adding new elements in edits

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

I'm knee deep in edits. (first draft done, second draft done, redpen edits half done).
I had a character go to a bank in first draft and withdraw a large amount of money and empty his safe deposit box. I never said what was in it.
In second draft I added a chapter about the character going to see his very old and infirmed father.
In edits I added that the keys and deed to the family estate where what he took from the deposit box.
and now...what the hell is he going to do with those?

I don't know why I added it. I'm still winging it this far along, apparently.

Have you done this? Did it result in a better story or did those changes convolute it?

If I never would have mentioned the safe deposit box in the first place in the first draft, I wouldn't have added the extra detail in the third (which was also a result of the second draft inclusion of the visit to the old man) which I will now have to elaborate on somewhere else.

what the hell am I doing? I'm supposed to be making the story crisper, not drafting new elements.

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

I also just realized that in a letter to one character (first draft) we find out the guy's brother is dead.
Later, when he goes to see his dad, the nurse doesn't know him, he says, "I'm his son." She says, "you're not henry".

How would SHE know anything about Henry? Henry is dead. NOt like Henry visits every Sunday. And if she knew anything wouldn't it be that Henry is dead?

Crap.

what am I doing?

Holy hell. editing is kicking my ass.

maestrowork · Nov 13, 2007

Welcome to the joy of editing -- add, subtract, foreshadow, after-shadow, shift things around, add a whole new chapter, change the pace... yeah, I did all those things.

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

I've done it before too, but this time is painful.

Maybe it's like childbirth, you just don't remember how painful it is until you do it again.

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

I could always just exclude Henry completely. He doesn't have to be there. Why is he there again?
He can't be living otherwise Oliver would never have the deed to the estate.

Maybe I just change it so the nurse says, "Randall's son is dead."

BruceJ · Nov 13, 2007

Stew21 said:
I also just realized that in a letter to one character (first draft) we find out the guy's brother is dead.
Later, when he goes to see his dad, the nurse doesn't know him, he says, "I'm his son." She says, "you're not henry".

How would SHE know anything about Henry? Henry is dead. NOt like Henry visits every Sunday. And if she knew anything wouldn't it be that Henry is dead?

I know what you mean. I find myself doing a lot of repair work in editing, too. My WIP spans about a century and I had to stop a couple weeks ago to rebuild my genealogy/timeline just to make sure I had people at the right ages and doing things people their ages would do. It can get pretty funny, sometimes, discovering the slips you make. (Less funny, of course, if you notice them after publication... :Headbang:

)

maestrowork · Nov 13, 2007

Stew21 said:
I could always just exclude Henry completely. He doesn't have to be there. Why is he there again?
He can't be living otherwise Oliver would never have the deed to the estate.

Maybe I just change it so the nurse says, "Randall's son is dead."

If he doesn't add much to the plot or the story or even the characterization, then cut it. If you think that information is important, then find a way to expand on it -- otherwise, it seems like a throwaway. But if you add it and create a whole new thread (I mean, if the MC finds out he has a brother... what is his reaction? What is he going to do with it? And when he finds out the brother is dead, what is his reaction? What is he going to do?), you will have to prepare to expand on that and make it work. Finding you have a "secret" sibling is not a small thing to most people...

JJ Cooper · Nov 13, 2007

Funny you should mention the bank thing.

Last week I realised that when my MC goes into the bank to empty his safe deposit box (only had a disc in there), he somehow has to come out with a different disc, leave the original in the safety box and post another copied disc from inside the bank. All of a sudden this ordinary bank became a very upclass type with private booths, laptops and personal service where they will post something for you as well as supply a couple of blank discs to burn on the provided laptops.

Then, I had to go back and explain how he could afford to keep a safety deposit box in such a ritzy bank.

JJ

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

Important that the nurse only recognizes that Randall only had one son, when he actually had two. I think is a strong point for Oliver's character, and his growth and transition. I think the brother adds that layer. (and the brother is how Daniel found Oliver int he first place - actually sister-in-law). The conversation between Oliver and his dad isn't even the significant point, it's that he paid the visit in the first place.

Danthia · Nov 13, 2007

My question would be "Do the extra details further enhance your plot or provide extra depth to your characters?" If yes, great, keep the details. If not, then maybe re-think them. One of the rough things about revision is that we've seen our words so many times they begin to feel boring, even if they're not. Adding something new livens things up in our heads. It doesn't always liven up the page though.

Make sure your details add something to the story and aren't just window dressing. Everything should serve a point: further the plot, enhance a character, deepen an emotional theme, etc. The last thing you want is a throw away detail that serves no point and actually distracts the reader from what is really important.

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

yes, Kevin. The nurse doesn't even know Oliver exists.

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

Just thinking on this some more.
I lost track of some of my elements in regards to why Henry was there.
I changed it so the nurse said, "Randall's son is dead."
But I get the feeling I need more to happen with Randall and Oliver.
That'll be coming soon, I think.
And Oliver needs to feel some remorse for his disconnect, and particularly regarding his brother's passing (and the need to make amends before the old man passes too --which relates directly to my MC.)

