Nothing--Again, nothing.

Edward G · Dec 29, 2007

People hate it when I talk like this, but I can't help it. I went to B&N to get a fiction book. I just finished reading 1984. My wife just finished Animal Farm, so I'm going to read that, but I was looking for a little break from George Orwell--I couldn't find anything to read!

I won't even pick up a hardback from one of the celebrity fiction writers anymore. I'm so disgusted by their writing abilities and the lack of any substance in their stories that I could puke.

I went to the New Writers section, but it was the same old books I had rejected reading a month ago. I go into the asiles to look around and I still only have two choices: junk pop formula fiction or older classics.

Where are the new classics?

Anyway, I settled for a non-fiction book: the new revision of The Self-Publishing Manual. I'll read Animal Farm at the same time.

Anyone else ever have a problem finding something to read?

veinglory · Dec 29, 2007

It takes some searching, but then I am fairly omnivorous so I generally find something. Nonfiction is a good fall back.

Bubastes · Dec 29, 2007

Never. I have a list of the National Book Award winners in case I'm stumped for ideas on what to read. Also, I agree with veinglory -- non-fiction is a nice option for me too.

Toothpaste · Dec 29, 2007

Why don't you visit the AW library here, check out some home grown talent as it were, our own ORION (Patricia Wood) is doing very well with her novel Lottery. I can also recommend Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures as an excellent book (it won the highest literary award here in Canada and is now available in the states).

Maybe it's possible you are only grazing the shelves, and looking just at the big ones at the front. Ever thought about going through the stacks? Or ever consider that maybe you have too strict rules on what you think is a classic? That maybe if you would relax and give a few other books a shot, you could see there is some pretty impressive talent out there? The point of writing is to break the mold, not conform to an old fashioned standard.

badducky · Dec 29, 2007

No.

Seriously, are you insane?

Magazines I could believe, but books?

Put down the self-publishing manual, and try this:

Pick three shelves at random. Close your eyes. Pick one book randomly from each shelf. Read the first three pages and read the one you like best of those three.

Also, my favorite bookstore diversion is to go to the poetry section and try to read a poem by a poet I've never read before.

Or, just ask around. Communicate with other people and see what the people in the store are reading and buying.

And put down the self-publishing manuals.

CheshireCat · Dec 29, 2007

TomBerkeley said:
People hate it when I talk like this, but I can't help it. I went to B&N to get a fiction book.

A fiction book, huh? As opposed to a novel?

I just finished reading 1984. My wife just finished Animal Farm, so I'm going to read that, but I was looking for a little break from George Orwell--I couldn't find anything to read!

I won't even pick up a hardback from one of the celebrity fiction writers anymore. I'm so disgusted by their writing abilities and the lack of any substance in their stories that I could puke.

Celebrity fiction writers? And who would they be?

I went to the New Writers section, but it was the same old books I had rejected reading a month ago. I go into the asiles to look around and I still only have two choices: junk pop formula fiction or older classics.

Where are the new classics?

Anyway, I settled for a non-fiction book: the new revision of The Self-Publishing Manual. I'll read Animal Farm at the same time.

Anyone else ever have a problem finding something to read?

The Self-Publishing Manual. Okay, that explains a lot.

Look, if you want to bitch about not being able to find, in a whole bookstore, anything worth reading except an arguably tired "classic" and a manual about how to "publish" stuff the industry you scorn won't touch, that's cool.

But insulting every published writer who doesn't measure up to your standards is not only rude and short-sighted, it says a lot more about you than it does them.

Just sayin'.

(Yes, I'm on a tear this weekend. Sue me!)

Judg · Dec 29, 2007

Tom, that's hard to believe. Did you actually open some books by authors you didn't know and read a while? I am willing to bet you rejected thousands upon thousands of books without ever looking inside, in which case you can't complain that there was nothing. New classics by definition won't be well-known yet. You have to read people you don't know to find them.

Now, I went to the bookstore today and came out with nothing too. But that was because I was looking only through the discount tables, and for authors I already knew. I made up for it by going home and ordering four new books online. But if I had been intent on walking out with a book I would have done so.

Zoombie · Dec 29, 2007

Yeah, there are a ton of good books out there. A ton. Sure, you have to look to find them, and not all of them are as good as a classic, but a lot are very good none the less.

johnzakour · Dec 29, 2007

I've never walked into a bookstore without walking out with at least one book.

(Even if I just go to see my books I always end up buying another. Even the one time I just stopped at B&N to use the bathroom....)

JBI · Dec 29, 2007

Read the entirety of Harold Bloom's chaos age canon. Those are the modern classics you search so ceaselessly for.

Shady Lane · Dec 29, 2007

Maybe you should give up on the books. Shop for something that more closely matches your 'classic' sensibilities. Have you considered antique furniture?

Edward G · Dec 29, 2007

MeowGirl said:
Never. I have a list of the National Book Award winners in case I'm stumped for ideas on what to read. Also, I agree with veinglory -- non-fiction is a nice option for me too.

I tried that! And while I have no doubt that the writing would be superior, none of the synopsis were interesting to me. Where's the beef! Where's the story and the moral? In our modern times, we cringe at the word "moral" but that's what makes a story worth reading. No story is worth reading just on its own merits. I want someone with bollucks to make a story that's irresistable and a moral that's unacceptable and undeniable at the same time. To quote a line from Superman III: "I ask you to kill Superman, and you can't do that one simple thing."

JBI · Dec 29, 2007

http://home.comcast.net/~dwtaylor1/chaoticcanon.html Try that list. Look on wikipedia and find something that appeals to you.

CheshireCat · Dec 29, 2007

Okay, I just remembered (again) who TB probably is. Or was.

Whatever.

