I'm a binge writer. I'll write non-stop for days (and I mean non-stop--two hour naps here and there, quick meals just to get by, and back to the notebook or computer I go). I've learned, over the years, that this method works better for me than a set schedule. However, my family (especially my two teenagers), while certainly supportive, can't seem to really understand that interruptions slow me down by constantly jerking me back into reality. I've talked to them politely about this, and they'll cut me some slack for an hour or two, but then they're right back at it. This isn't as huge of a problem with my freelance work, but it really hurts my long fiction. To make a long story short, I have a deadline to meet, and I'm at my wits end. Anyone have any useful ways to handle this that won't garner me two surly teenaged boys at the end of the day?
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No real advice. When I first started writing, I wrote pretty much all day, every day. I quickly learned that writing is a family business, and while I need to get the work done, the rest of the family has needs, as well, and meeting those needs is the only way I feel justified in meeting my own.
So I set a fair schedule, and I've stuck with it with only minor adjustments for years. The work still gets done, if a little slower, and the family knows when I can and can't be bothered.
dklein said:
No real advice. When I first started writing, I wrote pretty much all day, every day. I quickly learned that writing is a family business, and while I need to get the work done, the rest of the family has needs, as well, and meeting those needs is the only way I feel justified in meeting my own.
So I set a fair schedule, and I've stuck with it with only minor adjustments for years. The work still gets done, if a little slower, and the family knows when I can and can't be bothered.
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Best way to get rid of teenagers is to line their palms with a few benjamins and hand over the keys to the car. 
Seriously, I wouldn't know what to do, but this is exactly the reason why I've avoided having kids. Maybe it's selfish of me. I dunno.
Seriously, I wouldn't know what to do, but this is exactly the reason why I've avoided having kids. Maybe it's selfish of me. I dunno.
In a word!
I'm sorry to say that the word is NO! I don't think there's any way that you can get through this now when you are 'binge' writing without surly teenagers. They want and need your attention for some good part of every day.
What worked for me with my family was giving advanced notice for every deadline and sitting with my family and working out how we could let me write and finish and still give them some attention. Hours were set for writing every day and everyone tried to stick to them. We became very good at writing in important dates and meetings on a huge wall calendar and I arranged my deadlines round those things, usually by finishing work earlier then the due date. (No, I never asked an editor to change dates!)
After every deadline was met we enjoyed an all-the-family 48 hours doing something special together. Each child had me to themselves for a one-on-one time each day for two or three days and we would plan ahead for special events, holidays and parties while enjoying each other's company.
It never worked perfectly but we did all try and I think we had about a 90% success rate.
Both your children and you are going to have to 'give' if you want to keep a civil relationship. Unfortunately as you are the adult you will have to give most. It means your 'binge' writing style will have to change a bit. Writing during school hours is the easiest plan to follow with kids but maybe you can 'binge' write through the night and nap during the day? I hope you can work something out for now. It's never easy writing when your children are at home.
I'm sorry to say that the word is NO! I don't think there's any way that you can get through this now when you are 'binge' writing without surly teenagers. They want and need your attention for some good part of every day.
What worked for me with my family was giving advanced notice for every deadline and sitting with my family and working out how we could let me write and finish and still give them some attention. Hours were set for writing every day and everyone tried to stick to them. We became very good at writing in important dates and meetings on a huge wall calendar and I arranged my deadlines round those things, usually by finishing work earlier then the due date. (No, I never asked an editor to change dates!)
After every deadline was met we enjoyed an all-the-family 48 hours doing something special together. Each child had me to themselves for a one-on-one time each day for two or three days and we would plan ahead for special events, holidays and parties while enjoying each other's company.
It never worked perfectly but we did all try and I think we had about a 90% success rate.
Both your children and you are going to have to 'give' if you want to keep a civil relationship. Unfortunately as you are the adult you will have to give most. It means your 'binge' writing style will have to change a bit. Writing during school hours is the easiest plan to follow with kids but maybe you can 'binge' write through the night and nap during the day? I hope you can work something out for now. It's never easy writing when your children are at home.
Could their father (or their grandparents, maybe) take over for a few days? Perhaps you get their grandparents to come and stay for a few days, while you go and stay at their house, where you could have uninterrupted binge-writing time? Of course, if it's a regular thing, then that might not be the best solution, but if it was only a few times a year, I would think everyone could rally round. If it's something you need to do once a week or once a fortnight, then maybe you could get someone (father/grandparents/etc.) to take them out somewhere fun for the day (then again, many teenagers want to do their own thing, rather than go dragging round with 'oldies'!).
