Laughter as dialogue

[MargueriteMing]

Which is better and why?

A) She laughed and said, "Yup!"

B) She said, "Hahaha, yup!"

C) She laughed, "Yup!"

Does it make a difference if the character is making a long speech and keeps laughing and giggling in the middle?

[scarletpeaches]

C) Would be incorrect because the comma means the speech is uttered in the style of the last word written, and you can't 'laugh' speech.

B) Looks icky. I don't know why; it just does.

So in my opinion, A) is best.

If your character keeps laughing, say so either before or after their speech. Something I do is along these lines:

KTC couldn't help laughing, but managed to force out some words between hysterical, unmanly giggles that made him sound like a girl. "Ha! scarletpeaches wants to...write...a book? I can't...I really can't believe it."

scarletpeaches frowned. "I don't know what you're laughing aboot, you spaz." And she kicked him in the mukluk.

[Monkey]

I agree with Scarlet.

And I'm not just saying that because I'm scared she'll kick me in the mukluk if I don't.

[scarletpeaches]

You don't have a mukluk. I assume.

[Jo]

I'm not an editor, but I'd write:

She laughed. "Yup!"

(No comma, and we presume she "said" yup.)

It's like this part of Scarlet's example:

scarletpeaches frowned. "I don't know what you're laughing aboot, you spaz." And she kicked him in the mukluk.

[KTC]

I love being the tool of your teachings, Judas. I would also pick A...and for the same reason. Isn't that scary. (covers the mukluk...)

[Monkey]

Scarlet: I thought that maybe I didn't, but with a name like mukluk, I'm taking no chances. :D

<Back on topic>

In my own writing, I often do a version of what Jo suggested. In fact, I almost suggested the same thing, but when I wrote it, it just didn't read right to me.

I guess it felt wrong because the action and the dialogue were both so very short that it ended up being too choppy.

[TemlynWriting]

C) Would be incorrect because the comma means the speech is uttered in the style of the last word written, and you can't 'laugh' speech.

See, I learned this rule a while ago when learning about proper tags for editing purposes. However, I still personally disagree: I "laugh" speech often. Maybe I'm the only person who does this, but I do. Especially when my husband is tickling or teasing me.

I believe it's possible to do, but I can accept that it is not a proper tag-- though I wish it were. ;)

[MargueriteMing]

See, I learned this rule a while ago when learning about proper tags for editing purposes. However, I still personally disagree: I "laugh" speech often. Maybe I'm the only person who does this, but I do. Especially when my husband is tickling or teasing me.

I believe it's possible to do, but I can accept that it is not a proper tag-- though I wish it were. ;)

Well, language drifts by common usage, so the rules aren't fixed in stone. I often talk while laughing at the same time. Most of the constructions at least imply a sequence of events, not concurrency.

[andrewhollinger]

MUKLUK noun

1) a soft boot worn by Eskimos, often lined with fur and usually made of sealskin or reindeer skin.
2) a similar boot with a soft sole, usually worn for lounging.

Also, mucluc, muckluck.

[Origin: 1865–70, Americanism; < Yupik maklak bearded seal, incorrectly taken to mean “sealskin,” then transferred to boots made of sealskin]

I would hate to be kicked in my mukluks. It might leave a bruise.

[job]

Looking at the technicalities -- folks said this above -- you use a comma to show someone performing the action

"Help (comma)" he yelled.
"It's a girl (comma)" he said.
"Stop that (comma)" he ordered.
"Gick (comma)" he yelped.

You use a period when the action does not produce the sound.

"Help (period)" He panicked.
"It's a girl (period)" He laughed.
"Stop that (period)" He laid down the law.
"Gick." He wiped his lips.

That said ... If you want to write,
"I'm an idiot," she laughed,
Then you are in good company. Write with gusto. Enjoy yourself. Worry about more important things.


If you wish to create an extended dialog where one person is laughing, chuckling and giggling .... you might consider describing the mood and the action, rather than simply tagging.

He was overcome with hilarity.
She bent double.
She tried to keep her face straight.
It was impossible to say it soberly.
The words came out in gasps.
It was just so funny, she couldn't stop.
She tried, but she had to repeat herself to be understood.
(as an internal) -- I can't. I can't. It's just too funny.
She sounded like a hyena.
She leaned against the wall, shaking with uncontrolled amusement and trying to get her breath.

He laughed, he grinned, he smiled, he chuckled ... these tags come too easy and are used too often. Try to ration yourself to just a few uses in the whole manuscript. Save them for times when nothing else will do.

[MargueriteMing]

He laughed, he grinned, he smiled, he chuckled ... these tags come too easy and are used too often. Try to ration yourself to just a few uses in the whole manuscript. Save them for times when nothing else will do.

Maybe they would become sort of invisible words, like said, if people used them consistently, so that their usage became accepted. If so, they would be helpful to writers by establishing mood without drawing attention to themselves.

