act three climax - is it entertaining

[vig]

INT. DOORWAY



Jason opens it up to Meats.



MEATS

Let’s go.



JASON

Where’re we going?



MEATS

You don’t ask me questions, you

Just follow directions.



Meats is all business. Jason has a bad feeling about this.





EXT. PARKING LOT – CATELLI’S FUNERAL HOME



Jason sits in the passenger side of Meat’s car. Lou, in an unmarked car along side.



MEATS

You got the keys?



LOU

When this is over, there’s no

more keys.



MEATS

When this is over, there’s no

more Meats. Just a guy fishing

in Vermont.



Lou leans over and gives him the keys and a piece of paper. Meats opens up the paper, there’s an address on it: Excalibur Motel, room 19. He folds it up.



LOU

My ten grand is wiped?



MEATS

And I’ll throw in a grand

on top of that for all times

sake.



Meat’s turns his key, the engine roars to life.





INT. CAR – MOVING



Meat’s and Jason drive in silence down a tree lined road in the outskirts of town. The boonies, some would call it.



The leaves are almost completed turned, their yellow bristles in the breeze, as they fall and obscure the pavement.



Meat’s never once looks at Jason. They pull into a motel and park. Not another building for two hundred yards. Meats shuts off the car and looks right at Jason.



MEATS

He’s inside.



JASON

Who?



MEATS

The ****ing pervert. Room

nineteen.



JASON

How do you know?



MEATS

Let’s just say I got eyes

everywhere and I pay to keep

them looking.



JASON

Meat’s… I can’t do this…



MEATS

It ain’t up to you anymore you

dumb ****. You do what’s best

for your family, cause that’s all

you got now. Think of Taylor.



Meats takes a gun from under the seat. And drops it in Jason’s lap.



MEATS

Room '519'.

Jason can’t talk his way out of this one. He opens his door, it creaks open.





INT. ROOM 519 – THAT MOMENT



Loud snoring. A ASIAN girl, maybe (17) sits quietly on the bed, wide awake. But the thing is, she’s handcuffed to the bedpost, her mascara smudged, eyes puffy and red.

She looks miserable.



Right next to her, crashed out snoring, is Benny.





EXT. MOTEL



Jason makes his way down a hallway, cautious. A door opens behind him, he nearly jumps out of his socks. A cat is let out. The door shuts.



He turns the corner, a row of ten or so rooms face the back lot, then a concrete retaining wall.



Jason peeks his way around the corner, reads the door ‘516’. He slinks to door number ‘519’



He looks through the front window, a space in the drapes, as he looks inside, the Asian girl looks right at him. She screams.



It’s all or nothing now, Jason kicks open the door.



INT. ROOM



Benny, in a banana hammock is groggy, but armed. He fires one shot that hits the door as Jason crashes in, another shot smashes through the window.



Jason fires twice, bullets ping off the oven, as he cuts the distance in half to Benny – couple more shots at close range but miraculously nobodies hit.



Jason tackles Benny against a table. They slam to the ground entwined, fighting for their lives.



But Jason quickly gets the better of it and smashes Benny’s head against the ground over and over.



What ensues is a terrible beating that leaves Benny a bloody mess. Jason finally stops.



Outside Meat’s car zooms around to the back.



JASON

(to Benny)

We’re the keys you sick ****.

Where are they?



Jason kicks Benny, who yelps. Benny gurgles out.



BENNY

The draw.



Jason grabs the keys, unlocks the girl as Meats comes through the door.



MEATS

Where’s the money?



He grabs Benny with his good hand. Jason spots the bag in the closet.



JASON

In the closet.



Meats lets go of Benny, grabs the money and coins.



MEATS

(to the girl)

You stay quiet? You understand?



He hands her a roll of money.



MEATS

You understand... never say
nothing about this. Ever.


The girls petrified, but she nods, tears rolling down her eys.



GIRL

Yes. Thank you.



She kisses him on the cheek and runs out. Jason grabs the gun, and drags Benny to the car. Throwing him in the back then getting in.





INT. CATELLI FUNERAL HOME



A sliver of light shoots through a curtain. Meats

opens it a little more.



MEATS

Now we’re tied to one another.

We’ve got a bond. We’ve got to

trust one another from here on out.



BENNY

Don’t do this….. Mcchutchen.

You’ll all rot in hell.



Benny’s hands and legs are tied together as Jason drags him toward Meats and the death platform that leads to the incinerator.



BENNY

Let me live. Please.