Another suggestion - what about giving them some kind of responsibility in your writing process? For example, making them your first beta readers. If they were more involved they might be more inclined to leave you be for a bit longer, because they would know that would mean they would get the next chapter to read sooner. Of course, that's not going to work for everyone. I'm very private with my WIP, until it's gone through some drafting - if I show it, or even talk in more than general details about it, before a certain point, I completely dry up and feel like I've lost 'ownership' of the work.
pdr has some good suggestions, too. Especially the reward of special one-on-one time with you when the binge is over.
Good luck!
Another suggestion - what about giving them some kind of responsibility in your writing process? For example, making them your first beta readers. If they were more involved they might be more inclined to leave you be for a bit longer, because they would know that would mean they would get the next chapter to read sooner. Of course, that's not going to work for everyone. I'm very private with my WIP, until it's gone through some drafting - if I show it, or even talk in more than general details about it, before a certain point, I completely dry up and feel like I've lost 'ownership' of the work.
pdr has some good suggestions, too. Especially the reward of special one-on-one time with you when the binge is over.
Good luck!
I know that you said that your family is supportive, but is that of your writing as a whole, or of your binge habit? Teenagers, especially boys, can be difficult at times. Have you fully explained the binge writing process with them? If not, that would be a great starting place. Setting some boundaries is a must.
Perhaps setting a time frame, like 2 hours after school or for a family dinner each day would let them know when it is an acceptable time to "interrupt". That way the boys get some quality time and issues can be dealt with, but you get time to write.
Being 23, I am not that far away from my teenage years, but I don't really recall wanting to be around my parents much. We battled from when I was 12 until when I turned 18. Now we get along great. I spent most of my time with my now-husband.
Also, I don't know the personalities of your boys, and that makes it harder to give suggestions. I wish you luck.
Perhaps setting a time frame, like 2 hours after school or for a family dinner each day would let them know when it is an acceptable time to "interrupt". That way the boys get some quality time and issues can be dealt with, but you get time to write.
Being 23, I am not that far away from my teenage years, but I don't really recall wanting to be around my parents much. We battled from when I was 12 until when I turned 18. Now we get along great. I spent most of my time with my now-husband.
Also, I don't know the personalities of your boys, and that makes it harder to give suggestions. I wish you luck.
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My son will stand in the hallway outside my office (no wall just a big open arch) Mom, are you writing? (I don't say a word, just keep banging away at keys) Mom, are you writing? (Turn up music--bang at keys harder) MOM, did you hear me? Are you writing? (Throw my koosh ball at him, go back to banging on keys) MOMMMMMMMM--are you writing.
(*(&^&^%$#$#@$$^%&^%$%#!!%$$^%(*&^&^%$#) What the f does it look like I'm doing?
I dunno.
Hand to head. Tap fingers. Count to 10. Turn down music. Pick up koosh ball, squeeze it five or six times. What did you need?
Huh?
What do you need!
Oh, huh, well--I just wanted to know if you were writing. ByY the way, when are you going to wash my white shirt?
He's 17 and a half. I don't wash anyone's clothes--period, around here. He works one day a week, I work 6.
I say--want the shirt clean wash it.
He says but I was going to my friend's house.
I give him the look--he escapes the hallway.
Teens have a hard time with the idea that parents have a life. They see only themselves and their wants and needs. So, now he has to do everyone's laundry for the week.
Shrug
Your wants and needs are important as well. And they have to learn to fend for themselves or they will never be able to as adults. IMHO
Shawn
(*(&^&^%$#$#@$$^%&^%$%#!!%$$^%(*&^&^%$#) What the f does it look like I'm doing?
I dunno.
Hand to head. Tap fingers. Count to 10. Turn down music. Pick up koosh ball, squeeze it five or six times. What did you need?
Huh?
What do you need!
Oh, huh, well--I just wanted to know if you were writing. ByY the way, when are you going to wash my white shirt?
He's 17 and a half. I don't wash anyone's clothes--period, around here. He works one day a week, I work 6.
I say--want the shirt clean wash it.
He says but I was going to my friend's house.
I give him the look--he escapes the hallway.
Teens have a hard time with the idea that parents have a life. They see only themselves and their wants and needs. So, now he has to do everyone's laundry for the week.
Shrug
Your wants and needs are important as well. And they have to learn to fend for themselves or they will never be able to as adults. IMHO
Shawn
Two words: Military school.
Just kidding. Seriously, though. I agree with Shawn's advice: Kids need responsibility. If they are teenagers then don't do every single thing once they ask for it. I think the main thing is that kids need to learn to take care of their own needs and respect the needs of others. Well, older kids, anyway. Of course you ARE their mom and will need to be there for certain things. But, as a whole, if they want something to do, I really think they're old enough to figure it out for themselves: Go to a friend's house, go to the library, read a book or mow the lawn.
