Change of scene to a close-up

LIVIN said:

INT. BANK - DAY

RON MAIDEN
Take this to the address on the side.

INT. VINNY'S BASEMENT - DAY

A blade cuts the package open, revealing -

A HEAD inside the box.

Vinny jumps backward in terror.

.....

But the real question is: Why do you need to be CU on the package in a different location? Is this a must for the movie to progress? If not, I'd say let the director, producer (etc) decide. If so, why is this a must for the movie to progress?

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Ron Maiden said:

some great suggestion, thanks. yes, the whole point of the swap to a close-up was that after the first scene it was supposed that you would assume it had been taken where directed, and then from the wider view, after opening, you realise it hasn't. i did fall into the trap of avoiding the format clock work9 did, as i wanted the reveal to be a surprise - but of course the script shouldn't be written like a novel! tch!

cheers all.

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Originally Posted by nmstevens
Well, while I understand what's been written above, if you really want the fact that the box, having been opened is actually not where we thought it was when the blade cuts it, then using the slug line indicating a location change sort of blows the surprise.

It blows the surprise for the reader not the eventual movie audience.

Yeah, sure, we're not writing novels, but what we are trying to do is duplicate, for the reader, the experience of watching the movie.

True, however, every scene in a screenplay must begin with a scene heading (slugline). So how do you hide the location from the reader?

I've gotten into similar discussions when the question comes up in which a character appears, say, in disguise at first, and then reveals himself to be somebody else for the majority of the picture -- say he doesn't even have a name when he's first introduced -- just sort of bum -- do you introduce him as the character we're going to later know him as -- or as "A BUM" -- I think it's pretty obvious. If the audience is going to think that he's just a bum, then that's how you should identify him, until his true identity is revealed, and then change his identity on the page.

Yes, but, we describe the character's appearance in the action/description which allows us to reveal who the character really is, when we want to.

We're stuck with scene headings for locating scenes.

The way that you might address the problem that you're facing -- again, presuming that this is really a story point and not just some little visual flourish that you'd like to stick in --

You can use a shortened slug line.

INT. CANDY'S APARTMENT - DAY

Candy picks up the cardboard box, stares at it, anxiously.

ON THE CARDBOARD BOX

The exacto knife slashes along the seam. It pops open, revealing its contents -- a complete set of first edition Mad Magazines. A hand reaches in -- but it isn't Candy's hand.

INT. THE OFFICES OF BIZARRO WORLD LTD. - DAY

It is now revealed that the box is sitting on the desk of MAX BIZARRO, president of, etc., etc. --

You can do something along those lines.

How did the box appear in Max's office when Candy had just stared at it in her Apartment?
NMS

Hmm.

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jonpiper said:

Hmm.


The point I try to make is -- there's no point in talking about the "eventual audience" -- for you, the writer, your audience is the reader. If you blow the surprise for the reader, you've blown the surprise for the only audience that you'll ever have.

If you give away the identity of somebody whose identity is supposed to be a secret in the finished film -- because the "rule" is that when a character first appears on screen, you're supposed to identify that character in capital letters -- but instead, you're identifying him falsely -- because the audience (that is, your readers) aren't supposed to know who he is -- that *isn't* a mistake.

In the same way if, for whatever reason, you want to briefly confuse the audience -- that is, your reader, as to where they are, and that means using a short slug line or whatever -- then you should do it.

If at some point your script is bought, all of those short slug lines will be adjusted, just as you'll have to go through the script and whenever you're written the same location in slightly different ways, "JOHN'S HOUSE" "THE HOUSE" "A HOUSE" "THE HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET" -- if they're all the same place, you'll have to go back and fix it all so that it's described in exactly the same way.

At some point. After the script gets sold.

But that's not something that you're going to have to worry about now.

What you have to worry about now is selling the script. And the way to do that is to write it in a way that is going to be most compelling, that is going to convey the experience of watching the movie to the reader most vividly.

And giving away something prematurely that you want to conceal by using a scene heading isn't going to help you.

It's not a science. We're not "stuck" with anything.

The scene, as I wrote it, would be perfectly acceptable.

Even if one were speaking in strictly technical production terms, the close shot of the box being opened is, literally, an "insert shot" -- it wouldn't likely be shot in either Candy's apartment or in Max's office. It'd be shot on an insert stage somewhere, long after Candy and Max and the main production crew had gone on their merry way.


As to how the box appeared in Max's office -- I have no clue. I'm not writing the story. I don't know how the box in the original example would come to start in one place and end up in another. I would have to presume that, in the course of the story in question that that would be explained.

I certainly don't want to get sidetracked in discussion about Max and Candy. The question is about how you format an "overlapping cut" where you think an action is happening at the end of one scene and then you pull back to reveal that -- surprise -- it is actually happening at the beginning of the following scene.

The challenge, in formatting something like that, is how you preserve that element of surprise.

As far as I'm concerned, the one way that you *don't* convey a surprise in a screenplay is to say -- Okay, surprise X is coming up in the following paragraph. Right. Here it is. Surprise X.

NMS
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jonpiper said:

Excellent post, NMS. I'm relatively new at this, and had never seen an overlapping cut, much less, one used to hide a location. Much good stuff in that last post.​

I always assumed you would have to reveal locations to the reader.​

Well, your solution just hit me. I missed it, and it took a few readings to understand it. It could work.​

But, you've got to make it clear that Candy is sending the box somewhere. Also show us where she intends to send the box. Also, make it clear that the closeup on the box is a transition to the next scene while being in the next scene.​

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