The Siblings Scarington

scarington · Dec 6, 2007

Hi everybody!

My name is Paul Aponte and I've recently begun work on a new children's book series entitled The Siblings Scarington. I posted in the newbie forum, but I'd love to see what everyone here thought of my website, www.thesiblingsscarington.com. I did the web design myself, and hired Atlantis Studios to do the comic book style art. I also put the first two chapters of the book on the site.

I'd love some opinions from some fellow writers! I'm, as I'm sure many of the folks here are, looking for an agent right now. What a frustrating process...sigh!

CandlestickJay · Dec 6, 2007

The web design is simple, but clean cut and easy to navigate. I like it! A good friend of mine is an artist, and has a similar style to the fella who did your background. Quite well done!

As for the frustrating process....no kidding! But anyway, welcome to AW (Absolute Write!) and enjoy your stay!

Best of luck!

Jay

PS. Don't forget to go vote in the Dec Kidlit contest, and next time we have one, ENTER! :-D

TRALLT · Dec 8, 2007

I love it! That sounds like something I would read. The art is eye-catching and fits and the mood of the book. Good choice! I love the character bios. So many pages fail to this ,and the character bios are always the first thing I read.

Balthazar · Dec 9, 2007

Hi Scarington

I read a few pages of your novel. It sounds like a nice idea. The writing style is good. Just out of curiosity, have you submitted a lot of queries? I ask because the series seems like a possible hit, and I'm wondering what your success/obstacles have been so far.

Good luck and welcome to the Cooler.

Balthazar

scarington · Dec 9, 2007

Hey folks,

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement! I like hearing what people think of the site and the sample chapters.

I can't lie...I've had pretty much zero luck thus far as far as finding an agent is concerned. I've been trying since August and haven't even had someone ask for a full copy of the manuscript! I'm wondering if maybe my query letter just isn't exciting enough...I really don't know. Or, I'm thinking that maybe people are just afraid to get into Children's Fantasy right now because there is SO MUCH out there. I'm hoping that's not the case though.

Nevertheless, I keep plugging along, in the hopes of finding an agent who'll represent me. In the meantime, I actually already finished the second book in the series and have begun work on another book, called "The Woodsman." I'm thinking maybe I'll do that one as an online novel? Does anyone know how that would work?

Paul

Balthazar · Dec 9, 2007

I have no idea how an online novel would work. You mean an "E book?" I'm sure there are others here who know more than I do about the subject.

But as far as your queries go, I have yet to send any out. Erm, I have to finish my book first, but it's only been a few months. Don't give up. maybe you need to take another look at how you are writing your queries. There are a lot of helpful places, one of them being agentquery.com.

Sure there is tons of fantasy for kids out there, but there seems to be more every time I walk into the bookstore.

Anyway, best of luck and don't give up.

Balthazar

scarington · Dec 9, 2007

Thanks Balthazar!

No worries - I've most definitely not given up hope! Just taking a little longer than I thought...but isn't that true for everybody?

Provrb1810meggy · Dec 9, 2007

Welcome to AW! Have you considered putting your query up on Share Your Work?

scarington · Dec 9, 2007

I just did! I didn't even scroll down that far to see that it was there! Thanks Provrb1810meggy!

Torgo · Dec 10, 2007

The website looks nice and the art is of a professional quality. I'm not sure about the actual writing, though - it doesn't seem ready for prime time, if you see what I mean. Just looking at your excerpt, you have stuff like "As he slowly placed his hand on the door to the twins room, he cringed a bit as the door creaked open." Or right at the beginning: "The two young voices speaking in unison shook Seth from his sleep. He sat up in his bed and wiped away the sleep from his eyes as he saw his twin siblings standing in the doorway to his bedroom." It's rather raw and awkward. Ultimately, no amount of web design or artwork is going to convince an agent or a publisher without being coupled with strong writing.

Gooch · Dec 10, 2007

Love the artwork! Site flows well too!

