The little details....

Well, I'm of two minds on this. On one hand, details provide depth. If you're going to put a character on a bus, why NOT use it to let the reader get to know her while she's just sitting there. On the other hand, no--it doesn't really add to the plot, so don't dwell on it.

What I like to do is do just a smidgen of background, enough to establish the world in greater depth and tell us more about the character. For example:

Girl gets on bus. Let's call her Sally. She sits down on seat next to elderly lady.

Lady: (motions to bag in Sally's hand: ) Oh! I thought Bagels and More had gone out of business.

Sally: (reaches into bag and pulls out sesame seed bagel.) They did for awhile, but I guess their son came home to help them run the place, because they were back open today. God, I LOVE their bagels. It got to the point this spring when I was going through two or three of them.

Lady: (Laughs and pats her ample belly) You don't have to explain. I've eaten far too many of their croissants to make my doctor happy.

Sally: (reaches into bag again and pulls out croissant.) Well, I was going to save this for later, but--- (hands croissant to lady). It just came out of the oven.

Lady: Oh, no! I couldn't.

Sally: (laughs and takes a bite of the bagel.) If you don't take it, I'll just eat it. Then MY doctor won't be happy.

Poof. You've given Sally some depth. She's a sucker for baked goods, she's friendly and generous. Readers go "Awww..." and want her to succeed. But it hasn't taken more than a few paragraphs, so it hasn't dragged down your plot.

Does that help any?

Yep. Little details like WHERE Bagels and More is located, or which bus she got on (unless it's the wrong one by accident) and things like that don't need to be included. You don't have to describe the color of the bag, or how big the bagel is or stuff like that. But if you added in the smell of it, how how the taste lingered on her tongue, those would be GOOD details. It could easily elevate her mood from an otherwise bad day.

Does that make sense?

Suzy, in my workshop Story Superglue: Make It Stick With Readers I talk about praticing "sensual selectivity."

Basically, what that means is that "you" want to notice and convey to readers the details/elements that your POV character, in the specific MOOD that they're in at the moment, would notice.

If you are in a male POV, "you" (I put you in quotes because I mean you the writer -- but there really shouldn't be YOU in the story <G>) probably wouldn't notice the pretty flowers in a planter by the bus stop, and moreover, you probably couldn't name them. Unless this hero happens to be an avid gardner. If he is, and he's in a good mood, he will notice them, and they'll be pretty, healthy, etc. If he is and he's in a bad mood, he's likely to notice that they need deadheading, or pruning, or whatever.

I use some examples from my own work in my workshop, and I'll share them here, too. Maybe it can help.

For example, in this piece, notice the details in red. This is a father going into his teenage daughter's room. He's been in there numerous times before. But notice which details leap out at him this time:

Gathering his courage, and resolving to stay calm no matter what, he made his way upstairs. He knocked on Brook’s half-open door, then entered her room. The perfume and lipstick on the dresser, and the posters of the latest teen heartthrob on the walls, clashed with the collection of stuffed animals perched in the cargo net in the corner over her bed. A lacy bra lay on the floor next to a pair of Curious George pajama shorts. Even the room couldn’t decide if it was more child or woman.

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Why those details? Because he's just found out his daughter is pregnant.

Sensual selectivity. Choose items that the POV character, in that particular MOOD, would notice.

Don't overload. A few strong choices make more of an impact than detailing every last little thing. (Of course, as a reader, I tend that skim that kind of writing, so as a writer, I try not to do it myself.)

Susan G.

SuzyB said:

Wow! I like that piece you put up, Susan. Thanks, and it does help. You too, Cathy. My problem is I love to describe every little thing that happens in the scene whether or not it's important and it can be down right frustrating to myself and the reader when I keep telling them what to think instead of letting them imagine the scene on their own.

How do you get away from that? It's as if I can't move forward without giving explaination of where she/he is at the moment.

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Well, since you've already identified this as a problem with your writing, the answer is, you edit the excess out afterwards. If it's going to make you crazy NOT to include all that stuff, put it in as you DRAFT, and edit it out later. (IMHO, it would be easier to train yourself to stop doing it in the first place, but if you just CAN'T, then put it in, and edit it out.)

You've already crossed the first hurtle of identifying the problem. Now you just have to fix it.

Susan G.

I'm having trouble writing for this market.

I'd have the same scene with the bagels and plump old lady, but there'd either be a dose of strychnine in the croissant or the old lady would have an Uzi in her own bag, prepatory to hijcking the bus.

Or both.

I must be missing something....

Gillhoughly said:

I'm having trouble writing for this market.

I'd have the same scene with the bagels and plump old lady, but there'd either be a dose of strychnine in the croissant or the old lady would have an Uzi in her own bag, prepatory to hijcking the bus.

Or both.

I must be missing something....

Click to expand...

Suzy, this thread has actually been helpful to me, and I have quite the opposite problem. I tend to focus more on the actions than the setting and other small details. I think there are some of us who sort of specialize in something, and I read on another board that a perfect balance doesn't necessarily have to be struck. The author who posted said that one of his readers commented on his lack of scenery and setting, and when he tried to incorporate that into his next book, his editor told him to take it out because it didn't work for him. The examples everyone provided here are excellent

Woman is going to poison her husband at dinner:

The apple, Adam blamed Eve, the bastard. She knew that type well enough. Johnny Appleseed spread cheer and illegitimate bastards all over, and then there's the office bitch who actually called her, 'I'm Bianca Snow, and he's going to marry me because our child needs his father.'

Evelyn took the pie out of the oven, his favorite, a concilliatory offering he would enjoy as she pretends to sign the divorce papers.