Object descriptions

katiemac · Feb 28, 2005

I posted a long time ago about writing physical descriptions for characters, but now I have a different sort of dilemma, and that's the physical descriptions of inanimate objects.

Right now I'm dealing with the description of a particular building which is very central to the story, both its inner and outer architecture. When playing around online on architecture, I found a true example, Cliffe Castle, which reminds me of the style and structure of my time period that I would like to portray. I did a bit of research on that particular site, hoping its own architecture descriptions could help me build my own.

I don't want to go into piles of detail. At the most, three or four sentences. Problem being, I'm not an "obvious" writer. I don't like simply throwing descriptions out there, I try to sneak them in with some action or dialogue. In the case for this description, however, I feel like it's inclusion is just too important to squeeze in as sideline prose.

At the same time, whenever I try to simply describe my building, it comes off as intrusive and blatant, and quite a bit false. Does anyone have a similar problem, or has examples of other writers who have mastered descriptive scenery and the like?

Thanks!

Andrew Jameson · Feb 28, 2005

Maybe this is a silly question, but what's wrong with just throwing in the description when your character(s) first encounter the building? You know: As they rattled up the drive, Fahrvergnugen lowered his head to peer through the narrow windows of the coach. Cliffe Castle loomed over him, its high turrets covered with moss, the narrow windows black against the surrounding green... I mean, examining a new thing is a natural human reaction, and something like the above seems (to me) more like an unobtrusive drop into the characters thoughts than an intrusion on the story.

MarkEsq · Feb 28, 2005

I know what you mean

I had a similar issue katiemac, wanting to describe a whole part of a city, suburbia if you will. I eventually plumped for doing it through my main character's eyes, him giving his rather downbeat opinion of the place. Can you do yours that way, that is, have someone whose POV you are using describe it? Sorry not much use, but good luck with it!

katiemac · Feb 28, 2005

In regards to using a POV, Andrew and Mark, that is intially how the building would be seen. The problem still persists, though, and is coming off "false." I think part of that issue may be that every character has seen this building before and so this is nothing new - just a part of everyday life.

montanagal · Feb 28, 2005

Katiemac -

While I don't share your exact difficulty, I completely understand about writing something, then reading it and wanting to heave. What I've found is that first, I need to write it anyway. Get it out. Like my old photography mentor taught me - take the shot you can, then go for the shot you want. AFter you have the first rough draft done, take some time off. For me, that lets my brain play with it a bit, trying out different approaches. May take a day or two, may take months. But during that time, make your brain play! And read everything that might be similar to what you want. If you have favorite authors who use description exactly or at least close enough to the style you're looking for, read everything you can from them. Then try out a few new ideas of your own. Eventually, one of them will feel much better and get you moving again.

Also, don't stop working on the rest of your project! If that problem description is in the opening chapter, work on a scene in chapter 5 or on a conflict that really has you motivated. All of it will keep the project well rooted in your mind and enable you to keep mulling it over.

Good luck!

Dru · Feb 28, 2005

Stay true to the PoV and point of narration... if the building is central to the story, yet an everyday object for the character, you can still work it in. Perhaps the a notable building in some way, or notable to the character for some indicent in the past?

<mockup>
Gary stepped out of the lift. The Gendrick building loomed in front of him. The bright orange, clash of steel and window made Gary wish he hadn't drunk so much the night before. There were some sights a man didn't need the morning after. His monstrous office building was one of them. Something so bright and gleaming belonged on a college campus, not in the middle of the financial district.
</mockup>

Andrew Jameson · Feb 28, 2005

Or perhaps something where the character's eyes would be naturally drawn across the building?

Brunhilde hid in the reeds and watched the carriage clack along the circular drive up to the castle. The horse veered perilously close to the junipers lining the drive underneath the castle's leaded windows, and the driver's subsequent whip crack startled up a flock of sparrows nesting in the ivy growing up the walls. The horse slowed to a stop underneath the porte cochere, but the carriage doors stayed closed. Upstairs, in the south tower, one of the white curtains twitched as someone -- Professor Plum? Miss Scarlett? -- noted the carriage's arrival.

tjwriter · Feb 28, 2005

Since it is not the first time it is seen, perhaps some event like weather could cause the character to notice the details again.

Example:

After the severe storm earlier, branches were lying about, but the [insert building name] looked mostly the same. The stone walls had were dark from the water, but the aging was evident. The [insert a feature] was [insert description] as always.