Picture me swirling my cape as I flounce out of this thread ...

Edward G · Dec 29, 2007

Toothpaste said:
Why don't you visit the AW library here, check out some home grown talent as it were, our own ORION (Patricia Wood) is doing very well with her novel Lottery. I can also recommend Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures as an excellent book (it won the highest literary award here in Canada and is now available in the states).

I will. Thank you for the suggestion.

Maybe it's possible you are only grazing the shelves, and looking just at the big ones at the front. Ever thought about going through the stacks? Or ever consider that maybe you have too strict rules on what you think is a classic? That maybe if you would relax and give a few other books a shot, you could see there is some pretty impressive talent out there? The point of writing is to break the mold, not conform to an old fashioned standard.

You know, I tried reading "The Fight Club" by...well, the pronunciation escapes me, but it didn't really work. The movie worked, but the style of the writing just didn't cut it with me. I found it experimental at best, pretentious at worst. So, good story, but not good writing. Then again, I read "Remains of the Day" by that Japanese/English fellow (again the pronunciation escapes me), and there was great writing, with a story that just didn't quite cook all the way. Again, as a movie, it worked great.

On the other hand, for escapism and nostalgia, I read "Cell" by Stephen King. I liked it. It had a moral. He's a decent storyteller, but I may try Dumas Key when it's available, but I'm really trying to break away from King. I feel like I'm returning to the pacifier every time I buy one of his books.

All I ask for is groundmoving genius. Call me high maitenance, but hey, if they have the sack to charge 25 bucks for a book, they owe me nothing less.

Bubastes · Dec 29, 2007

TomBerkeley said:
Call me high maitenance, but hey, if they have the sack to charge 25 bucks for a book, they owe me nothing less.

Um, have you tried the library? Or paperbacks?

BluGnat · Dec 29, 2007

CheshireCat said:
But insulting every published writer who doesn't measure up to your standards is not only rude and short-sighted, it says a lot more about you than it does them.

I'm brand-new, and even I was thinking this...is the OP serious? Or is this a joke?

JBI · Dec 29, 2007

Have you read Joyce yet? If not, that will put you in your place.

Shady Lane · Dec 29, 2007

TomBerkeley said:
I will. Thank you for the suggestion.

You know, I tried reading "The Fight Club" by...well, the pronunciation escapes me, but it didn't really work.

Chuck Palahnuik. Pronounced Paula-Nick.

And I'm just laughing at the sheer audacity of "it didn't really work."

badducky · Dec 29, 2007

I'd be as miffed as Cheshire Cat if mine were up in stores right now.

Seriously, have you checked out Adrienne's book? My sides still hurt from laughter.

Edward G · Dec 29, 2007

badducky said:
No.

Seriously, are you insane?

I've studied on it some, mmmhmmm, and yes, quite likely I'm so far gone that even the mention of it by someone makes me think they're just jealous. So, treatment is out of the question. I saw a bumpersticker once that said, "God Doesn't Make Mistakes," and I believed it so much I made a personal religion out of it.

Magazines I could believe, but books?

Put down the self-publishing manual, and try this:

Pick three shelves at random. Close your eyes. Pick one book randomly from each shelf. Read the first three pages and read the one you like best of those three.

I just couldn't do that. But it's an interesting suggestion.

And put down the self-publishing manuals.

Why? If the main publishers can't put something in B&N I can stand to read, why should I ever let them touch my book? I would like a fat advance check, I admit. But I don't know; I'm getting the feeling the fat advance check costs too much. I don't know.

CheshireCat · Dec 29, 2007

BluGnat said:
I'm brand-new, and even I was thinking this...is the OP serious? Or is this a joke?

(I've flounced, so I can't respond -- but if you'll look up some of TB's earlier posts, you'll find he's been wonderfully consistent. Not that I said anything, of course. Because I flounced, and I'm not here.)

badducky · Dec 29, 2007

Pshh...

I don't know what BnN you're going to, but mine happens to carry quite a few small and indie press titles. Clearly you haven't mastered the fine art of browsing.

I'm not going to accuse you like CC and BG, Tom, but I'd be lying if I said my eyebrow wasn't raised at ya.

So, have you read anything by a living author that wasn't self-published that you did actually like? Have they published anything recently?

Edward G · Dec 29, 2007

Judg said:
Tom, that's hard to believe. Did you actually open some books by authors you didn't know and read a while? I am willing to bet you rejected thousands upon thousands of books without ever looking inside, in which case you can't complain that there was nothing. New classics by definition won't be well-known yet. You have to read people you don't know to find them.

That is a good point. I wonder what will make a classic these days? Fifty years from now, I probably won't be alive. (I'm a man and I'm 43). But I don't think it takes that long. 1984 and Animal Farm were realized fairly quickly. They were classics long before 1999. They were classics ten years after they were written. What book is like that today!

Bekah · Dec 29, 2007

TomBerkeley said:
You know, I tried reading "The Fight Club" by...well, the pronunciation escapes me, but it didn't really work. The movie worked, but the style of the writing just didn't cut it with me. I found it experimental at best, pretentious at worst. So, good story, but not good writing. Then again, I read "Remains of the Day" by that Japanese/English fellow (again the pronunciation escapes me), and there was great writing, with a story that just didn't quite cook all the way. Again, as a movie, it worked great.

Why on earth do you need to know how to pronounce their names to write them in a post?

Not that that's the only thing puzzling me about your posts, but, "Are you crazy?" and "Is this a joke?" were already asked.

Nothing--Again, nothing.

volitare nequeo

bananaed

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Dragon of the Multiverse

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bananaed

my name is hannah

No Time For Chitchat, Kemosabe.

Mostly purring. Mostly.

No Time For Chitchat, Kemosabe.

Got the hang of it, here