Ok..I think I just figured this out.

mkcbunny · Nov 13, 2007

I feel your pain. Currently, I have to keep track of stolen keys and a shoe. I'm now at the point where I have to kill off a character and send my MC on a field trip ... for the shoe (!). Is it important. Yes. Does it *have* to be there? Dunno yet. I think so.

III · Nov 13, 2007

I run into this with timelines, like I'll write two chapters that are supposed to intersect at the end, but when the intersection comes I'll realize one story took place over a month and the other took place over two months, so I'll have to go back and fudge my timelines. I have a spreadsheet with five tabs' worth of timelines for my current WIP because I'm so bad at managing them on the fly.

jennifer75 · Nov 13, 2007

I noticed yesterday that I skipped a day - I go in to details about Friday, and then on to Sunday, but skipped Saturday, and stuff happened on Saturday! My editing is going to be a nightmare, and I too believe I will add to it. It's normal I'm sure. Like somebody way down below said, it's stringing it all together.

maestrowork · Nov 13, 2007

With my WIP, I am discovering more and more things and layers as I continue. I'm putting in notes right now, but there will be a lot of editing come second draft. In a way, it's kind of exciting.

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

this red pen edit is turning into draft #3.
Yowza.

I do need to figure out what Oliver and his father resolve, and make a play for the remorse and "lesson learned" from Eric and Daniel not speaking up until Daniel's death.
Yes...it has to be in there...but did it have to be so flipping painful.

doesn't my wip know that I bruise easily?

mkcbunny · Nov 13, 2007

That timeline issue has been something that I've had to track from the start. But now that I'm getting to the end, I'm kind of obsessing over how many things need to happen in just a few days. Parts I and II have had two passes, the first draft and a revision; Part III is only on its first revision, and there are a lot of plot holes. I'm having a brain cramp over what-happens-when. Conversely, I don't want to track the MC's every waking moment over the week in question. It's a balance.

I added all these small, foreshadowy things during the second-pass on Pts. I & II, and now I have to deal with those ramifications in Pt. III. (Damn shoe!) Not to mention all the things I've dropped into Pt. III that I now have to go back and deal with in Pts. I & II. But actually, I like editing a lot. I love seeing the word count drop and tightening things up. Building the remaining plot bridges is the most difficult thing right now. I need answers, and I don't have them.

I have a dry-erase board with columns for all of these details. And the timeline for the significant events is at the bottom. I think the latter is so old that it'll leave a permanent stain when I finally wipe it off. If it *comes* off.

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

Your word count drops. My goes up - I've added about 8,000 words since the first draft.
had to. I write thin first drafts.

mkcbunny · Nov 13, 2007

Stew21 said:
Your word count drops. My goes up - I've added about 8,000 words since the first draft.
had to. I write thin first drafts.

I just write wordy drafts with enormous holes in them and figure the missing elements out later. That's where I get into trouble with additions that affect everything else. Cuz something completely unexpected drops itself into that hole in Chapter 12. It's all working out, but the first two parts are going to need re-weaving after I figure out WtF I am doing with the end.

Khazarkhum · Nov 13, 2007

Stew21 said:
I also just realized that in a letter to one character (first draft) we find out the guy's brother is dead.
Later, when he goes to see his dad, the nurse doesn't know him, he says, "I'm his son." She says, "you're not henry".

How would SHE know anything about Henry? Henry is dead. NOt like Henry visits every Sunday. And if she knew anything wouldn't it be that Henry is dead?

Crap.

what am I doing?

Holy hell. editing is kicking my ass.

Maybe she killed Henry.

Judg · Nov 13, 2007

I'm keeping a file called "Notes" where I keep track of all the things that are going to have to be added or modified in the second draft. All that foreshadowing and prep work.

Of course, big chunks are also going to be ripped out. *sigh* That will happen first, so the word count will drop considerably right off the top.

Stew21 · Nov 13, 2007

Khazarkhum said:
Maybe she killed Henry.

that's a little more plot intrigue than I need, I think, but an outstanding solution!

maestrowork · Nov 13, 2007

It's all a dream...

Julie Worth · Nov 14, 2007

Stew21 said:
what the hell am I doing? I'm supposed to be making the story crisper, not drafting new elements.

When I see problems without obvious solutions I write them down. By the next day I see how to fix them with just a few words.

adding new elements in edits

Stew21

Stew21

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Stew21

Stew21

BruceJ

Me and my Muse

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

JJ Cooper

.

Stew21

Danthia

Stew21

Stew21

mkcbunny

Bufflehead

III

rockin the suburbs

jennifer75

SupahStah!

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Stew21

mkcbunny

Bufflehead

Stew21

mkcbunny

Bufflehead

Khazarkhum

Judg

DISENCHANTED coming soon

Stew21

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Julie Worth

What? I have a title?