Form Challenge: Triolet

LimeyDawg · Jan 14, 2008

Simple: write a triolet. The form is as follows:

A
B
a - Rhymes with 1st line.
A - Identical to 1st line.
a - Rhymes with 1st line.
b - Rhymes with 2nd line.
A - Identical to 1st line.
B - Identical to 2nd line.

Here is an example by Harold Witt (I thought Neurofizz might like this)

First Photos of Flu Virus by Harold Witt

Viruses, when the lens is right,
Change into a bright bouquet.
Are such soft forms of pure delight
viruses? When the lens is right,
instead of swarms of shapeless blight,
we see them in a Renoir way.
Viruses when the lens is right
Change into a bright bouquet.

Writer??? · Jan 15, 2008

Well, if nobody else wants to play, I'll give it a go.

The Divorce

Don’t you think you could explain,
I need help to understand.
Why do you only cause me pain,
don’t you think? You could explain.
I live each day tied in vain
by this binding coil of our wedding band
Don’t you think you could? Explain,
I need help to understand.

poetinahat · Jan 15, 2008

Don't you want to stay alive?
Baby, best duck out the back.
Daddy's car is in the drive!
Don't you want to stay alive?
I'm not really twenty-five;
Best forget you've been here, Jack.
Don't you want to stay alive?
Baby, best duck out the back.

LimeyDawg · Jan 15, 2008

Yes. Writer??? and poetinahat have it. Anyone else want to try?

Albedo of Zero · Jan 15, 2008

Radio Book Store

Ten to ten and still there's three,
or five books that I should plug.
four stars, a two (I have to pee)
Ten to ten and still there's three
some more requests, but can't they see
the empty in my coffee mug?
Ten to ten and still there's three,
or five books that I should plug.

A. Hamilton · Jan 15, 2008

you're always asking questions
I have no need to explain
always grueling sessions
you're always asking questions
like first grade spelling lessons
it's really quite a pain
you're always asking questions
I have no need to explain

A. Hamilton · Jan 15, 2008

When you walked into the waiting room
I felt a sense of deja vu
I felt a sense of pending doom
When you walked into the waiting room
I knew the world was ending soon
I knew it'd happen 'cause of you
When you walked into the waiting room
I felt a sense of deja vu

onestepp · Jan 20, 2008

Old man winter gave us a call
blistery,cold, artic winds blew,
snow from the abundant fall,
old man winter gave us a call,
sky looked pearly as a white wall,
every crystal flake looked brand new,
old man winter gave us a call
blistery, cold, artic winds blew

Nyna · Jan 21, 2008

Snowlight quietly softens you
into someone I can recognize
as I so seldom do.
Snowlight quietly softens you
takes the edges off my view
erases flaws, mistakes, and lies.
Snowlight quietly softens you
into someone I can recognize

Writer??? · Jan 21, 2008

OK, I may be going out on a limb here, and if this is wrong or I am stepping on LD's toes I will gladly remove this post. I do not wish to offend or over-step my bounds, I only seek to help, and learn if I am incorrect.

It is my understanding that the repeat in a triolet should change it's influence or nuance each time but still retain the same words. I'm not toting my own horn because my poem is pitiful just barely being a triolet, but I think it does demonstrate what I mean.

"Don’t you think you could explain,"
"don’t you think? You could explain."
"Don’t you think you could? Explain,"

Each line the same, but syntax and punctuation make each one different. I believe that is the heart of a triolet. Not just repetition of exact lines.

And, if it can be crafted so the same thing can be done with the "B" line it's even better. Unfortunately, I have no such talent.

I have no references to support my opinion, this is merely what I was told by someone and seen in triolets I have read. But it seems right to me as it makes it a far more difficult form than simply repeating lines verbatum. And gives more life to the poem.

LimeyDawg · Jan 21, 2008

Yes, you are correct. Of course, there is a learning curve here as anywhere, so I don't think any harm is done in accepting triolets that don't necessarily conform to this. It is, however, the mark of a well crafted triolet.

Writer??? said:
OK, I may be going out on a limb here, and if this is wrong or I am stepping on LD's toes I will gladly remove this post. I do not wish to offend or over-step my bounds, I only seek to help, and learn if I am incorrect.

It is my understanding that the repeat in a triolet should change it's influence or nuance each time but still retain the same words. I'm not toting my own horn because my poem is pitiful just barely being a triolet, but I think it does demonstrate what I mean.

"Don’t you think you could explain,"
"don’t you think? You could explain."
"Don’t you think you could? Explain,"

Each line the same, but syntax and punctuation make each one different. I believe that is the heart of a triolet. Not just repetition of exact lines.

And, if it can be crafted so the same thing can be done with the "B" line it's even better. Unfortunately, I have no such talent.

I have no references to support my opinion, this is merely what I was told by someone and seen in triolets I have read. But it seems right to me as it makes it a far more difficult form than simply repeating lines verbatum. And gives more life to the poem.

Form Challenge: Triolet

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too

Writer???

Because EYE said so!

poetinahat

Numbers are beautiful

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too

Albedo of Zero

That didn't hurt

A. Hamilton

here for a minute...catch me?

A. Hamilton

here for a minute...catch me?

onestepp

Nyna

Writer???

Because EYE said so!

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too