Screams turn to sobs then prays... reciting ‘as I walk in the valley of death’, sobbing…



Meats grabs Benny’s feet, Jason his torso, they lift him up onto the platform. Blood seeps through Meat’s shirt.



He struggles to open up a panel . . .



. . expertly presses different buttons in a learned sequence. Benny’s pleading makes Jason sick.



JASON

Don’t do this Meats…

I can’t live with this.



MEATS

It’s him alone, or you joining

him... your choice.



SOUNDS of Gas igniting. Benny’s sobbing. Jason takes one last look at Benny, then turns and walks out.



The sounds of Benny pleading for his life intensify.

Jason shuts the door behind. The screams get louder.



A GUNSHOT. No more screams.





INT. CREMATORIUM



A door opens up, heat blasts out. Benny’s motionless body heads for the oven.



MEATS

Stay warm Benny.



Benny rolls into the oven, then the door closes.



INT. FUNERAL HOME



A room filled with different style caskets, floral arrangements and all the accessories that go with the dead.



Meats leans up against a casket, Jason stands. The bag of coins at his side.



MEATS

Bring them back…? You nuts?

Those coins are your way out.

Get your life back.


JASON
They’re not mine.



MEATS

'L22' ain’t gonna miss them
where he is…


JASON

I know.



MEATS

Well I’ll tell you what, I’m

taking a couple, call it a finders

fee.



Jason picks up the bag and plops it down on a table. Meats unzips it. The coins sparkle.



MEATS

Three for the the finders fee (he takes three)

And one for the vig.



He takes another one, holds them in his hand.



MEATS

They sure are shiny.



JASON

We okay?



MEATS

Yup. We’ll work out the

finer details next week.



Meats shakes Jason’s hand. Jason walks out.

[dpaterso]

Yes.

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)

[vig]

if you noticed dp, your thought about shooting the body, instead of him burning him alive was advice that worked.

even in the murder of Benny, it gives me some symphathy pointers, cause he actually had the heart to shoot him before he 'killed him'

in the previous draft the protag solved his problem by a coicidence... someone else solved the problem for him. that happen in movies, but i did't want it to happen in this movie. so what i did is when meats throws the gun on his lap, it' jason's decision know... what would he do, when given the chance.

i thought it added the necessary arc, that even though his life was literally in shambles, he still tried to live by his moral code.

i keep going back to what deus machina said about 'taking the control out of the protags hand when he conforts the major obstacle is not drama.'

i was also under the assumption that if they like it up to a cetain page then it' find, the ending isn't really that important. but it occured to me, if the ending is great, then the reader leaves with ultimate satisifaction not well the end needs a little work. to me, when people in the industry read it, there is plenty of movies out their to choose from... you need that ending to really pay off the reader who invested in your character and your character has to make those hard decsions.

anyway, peace out community

vig

[Writing Again]

Been too busy to keep up with this, sorry. Been interested, just not had time. (Nor time to write myself.)

I would find that ending ok were I to see it in a theater.

Not sure what studios want, but I'll ever relegate endings as less important than any other part of a story. I usually "wrap" my stories, finding ninety percent of my ending in my beginning setup.

I'm afraid I write a little more violently than you, perhaps I've been exposed to more violence. I've also seen first hand "jail-house religion" and "instant conversions." They can be so quick and strong as to give meaning to the cliche, "Takes your breath away."

My tendency would have been to Mr. Bad Guy go completely God saved, "God loves me now, I've seen the light -- He will send you to hell for what you are doing to one of his own." Perhaps have had Jason pleading, "Burning alive is too cruel, man -- Show him some mercy."

Have Meats on the borderline of mercy, going to shoot Mr. Bad Guy first so he does not experience the agony of burning alive, and just as Meats is about to pull the trigger...

Have Mr. Bad Guy step so far over the line he loses everyone's sympathy, such as make a request, "Please, before you kill me, let me have the girl ... Just one more time."

Then have Meats say, "Go to hell," and the last shot would be Mr. Bad Guy dumped into the flames alive and screaming: The End.

[dpaterso]

I did indeed notice. Benny had to die, but that one simple change, the mercy shot, makes Meats more likeable and as a result it's easier to accept that Jason would believe Meats will keep his promises and not just send him to the furnace, too.

I follow the Jason's decision logic and yes that does seem the best way to go, doesn't it? Don't help your protag down out of the tree, he must climb down by himself.

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)

[randesq]

much appreciated. In my last rewrite, before vig tore it apart - Meats and Benny sit down to a nice duck confit, sure they argue over the chutney. But it's beautiful, even justino says so.