That sounds really stupid, but I am sure you can get the idea. Creativity and geology homework don't seem to mix.

ChunkyC · Feb 28, 2005

Hi Katiemac. Some good suggestions above. In particular, POV should hold sway. Another way to address a characters' familiarity with an object new to the reader would be to call up the POV's emotional response to this building. Is it neutral to him/her as well? Or does he/she have some deep seated feelings about the place. (here's where all that backstory that never makes it into the book comes in)....
____________________________

Bill glanced at the squat pile of stones, then went back to staring at his feet ... much easier to avoid the puddles this way, yeah, not like the place bothers me or anything....

If he dared be honest with himself, he would admit that he didn't like to let his gaze linger on the indomitable castle for a second longer than necessary, especially not in weather like this. Too cloudy. Too dim. Stormy days always imbued the creaky old landmark with a sense of impending doom, stupid as that seemed. Yet illogical as it was, whenever the sun turned its back, this was a place Bill would much rather stay away from altogether.

Only today it was unavoidable.

____________________________

Hope that helps a little.

triceretops · Feb 28, 2005

How about:

They came upon this imposing structure of decayed brick and mortar, looking like a gaunt old man, it tried to rise laborously into the sky, a beard of moss and creeper vine holding fast to its pavement. Like wizards hats the spires stabbed through the mists, aching to reach the clouds. The ramparts looked like small mountains and stank of old stone. The entrance gate was a yawning aperture, a mouth ready to swallow. Above, black slits were eyes watching our every move....

That's not real good but I think this technique is called imagery, or some other term to describe an object. The non-living can describe the living, and vice versa. Better than describe it as an engineer/contractor would. But it also depends on your mood and writing style too.

Triceratops

Mistook · Feb 28, 2005

How important are the details of this castle to the story? If the POV character sees it as just and old castle, then maybe "castle" is enough description. As you already see from the example above, everybody already seems to have their own vivid ideas of what a castle is.

At any rate, don't describe it in ways that the POV character wouldn't or couldn't describe it. For instance, he may not know the exact architechtural term for every last little doo-hicky that makes up the castle.

Still, it seems reasonable that even for something very familiar, a person will notice how it changes with the seasons and with the weather. Does ivy grow on some certain wall in the summer? Where does the shadow fall in the afternoon?

azbikergirl · Feb 28, 2005

My preference with setting is to relate it to the story in some way, often by having characters react to it or interact with it. If a character walks around a chair and brushes it with his hand while he's making his point to the host, or he fondles some of the items on the mantel, the author can say something about the character and the setting in a single stroke of the keyboard. Setting that's just hanging there doesn't do anything for me. If a character rides up and admires the outside of the castle, I'd like him to have some reaction, even if only to wonder how the heck he's going to get past the alligators in the moat, etc.

reph · Feb 28, 2005

Miriam slammed the car door shut and stood in the driveway, shaking kinks out of her arms and legs. "I hate that four-hour drive," she said. "Well, we got here before dark, anyway. Just barely."

"Good time to get here. I love the way the castle looks in this light, almost like the Disney one at Fantasyland," Jackie said.

"Right, Jackie, except ours has more pigeon poop on the towers."

ChunkyC · Feb 28, 2005

Setting that's just hanging there doesn't do anything for me.

Indeed. Another idea might be to think of the building as a character unto itself. You said that it is important, I gather that this importance is revealed later on.

You could ask yourself these questions, as you would of a character: Why is it in this scene? Do you need to introduce it now so that the reader is somewhat familiar with it when it's true role in the story is revealed? What is it doing in this scene to advance the story?

If the POV (and other) characters have no specific emotional investment in this building at this particular point in the story, you could perhaps try to foreshadow a little, by using the emotional response you want the building to evoke in the reader later on as a guideline for imbueing the building with a touch of personality now.

Object descriptions

katiemac

Five by Five

Andrew Jameson

(not his real name)

MarkEsq

Clever title pending.

katiemac

Five by Five

montanagal

Dru

Professionally Paranoid

Andrew Jameson

(not his real name)

tjwriter

Emerging Anew

ChunkyC

It's hard being green

triceretops

Mistook

Neverending WIP

azbikergirl

I really do look like this.

reph

Fig of authority

ChunkyC

It's hard being green