"Silent Query Killer"

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Moon Daughter

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There is a great post on Nathan Bransford's blog today on the passive voice killing a query letter.

What else do you guys think are common problems that kills a could-have-been-great query letter?
 

a_sharp

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Wish I knew more about successful queries to answer this. I know all about the other kind.
 

JustGo

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"Seeing the trash you've represented, you'll have no trouble working with my novel!"
 

Prawn

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The blog was read. Things were learned. Everyone's queries were improved.
 

Julie Worth

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The passive voice isn't always a killer. For instance, few agents will find a problem with this: my previous five books were published by Simon & Schuster.
 

Moon Daughter

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The passive voice isn't always a killer. For instance, few agents will find a problem with this: my previous five books were published by Simon & Schuster.

True. I read the link in his blog and it said that the passive voice shouldn't always be avoided and is sometimes necessary. But I think the point was when writing out the hook the writer should avoid using passive so it doesn't sound dull. :Shrug:
 

maestrowork

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"This novel will make you laugh, it'll make you cry, it'll touch you!"
or any such variation.

LOL. Yup. Self-congratulatory statements like that usually don't go over too well. "It's the best book you will ever read" or "It is going to be best seller." Yes, do sell your work, but don't claim anything you are not willing to back up.
 

DeadlyAccurate

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So I think perhaps you worry too much. :)
You're right. This'll definitely eat at me for days on end.

Oh, wait, no... it's that other thing.

No, I've written seven novels in the past six months.

What do you do, stop time? Seriously, that's amazing.

(And I do wish you the sincerest of luck.)
 

Prawn

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No, I've written seven novels in the past six months.

Molly, how long are your novels? What genre are they? I can write a 90K rough draft in 3 months, but that's working an hour a day.
 

Willowmound

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I've written seven novels in the past six months.


!!!

Do they -- oh, how should I put it -- suck? Or are you actually God?

I've never heard such a thing. It's jaw-dropping either way.
 

Ravenlocks

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Vengeance will be found. Mistakes will be punished. When his dreams are shattered, Spencer is compelled to find the enemies who have caused his life to be destroyed.

I'd say the problem with this isn't so much the passive voice as the fact that it doesn't say anything. Who's Spencer? What were his dreams? Who are his enemies? What did they do to his life? What actually happens in this story?
 

David I

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Well, mollyluna, I'm amazed at your speed.

On average, I compose at something slightly under 4 wpm, so how fast I can type isn't a factor.

I'm a little surprised that you speed read as well. That's a skill I've never had the desire to acquire--I enjoy rolling the words around inside my head too much, and that means reading rather slowly.
 

Willowmound

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Well, mollyluna, I'm amazed at your speed.

I'm just dizzy.

I'll be honest: I have real trouble believing one can create quality work this way, but then I've never seen it, and mollyluna could just be some sort of romance fiction Mozart...
 

GJB

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Back to killer lines (that is, killing, in-the-trash-not-even rejection-worthy-steam-the stamp-off-the-SASE-to-use-for-someone-else's-rejection, lines) in a query letter. How about, "I've learned so much about the industry and the craft as this is my seventh, but by far the best, work."
 

JeanneTGC

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I'm just dizzy.

I'll be honest: I have real trouble believing one can create quality work this way, but then I've never seen it, and mollyluna could just be some sort of romance fiction Mozart...
Nora Roberts manages.

That there are others out there who can do the same (I've written 5 full novels in less than 5 months, one of which landed me a good agent) isn't out of the realm of possibility.

Everyone to their own speeds and abilities.
 

Gina M

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!!!

Do they -- oh, how should I put it -- suck? Or are you actually God?

I've never heard such a thing. It's jaw-dropping either way.

I've actually read one of Mollyluna's novels and no, it didn't suck - not even a little bit. I'm not a romance fan, but after reading hers, I thought I would give some Harlequin a try. Then, I just finished an erotica (spanish lovers with amazing abilities)- that damn Molly has created a monster! ha ha

Gina M
 
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