Young Adult Story

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DwayneA

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I'm currently working on a new novel. It's a complete rewrite to the original I had earlier, with a completely different plot, reworked characters, stronger conflict, and overal much better storytelling.

Here's a few details about the story.

-The main theme is forgiveness for bad things or things you regret you've done.
-The central character is a girl in her late teens.
-Over the course of the story, the story is set in three different places, all of which are fictional towns I made up: St. Lincoln, Independence, and Pardonville.
-The story is set in the state of Wisconsin. This was chosen because the state motto is "Forward" which is what we must do with our lives: go forward instead of always staying in the past and regretting your past actions.
-Major discussion topics are: moving away, leaving friends behind, losing loved ones, forgiveness, loneliness, coping with fear, friendship, love, goodness in all of us, being independent, running away from your problems, making mistakes.

Here's a short synopsis:

When Jenny Aphrolite moves to a new home in St. Lincoln with her aunt and uncle, she believes that she will never be able to fit in. Still agonizing over having to leave her friends and boyfriend behind in Independence, she gets into an arguement with her aunt and uncle. Later that night, during a storm, a series of events lead up to Jenny accidentally burning her house to the ground. She escapes with her life, but her aunt and uncle are not so lucky.

After the funeral, Jenny confesses her role in the accident. Believing that she's made a bad first impression, she runs away. After arriving back in Independence, she's dismayed to learn that her friends have moved on with their lives and her boyfriend has a new girlfriend. Believing that her efforts to return have been in vain, but deciding she cannot allow herself to return to St. Lincoln, she continues onward to Pardonville, the city of her birth.

All the while, she is haunted by what she has done in St. Lincoln, and by nightmares involving Iref, a dragon comprised out of fire. Not helping is the fact that the incident back home left her a pyrophobic.

Jenny's quest to rebuild her life in search of a new destiny leads her on a journey of redemption and forgiveness. In times of sorrow and despair, the only direction to go is forward.
 

Claudia Gray

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If it's useful, these are the first questions/thoughts that come to mind when I read this:

1) What is her life like as a runaway?
2) To whom does Jenny make this confession about her role in events? And is a "bad first impression" really the biggest problem she has with her role in the fatal fire?
3) The stuff about the nightmare dragon is interesting, but working with dreams is something I think we as writers either really have to commit to or would be better off leaving alone.
4) Also, isn't almost everybody pyrophobic to a degree? Being frightened of fire is a natural response. If her fear is far worse, explain why and how it's a specific problem for her.

If none of these thoughts are useful, feel free to ignore. Good luck!
 
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