Intro line for a character

What color are her feathers? <innocently>

Isn't "bird" an English term? Will everyone understand it? Always something to consider.

It does tell us something about the character, tho' it seems an almost comic description. If that's as intended, no worries.

-Derek

I'm not sure...I thought the thing was not to tell us what she is, but to show us. Show her being vain.

Smirking at her own refection, maybe - I remember sharing a dressing-room and happening to glance over and see one of the other girls, a very pretty girl, looking at herself with such a self-satisfied smirk, I'll never forget it.

I think I've mentioned on this forum before, the guy who wrote the Brit horror 'Severance' searched for many ways to intro Gordon, the office nerd, and in the end just described him, in the coach where we meet him, as having a travel pillow.

Now, I'd be too scared to be that succint, in case the reader didn't get it, but Gordon is very well filled out after that, and all his actions go perfectly with that pillow.

i agree -- a "bird" is a brit chick and doesn't work for me

italians are: food and cars: meatballs, cappuccino foam, ferraris, etc... methinks what you should have is the hottest phucking italian woman and she knows it. or she struts as if she's a rival for sexy gina lollobrigida or sophia loren -- now that's vain!

I lean the same way when it comes to real people comparisons -- yesterday's sex bombshell is today's "Who?"

I'd maybe go for plain English, A stunning Italian beauty who knows she's God's gift to men.

-Derek

Just out of curiosity...why is it assumed that this is an American play for American readers and that "bird" is some sort of oddity rather than common parlance where the script lives?

That's clearly up to the original poster to decide, we're just suggesting things that could be problematic, not necessarily are. That's how it's supposed to work, everyone chucks their 2¢ into the melting pot, OP chooses which advice (if any) fits best. Using generic description rather than a regional colloqualism that might not translate well internationally seems a reasonable idea to me, but that's just my opinion.

-Derek

Sounds like she's one of those crown-crested egrets or fulsome-feathered lyre birds that are gorgeous, inaccsssible, and they peck if you get too close. :}

that "bird" is some sort of oddity rather than common parlance where the script lives?

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in this case of the OP's description bird was an oddity b/c the italians don't call their women birds and yanks don't call their women birds so it would be odd. yanks call their women chicks but that's a bit dated. would you call your mexican women birds? i think not.

assumed that this is an American play for American readers

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methinks you assume that everyone on this board is american but aside from that if you want to sell to hollywood then you should you hollywood lingo

What Italian women call them is irrelevant.

And if I was a Brit I might very well call Mexican women birds. My neighbor, who's from London certainly does.

methinks you assume the only market for scripts is Hollywood.

Remember the deconstruct on "ASSUME"

How do you be stunningly vain?