Haven't gotten to read over the excerpts yet, but the initial package is good enough that I'll be back to check it out!

scarington · Dec 10, 2007

Hey Torgo,

I appreciate the constructive critism and, if the first couple of chapters feel awkward, it's something that I'll definitely look into. I'd like to think the entire excert doesn't read that awkward to you - were you able to read both chapters?

I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words and constructive criticism! I look forward to more! I really have high hopes for The Siblings Scarington and welcome any and all opinions.

Thanks!

Torgo · Dec 10, 2007

Hi Paul,

A few things did trip me up as I read through, yes:

Even though so many days seemed the exact same to Kristian Scarington that it was hard to tell them apart, the best day of his life he remembered clearly.

Seth looked visibly happy as he entered the kitchen and smelled the aroma of the bacon and eggs.

“Bloody hell,” he noted as he looked outside and realized it had started pouring rain.

He closed his eyes, expecting the ground beneath to stop him any second.
Instead, he felt the clap of the pool water beneath him as the water filled his open mouth.

I really recognise this kind of book from reading submissions. You've spent a great deal of time and effort writing it, and probably some time and money packaging it slickly. There's clearly imagination at work. But it somehow feels... flat? I don't think you're quite tuned in to a style and a voice that is authentically your own. That's probably why you're hitting some of those bum notes I picked out above. Try reading them out loud. (I am a fervent believer in reading things out loud, although I must warn you that opinions vary.)

You've finished a whole novel, which is more than Mr Can't-do-must-teach Torgo has managed to date; that's an excellent start. Now you need to train your ear.

Aramis · Dec 18, 2007

I love the art style of the website, but I do have one slight criticism. Don't you think it'd be hard for readers to keep track of two main characters with such similar names? It could get confusing.

scarington · Dec 19, 2007

Kind of funny, actually.

When I wrote the outline of the book, the two main characters were Kristian and Kaitlin. Upon writing the entire book and coming back to my outline, I realized that, throughout the entire thing, I'd called her Kirsten. The similarities in the names do come into play later on in the book. I hope it doesn't lead to too many confusing situations, as I do kind of like it, but ultimately, I'd like the keep the names somewhat similar since it's a plot point.

Aramis · Dec 19, 2007

Well, by all means... plot away.

Simple Living · Dec 20, 2007

Hi Scarington, and welcome to AW!

You have a fun website. Easy to navigate. The artwork is top notch. You have variety on your site and I like that. The only suggestion I have about the website itself is that the title, once you enter, is difficult to read. Other than that, great job!

I'd like to know how long this site has been up and how the product line has been doing for you. I wonder if the existing product line could possibly hurt your chances with a publisher, though. What do the more experienced say?

I'm not comfortable critiquing other people's work (whether good or bad) so I don't do it. I want to learn how to constructively critique before I give false hopes or balderdash criticisms. I will say that the story idea is wonderful but, the writing could be tightened up a bit.

You have passion and determination. Both of which are excellent traits. My very best wishes to you and the Scarington Siblings!

scarington · Dec 21, 2007

Hey Keith!

Thanks for the kind words - from what the general consensus is telling me, my first two chapters (well, mostly just the first) need to be tightened up a bit to get to the action quicker. My thinking is to jump straight to the scene in the bedroom, and use the beginning chapter as a flashback later in the book. I'm still debating how to work it.

Honestly, I'm not sure if the website is helping or hindering - I haven't had any bites off of my query letters thus far, or any comments on the website. The website's been up...I'd say probably about a month and a half. I'm trying to figure out ways to promote it. Any ideas from you guys?

The Siblings Scarington

scarington

CandlestickJay

TRALLT

Balthazar

scarington

Balthazar

scarington

Provrb1810meggy

scarington

Torgo

Formerly Phantom of Krankor.

Gooch

scarington

Torgo

Formerly Phantom of Krankor.

Aramis

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scarington

Aramis

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Simple Living

scarington