning to get myself together, to allow myself the luxury of a good book, and to have that cup of uninterrupted coffee.

kristie911 · Jan 26, 2008

I'm a single mother of a 3 year old boy. I work 12 hour shifts (7p-7a). When I'm working my ex-husband has my son...I have him on my days off. So the only time I have to myself are work days. I squeeze in exercise time before work. I write at work.

On my off days, I spend all my time with my son. I nap when he naps because I'm exhausted after getting up at 7am with him (totally against my work schedule). He goes to bed around 8:30p and I use the 3 hours between his bedtime and mine to get housework done and some writing if I can squeeze it in!

No, I don't really have a social life. :tongue

Soccer Mom · Jan 27, 2008

Mine play soccer (shocking, but I really am a soccer mom) and when I take the to practice, I walk at the fields for exercize. And of course I'm plotting my stories while I do this.

Right now, the kids are playing downstairs as I type. When they were younger, I took them to a Mother's Day Out so that I could shop and run errands without kids.

Even now, if I shut myself away for very long, they are beating on the door. "Mom? You in there? I'm hungry! Andrew hit me.! Well he started it! Did not! Did too!" :muffled sounds of fighting:

And my dog isn't any better. She whines and pokes her nose under the door until I come out.

Jersey Chick · Jan 27, 2008

Bedtime is mom time. I get the kids off to bed and lock myself in my office. I also claim Mother's Day and my birthday as my time - they are to leave me alone unless someone is gushing blood, bones are poking through the skin, or the house is on fire.

My oldest is in school all day

hooray

, my youngest takes a 2 hour nap every afternoon - so that's my writing time during daylight hours. When he goes full time - look out...

On weekends, I try to sucker my husband into taking them somewhere ("You know, some day, when they're too cool to be seen with you, you'll wish you had spent more time at the park with them. But then it'll be too late" - yes - I am not above a guilt trip) - especially when I'm near the end of a WIP or on deadline. He's a lot more accommodating when the deadline's looming.

Autodidact · Jan 28, 2008

shannp said:
I'm working on an article for a new women's issues site and need a bit of help.

What do you do when you actually have time for yourself, besides write, of course?

What don't I do? So many things, so little time: read, write, post here, go to library, walk, hike, take pictures, mess around on the computer with my pictures, canoodle with my sweetheart, craft projects that don't work with kids, watch DVDs, garden, cook...

Do you have a special routine or ritual that you use to relax when you take some personal time out?

Nothing comes to mind.

How do you get your kids/significant other out of your hair to GET that time?

Divorced. Have every other weekend off. Also get an hour or so in after child in bed.

In warmer months I can get whole hours with kids home, them playing weird pretend games in back yard where I can see them out the kitchen window.

Autodidact · Jan 28, 2008

p.s. pet peeve: Being called when I'm in the bathroom. An article on how to stop kids doing that would be a sure seller.

shannp · Jan 29, 2008

Thanks to everyone for the replies! I was able to put together an article that I think is reality-based enough to inspire some ideas to help moms get the time they deserve! Let's hope the client likes the approach...

amylynn · Jan 30, 2008

I have 3 young children (who I home-school)and a high-maintenance (but quite dashing) husband. Alone time for me is rare and treasured. God has blessed me with a wonderful and understanding mother-in-law. She frequently takes the kids for a couple hours so I can have "me" time. She also takes them for overnites so hubby and I can have a date.

Also, this year I've carved out weekly "me" time. I've joined a writing group. Woohoo! We meet for 2 hours once a week while my mom or mother-in-law watch the kids.

When I have alone time, I usually spend it with books or paints or the computer.

Judg · Jan 30, 2008

I can't remember what I did. It's all a blur... ;o)

But it sure wasn't taking long baths. The best was escaping out of the house, with hubby in charge. (No relatives nearby) Or escaping into a book. Or playing my guitar.

Of course, there was the time I put the guitar down, came back to the living room to find a neat hole punched into the guitar. To this day, nobody will tell me what really happened to that poor guitar. But I have my revenge. Now I bum their guitars...

Soccer Mom · Jan 30, 2008

Judg said:
I can't remember what I did. It's all a blur... ;o)

But it sure wasn't taking long baths. The best was escaping out of the house, with hubby in charge. (No relatives nearby) Or escaping into a book. Or playing my guitar.

