What would your mother think?

HopelessDreamer · Dec 17, 2007

*Sighs in frustration*... I'm writing the sequal to my first novel right now. The first one had some romantic undertones between my two MCs, but their lives were so difficult and they had been friends for so long that I knew I would have to wait until later to have them romantically involved. Well, now it's later and they're a couple. The problem is, they're 20 and 21. What do most 20/21-year-old couples do? They have sex, and I want my MCs to have sex. When I write it, I'm not going to go into many details, but it'll be obvious that they did.

What's keeping me from writing this scene? That's right: my mom. All I can think about is her reading it and thinking: "What? My daughter is writing about sex?". I'm nineteen and I should be over being embarassed around my mother when it comes to this. How do I get over this feeling of fear and embarassment? Have you ever felt the same way?

JoNightshade · Dec 17, 2007

I solved this problem easily. When I gave my mom a copy of my novel, I just cut all the sex scenes out.

Shweta · Dec 17, 2007

I still have this problem and I'm 30 and married.

I write what the stories want anyway and think "Maybe I won't show her"

Fortunately my mother doesn't seem very likely to read much of my writing.

reenkam · Dec 17, 2007

Um. The closet thing to sex my mom's read of mine was an accidental kiss. The end.

She doesn't know that my other stuff has lots of sex and cursing and whatnot.

I'm not sure what I'll do when my stuff's published...especially certain things cause, well, it's just kind of awkward.

My biggest issue is thinking what I'll tell my family some of the books are about (when the topic and theme is sex)

Gillhoughly · Dec 17, 2007

Don't let her read it, then.

I stopped showing my mom my stuff when I was about 12 and trying to write new Sherlock Holmes adventures.

We were both quite happy with that arrangement.

There are some things that parents do NOT want to know about their children and vis versa.

The mom--a strict Pentecostal--of one of my writer friends read one of her smokin' hawt titles.

Did she comment on the nookie?

Nope. (Apparently she still thinks her 46-year-old, long-married child is still a virgin and just made that stuff up.)

She took her daughter aside and whispered in a fierce and angry tone, "Were you aware that you used the "F" word THREE times in this thing?????"

Gasp.

stace001 · Dec 17, 2007

JoNightshade, that's a corker!!! :ROFL:

My first romance novel had 2 sex scenes in it. Both my parents read it. My dad, I'm sure, probably spent those 2 chapters blushing uncontrollably, but my mum was pretty cool with it. It didn't write a blow by blow (

) account of my MC's night together, but it was detailed enough that it gave me second thoughts about getting them to read it. Eventually, I figured they'd see it on the shelves anyway, so what the hell.

scarletpeaches · Dec 17, 2007

My mother's the last person whose opinions matter to me.

But is there anyone on this earth who could get me to tone something down purely to please their sensibilities?

No.

ishtar'sgate · Dec 17, 2007

It takes a bit of practice to get over being selfconcious about writing scenes you think some people won't like. Mine weren't sex scenes but some pretty grisly stuff I figured my mom and the rest of my family would find objectionable. I wrote it anyway, didn't apologize for it and no one said anything at all negative. If you don't intend to be graphic and handle the scene tastefully, your mom will probably be impressed!
Linnea

Shweta · Dec 17, 2007

ishtar'sgate said:
It takes a bit of practice to get over being selfconcious about writing scenes you think some people won't like

It might never go away, I suspect. I tried talking to a Real Pro Award-winning Author of my acquaintance (one of my Clarion instructors) about her story in a fantasy-lovers anthology, and it Did Not Work because, well, she was sort of squirming.

I think the important thing is to write what the story needs anyway; we can always avoid talking about it later

Plus, Dreamer, by the time you get it published you'll be older, and your mother might not realize you wrote it at 19! There's an advantage of the industry being so darn slow...

Chasing the Horizon · Dec 17, 2007

My Mom helped me learn how to write sex scenes, lol. She's not a writer, but she's been reading romance for thirty years (plus, you gotta figure, at 55 she's had sex a few more times in her life than I have). So far my Dad's been nice enough to not say a single word about the sex scenes. My grandmother has started asking to read the MS, though. But if she actually makes it past the rape and beheading in the first five pages, I'm sure she won't be bothered by the time she gets to a real sex scene.

C. L. Richardson · Dec 17, 2007

Not all 20/21 year old couples have sex. My husband and I didn't until we were married (and now we're 23). Personally I think your mother would be right to be...well...uncomfortable about it. But at the same time it's your book, your decision, and your free will.

She doesn't have to read it if she doesn't want to.

maestrowork · Dec 17, 2007

My mom is an adult. If she doesn't know I think about and have sex, then she's more naive than I thought.

Besides, I am a writer. Just because I write about murder doesn't mean I actually do it. In my first book both the parents died in a horrible accident -- should I be worried that my mom is going think I wish her and my father death? Seriously, if she doesn't understand that about me, she has no reason to read my books.

p.s. sex is not a taboo subject with my parents anyway. I would be more concerned about them reading about "drug use" and trying to cheat someone out of their money.