[KTC]

MUKLUK noun

1) a soft boot worn by Eskimos, often lined with fur and usually made of sealskin or reindeer skin.
2) a similar boot with a soft sole, usually worn for lounging.

Also, mucluc, muckluck.

[Origin: 1865–70, Americanism; < Yupik maklak bearded seal, incorrectly taken to mean “sealskin,” then transferred to boots made of sealskin]

I would hate to be kicked in my mukluks. It might leave a bruise.


Silly people using words for the literal meaning. Tsk tsk tsk. This is not the mukluk of which we speak.


End of derail.

[maestrowork]

She laughed, "Ha ha ha!" And then she giggled some more, "hoo hoo hoo."


[It's too difficult to type the sarcasm symbol]

[job]

Maybe they would become sort of invisible words, like said, if people used them consistently, .

I don't expect this to happen. And really, it would be a loss to the language if it did. 'Laughed' is a fine old word.

In the meantime ... the basic problem with, 'he grinned' and all its cousins, is that they are commonplace, overused dialog tags.


Lookit the dialog tags here.


"She's selling cherries," Peter opined.

"Just what kind of cherry is that?" Mark grinned.

James laughed. "Exactly the kind you think."

"Har Har," Peter sneered sarcastically. "Big joke."

"I didn't say anything," Mark averred. "I was just thinking--"

"Will everybody just shut up," Mabel scolded.


'Saidisms' and 'laughisms' make dreadful dialog tags. Often, they're used without precision.

Other categories of overused dialog tags are
'lookisms', (she watched, he noticed, they saw,)
'facial tics', (he raised an eyebrow, she grimaced, he snorted,)
and 'body twitches', (he turned, she sat down, he shrugged.)

Yes, use them. They aren't evil words. Just use them judiciously.

It is often better to tag dialog with action, internals, or large body movement.
Tag with 'story'.


"She's selling cherries." Peter hacked at the hole in the ice

"Just what kind of cherry is that?" Mark hunkered down next to him, shoulders shaking, amused as hell.

"Exactly the kind you think." James was clumsy with hilarity. He almost dropped the ice axe.

"Har Har." Peter wasn't in any humor for this. Iimpatiently, he took charge of the axe before James hurt himself. "Big joke."

Mark hunched together tighter. "I didn't say anything. I was just thinking--"

"Will everybody just shut up." Mabel came up behind them. Fishing gear, laced haphazardly, hung around her.


When we continually use she 'laughed' or 'he nodded' as an easy dialog tag, it becomes devalued. This is a pity, because these are strong words if we save them for the right moment.


Mabel pushed the last of the hacked and bloody body parts through the hole in the ice.

"Cherries, anyone?" She laughed.

[Esopha]

But action tags, like everything else in writing, should be used in moderation.

[job]

But action tags, like everything else in writing, should be used in moderation.

Yep.

Tag simply with response, (as a reply or a back-and-forth,)

or with internal clue, (where it's obvious who is speaking from what they say,)

or with voice, (where it sounds like the character,)

or with an internal, (accompanied by a thought)

or with direct address in the line before, ('As you know, Bob,') or following,

or with body viewpoint, (where only one person can be in a particular place, "Watch out,' came from above.)

Lots of choices. Action tagging is just one possibility.

[Andrew Zack]

I would simply say:

With a laugh, she said, "Yup."

I am not a fan of "sound effects," even "ha, ha, ha," unless it's actually dialogue, such as "Aha!" he said, pulling the rabbit from the hat.

Z

[Moon Daughter]

I agree with Temlyn. A person can laugh and talk, although it may not sound the best. I've seen in a lot of books where the author writes: She laughed, "You're insane!"

[MargueriteMing]

Maybe this would be better:

Laughing, she said, "Yup!"

[Aramis]

Apparently, laughter can count as song lyrics. For example:

Ha, ha, ha
Ho, ho, ho
And a couple of tra - la - las
That's how we laugh the day away
In the merry old land of Oz

So, I don't think it'd be too terrible to "speak" laughter.

[tresshort]

I would simply say:

With a laugh, she said, "Yup."

I am not a fan of "sound effects," even "ha, ha, ha," unless it's actually dialogue, such as "Aha!" he said, pulling the rabbit from the hat.

Z


But are sound effects strictly incorrect?
Ever seen books which use them?

[donroc]

Laugh? I thought my pants must never dry.

But seriously, sort of, I have read more than a few times: "blah blah," he said chortling. Now let's all try speaking while chuckling and snorting simultaneously.

[justme]

See, I learned this rule a while ago when learning about proper tags for editing purposes. However, I still personally disagree: I "laugh" speech often. Maybe I'm the only person who does this, but I do. Especially when my husband is tickling or teasing me.

I believe it's possible to do, but I can accept that it is not a proper tag-- though I wish it were. ;)

I laugh speech too.;) So, you're not alone.