Of course, there was the time I put the guitar down, came back to the living room to find a neat hole punched into the guitar. To this day, nobody will tell me what really happened to that poor guitar. But I have my revenge. Now I bum their guitars...

Oh my! The worst thing mine have done was carve the coffee table. See, they had new pocket knives and got in an argument about whose was best....yeah.

Skyraven · Jan 30, 2008

Let's see. Lately I've been using the couple of hours after my son goes to bed to do things for myself. About a half hour ago, I finished blow drying my hair. My son goes to bed at 8:30pm so I give myself that time to destress. I've also dyed my hair that way.
I used to get up early in the mornings for me time, but since I started working closer to home and staying up later, it's been hard for me to keep the morning routine. I also carve out "me" time on my lunch hour at work to play games or read a good book.

Shell · Jan 30, 2008

shannp said:
What do you do when you actually have time for yourself, besides write, of course?

Sit on the couch, watch TV, read, crochet, stare at the walls - all things I can do ONLY if both husband and daughter are out of the house.

shannp said:
Do you have a special routine or ritual that you use to relax when you take some personal time out?

Except for a yippee! and a short jump up and down when they pile into the car and drive away. And a big deep breath.

shannp said:
How do you get your kids/significant other out of your hair to GET that time?

After almost 10 years of marriage, my husband can tell when I've got that look that "too many people are eating up all my oxygen". If he's awake and available to do it, he offers to take our daughter out for an hour or two.

And I don't think I've taken a pretty bubble bath since my daughter was born. We only have the one bathroom and she took almost 2 years to potty train (she's 5 now).

Getting alone time to recharge is CRUCIAL to my mental health. I've given up my paying job recently because they wanted me to return to full-time hours which would eliminate those hours I get to be alone in the house while daughter is at kindergarten and husband is at work. So now I'm home, unemployed, and trying to get enough oxygen into my many-years-stressed body. And then I will write. Or I'll write without the oxygen. We'll see....

Laurawrites · Jan 30, 2008

time

Wow. Now this is something I'd say many women need.

First, I think it's important to be realistic. The idea of hours at a time to write is rubbish. Much like the uninterrupted hour-long soak...lol.

You have to find a routine around your family's schedule and be flexible. Some days you won't have time, period. Other days you will have plenty. Take time during school, and just enjoy when you do have time.

Actually, "taking the kids to the park," can be a good way to get some alone time. While they're on the equipment, you can sit back and relax.

Second, learn relaxation techniques. You can relax faster when you know the proper methods of making your body relax.

Lastly, realize that no matter your situation, it isn't forever. Little ones will soon be gone off to college and living their own lives. It's a sad thought, but it's true. The inconveniences and problems of today will be fondly remembered tomorrow.

Autodidact · Jan 31, 2008

Soccer Mom said:
Oh my! The worst thing mine have done was carve the coffee table. See, they had new pocket knives and got in an argument about whose was best....yeah.

Mine once almost burned the house down. AND I WAS IN THE KITCHEN AT THE TIME! She's special. On a positive note, it scared the crap out of her, and I don't think she'll ever try to light a candle in her room again. On the floor. Under the curtain.

sheadakota · Jan 31, 2008

I have two kids 9 & 10 and a husband who is also in school monday through Friday- I work full time and have three horses, two dogs and five cats to care of as well- One of the horses recently injured herself requiring dressing changes and medicine to be given 3 times a day- all that is on top of housework, grocery shopping, cooking dinner and checking homework. My lap tap is my saving grace, when I sit down at night the kids are in the playroom in the basement, hubby is upstairs in his office and I am in the living room with my i-pod in and my computer on. That is when I write and play- My only alone time- um what was the question again?

mamakat · Jan 31, 2008

Writing really is all I do in my free time. It keeps me sane!

My kids are still little though, 4 and 10 months.

Oh, I do exercise. Our gym has a very nice kid's club and sometimes I have a sitter watch the little ones so I can exercise outdoors.

And, if I need it, I actually will ask my husband to care for the kids while I take a bubble bath

. Gee, I guess I get more time to myself than I thought I did...

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