My older brother has three teenaged boys. Where do they spend almost all of their time? In their rooms, playing video games, watching TV, talking on the phone with their friends and working on hobby sets.
I can't speak as the parent of a teen -- mine is a toddler -- but I really think you need to set up certain boundaries as to when it is and isn't okay to disturb your writing time. It's cheaper than military school, anyway.
Shameless plug: You can get some tips on this is my book, BURNING THE MIDNIGHT OIL: How We Survive as Writing Parents. Our own aka eraser has an essay in there and he's the dad of two teen boys. Ooh, better yet, we need to get him over here. OHH, FRANK!!!!!
Just kidding.
Seriously, though. I agree with Shawn's advice: Kids need responsibility. If they are teenagers then don't do every single thing once they ask for it. I think the main thing is that kids need to learn to take care of their own needs and respect the needs of others. Well, older kids, anyway. Of course you ARE their mom and will need to be there for certain things. But, as a whole, if they want something to do, I really think they're old enough to figure it out for themselves: Go to a friend's house, go to the library, read a book or mow the lawn.My older brother has three teenaged boys. Where do they spend almost all of their time? In their rooms, playing video games, watching TV, talking on the phone with their friends and working on hobby sets.
I can't speak as the parent of a teen -- mine is a toddler -- but I really think you need to set up certain boundaries as to when it is and isn't okay to disturb your writing time. It's cheaper than military school, anyway.
Shameless plug: You can get some tips on this is my book, BURNING THE MIDNIGHT OIL: How We Survive as Writing Parents. Our own aka eraser has an essay in there and he's the dad of two teen boys. Ooh, better yet, we need to get him over here. OHH, FRANK!!!!!
dklein said:
Balance is hard when you have children in the home, even if they are teens. I think the key is to make certain the kids comprehend their value, and that you find some way to give them a trade off. No matter how you slice it, kids want to know they are "most important", well, second most important if you have a spouse. And they'll test to see if they are.
If you work in long spurts, then a way to do that is to be very specific with how long your working spurts are, and to somehow have a reward at the end.
Obviously I have no clue what your situation is. Generally, if kids are simply being selfish, and want all of your time, that's one thing. If you are like some moms, and really have a schedule that is so demanding where you absolutely are giving them scraps of time, you'll really have a rocky time. If that's the case, you have to really make sure that in between your work, you spend real quality time with them, and explain the circumstances as best you can.
For Shawn
I don't know if this will help, Shawn, but whilst I had a door to close and a separate room to write in, my friend suffered like you with her teenagers interrupting. She wrote in an alcove in their large open plan house. What helped her teach the boys that she was seriously writing and not emailing or tinkering was hanging a large heavy curtain (drape). She arranged it artistically from a pole with a tie back but when she was working that curtain was down, shutting her off from the family. The curtain made a physical barrier everyone could see. She could afford a lush heavy velvet affair but cheap and cheerful like old sheets tie dyed or cheesecloth will do so long as it hides you away and visually reminds your 'darlings' that you're working and not to be disturbed.
I don't know if this will help, Shawn, but whilst I had a door to close and a separate room to write in, my friend suffered like you with her teenagers interrupting. She wrote in an alcove in their large open plan house. What helped her teach the boys that she was seriously writing and not emailing or tinkering was hanging a large heavy curtain (drape). She arranged it artistically from a pole with a tie back but when she was working that curtain was down, shutting her off from the family. The curtain made a physical barrier everyone could see. She could afford a lush heavy velvet affair but cheap and cheerful like old sheets tie dyed or cheesecloth will do so long as it hides you away and visually reminds your 'darlings' that you're working and not to be disturbed.
Yes, we have thought of putting up a drape or something across this darn arch--but the family room here is on the other side of the hallway, and it is a long dark room, only light that gets in there is from the windows in here.
It used to be if I had my headphones on, no one was to bug me. The teen doesn't think any rules apply to him. URGH. One more year. I have two boys out of the house already 27 and 28 years old, this one is 17. My daughter on the other hand will stand behind me for a few seconds to see what I am doing. If I am writing, she tiptoes away.
But, thanks for the ideas. We are looking at houses right now, trying to find one or to finally buy this place. One of my criteria if we move is a 4th bedroom office.
Shawn
It used to be if I had my headphones on, no one was to bug me. The teen doesn't think any rules apply to him. URGH. One more year. I have two boys out of the house already 27 and 28 years old, this one is 17. My daughter on the other hand will stand behind me for a few seconds to see what I am doing. If I am writing, she tiptoes away.
But, thanks for the ideas. We are looking at houses right now, trying to find one or to finally buy this place. One of my criteria if we move is a 4th bedroom office.
Shawn
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