The Meter Challenge

LimeyDawg · Jan 7, 2008

This one is simple: write five lines of iambic pentameter. They don't have to rhyme or necessarily be a poem. The exercise is to get the metrical juices flowing.
The lines should follow this type of rhythm:
daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM

Norman D Gutter · Jan 7, 2008

No hypermetrical? How asinine.
And what of substitutes, those errant feet
that punctuate iambics, breaking up
the sing-song, march-like tone of strict iambs?
But I will play the game, and write it straight.

ddgryphon · Jan 7, 2008

I saw three ships a sailing to the sun
aglow with bright reflections ev'ryone
I knew before my task had scarce begun
a strict old form might somehow come undone
to leave me in my shame full scorn'd and shun'd.

Writer??? · Jan 7, 2008

Ok just 5 quick sentences spit out with little or no thought -

I went with her today and we got lost.

You talk and talk and say nothing worthwhile.

He cruised the boulevard in search of love.

The pain you feel is just the thrusting knife.

I understand amibiguosity.

(we can make up words, right?)

LimeyDawg · Jan 7, 2008

Norman D Gutter said:
No hy | permet |rical? | How as | inine.
And what |of sub | stitutes, | those err |ant feet
that punc |tuate | iam |bics, break | ing up
the sing-|song, march-|like tone |of strict |iambs?
But I |will play |the game,| and write |it straight.

Yes, iambic throught ndg, but as you know, a poet should learn to iamble before breaking into hypermetrical footfalls.

LimeyDawg · Jan 7, 2008

Writer??? said:
Ok just 5 quick sentences spit out with little or no thought -

I went | with her | today | and we | got lost.

You talk | and talk | and say | nothing | worth while.<---hmmm, is that a spondee substitution?
He cruised | the bou | levard | in search | of love.

The pain | you feel | is just | the thrust | ing knife.

I un |derstand | ambi | guo| sity. (we can make up words, right?)

Not that an occasional spondee substitution is a bad thing. Of course, another's scansion might find that to be iambic. Good job.

A. Hamilton · Jan 7, 2008

when men with brains showcase their prancing feet
I can't help wonder how my own will show
they are not groomed I know they don't smell sweet
yet words dished out in high five meter beat
and smooth iambic language make me hot

onestepp · Jan 9, 2008

Enjoy evening sunsets chiming bright scales
scarlets, yellows, oranges, blues and purples,
Answered prayers, joyful hopes begun anew
wings beneath the enormous boulders flew,
topsail on the oceans olive-green blue.

you're right I was being lazy and maybe only trying to do doing 4 iambic metes in a line.

LimeyDawg · Jan 9, 2008

Yep, I think you have it.

P.H.Delarran said:
when men with brains showcase their prancing feet
I can't help wonder how my own will show
they are not groomed I know they don't smell sweet
yet words dished out in high five meter beat
and smooth iambic language make me hot

LimeyDawg · Jan 9, 2008

Hmmm, not iambic pentameter, but I had to try a scansion because it's interesting...

onestepp said:
Enjoy | sun sets | bright scales <---Iamb, spondee, spondee (although "enjoy" could be read as spondee depending upon dialect)
scarlets, | yellows, | blues and | pur ples,<---trochees throughout (trochaic tetrameter)
Prayers | answered | hopes be | gun a | new<---trochees again, with the last being tailless.
wings be| neath the | grey rocks | flew <---trochee,trochee, spondee, tailess trochee
topsail | on the | oceans | green-blue.<---trochee, pyhrric, trochee, spondee

We could call it tetrameter, with the exception of L1 and L3. Where the trochees fall, the rhythm is nice, but the influence of the iambs and spondees do hurt the read a little. Nice imagery through this little piece, though.

poetinahat · Jan 9, 2008

the reason people shun iambic feet
in favor of a looser, freer prose
is often that they're frightened of a rule;
the paradox, i find, is freedom flows
abundantly when paths are laid to tread.

LimeyDawg · Jan 9, 2008

Yes, Rob. Well done.

poetinahat said:
the reason people sun iambic feet
in favor of a looser, freer prose
is often that they're frightened of a rule;
the paradox, i find, is freedom flows
abundantly when paths are laid to tread.

LimeyDawg · Jan 11, 2008

Yes, iambic pentameter throughout. You also show an interesting construct and how it relates to poetry. "Ev'ryone" reads as three syllables. "Everyone" reads as four. Gaah, help me out here, because I can't remember the name for the use of the " ' " in place of words (60 hours at work and this bottle of wine aren't helping either). But, my point is it works in places. Now, look at L5, where the same construct is used again. If not for the success in L2, I would call you on it as unnecessary archaism (is that a word?) in the poem. However, because you pulled it off in L2, you get a pass on L5, where "scorned" and "shunned" would have worked equally well.

ddgryphon said:
I saw three ships a sailing to the sun
aglow with bright reflections ev'ryone
I knew before my task had scarce begun
a strict old form might somehow come undone
to leave me in my shame full scorn'd and shun'd.

The Meter Challenge

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too

Norman D Gutter

Engineer Sonneteer

ddgryphon

King of Sloth Town

Writer???

Because EYE said so!

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too

A. Hamilton

here for a minute...catch me?

onestepp

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too

poetinahat

Numbers are beautiful

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too

LimeyDawg

Scars are poems too