HopelessDreamer · Dec 18, 2007

Whew, it's good to hear other people feel the same way about the topic. I'm certainly not going to let her read it yet, but I do want to publish it someday. Then she'll ask to read it... I'll just make sure I'm out of the country when she does. But of course, everyone's right. I should just stop worrying about it. If all else fails, I'll take Jo's advice!

IThinkICan29 · Dec 18, 2007

Strangely, I'm indifferent. Writing can be a hurdle at times, I just don't have enough time or energy to worry about how my mom or granny will react to a sex scene. Actually, if their cheeks turn rosy I figure I've done my job. Hey...that's a feat...they have a milk chocolate complexion.

TrickyFiction · Dec 18, 2007

Shocking my mother is one of the sick joys I get out of life, but then, she's a really good sport.
And, I'm convinced shocking me is one of her little pleasures, too.

SpeckyBrunette · Dec 18, 2007

Luckily my mum is blunt and honest about my writing - and is more likely to tell me if the sex scene is rubbish than anything else! Whereas I'm private about my own sex life, I've never been embarrassed about talking about sex with my parents and therefore doubt that they'd bat an eyelid about sex scenes in my book.

Like others have said here, if your parents don't realise that you're an adult and that yes, you have sex, then it's something they'll have to get used to. But hey, our parents were all young once so I imagine they won't always be as stern as we think

Once I was trying to do a bit of research for my YA book, in which a teenage character kills a friend by poisoning her.

Mum: 'What are you doing?'
Me: 'Trying to figure out a way to kill someone off in my book by poison that's easily available, without having to run into the chemists' going, 'Tell me how you kill someone!' and looking like a loony.'
Mum: 'Oh! Well, there's arsenic, cyanide...[reels off a list of other potentially-fatal chemicals and methods]. And you can easily get hold of them!'
Me: 'Um. Wow...thanks!'

Mothers can actually surprise you at times...

seun · Dec 18, 2007

Writing should be honest if nothing else. That doesn't mean anyone should set out to offend their readers (parents or not), but nor should we censor ourselves because of the chance someone we know won't want to read about sex.

JimmyB27 · Dec 18, 2007

Happily, I can be pretty certain my mother's opinion will not be one I need trouble myself with. I can imagine the conversation already.

Me 'So, I've had a book published'*
Mum 'Oh, that's great! I didn't even know you wrote. What's it about?'
Me 'Well, it's a fantasy.'
Mum <Blank stare>
Me 'You know, magic and stuff, like Lord of the Rings.'**
Mum 'Oh, that's nice....did I tell you your sister just got a promotion?'

*I'm not telling anyone I write until this happens.
**It's not really, but that's the easiest way to explain it.

KTC · Dec 18, 2007

I don't worry about what others think. If the story calls for something, I put it in. If people in my life don't like it, too bad for them.

KTC · Dec 18, 2007

JimmyB27 said:
Me 'So, I've had a book published'*
Mum 'Oh, that's great! I didn't even know you wrote. What's it about?'
Me 'Well, it's a fantasy.'
Mum <Blank stare>
Me 'You know, magic and stuff, like Lord of the Rings.'**
Mum 'Oh, that's nice....did I tell you your sister just got a promotion?'

Are you my brother? Except for the fantasy part, that's about the same conversation I would have...except that she would tell me my brother got a promotion.

imagoodgurl4 · Dec 18, 2007

My mom would probably be okay with it. Of course, she still thinks I'm a virgin (I'm 22 and I have had sex) so she might go, "Where did you learn to do that?" if she reads something of mine. My dad on the other hand, well, that's a taboo subject....we've never talked about sex beyond, "I don't care who you do it with, just use protection." So he might be surprised if he ever reads my stuff.

willietheshakes · Dec 18, 2007

I've come to the conclusion that the less my mother knows about my writing, the better. She sees nothing earlier than the ARC stage at this point, and we don't talk about it. Full stop.

Fact is, there's probably nothing I write that will ever please her (outside of the "Look, my son's a writer!" boasting), so I've largely given up in that area...

HeronW · Dec 18, 2007

Moms have selective memories. They give birth to us but forget about what happened 9 mo. before that date. :}

Part of it is that we're the children. We may be best friends with our mom, but the bond is linear, not on the same plane as a bond with someone who hasn't shared the same family.

As much as we want mom's approval, exposing our literary children is often something for which she isn't ready, even if she says she is, her questions and comments are often about you not your writing.

My mom doesn't like fantasy/horror/science fiction so she'd never read my stuff. I'm cool with that--okay, sort of, it hurts, but there's other things I can't share with her so I concentrate on that which I can.

If your mom is interested, let her read the mild parts. For the whole, find a like-minded friend, someone who loves to read, who supports you as a writer and who can give criticism without tearing your heart out.

JimmyB27 · Dec 18, 2007

Sebby said:
Are you my brother? Except for the fantasy part, that's about the same conversation I would have...except that she would tell me my brother got a promotion.

I don't know, are you my sister?

KTC · Dec 18, 2007

JimmyB27 said:
I don't know, are you my sister?

Is your sister a man?

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